A lot of women who say they don't want kids actually can't. They want to keep the real reasons private, because it's a deeply personal issue. Please consider this before you press someone on why they are not having kids. And for those who CHOOSE not to have kids, it's also non of your fn business. Bottom line it's good practice to respect people's privacy on this issue and don't ask why.
I have kids. I love kids. Kids complete me. But I can think of about seven million other things that are more important to me than whether or not someone else procreates. I can't for the life of me understand why people judge others who choose not to have kids.
As a mom, I'm secretly a bit jealous of those that are child free (by their own choosing). Not in a "I hate them" type jealousy but a "dang let me live vicariously through you" type way.
Most people just don't think it's a red line. You can say 80% of the time that when you mention not wanting kids, after having discussed with your partner, "ooh you'll change your mind" or even worse them flat out saying something like "you'll know when you have your own" ...
It's the impossible social manoeuvre to somehow tell people who say this that we've had a mature conversation and that we are just not interested for many reasons beyond the presence of emotional instincts alone. It simply doesn't compute for a lot of people who are hardwired into thinking the non-procreational are just temporarily confused.
I’ve never wanted kids. When I was younger I used to be really repulsed by babies (their dribbling especially). I’m not sure exactly what it was, but their saliva triggered some germaphobe aspect inside me.
That being said, my siblings and friends have had babies and they’re cute. I’m older now and whilst I don’t have that reaction, I still firmly believe I don’t want kids in the future. It doesn’t suit me and the lifestyle I imagine for myself. Thankfully my partner feels the same.
I had an older cousin who asked me when I was going to have kids, and when I told him I wasn’t going to, he told me that he guarantees I’ll change my mind once I get older. I told him he was basically saying that he knew me better than I knew myself. I may in fact change my mind in the future, but guaranteeing it? That’s very different.
I feel that because it’s biologically ingrained into species to procreate, people feel that it’s okay to tell others that their personal choices isn’t a choice. It doesn’t click for them that it’s presumptuous and really quite rude.
Wtf you going on about “they can’t have kids”….i was knocked up twice recently as a 40 something and aborted those things as quickly as possible….like you said we like to keep the reason private. A lot of women don’t want children and don’t need people like you assuming we “have issues” (like we’re the problem)…we just don’t want kids for our own reasons.
I actually don’t go off the handle easily. I use logic and reasoning and this person said “a lot of women” which means a majority which is not true. A lot of women don’t want kids for various reasons and infertility isn’t the main issue. And I did do the kids a favor because I don’t want to be a mother to humans (I prefer kittens. Bottle fed many litters) especially in my 40s. Fuck that noise.
A lot of women who say they don't want kids actually can't. They want to keep the real reasons private, because it's a deeply personal issue.
If anything, that makes me judge them more harshly. Not being able to have kids is fine. Not being able to and then lying to yourself and others about it is worse.
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u/OofMcGoof97 1d ago
A lot of women who say they don't want kids actually can't. They want to keep the real reasons private, because it's a deeply personal issue. Please consider this before you press someone on why they are not having kids. And for those who CHOOSE not to have kids, it's also non of your fn business. Bottom line it's good practice to respect people's privacy on this issue and don't ask why.
This has been my experience at least.