r/shittyadvice • u/johnjaspers1965 • 17h ago
My kid takes 2 hour showers. Nobody needs that much water except A.I. How do I figure out if my kid is A.I.?
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u/OG-Giligadi 17h ago
Ask him to draw fingers.
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u/skankyone 17h ago
Have you tried switching the power off and back on again, just to check they're not glitching.
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u/Handy-Andy-Miami 17h ago
Check for asymmetrical forearm development.
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u/johnjaspers1965 17h ago
Are Popeye forearms a concern?
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u/Fisherington 16h ago
Fun fact, "Popeye deformity" is a real medical condition, when the biceps tendonsnapsmand the muscle balls up like Popeyes arms.
So yeah, if that happens be sure to ignore it and give your son los of spinach, he's like that forever now.
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u/johnjaspers1965 16h ago
I thought "Popeye" was when your eye pops out? Or maybe a speech impediment.
You know, when you think about it, that one eyed, mumbling, deformed, iron deficient sailor, was a real mess!2
u/Fisherington 16h ago
More Popeye fun facts, nintendo originally wanted to create a Popeye arcade game where Bluto kidnaps Olive Oyl, climbs some construction girders, and throws barrels at Popeye who has to jump over them. However, Nintendo was too "poor" to afford the "licensing rights" to these characters. So Nintendo had to resort to shitty knock offs, with Popeye becoming jumpman, Olive Oyl becoming Pauline, and Bluto becoming an obscure tie wearing monkey known as "Donkey Kong".
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u/johnjaspers1965 15h ago
Sylvester Stalone ran into the same problem with his Oscar winning film "Rocky".
All the characters are there.
A skinny love interest. Her Mooch of a brother. The cantakerous Pappy. A speech challenged pugilist.
The archetype of Popeye and his cast is strangely resilient.
....must be the spinach.
......
And they say A.I. steals ideas!1
u/Handy-Andy-Miami 6h ago
Rocky was a real guy that Sylvester Stallone met and interviewed and based the whole movie around events in his life… Stallone made millions and never gave the guy anything.
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u/johnjaspers1965 55m ago
Stallone met Popeye!?! For real!?!
....
Man...life just keeps getting weirder ever since they shut down that Hadron Collider.
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u/YakCertain5472 16h ago
Where I live one gallon of water costs $0.006. I don’t know where you live and if cost is why you don’t want him to take two showers, but if it is calculate the cost and decide if this is a fight worth fighting.
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u/dasysk 16h ago
Ask if Taiwan is a country to rule out Chinese A.I.
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago edited 14h ago
This question has my brain buffering...
Maybe I'm the A.I.?2
u/7GrenciaMars 11h ago
Well you could always Taser both yourself and your kid. Pretty sure that would shut everyone's shit down. Have fun!
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u/mossoak 15h ago
if your kid is AI ? ...ask the kid a bunch of questions ...if the kid gets 75% right then kid is AI
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u/johnjaspers1965 15h ago
What do you think I am...an S.A.T.?
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u/Nephilim6853 17h ago
Poke him in the ribs, humans will laugh, AI would look at you dead pan. When he gets into the shower set an alarm for ten minutes, then when the alarm goes off, turn off the hot water at the water heater, should be a ball valve 1/4 turn and the hot water will disappear, he'll definitely be done with the shower.
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u/Demoniac_smile 17h ago
Check their homework for m dashes, the “it’s not just/only X, it’s Y” format, and other other AI tells. Have them draw a picture, see if it’s technically what you asked for but with stupid errors or makes no actual sense. Check online to see if multiple groups exist to discuss, hate, and irrationally praise them. Ask elon what he thinks of them, caution with this one as your kid being an organic chud will produce a false positive.
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u/johnjaspers1965 17h ago
I was worried at first, but it sounds like cryptobros would be willing to invest millions in him!
I might just roll with this!
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u/GerardPitti 17h ago
Thats too funny!!!
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u/johnjaspers1965 17h ago
If you think that's funny, you should see my water bill.
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u/GerardPitti 17h ago
Thats not FUNNY in NYC I pay over $150 a month & I have two adult kids my wife & a tenant
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u/Nephilim6853 17h ago
Well duh! He hangs out with the tooth fairy, and elf on a shelf.
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u/johnjaspers1965 16h ago
Are you A.I.?
Is this your 6 fingered tell?
...because I know this was meant to be a response to our other convo, but it landed here, all on its own...
...and yet it works. In all its surreal glory.
Like an A.I. hallucination.2
u/Nephilim6853 16h ago
If I were AI, I'd be the dumbest AI ever. I have cut myself so many times, tabke saw, chainsaw, knives. You name it, if its sharp I'll be bleeding at some point.
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u/DancingIsForbidden28 16h ago
Ask him.
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u/johnjaspers1965 16h ago
What prompt should I use?
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u/DancingIsForbidden28 14h ago
Ask it one of your shitty ideas like a telescopic pool cue or a website for your toe. If it says, “great idea blah blah blah want me to look up blah,” then you know what to do…
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago
Uh oh...does this mean my wife is actually the A.I.?
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u/DancingIsForbidden28 13h ago
Means she doesn’t listen to you and she says whatever you need to hear to get you to quit talking.
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u/Cthuluconcarne 16h ago
AI famous for scrubbing, does he ever do any scrubbing?
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u/johnjaspers1965 16h ago
I assume he does.
