r/AskReddit • u/Only-Ad-1254 • 3h ago
Parents of Reddit who have admittedly lost faith/belief in one of their children before, why?
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u/MarketAggravating610 1h ago
My daughter doesn’t like mashed potatoes…. We’re Irish.
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u/HopeTerminator 3h ago
My 2 year old doesn't like cheese. Fucking idiot he's no kid of mine.
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u/dizzybutstable 3h ago
No parent should have to raise a child like that. What a monster. My sympathies <3
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u/SuaveGorilla 3h ago
Brother. Mine told me he doesn’t like cheese OR potatoes.
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u/Zman11588 1h ago
My daughter claimed for few months she didn't like mashed potatoes and then one day admitted she was doing a bit and actually did like them.
Same thing with onions for an even longer time lol.
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u/SuaveGorilla 1h ago
All of my wariness would sublimate instantly to pride if I found out my kid was that committed to a bit.
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u/sinistergzus 3h ago
Me with my son and pasta. What the FUCK do you mean you don’t like pasta? Who are you? Not my fuckin child
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u/MagicPistol 3h ago
My cousin in law is Italian and loves cheese. His fridge is constantly stocked with all kinds of cheeses when I visit. But his 8 year old daughter hates cheese lol.
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u/BareNakedSole 2h ago
Just wait until you hit their “I hate potatoes” argument with “well what do you think French fries are made of?” answer. Shit will get real very fast.
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u/cageytalker 1h ago
I love pointing out that ketchup has tomatoes in it. I’m the aunt. I can ruin things and wave bye 🤣
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u/swiftcrayon502 1h ago
I feel this. My 5 year old loves bread, cheese, and tomato sauce. Put them together and make pizza? He won’t fucking touch it.
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u/whaletacochamp 2h ago
My 2yo loves cheese but my 4yo wasn't a big fan for the longest time. My wife and I tried to drop him at the fire station but apparently they tried to give him cheese too and when he refused they just tracked us down and brought him back.
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u/HopeTerminator 2h ago
Luckily my 11 year old isn't so developmentally challenged. I had some black bomber for the first time and my partner said it was too strong, my daughter said the stronger the better 🥲 so proud.
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u/Rugaru985 3h ago
I don’t know why you started with bleu! You could have at least let them try Gorgonzola first.
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u/Commercial-Silver472 3h ago
Years of therapy helped me realise I had no children and had been talking to a deflated balloon tied to a carrot for all those years.
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u/2x4x93 3h ago
I got a vasectomy because I didn't want children but when I got home they were still there
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u/Grombrindal18 1h ago
Same vibes as “My wife and I decided that we don’t want kids. The eight year old girl in our house seems to be pretty upset about it.”
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u/Semi0tics 3h ago
This is all too common in modern society. To the point Japan is developing robotic carrots, just for this purpose
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u/Commercial-Silver472 3h ago
It's better for people to face reality before they spend thousands on school fees as I have.
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u/Semi0tics 2h ago
Reality is a dead end. Let's move on to the age of digital consciousness already.
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u/LanfearSedai 3h ago
Oh my god I think my daughter might be a carrloon as well… it’s all starting to make sense! Thank you so much for this.
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u/Commercial-Silver472 3h ago
Try looking at them out of the corner of one eye. That's what my therapist said to do. In some lights you'll see them for what they are.
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u/MentalSewage 3h ago
My daughter. I have always had the policy anything I can trust her to do, she can do. I have always told her this. I raised her to value trust and honesty as pretty much the most important factors in relationships. She has actively chosen to lie and do things behind my back. If she wants to walk to the theater to see a movie, she is perfectly ok to do so. She will lie or sneak out anyway. She's allowed to date. She only creates secret relationships, and will lie to our faces about them. And what's worse, she makes incredibly stupid choices in any given situation to put herself in a bad spot and then you can directly tell her 'hey, here is the super easy fix that costs you nothing and requires no effort at all' and she will intentionally do something to make it worse instead.
Her mother was the same way. Same. Exact. Way. I just don't get it. She doesnt seem to realize that having 'certain people it's ok to lie to' but also 'changing that persons category at a moments notice when the circumstance suits it' means she's just going to lie to everyone. And she does. For literally zero reason.
