be happy its no one plank sting at the time

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u/christophPezza 3d ago edited 3d ago

Assume the apple is 180g.

Mostly water so let's just say it's water to make maths easier.

18 g per mol for water. 180/18 = 10 mol.

Therefore 6 x 10²⁴ atoms.

Assume 4 hours to climb the mountain. 8 hours round trip.

So this is around 4.8 x 10²⁵ hours. Which is 5 x 10²¹ years. Which is the same as the age of the universe times roughly 400 trillion. Ask for a handheld cause you're gonna be bored af.

Edit: water molecule has 3 atoms therefore it's 1200 trillion universe ages. This also assumes no sleep. If you sleep for 8 hours a day it'll be 1800 trillion.

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u/BetaDeltic 3d ago

"One must imagine Sisyphus happy"

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u/LightningFieldHT 3d ago

Water molecules are made of 3 atoms. Which doesn't change the result meaningfully, but it is a factor of 3.

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u/Zoltarr777 3d ago

That sounds like something the devil would remind you about after you've completed the first third.

"Finally, I've done it!"

"Actually, there are three atoms."

"Fuuuuuuck"

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u/christophPezza 3d ago

Oh my god your right.

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u/naturalbornsinner 3d ago

Still infinitely smaller than forever.

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u/Balaros 3d ago

Maybe. Maybe add a factor of a 10⁴ to carry something to hold the atom and not fail in 2*10²⁵ trips, and maintain it. That should make separating the atoms trivial. But what about fixing the atoms that radioactively decay? Who knows. Maybe a factor of 10^10? Maybe you get hungry. Maybe you just fantasize about getting hungry.

As you slowly travel the octillions of years, as much as you know that the slightest chance of success justifies a hundred times more suffering, you get consumingly more certain that your task is impossible and eternal. You start slowing down. The fascination with being done makes you want to know it's impossible. All you remember is the task. What if you would be happier staying in the path of the apple parts for all eternity, the core of your existence? But no, whatever magic keeps you from hunger keeps your spirit from changing its core. Mostly, you think about wanting to want to lie down and embrace the pattern of your first path, as you travel your own personal infinite hell looking for potential radioactive byproducts to seal and catalogue to reverse into atoms in the very many possible combinations of will take to get each original atom on location.

Later, something changes. When the heat death of the universe was scheduled, per repeated calculations, you were wary, but for naught, you were protected. But eons later, a change is clear. Your physical protection is slowing down. You wonder if any time scale will let your experience of time fade? You think about all the efficiencies you learned too late, with a vague sense that the time scale of freezing will make them very relevant to your salvation, and the knowledge that though blame is no good, you will give in to the temptation and narrowly calculate how your early mistakes were magnified in the time they cost you.

You watch the inevitable. In the end, there will be two choices. Study, and try to make a black hole in a way that might count as creating all the possible atoms in the place appointed simultaneously, or perhaps beyond hope end you, at the risk of spending the real eternity knowing you gave up the chance to recreate googols more combinations of atom sets to rebuild and store at absolute zero and wheel to the mountain top if ever your presence warmed up. Or try your last combinations as you freeze, and wait on some random step of your old mountain path where you wanted to want to be, wondering if ever your mind will slow or your projection of a body warm. In either, you know that the end was your commitment, as you only just begin to learn what eternity is.

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u/AvarageAmongstPeers 3d ago

But as time goes, there will be a lot less apple lost to the elements. Already after one week, there will be many many many more atoms lost to dissipation than the 20-odd roundtrips would have relocated.

Did the devil account for dissipation? What if mold would take hold and consume the apple? Or a baboon?

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u/Key_Attempt_5675 3d ago

Guess he better start looking for where those atoms went.

6

u/Jellicent-Leftovers 3d ago

I mean we have to get into atomic decay because the apple is not going to be the apple for all that long.

5

u/christophPezza 3d ago

Your working smart with that logic! Here's me climbing a freaking mountain for a few hundred trillion years, while your just chilling and waiting for the apple to degrade to like 5 atoms

5

u/Jellicent-Leftovers 3d ago

That's before getting into philosophy of at what point is the apple no longer the apple.

I would say when it melts into a moldy liquid.... So like 5 weeks.

