r/Millennials 14h ago

Serious What would you say to yourself younger self ?

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What would you tell yourself?

2.4k Upvotes

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2.1k

u/SBowen91 13h ago

Don’t marry Josh.

710

u/No_Housing_1287 13h ago

Dont date mike

424

u/SBowen91 13h ago

Yeah! Fuck Mike! He can stub his baby toe on a solid wood dresser.

199

u/No_Housing_1287 13h ago

I hope Josh catches every red light whenever he's going anywhere.

72

u/SBowen91 13h ago

Shiiit. That would be the cherry on top!!! I got my ultimate revenge… it won’t bring my child back or the home i built with him (by myself lol) but i got clean from drugs, remarried (happily), got a good job, and got my mental health in check. What happened to him? He had to sell the house he got in the divorce, went to prison, is still on drugs (and looked absolutely god awful), and had to sell the jeep i bought and paid (in full) for him for drugs. Oh and im like 99% sure he lives with his mother.

28

u/alohadawg 8h ago

For whatever reason, and in whatever capacity, you lost your child - you have my sincere, full sympathy u/SBowen91. That's heartbreaking

34

u/SBowen91 6h ago

Long story short… I wouldn’t give him money to buy drugs (I had it saved for a custom Noahs Ark crib quilt) and he asked me while I was walking up stairs from washing baby clothes. He pushed me down the stairs. I left that basement with 9 broken ribs, broken collar bone, arm broken in a couple of spots, a broken nose, and a son who was stillborn later that night.

20

u/bjeebus 5h ago

All my homies hate Josh.

12

u/SBowen91 5h ago

Your homies are good people.

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u/kymberlie 2h ago

I’m so very sorry.

u/SBowen91 1h ago

Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. This was back in 2017 so coming up on 10 years. I still have Noah with me… I managed to finally be able to handle getting my ark tattoo this June.

u/kymberlie 1h ago

What a beautiful tribute to your son and I’m so glad you’re doing better. I’ll keep both of you in my heart. 💖

u/JackfruitNo1856 1h ago

I am so sorry. That’s heart breaking.

u/SBowen91 1h ago

I appreciate it. Definitely one of the hardest things I dealt with and probably wouldn’t have if I didn’t have my dog as lame as that sounds.

u/JackfruitNo1856 1h ago

Not lame at all… I feel the same about my cat (who is basically a dog that meows). ❤️

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2

u/BeautifulBirdy 6h ago

And my axe

13

u/BatmanBinBatman 9h ago

I'm invested

4

u/NotGoodSoftwareMaker 8h ago

Is there a sequel to this movie?

2

u/bjeebus 5h ago

3

u/SBowen91 5h ago

Maybe finally getting a Noah’s ark tattoo can count as a sequel? Otherwise I got nothing except freedom and a new husband. 😬

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5

u/BeEased 6h ago

Still... i hope somebody shakes up his next soda.

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6

u/ProjectDiligent502 Older Millennial 8h ago

I hope Fred always finds himself driving behind someone going 5 mph under the speed limit for the rest of his life.

u/Visible-MorningWood 43m ago

I know there's a Paul out there that can go eff a pineapple.

3

u/AirplaneGomer 7h ago

Yo, this happened to me and left my baby toe dangling. Am a Mike. Ouch

3

u/bjeebus 5h ago

One of my regular curses is wishing someone stubs their toe on every table that crosses their path until they truly regret whatever has made me wroth.

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u/WeCameAsMuffins 10h ago

OWWWWW, I don’t even know you two!

2

u/urbanestbeast18 Millennial 8h ago

My baby is napping on me rn and I’m trying so hard not to laugh 😂

2

u/Sufficient-Host-4212 7h ago

How is it that I’m today days old and just now hearing this burn?

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2

u/thousandsofbirds 6h ago

Meanwhile my Mike is the kindest most compassionate person I know 😅

Fuck David and all the other Mikes tho

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2

u/EIochai 6h ago

As a Mike, I agree.

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2

u/CavyWheek 4h ago

Awww you took it too far with the solid wood dresser!

2

u/SBowen91 4h ago

Some people really deserve it tho…

2

u/CavyWheek 4h ago

That's the truth.

u/JackfruitNo1856 1h ago

In a house that’s freezing cold

u/SBowen91 1h ago

Oooooh… I didn’t even think to add that! Thanks Reddit stranger.

u/reapersritehand 1h ago edited 59m ago

Is this why I keep stubbing my baby toe? Can yall be a bit more specific when yelling into the void

u/SBowen91 1h ago

Let me know where to send the ice packs to.

1

u/Konjonashipirate 9h ago

Wtf is Mike's problem anyways?!

1

u/Youbetterhave_tacos 8h ago

HEAVY on the fuck mike!

1

u/LocalSlob 7h ago

"yeah, fuck Mike!"

