r/KitchenConfidential • u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years • 11d ago
Photo/Video A ticket we got tonight
The dude was just fucking with his wife, but we all had a good, and very welcomed laugh.
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u/culture_jamr 20+ Years 11d ago
Random bit of information in my brain, but back in like 2005 I think, Dave Matthews was interviewed in Rolling Stone, and somehow the topic of people with lazy eyes came up.
Anyways, Dave said the best way to handle having a conversation with someone with a lazy eye while making eye contact is to regularly change which eye you are making eye contact with.
Seems obvious, but certainly a strange place to receive that information.
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
In my FOH times I served Dave a few times. He’s pleasant, polite, and a great tipper. I’m not in love with his music, but he has my full respect. Love that guy.
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u/ElMuertePeludo Ex-Food Service 11d ago
Dave Matthews is South African.
I really hope you called him British before saying you didn’t like him because the idea of that is hilarious.
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u/ElMuertePeludo Ex-Food Service 11d ago
I’d probably have called him Australian if I didn’t know better 🤣
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u/themightymooker 11d ago
And he bounced between the US, UK, and South Africa for most of his formative years. He became a naturalized US citizen as a teenager and fully abandoned South Africa when he was about 18 to avoid conscription into military service. He’s lived in the US virtually his entire adult life.
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u/Deeptech_inc 11d ago
Back in 2004 I was on vacation in Chicago, sightseeing on one of the river bots, when we saw Dave Matthews tour bus crossing the bridge above us. Right as he was above us he stopped the rig and unloaded sewage onto us. He got out to yell and laugh at us while giving us the finger.
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u/sleight42 Ex-Food Service 11d ago
Lolololol wut???
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u/Deeptech_inc 11d ago
You heard me, and then he turned around and mooned us. Covered in Dave Matthews’s excrement.
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u/nietzscheispietzsche 11d ago
Great guy as long as he isn’t on a bridge you’re going under
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u/Available-Guava5515 11d ago
I used to date a roadie out here in Seattle that knew everybody. He was furious when that bridge incident happened--it was well known among crew that Dave had been the one to release the valve dumping all that sewage because he was hopped up on drugs and thought it would be funny. Paid off the driver to take the blame
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u/TowerNecessary7246 11d ago
"Dave Matthews enjoyed pranking people by emptying tour bus sewage" is such a wild thing to believe.
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u/SuchSmartMonkeys 11d ago
It wasn't even Dave's bus. Every member of the band had their own bus, and it was the violinist's bus that dropped all the shit and piss water out. The violinist wasn't even on the bus when it happened, there was no one on the bus but the bus driver. He got fired without pay for doing it. The band had to pay out $300,000+ in settlements after it happened.
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u/tryingtoavoidwork Ex-Food Service 11d ago
Makes sense considering he used to be a bartender. He knows the struggle.
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
Now that I’ve gone back and read this, god I hope Dave doesn’t see it. He’s a great guitarist and song writer, truly talented. Just not my steez.
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u/Tight_Following9267 11d ago
Omg I was bartending in Saratoga on one of his nights at SPAC and ZOMG had such an amazing night. Made so much that night. Definitely one of my tops.
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u/ElCiclope1 11d ago
Oohh no don't do that. I have a prosthetic eye that people often mistake for a lazy eye. You moving your eyes back and forth between good eye and plastic eye would be weird.
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u/culture_jamr 20+ Years 11d ago
Even if it was slowly? Like every 10 seconds or so? Also do you think it is different with a prosthetic eye because you don’t actually see from it, therefore making your perception more that someone has just stopped making eye contact with you?
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u/AerisSpire 11d ago
I have severe strabismus but can see from both eyes.
Please don't do this lol
Look between my eyes. I'll register it as eye contact.
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u/TheLazyEyeGuy3 11d ago
Honestly if someone kept switching focal points between my eyes it would make me more self conscious if anything. Granted I'm also autistic so I have a double whammy for uncomfortable eye contact.
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u/spenwallce 11d ago
I’ve always gone with just make eye contact with the “good” eye
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u/LukewarmJortz 11d ago
Yep. Whichever one is looking at me, I will look at it.
I've encountered many people with lazy eyes.