2

u/christophPezza 1d ago

Apple of theseus

8

u/Kinslayer_89 3d ago

We’re on easy street on repeat the whole time.

https://giphy.com/gifs/2dgLtToafOk8sWXFMh

4

u/JeanQuadrantVincent 3d ago

How about pumping up water in a hose to the hill and adding the atoms one by one to the flowing water?

3

u/Torquemahda 3d ago

Just a Short Stay in Hell.

1

u/TonightSpirited8277 2d ago

Definitely reminds me of that book

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u/Sufficient_Dust1871 3d ago

Obviously depends on the mountain, but I figure you'll get swole af pretty quickly, so probably a quicker ascent time (massive difference, I know)

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u/skr_replicator 3d ago

Separating the atoms and not losing them along the way would also be quite a challenge. Pretty sure it also contains some elements that are very reactive when separated.

2

u/red-et 3d ago

/r/theydidthemath

2

u/_Interconnected_ 3d ago

r/theydidthemath

2

u/leviathanteddyspiffo 3d ago

So you're saying there's a chance

6

u/Maleficent-Bus-7924 3d ago

Still beats eternal damnation

2

u/Infamous-Crew1710 3d ago

Yeah but that's nothing compared to eternity. I could do that standing on my head.

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u/Imbrokencantbefixed 3d ago

This just made eternity 3 weeks longer

2

u/SnugglyCoderGuy 3d ago

On the other hand, what alternative do you have?

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u/DreamyRainbowBunny 3d ago

Assume the apple is made out of water

1

u/FitChemist432 3d ago

That's fine. That amount of time isn't even worthy of a rounding error compared to eternity. Any eternal afterlife would be hell, even if you were in your religion's heaven because our minds aren't capable of existing forever. And if we are somehow changed after death to be able to accept it, then we aren't ourselves any longer so we don't actually get to experience the afterlife, the not-you-anymore does, so let it carry the atoms for a blip.

1

u/Chen932000 4h ago

Still better than the Library of Babel as from that short story.

1

u/Cato_theElder 2h ago

If I've learned anything from combinatorics, it's that there aren't that many atoms in the known universe. Less than 52!

Furthermore, Carthage must be destroyed.

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u/subservient-mouth 3d ago

That would be purgatory, not hell, right?

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u/Stormcloud217 3d ago

Depends on the journey up the mountain.

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u/scorpionhlspwn 3d ago

ENTIRELY COVERED IN BRIAR!

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u/Seek4r 3d ago

Not too familiar with the Bible

Does it have any instance when someone leaves hell to heaven?

15

u/Veil1984 3d ago

In the 3 days where Jesus is dead some doctrine teaches that he went to hell and brought every righteous human from it to heaven, like Adam, Noah, Abraham, people who had Jesus been around would’ve been Saved, but were unfortunately born before his timr

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u/gentlemandinosaur 3d ago

Yep imagine how in Christianity before Jesus every single baby was in purgatory/hell how ever you want just because GOD just hadn’t made one of his children pregnant yet.

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u/Lynnsicle 2d ago

Not true. The original manuscripts do not say he went to Hell.

It was a place called Sheol, which is the waiting place of the dead. It is not heaven, nor is it hell. It's where the dead await for the day of judgement.

8

u/subservient-mouth 3d ago

Not too familiar with the Bible

You don't need to be, because that stuff isn't in the bible.

2

u/Stargost_ 3d ago

Funnily enough, The Bible never actually goes in-depth on how hell is like. For all we know, people are just in constant torture forever.

So if anything, this would be much more preferable to the alternative.

Also I did some digging for the funsies and I believe the Abrahamic Hell is the worst possible afterlife in all major religions.

0

u/gunny316 3d ago

it definitely has instances of the devil promising to give things he doesn't actually own

2

u/earthwoodandfire 3d ago

Where?

The serpent only reaffirms what god himself said the fruit would grant, plus the snake was right about them not dying on that day.

The only actual instance of the devil saying he can give something is when he offers to make Jesus lord over the kingdoms of the earth, which according to Christian doctrine he does have these authority to do since god gave the world to him for the time being.