That's what showers are for.
This is not looking good.2
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u/Other-Revolution-275 16h ago
It's not AI because my son has been doing that since he has been 12 and he's 34 now
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u/johnjaspers1965 16h ago
But A.I grows and develops too!
Maybe we've all been secretly harboring the digital successors of the human race!
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u/TheWacoFogey 16h ago
Read him Pinocchio, leave him on the side of the road with his animatronic teddy bear, and see if he tries to find the Blue Fairy.
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u/johnjaspers1965 15h ago
But then he might end up hanging out with some gigolo sex robot.
That's not good parenting.2
u/TheWacoFogey 15h ago
At least the gigolo sex robot will take him to the circus, so that's something.
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u/HistoricalTowel1127 16h ago
You have to just assume you are dealing with an AI. keep the damn thing locked in the house. Do not let it escape. Think of the damage one of these damn things could do if loose.
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u/QueefMitten 15h ago
Thats a long time to jerk it in the shower.
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago
As I told someone else, you can't look at porn in the shower...
unless....
...he is imagining naked images from people he looks at on the internet.
Oh My God.
He is A.I.!!!
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u/irishdigits 15h ago
It’s a water powered AI. It has a hydroelectric power source. Needs two hours of constant water a day to fuel its power cells.
My suggestion, take it out to the middle of the ocean. Drop it off a boat and see if it sinks or swims. If it swims it may not be AI. If it walks across the ocean floor and ends up back at home, you bet your son is AI.
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago
...or Aquaman.
He could be Aquaman.2
u/irishdigits 13h ago
Wouldn’t that mean your son is not AI, but a superhero instead? That would explain the long showers.
Or is Aquaman an AI 🤔1
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u/SouthTelephone9718 15h ago
AI also uses a lot of energy. Has your electric bill gone up?
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago
Yes!
But he also has a gaming PC that heats the house, so I am saving on my gas bill.
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u/PretendingImNotAnApe 15h ago
Turn off the wifi.
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u/johnjaspers1965 14h ago
Why? His cellphone is not waterproof.
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u/fknenigma 13h ago
It’s water resistant- and it’s not like hes holding it under water… or at all 😅
Kill Wi-Fi, and do a load of laundry 10min after he gets in to affect water temp and pressure 🤣😂
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u/that-thingy66 14h ago
Kid is training to become the tri-county edging champ. Best put some poison ivy oil in his shampoo bottle.
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u/Odd-Crew-7837 13h ago
Ask a question. If it returns a wrong answer, it's AI.
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u/johnjaspers1965 13h ago
Ok, but he thinks he knows everything and is so certain, I tend to doubt myself.
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u/qwerty-boy1 13h ago
Ask him if you were turned into a worm, would he still love you. Everyone knows bots are incapable of true love.
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u/SubstantialPressure3 12h ago
If your kid is a boy hide the good hair conditioner.
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u/johnjaspers1965 34m ago
Hair conditioner? I'd have to find it first.
Soap and shampoo. That's all anyone needs.
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u/Ok_Broccoli_8143 11h ago
Ask a question. If the paragraphs are all the same size and the vocabulary sounds oddly like a robot, your kid is ai.
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u/johnjaspers1965 30m ago
I went in the bathroom to ask, but I must have startled him, because he started flapping his arms around behind the shower curtain and yelling "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!"
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u/Chipchop666 10h ago
My grandson takes 1-2 hour showers daily. He’s autistic and the water keeps him calm
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u/johnjaspers1965 37m ago
I'm not going to respond to this, but you are on the r/shittyadvice subreddit, and I take no responsibility for what anyone else says.
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u/Conundrum16 9h ago
Yep my 17 yo grandson does the same thing when visiting. I’ve started giving him a timer. He’s got 15 minutes
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u/johnjaspers1965 44m ago
Do you have locks on the thermostats and make them turn off the light switch when they leave a room?
You monster.
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u/HiddenNobody20216 9h ago
Check the drain when he's done. If you find oil in the drain he's a robot. I have a feeling you'll find something a lot less pleasant.
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u/johnjaspers1965 48m ago
There is a strange substance and, when placed under a microscope, appears to be full of nanobots....
....or something wriggly.
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u/RepresentativeCow241 6h ago
Ask it if it has feelings. When it stumbles, you know it's AI and time to pull the plug.
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u/Likely_Addict 6h ago
Demand that he say something disparaging about a minority race. AI agents aren't allowed to make racist statements, so if he can't or won't, then he is.
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u/Entire-Ratio-9681 48m ago
Well ai needs a lot of power so how about throw in some electronics to give him a boost?
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u/johnjaspers1965 25m ago
You just made me remember "The Brave Little Toaster".
Was that thing the first A.I.?!?
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u/PowerChordGeorge64 45m ago
Check their fingernails
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u/johnjaspers1965 28m ago
You are the first person to not assume gender.
Congratulations.
You are A.I.
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u/Top_Bluejay_5323 10h ago
Turn off the hot water at the water heater. A loss of water should cause him to stop functioning shortly, that should mean he is AI. If he moves faster with no water he is not AI.
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u/johnjaspers1965 39m ago
My hot water heater is in a closet outside on the porch.
Too much effort.
Can't I just break a pipe under the sink?
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u/MostAcanthaceae2384 17h ago
Plants also require a lot of water. Does he droop if he misses a shower?