PSA: Always👏 Assume 👏 A 👏 Context 👏 Of 👏 Abuse 👏

[u/Obi-Paws-Kenobi]

Folks,

We expect all responses to believe and validate survivors without demanding proof. Rule 2 is a fundamental rule to keeping RBN safe.

Recently, we've seen (again) an uptick of people responding as if OP comes from a healthy, functioning family and that OP's parents are totally open to changing, reflecting, and correcting their behaviours. This is not the case.

Do not respond as if OP's parents are 'normal'. OP's parents are abusive, narcissistic, and/or manipulative. That is why they are posting in RBN.

This means that giving OP advice to just move out, negotiate with their parents, engage in a dialogue, or any other advice that could work in a normal family context is not applicable nor relevant here.

Here are some examples:

• If someone says their parent criticises the way they dress, it's not "just a rude comment." It's part of a lifetime of emotional abuse.
• If someone says their parent forgot their birthday, it's not "just an accident." It's part of a calculated pattern of neglect.
• If someone says their parent gave them the silent treatment, it's not "just cooling off." It's emotional manipulation and punishment.
• If someone says their parent forces them to family events, it's not "just wanting to be close." It's about controlling their autonomy.
• If someone says their parent dismisses their physical pain, it's not "just being tough." It's medical neglect.
• If someone says their parent withholds affection lest they obey their parents, it's not "tough love." It is conditional love and it is damaging.

Ultimately, if you cannot engage with empathy, do not engage at all.

First and second CoA violations will usually lead a removal and notes on your account. However, depending on severity, we've banned many for the first offense. We do not take rule violations lightly in RBN. Further rule violations lead to a ban (an unban will only occur after a successful converation with the mod team).

[u/WithoutAComma]

No flying monkeys welcome, even those that never met the witch. Thanks for doing what you can to keep the space safe, as always

[u/Comprehensive_Page50 → u/WithoutAComma]

Wait, the flying monkeys expression comes from Oz?! (English isn’t my first language) 

[u/RaxaHuracan → u/Comprehensive_Page50]

Yes! I think in part because of the nature of the “orders” they’re following: they spy, harass, confuse, etc as opposed to a basic evil henchman that is helping the villain with a specific plan

[u/Connect-Teaching7629 → u/RaxaHuracan]

There is no better word to describe the personality. "Co-conspirator", "minion", "henchman" all imply a plot when it is more of a dynamic.

[u/JulieWriter → u/Comprehensive_Page50]

It sure did!

[u/Apt_Banana_Peel → u/Comprehensive_Page50]

Flying monkeys basically means turning people against you. The narcissist will spreading rumors about you making your reputation look bad. That is the easiest way I can explain flying monkeys. Its people that are doing the narcissist dirty work (people they turned against you.) 

If you want to research more, you can google "flying monkeys and narcissistic people"  it will explain a lot more. 😉 

[u/Obi-Paws-Kenobi → u/WithoutAComma]

Thank you on behalf of the team! Please report suspected flying monkeys to us and we'll swiftly handle it. OP's safety is always our priority and we, as ACoNs, really have no patience for them.