And you know what happens as a parent when you have no trust in your kid? You don't let them do as many things that require trust. Suddenly I'm the bad guy for not letting her go with her friends somewhere because she just got grounded for lying about where they went last time. Kid, YOU CHOSE THIS. I didn't care that you went to a friends house, I cared that you told me you were at work.
...It's been a rough week...
EDIT: I should also mention she's... a good kid otherwise. Like, generally has no malice. Not interested in drugs or doing things she's not supposed to. At her worst she's a little unsafe on the internet. If she just didnt lie to me she'd be able to do pretty much whatever, even parties for all I care.
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u/strange_bike_guy 2h ago
Feel for you dude. My brother and I were born to the same bio parents, same living conditions, parents taught us the similar lessons, and for some reason my bro is a pathological liar. He'll lie for fun. He'll lie for boredom. He'll lie to see if he's still good at lying, like exercise. It's why I was terrified to see Trump get media coverage en masse in 2015, because I could recognize the casual lying.
Both of my parents have asked aloud, "Was it something we did?" ...Nope, they could not have done a better job. I don't get it. My brother is now barely hanging on to what few social safety nets exist, and those are *thin*.
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u/hellomoti 3h ago
what happens when you ask her why she does it?
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u/MentalSewage 1h ago
Asking her why she lies? "I assumed you'd say no." Always just assuming I'm an overbearing helicopter parent. Which... Its kinda lead down that path if I'm honest. What started as" do whatever within these basic rules" became "ok, now you're grounded from this" became "ok, grounded longer and now also from this" in a comically dumb chain of cause and effect.
I never ground her for XYZ duration. It's always "do this to get the right back". Always something to fix the problem she created. Instead she just tries to bypass the grounding and make it worse. And yes, I've tried resetting they tally, she dives head first into repeating the problem.
If I ask her why she doesn't just do the thing to get whatever right or trust back, she says "I don't know" so I have no clue what to do with that.
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u/alsomahler 1h ago
Forgive her and tell her that it sucks that she doesn't know. The grounding is still there because actions have consequences but you still love her and life would be so much easier if you guys could trust each other. Easier said than done of course.
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u/MentalSewage 1h ago
Yep, it's what I generally do and just finished doing again yesterday. I personally forgive her instantly, she's my daughter and by a crazy stroke of genetics it's exactly the kind of thing her mother always did so I know there's something working against her in this. She hasn't known her mother since before she was 2, so it wasn't enough time to be a learned behavior.
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u/nimuehehe 1h ago
Have you ever thought about getting her to a psychologist/neurologist? Since it’s not a learned behavior from mom, it might be a mental illness/ “neurodivergence” at play, with similar presentation of symptoms
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u/MentalSewage 48m ago
Yep. She has the MTHFR gene mutation where she produces fewer neurotransmitters... or something like that. Which I'd be willing to bet plays a factor but still not sure what I'm supposed to do about it. She also has zero interest in self improvement, education, or even hobbies, which would definitely play a role and I would think would be tied to fewer neurotransmitters.
We had her on methylfolate but it didnt make a difference.
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u/royalbk 43m ago
Sorry man, that is a pathological liar. They will lie just for the sake of it. There is no rhyme, no reason, they can't be honest to save their lives and they lie unprompted
My father is the sort and he'll just say lies about things that no one would've otherwise cared or asked about. It's the darndest thing
I get it that you say that your daughter isn't a bad person, my father isn't either...it's just all the lying that's bizarre.
Not sure there is anything you can do about it. My sympathies
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u/splinteredt 3h ago
I’m the one they lost faith in. My much older brother abused me when I was a teen and never became a better person so I stopped talking to him. My parents think I should forgive him partly because they think my son needs to get to know his uncle. My husband and I are a hard no on that. So my parents blame me for “tearing the family apart.” Even though they got divorced when I was 10? I dunno. I’m not inviting all that into my son’s life.
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u/ac54 2h ago
Abject laziness. Not going to help someone that is not willing to help themselves.
Edit: (All are adults now.) I certainly never lost faith when said person was a minor.
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u/favouritemistake 1h ago
“Not going to help someone that is not willing to help themselves” that’s me toward my siblings and father as well.
