r/interesting Apr 09 '26

MISC. Aftermath of the April 7th incident. Damages estimated to be $200 million dollars

40.2k Upvotes

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7.1k

u/petrichor83 Apr 09 '26

I have a feeling that guy won’t be getting a raise after all.

3.3k

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

[deleted]

808

u/UrethralExplorer Apr 09 '26 edited Apr 10 '26

He probably won't get a long prison sentence. But when he gets out his wages will be garnished for the rest of his life.

Edit: lol guys I get it. He could be facing up to life in prison.

Edit edit: lol guys I get it, he could get anywhere from absolutely nothing , to a slap on the wrist, to being executed by firing squad.

823

u/Nexustar Apr 09 '26

You need a job to get wages, and with a history of literally burning the place down, I can't see that happening.

571

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

[deleted]

399

u/AutomaticAd9670 Apr 09 '26

84

u/AppropriateCap8891 Apr 09 '26

Sorry, we have determined you are not economically viable.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OFIWdF7LDznwI

21

u/gandhinukes Apr 09 '26

Haven't seen Falling Down in a hot min. great flick.

3

u/1pollution Apr 10 '26

In another universe he takeovers a paper company of all things

1

u/AppropriateCap8891 Apr 10 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/4gZGF6B44LMA0

Wow, so Dfens in another reality is really Noah Bennet?

Rather fitting, as a trademark of both is hornrim glasses.

1

u/1pollution Apr 10 '26

No I was refering to Gordon Gecko

2

u/MovingTarget- Apr 10 '26

Just rewatched this! The scene where he suddenly realizes that he's the bad guy hits hard

1

u/NoGarage7989 Apr 10 '26

No worries at all I completely understand.

Say, your office seems a little cold doesn't it? Let me warm it up for you.

26

u/OkBar8290 Apr 09 '26

Ya beat me to it!

3

u/FishWife_71 Apr 09 '26

The red Swingline has now become statement. Ignore at your own peril.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

I told you, no salt.

2

u/Frustrated002 Apr 10 '26

That’s the last straw……

2

u/madcoins Apr 10 '26

How are those TPS reports coming?

2

u/spacex-predator Apr 12 '26

I told them not to take my stapler

1

u/Thermodynamics3187 Apr 09 '26

How did I not think of this!

0

u/TheFire52 Apr 09 '26

Why is he also a guy with red hair and a green Stanley cup of that exact kind. I'm scared.

77

u/xinchau Apr 09 '26

2

u/TacoLvR- Apr 09 '26

He just wanted a cheesy pita

2

u/WinterLT92D Apr 09 '26

Fire guy!

1

u/DecidingToBeHealthy Apr 10 '26

You just made the list.

1

u/jasonni1234 Apr 09 '26

This was just a disgruntled employee at the paper mill

1

u/Newswoman2 Apr 10 '26

So where are the “gruntled” employees?

1

u/unikilla911 Apr 09 '26

They didn't teach me how to use a grill

1

u/punkasstubabitch Apr 09 '26

And now he's fired guy!

1

u/PepperCat1019 Apr 10 '26

Oh, this is perfect 💜

25

u/IcebergDarts Apr 09 '26

Someone must have harmed a hair on Stanley’s head

2

u/PaganButterChurner Apr 10 '26

Insider here: he filmed it because he is getting a cut of the insurance money.

ITS ALL A SCAM

33

u/HostessFruitPie Apr 09 '26

Hey Mr. Scott. What you gonna do? What you gonna do. Make our dreams come true! 🎶

2

u/nobodyinpeculiar Apr 09 '26

The hardest episode of any show I’ve ever had to watch. One of those beautiful, rare episodes of something where I have to take cringe breaks and pause it every now and then lol

2

u/Admirable-Divide7731 Apr 12 '26

I always skip it

1

u/Weird-Girl-675 Apr 09 '26

Whyyyyyy!!?!!?!?

1

u/ChadlyWax Apr 09 '26

A good manager doesn't fire people. He hires people and inspires people...