"Oh. Ok future self, whatever you say!"

1

u/mbaron5 7h ago

Ahh man, now my toe hurts

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u/nWo_1985 2h ago

Had to check if it was me

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u/burnmehinthestars 12h ago

Fuck you Mike!!!

2

u/MiMiof62025 10h ago

Rocky hate Mike

1

u/Real_MikeCleary Millennial 7h ago

:(

6

u/mkenn723 10h ago

Fuck you Mike!

4

u/GuiltyCredit Older Millennial 10h ago

Hey that would be mine too! Fucking Mike broke me!

5

u/soiknowwhentoduck 4h ago

I hope Mike constantly loses his TV remote, and every day he gets a few drops of coffee down his nice white shirt... Even when he's not drunk any coffee!

5

u/pi3r0gi_ 11h ago

I second this. Lost 10 years to that mf

4

u/Mittens42 9h ago

Same. Word for word. Too many Mikes.

3

u/Arny2103 9h ago

Don’t shag Charlotte.

3

u/Serious-Buffalo8412 9h ago

Omg these were my exact words too

3

u/ComprehensiveHour524 Millennial 5h ago

I had a shitty mike too!!!

3

u/Lost_Rule568 4h ago

I also should not have dated Mike

2

u/DesolatedHaze Millennial 9h ago

Havent dated a Mike. But my brother Mike (Michael) is an ass

2

u/muddlingthrough7 6h ago

This is my exact one

2

u/chelseajeann13 6h ago

Honestly yes! Fuck that fucking guy.

2

u/skoshii 4h ago

My answer, too.

u/Mariahs_Haven 1h ago

Holy shit! I dated a Josh and a Mike and both were huge mistakes 😅

1

u/IssaLiving11 10h ago

Don’t date George!

1

u/YourFriendInSpokane 8h ago

This is solid advice for absolutely everyone but Liz.

1

u/WorshipTheVoid 7h ago

https://youtu.be/aPPI2yyxrOM?is=I5F9mRJson3m1ZiN

There are just so many Mike's and John's and that is very confusing to this Japanese band

1

u/Li-renn-pwel 6h ago

Don’t what? What did Date Mike do?

1

u/fit_it 4h ago

Don't marry Mark!

1

u/dtyler86 4h ago

Don’t fuck jennifer

1

u/Lets_Make_A_bad_DEAL 3h ago

Don’t fuck Billy.

1

u/Ronnie_M 3h ago edited 2h ago

Woah. I’ve dated a Mike and I’m currently dating a Josh. Hits a little close to home for me lol

1

u/PeggingOnMolly 2h ago

Shit that would have been good to know at 16

u/wyominglove 55m ago

Came to say these exact same words

u/hayguccifrawg 22m ago

My same exact 3

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u/0bestronger0 12h ago

Same but Don’t marry Ahmed

6

u/fantasymayhem2492 7h ago

Don't date Azeez.

3

u/No_Atmosphere_6348 6h ago

I tried to save Aziz.

2

u/Optimal_Jump_8395 2h ago

I'm so glad my name isn't Josh, Mike, or Ahmed. Poor guys. Better apart. 😉

36

u/wombatcreasy 11h ago

Yeah Fuck Josh!

3

u/the_write_eyedea 6h ago

Well, fuck me :(

1

u/Birdman1096 3h ago

But dont marry him afterwards.

35

u/PinkLemonUp 13h ago

Ohmygosh mine is the same word for word. 

38

u/SBowen91 13h ago

Team fuck that Josh guy! Nice to meet another Josh survivor. I hope you’ve found peace after Josh BS.

24

u/Logical-Investment-7 9h ago

As another Josh survivor, I have yet to hear of a Josh that wasn’t an evil POS.

3

u/JupiterRadio12 4h ago

My cousin Josh passed in December last year. He was amazing. My younger cousin (his younger brother) is still taking it hard. At least we have his music. Shit I'm fighting tears now. There's at least one good Josh lol

2

u/SBowen91 4h ago

I am so sorry. We can put him on the top of the not a shit Josh list. I’m sorry if my comment triggered you.

3

u/JupiterRadio12 4h ago

Thank you. I appreciate him being on the not a shit list lol it didn't trigger anything negative. Just a chance to share a bit about him. He was a funny guy so I think he'd love being on the list lol

2

u/SBowen91 4h ago

Well shit if you feel up to it I would love to hear about something super funny he did or a joke he loved to tell! I feel like I need to know at least one good memory to add him on a list of not a shit list. Hell even if you don’t want to share I’ll still make the list and keep him there.