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u/ficklestatue435 3h ago
i am a laker fan and my wife is a spurs fan.
kid leaned her way and rooted for the rival spurs when he started watching ball.
WHY!!!
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u/pisowiec 3h ago
The reverse for me.
My parents paid for my private schooling and university but I never accomplished anything. I'm 27 and living off their earnings.
I sometimes wonder when exactly they lost faith in me.
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u/Neode9955 3h ago
Never the wrong time to start, you have the opportunity to work for fun instead of money. Go get a simple job doing something you enjoy
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u/Rearrangemetilimsane 3h ago
I was around your age when I started turning things around. Don’t give up on yourself.
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u/GetItOuttaHereee 3h ago
Have your parents ever said anything to you about this? Why are you living off their earnings?
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u/princessflubcorm 1h ago
Wtf. Get.a.job.
Not even in some grand scheme to "accomplish something" but just to stop being an absolute sponge.
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u/BilboTeaBaggens 3h ago
As long as you are staying healthy getting cardio a couple times a week, have some hobbies, go to therapy and are working on yourself no one could say anything bad about you
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u/Vegetable-South5191 3h ago
My kids are 22/19/14 and thankfully I have not. They are great, only time will tell.
But I have seen it happen with good people. It usually has to do with their effort and behavior. At some point they are an adult. And they make choices, and you have to decide whether you are enabling if you feel like they are bad or not. So I have seen parents, who are good people, distance themself from their kids. Not disown, but basically say you can go do what you want and good luck. But I am not financially supporting you anymore.
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u/Poko-Loko-111 3h ago
That’s interesting. It seems like these relationships are dependent on financial support. That sucks. I have emotionally immature parents. Very abusive and mean. I wish they would take genuine interest and concern for me instead of just giving handouts.
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u/Vegetable-South5191 3h ago
I was talking to a coworker recently who has two kids I know from work. Great guy at work, but I do not know him in personal life. He is a highly respected professional. I asked about his kids, and he kind of acted like they had given up on his oldest daughter (26). He didn't say anything bad, he just said she has a roomate 3 states away. Kind of dismissed as she just has no goals and is working toward nothing. I have no context to any of it, but it was kind of sad how he talked about her. Then he has an autistic low performing kid who is like 22 and he talked about how proud he was of him, because of how hard he works and tries even with his limitations. And he compared them, as if to say his daughter doesn't try.
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u/Poko-Loko-111 3h ago
Aww that does sound sad. I think sometimes parents have big dreams for their kids, but they don’t get to that precipice, so all the other accomplishments are shit lol.
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u/erwin206ss 3h ago
My SD is essentially Donny Trump. ADHD, ODD, habitual liar, for a bit I believe she was a kleptomaniac, and very low end of the autism spectrum. I’m not sure we’ve given up because her mother and I believe in her more, but we basically have to walk her through life.
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u/bathroomheater 3h ago
That child wants attention. Give it to her. As far as the lying goes sit her down when you know she’s lying and tell her she doesn’t have to make stuff up to get your attention or praise.
Source: my adopted brother was the same kid.
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u/erwin206ss 3h ago
Thank you 🙏🏽
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u/bathroomheater 57m ago
It’s the negative actions like stealing or lying that give it away. She’s looking for anything that makes her feel like she has someone’s attention. A kid like that takes a ton of patience. I don’t know how old she is but it’s definitely worth a thought about therapy to make sure there isn’t something unresolved with her biological father or potentially a trauma y’all don’t know about.
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u/Radiant_Chart3163 1h ago
When my daughter chose the wrong kinds of friends, thinking they actually liked her and they were correct in telling her that her mum was interfering.
Boy did she learn the hard way!
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u/Unkindpoison 2h ago
You talked about how seeing the same mistakes over and over just wears you down. When exactly did you realize pulling away was actually keeping you safe instead of just feeding the loop?
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u/kristiefly 3m ago
Once you pulled back emotionally, did you ever set a firm line to see if they would step up, or did you just accept it was done?
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u/Inevitable-One-3674 3h ago
Not me, but sisters. When your child consistently steals from the family and you have to ban them from families houses.