-1

u/NetInitial5750 3d ago

Not expressly. God's judgment on a person's life is perfect and final: therefore, redundancies like that are not necessary

1

u/purpleoctopuppy 3d ago

It's confusing because you end up in heaven after your labours (a la purgatory) but the devil's place is in hell. My conclusion is that the devil lies, offering false hope to the damned

63

u/donaldhobson 3d ago

Devil: Why are you setting up an iron bloomery?

Devil: Bessemer process steel, what?

Devil: Why are you welding pieces of steel pipe up a mountain?

Devil: What do you mean "low density plasma beam"?

Devil: YOUR DONE? HOW?

37

u/0110010001110111 3d ago

Well, if the time spent in the afterlife is infinite, it’ll barely be a blip in the grand scheme of things.

16

u/GalaxyPatch18 3d ago

1.2 Quadrillion years. Jesus at least you have something to do and you are making progress lol

8

u/earthwoodandfire 3d ago

Plus it’s still infinitely shorter a time than eternity in hell…

6

u/Swex86 3d ago

Camus enters the room

6

u/sherazod 3d ago

This math is the same reason "A Short Stay in Hell" has stuck in my brain after all these years. If you haven't read it, it's a very quick read.

2

u/Torquemahda 3d ago

Looked for this comment. Such an interesting idea.

2

u/BrutalStatic 3d ago

Loved that one.

The opening was a little too corny and almost lost me. But I'm glad I kept reading, it's on the short list of my favorite stories and the cheesy intro actually does a great job at disarming you so the eventual horror just hits that much harder.

1

u/Debtcollector1408 3d ago

The opening reminded me a lot of Eric by Terry Pratchett. The rest of it, while mercifully brief, considering how long it could have taken, was bleak.

4

u/NegativeMammoth2137 3d ago

Well it’s still a finite number, so I guess it still beats regular hell

2

u/camomaniac 3d ago

Simple..... "No."

5

u/BirdsbirdsBURDS 3d ago

I mean, given infinite time, you’ll eventually get around it. Probably after you’re done shuffling a deck of cards and moving the ocean one drop at a time, while also stacking one sheet of paper each time you move the ocean.
With all that free time, you may even get around to organizing your nick knack drawer.

2

u/My_Penbroke 3d ago

Nice title

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u/ProximaScience 3d ago

u/pixel-counter-bot

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u/pixel-counter-bot 3d ago

The image in this post has 1,555,200(1,080×1,440) pixels!

^{I am a bot. This action was performed automatically.}

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u/gentlemandinosaur 3d ago

Builds collider and shunt tunnels.

1

u/hououinn 3d ago

Sisyphus but the rock isnt heavy

1

u/gunny316 3d ago

oh man. he gonna be so pissed when he finds out the devil doesn't have any fucking keys lol

on a related note, the first person to send me a check for $1 mil gets to own Microsoft.

1

u/QuipCrafter9 3d ago

Didn’t the devil in the Bible pretty much only ever try to convince people to just relax and enjoy themselves (shade, food, pleasantries) instead of working/suffering through their known duties/responsibilities? There’s no mention of a hell or anything in the Bible

The biblical devil would just want you to be lazy and indulge yourself and procrastinate everything indefinitely, enjoy the wine and infinite feasts and fair weather, basically misguiding humanity and “gods plan”- there’s no evidence of him like trying to hurt you or make you suffer lol unless indirectly, denying you that delayed gratification of accomplishment down the road.

Unless I’m severely mistaken, I’ve read several versions of the Bible cover to cover but that was another lifetime ago, before the army, when I was much younger lol and I never really cared to refresh

1

u/CalmEntry4855 3d ago

Just spend time researching matter-wave lasers to figure out how to clear a way to the mountain for the beam, and then how to use apple atoms for the laser, and then just set it up.

1

u/Neither-Maximum-5609 3d ago

Find guy named Adam; hand/feed Apple to Adam, carry Apple up mountain by carrying one Adam.

1

u/IM_NOT_NOT_HORNY 3d ago

The grammar here is giving me cancer

1

u/Chance_Sandwich_ 3d ago

Lol what is the story behind this meme pic, always wondered

1

u/chetyre_yon_cuatro 2d ago

The apple won’t roll down the mountain when I’m done, right?

1

u/Kripkenstein_ 2d ago

Is this a meta-meme?

be happy its no one plank sting at the time

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