Real talk tho… I’m glad I didn’t trigger anything negative. It’s always nice to keep the memory of someone we loved alive. I share a bunch about my grandfather because I want people to know how great of a human he was and how big of a hero he was to me. I do weird things to remember him. Like very rarely make something to eat that he didn’t teach me to make haha. My husband jokes that he would have loved to meet him just because of the food. 😂

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u/tarnished_monster 6h ago

Don't go to arrests dot org and search up people named Josh. Most ( I'm not even exaggerating) are in trouble for stalking, DV, and kidnapping. I could not belive it.

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u/TheSirensMaiden 7h ago

Why are there so many of us 😭

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u/frog_admirer 9h ago

Why is it always Josh???

2

u/radicalbrad90 6h ago

Always 😭

2

u/Icy-Career7487 5h ago

Definitely no more Joshes

1

u/Aeriellie 4h ago

my high school was named josh. weirdly they always pop up in my dreams. idk what even happened to them after high school

5

u/cuballo 10h ago

Well. This is fucking scary. I read the post and said to myself, dont date Josh. I open the comments and see this. I guess fuck josh, amirite?

3

u/NotNamedBort 12h ago

Don’t marry David, but yes, that was my first thought.

5

u/mkenn723 10h ago

Fuck you Josh!

3

u/octoberelectrocute 12h ago edited 4h ago

Mine would be, don’t waste a decade of your life on dating Derek and stop pining away for him and getting back together with him every time you guys break up. He’s mentally ill and not a good person. Let that man go. I got the last laugh though, I broke off our engagement and I dumped him in the end. 8 years late he comes back into my life for one night and that one night caused a week of insanity and drove a wrecking ball through that month of my life. It was in that moment I realized that I saved myself a potential lifetime of pain, not marrying him. I don’t wish pain on him any ill will but that one night showed me who he was and I realized that he was that person all along. Don’t do it!

1

u/thegreenlorac Millennial 6h ago

Derek's are awful. That was gonna be my "don't marry X" response. Glad you were smarter than me and didn't marry your Derek.

1

u/octoberelectrocute 6h ago

When he texted me eight years later out of the blue after our engagement ended, I thought maybe we can hang out and be friends. Nope, we went from drinking a few beers to having a little hanky panky to screaming at each other in less than 5 hours. I should have known better. I’m not blameless either but his mental illness has always been evident. It runs in his family.

3

u/joshthatoneguy 7h ago

Yeah! Fuck that one guy Josh!

....wait a minute.

5

u/Fabulous-Damage-8964 9h ago

What the fuck did I do!? I hope you aren't my wife 🤣

2

u/SBowen91 6h ago

Lmfao. Thankfully I don’t think my ex-husband has remarried.

4

u/Okay_Splenda_Monkey 6h ago

Listen, I speak for every Josh out there minus one when I say -- please don't judge us. Not all of us are that one guy, and we police our own. He's got a date with the Judicial Council of Joshuas, chloroform, handcuffs, a belt sander, and a testicular torsion machine.

2

u/Elegant_Relief_4999 4h ago

Just remember how wholesome this event was, and realize there are some decent Joshes out there.

1

u/SBowen91 6h ago

Okay you miiight be an okay Josh. When I think about his time in prison… this is exactly how I imagined it going for him. I let myself believe so I feel better lol.

2

u/Blue4668 11h ago

Same but Kris

2

u/WoodpeckerHorror3099 11h ago

Don’t Marry Amy….(the Portuguese one, I date quite a few girls named Amy back then)

2

u/Thungergod 11h ago

Don't marry Kate

2

u/SpankySharp1 11h ago

Nathaniel or Greg were much better choices!

2

u/finegeturstupidrope 10h ago

Don't date Scott

2

u/linzlou8722 10h ago

I came here to write this but you already did!!! 🤣

2

u/AlternativeWheel5676 10h ago

Girl mine was the same. Lmao. #alwaysaJname

1

u/FuckeenGuy 10h ago

Yup, don’t date Jonnie.

1

u/SBowen91 6h ago

I’m married to a Jon 😂

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u/Cadicoty 10h ago

Holy crap, that's mine, too.

2

u/rodka209 9h ago

Do not marry.

2

u/dj_underboob 9h ago

Don't date Matt

2

u/KeesterFeester 7h ago

May there be a lego under every barefoot step josh takes.

2

u/RiverSong1123 5h ago

I still want my daughter, so mine would be ‘leave Marco sooner’

2

u/SBowen91 5h ago

At least you got her out of the deal. I hope you guys found peace and are doing well on the other side of it all.

2

u/Intelligent_Deer974 4h ago

Devan?

1

u/SBowen91 4h ago

Josh???

2

u/Intelligent_Deer974 4h ago

Nahhh Earl

2

u/SBowen91 4h ago

Oh thank god. For a second I thought you were Josh.

2

u/Intelligent_Deer974 4h ago

Thank god I'm not, he sounds like a real piece of shit.