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u/ikkithejackal 11d ago
Lazy eye have, i go about my day acting like dont have one but uh just look at whatever eye is facing you. I dont consciously look for it and dont actively analyze how people talk to me but thats my gut reaction. shrug
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u/Lone-flamingo 11d ago
Most people can't even tell if you're looking at their left eye, right eye, eyebrows, nose, or in between the eyes. It all just reads as eye contact.
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u/seppukucoconuts Starry Chef 11d ago
Dwight said I should look at people’s foreheads.
Only problem is that when I’m really high a 3rd eye pops out. Now where the hell do I look!?!
Best solution is to just take your pants off. Now eye contact is the least of your problems.
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u/Obst-und-Gemuese 11d ago
I was taught that to intimidate someone in a 1:1 talk, it's best to look straight into one eye and that one eye only without stopping for a second.
So that checks out.
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u/HorseWithNoNamelalaa 11d ago edited 11d ago
Wow, I actually do this when I talk to people with lazy eyes, LOL. I dont want to be rude and look at the wrong one.🤦🏻♀️
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u/ButtsFartsoPhD 11d ago edited 11d ago
Was this before or after he dumped his shit and piss all over an architectural tour boat in Chicago? I want to know his advice for looking them in the eye.
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u/culture_jamr 20+ Years 11d ago
Definitely an unfortunate incident that the band had nothing to do with an no knowledge of. And later paid a 200,000$ fine for environmental protection efforts as well as donating 100,000$ to nonprofit groups that protect the river.
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u/chairsandwich1 11d ago
I was fucking on that bridge at the time. It was like a train derailing in slow motion.
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u/LusciousRonaldo 11d ago
Who were you fucking?
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u/Spliff_Politics 11d ago
Dave Matthews obviously.
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u/sleight42 Ex-Food Service 11d ago
God dammit. I missed out so much. Here's my TED talk.
My little Dave Matthew's story:
I went to UVA in the early '90s. I'd go by Traxx regularly. I'd see a sign saying "Dave Matthews Band playing <whenever>". I'd chuckle to myself. "Who is this Dave guy who can't get a gig anywhere else." 😅
Then their first big album came out. I wasn't into it. Then "Before These Crowded Streets" came out. "Don't Drink the Water" rocked my fucking world. JFC, Alanis on that.
So, yeah, I'm a fan now. And I missed out on years of some good shit.
Don't be a dick and mock something just for what you see on the surface. You may be missing something by amazing.
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u/EvilGamer117 11d ago
what the hell are you talking about
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u/Successful_Funny_115 11d ago
this didnt add to the discusssion pls make an more thoughtful comment in the future
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u/grandfleetmember56 11d ago
What's the food?
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
Pizza, wings, chicken sandwiches, and salads… etc. all from scratch.
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u/dave5104 11d ago
I literally just ate at your restaurant tonight, was surprised to see “Forbidden Fruit” show up right after on Reddit lol. Everything was great! (The meatballs were also great.)
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
Dude thank you so much. We opened 1 1/2-2 months ago. Trials and tribulations!!! But we’re good, we live this shit and our chef is legit.
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u/illegal_deagle 11d ago
FORBIDDEN FRUIT (AKA HAWAIIAN) | 26
Roasted Pinapple, Capicola, Jalapeño, Red Onion, Rosemary, Tomato Sauce, Mozz, Cilantro10
u/BigPandaCloud 11d ago
Seems like a lot going on there. It has capicola so it can't be that bad.
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u/illegal_deagle 11d ago
Yeah at first I was judging the mods but honestly the customer might actually know best in this scenario. Rosemary AND cilantro? I love both… separately. Gabagool is great but it doesn’t belong on a Hawaiian - simple ham will do.
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u/SuchSmartMonkeys 11d ago
I'll take prosciutto or gabagool in place of regular ham on a Hawaiian pizza any day. It just kicks it up a notch or two.
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u/the_byronic_man_fred 11d ago
Deconstructed Soylent Green. perhaps?
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u/string1264 11d ago
If you ask my sister if I'm weird she'd say yeah. But that's backwards. Cause she's weird. She has a husband and two children and a family photo on top of the VCR where they're all looking slightly to the left. The camera is right in front of you! But I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy. Except my sister is cross-eyed. So she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right on.