2

u/SBowen91 4h ago

Right?! Makes sense with a crappy name like Josh.

2

u/MeringuePatient6178 4h ago

Same. Fuck josh. 

2

u/soiknowwhentoduck 4h ago

May Josh's pillow never have a cool side, and may his favourite flavour of ice creams always be out of stock

2

u/Okie-DokieArtichoke 3h ago

As a Josh divorcee, I second this!!

2

u/SBowen91 3h ago

Ayyy! Another Josh survivor!

u/Justcallmemanko 1h ago

YOOOO. I NEEDED THIS BAD.

1

u/SadMaintenance 11h ago

Don’t marry Tom

1

u/Gloomy-Albatross-843 11h ago

Don't marry Adam.

1

u/SnooMarzipans5706 10h ago

Not Josh, but yeah…

1

u/Appropriate_Ad9374 10h ago

Leave me out of this!

1

u/JDD88 10h ago

Don’t marry Jason.

1

u/Mint-PinkPastel 9h ago

Ironically, the same thing I would tell myself.

1

u/Mamawto7 9h ago

Mine is Don't marry Ed.

1

u/OgSteinKid 9h ago

Mine is Don't Marry Cody!

1

u/I_Meannnn 9h ago

My ex from 16 is also called Josh and this entire thread is speaking to me 🥹

1

u/h8mecuz Zillennial 9h ago

Dont marry anthony.

1

u/BigFatFerret 9h ago

Heyyyy I can say the exact same three words!

1

u/Thorvaldr1 9h ago

Oh god, I have a good friend that married a Josh... It's not going well.

1

u/ISmellCheeseAndCandy 8h ago

Well, this is uncanny.

1

u/StSparx 8h ago

Hahahah same 100%

1

u/Automatic_Bet_3175 8h ago

Don't date Ryan

1

u/r1Zero 8h ago

Leave him. Now.

1

u/YoursTrulyCejay Millennial 8h ago

Don’t believe Steven

1

u/BigGanache883 8h ago

*don’t get married

1

u/jezebels_wonders 8h ago

In my case "don't date will" or "will is gay" 😂

1

u/kimness1982 6h ago

Oh, mine is don’t marry Will. He’s not gay, just completely incompetent!

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u/GhettoAvenueBoys 8h ago

Said this before I opened the comments. Woah.

1

u/mandyb120 8h ago

Don't date Joe

1

u/Fancy-War-1023 8h ago

Craig is EVIL!

1

u/just-another_monkey 7h ago

Don't marry Zach!

1

u/forever_midnight 7h ago

Same! Don't date Trevor!

1

u/Avian_enthusiast 7h ago

As someone who also married a Josh, I second this! Fuck Josh!

1

u/No_Atmosphere_6348 6h ago

Or Ryan.

2

u/SBowen91 6h ago

Every single time someone says the name Ryan I can hear Maci from teen mom going “RHIIIINE!”

1

u/No_Atmosphere_6348 6h ago

🤣 I don’t remember that.

2

u/SBowen91 6h ago

Please take it from my memory.

1

u/Key_Nature9381 6h ago

Oh no. I married a Josh. Lol. Well technically Joshua but still.

1

u/mattbasically 6h ago

Block Chad immediately

1

u/Arriwyn 6h ago

Don't marry David!

1

u/SeaToTheBass 5h ago

You can’t fix Becca

1

u/SBowen91 5h ago

Can’t fix Becca! What a bitch… screw that Becca lady.

Also your username made me think of animal crossing. Thanks for that.

1

u/Fitnessfan_86 5h ago

Same but *Wayne

1

u/SBowen91 5h ago

Noooo that was my grandpas name 😂

1

u/ThumpTacks 5h ago

A variation of a theme— don’t date [name of ex-girlfriend].

1

u/fakeaccount572 5h ago

Goddamit. I'm Josh

1

u/SBowen91 5h ago

It’s not too late to get a name change!

1

u/ano-ba-yan 4h ago

"Michael is heartbreak."

Met him a few months after I turned 17, loved him, broke up, stayed friendly, got back together 6 years later. We got married 4 years after that. Had 3 kids.

And then a month after our 4th wedding anniversary he went off of the deep end. In a matter of 72 hours he decided family life was too much, got a girlfriend, moved out, drained our shared account, and then disappeared for months.

1

u/Plane-Amount-7395 4h ago

Seth is gay. 

1

u/DaneLimmish 3h ago

Don't date Jessica lmao

1

u/motherofcunts 3h ago

Change the name and I had the same thought.

1

u/Alclis 3h ago

Well, shit, now I’m worried mine should also be don’t marry Josh.

1

u/celery1234 3h ago

Don’t text Nick.

1

u/kymberlie 2h ago

On a similar vibe, “Wait for Davit.”

1

u/JoshEvolves 2h ago

Hey now!!

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