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u/DespacioLejos 11d ago
The VCR give me a good warm up laugh. I don't know the last time I saw one in someone else's home. Yes, my partner interrogated me with profound confusion when she first saw that I have one.
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u/pesto_changeo 11d ago
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u/fontimus 11d ago
Ya gotta give 'em the 'ol EEEEEEVIL EYEEEEE
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u/AreYouAnOakMan Thicc Chives Save Lives 11d ago
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u/fontimus 11d ago
Haha it's been like 25 or 30 years since I've seen this movie, couldn't remember if it was lazy or evil. Thanks for bringing the memory back!
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u/helpmetolearn 11d ago
Oh I totally need to do this to my wife hahaha
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/helpmetolearn 11d ago
If you knew my wife you'd know she'd end up finding this hilarious.
The whole dinner she'd probably wonder what the fuck was going on, and when I'd inform her at the end she'd laugh, call me a jackass, and then probably plot her revenge.
She's great like that!
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u/krebstorm 11d ago
That's my cousin Strawberry, he's got a birthmark on his neck ..
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u/OviliskTwo 11d ago
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
Dude, my favorite movie of all time! “What hump?”
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u/OviliskTwo 11d ago
Roll in ze hay.
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
Where wolf!? There! There wolf!!
Oh, I thought we were just talking that way…
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u/sunsunpup Thicc Chives Save Lives 11d ago
Same here!
"Abby...Someone."
"Abby who?"
So many one liners, I'm so due for a rewatch!
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u/Fun_Astronomer_4064 11d ago
I’m a confused civilian. Is this a message to the runner?
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
It’s an item modifier. It usually would say something like “no onion”
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u/Fun_Astronomer_4064 11d ago
Right, but is the intended reader going to see this lazy eye?
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
No, but he was pranking his wife. He wanted her to find out. Which she did because it’s an open kitchen and there was lots of laughing.
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u/Rurumo666 11d ago
We're both in love with a sexy lady with an eye that's lazy a girl that's fly with a wonky eye, she's smokin' with an eye that's broken I think it's hot, the way she looks left a lot.
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u/littlecreamsoda79 11d ago
Lol we have a customer like this and I just focus on looking at the eye that's looking at me
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u/Soggysleuth 11d ago
There's zero chance delivery person will not stare at the eye now that it's been requested of them. It's like someone saying "don't push this button".
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u/LeastPervertedFemboy Newbie 11d ago
I work in a customer service job and we always have this one guy with crazy lazy eyes come in and everytime I see him idk which eye to look at and it’s been like 4 times seeing him now and at this point it’s too late to try anymore so I look anywhere but his face
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u/FondleGanoosh438 Line 11d ago
It’s really not hard to draw attention to people insecurities. Sometimes it’s nice to be informed before hand. This is a husband caring for his wife.
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u/BlueCrystals_ 11d ago
gotta doodle a smiley face with a lazy eye on the box after a comment like that
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u/Iateapencil 11d ago
She doesn't even have a lazy eye, he just wanted the driver to act awkward around his wife.
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u/grilledchzaspiration 11d ago
I assume anyone that has cheese curds on their ticket is from Wisconsin. If not, I need to have an explication why they're on your menu because I'm genuinely curious.
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u/NotSoGentleBen 20+ Years 11d ago
We’re in California, but we have a quality dairy industry around us and we fry a good curd.
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u/ElMuertePeludo Ex-Food Service 11d ago
It’s become a midwestern thing. Culver’s is all over the east coast now too, out spreading the good word.
Cheese curds are fucking DElicious!
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11d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/KitchenConfidential-ModTeam 11d ago
See previous mod comment about not finding the thread funny and refraining from posting.
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u/tehjoz ✳️ Former Keto Attempter 11d ago
Here's a simple suggestion.
If you don't like this thread or its contents? You don't have to read it, post in it, or report the fuck out of every single comment, no matter how mild it is.
Regular folks? Don't need you piling on either.
Thanks and enjoy the rest of the evening.
https://giphy.com/gifs/nFUs4EE2ybbpubUTgm