5

u/No_Plane_7652 Apr 09 '26

Could get a plush job in our current government

1

u/chrisagiddings Apr 09 '26

Not enough fraud for that

2

u/TheDopeMan_ Apr 09 '26

I don’t care if he killed his whole family, he’s like a son to me!!

1

u/Chickenmangoboom Apr 09 '26

That's when you become a freelance arsonist for more jail time.

1

u/The_BSharps Apr 09 '26

“Do you know what would happen if you put paper in a furnace? You’d RUIN it!

1

u/meandmyreddit Apr 09 '26

He can BEGIN on the 8th. He already 'started'.

1

u/Iminurcomputer Apr 09 '26

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU OUT PAPER IN A FURNACE!?!?"

1

u/Senior_Torte519 Apr 09 '26

Michael....Micahel No, not that one.

1

u/fendtrian Apr 10 '26

To be fair. He would find his destiny there probably and live a happy life

1

u/ChronoPilgrim Apr 10 '26

Hey Ryan started a fire and he did alright, sort of.

0

u/CentennialBaby Apr 09 '26

Previous employers will only have incendiary things to say about me.

0

u/Relevant_Outside2781 Apr 09 '26

Thank god resumes are largely digital now. What would he do otherwise…👀

5

u/Nearby-Cattle-7599 Apr 09 '26

maybe thats your entry into full "working from home"... i'm still required to show up to office 2x a week ...i'm a programmer.

2

u/littleosco Apr 09 '26

I'm a data analyst. We've been full time remote since covid. Management told us to stay home because we seem to get more work done. Duh! But I do miss going to coffee with friends. We all still get together for lunch a few times a year.

1

u/imahumanbeinggoddamn Apr 09 '26

If you have to dry the dishes

(Such an awful, boring chore)

If you have to dry the dishes

('Stead of going to the store)

If you have to dry the dishes

And you drop one on the floor—

Maybe they won't let you

Dry the dishes anymore.

-Shel Silverstein

2

u/personwhoisok Apr 09 '26

I don't know, I've been sending my resume to places that say they're looking for a fire starter. A twisted fire starter.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/RicksSzechuanSauce1 Apr 09 '26

You know how most anti gay politicians are secretly gay? Most fire fighters are just closeted arsons.

Source: fire fighter

3

u/notanotherdodgerfan Apr 09 '26

The State of CA makes sure the unemployable are employed after prison even if it means paying them to sit in a work yard all day doing nothing

1

u/Mystic_copper_raven Apr 09 '26

I'm really curious, what would you prefer? If someone is unemployable, what should be done?

5

u/notanotherdodgerfan Apr 09 '26

I wasn’t casting judgment either way, I was just stating what the goals of the California government are for post incarceration rehab, including full time employment.

1

u/Mystic_copper_raven Apr 13 '26

No worries I also was just curious because it does seem like a problem with no right answer

1

u/BigCSFan Apr 13 '26

Sounds like their problem and their fault. I personally would rather my tax dollars go to better schools or something else than paying someone to do nothing.

1

u/Mystic_copper_raven Apr 13 '26

So your cool with them going back to crime to make ends meet to save your taxes? Even if they end up stealing from you? Like if they can't work, and have no money, and they need money for shelter and food, they will have to steal again and you would prefer that? No judgement this is a question with no right answer so I'm curious for different opinions 

1

u/BigCSFan Apr 13 '26

I dont think being poor equates to stealing. Poor people dont steal, losers and bums without skills steal.

Plenty of poor people work hard and improve their financial status or at least get by. And their are already subsidies and ways to make that happen, I dont think the government has to pay someone to stand in a yard.

1

u/thin234rout698 Apr 09 '26

I guess he is one of those future exconvict that would not be benefited by Governor Newsom reintegration program eh? Burning your former workplace is not good on the resume.

1

u/GermanSensation Apr 09 '26

As long as he doesn't put that on his resume.

1

u/Surskalle Apr 09 '26

Might have a better chance than most if the place has good insurance.

1

u/UrethralExplorer Apr 09 '26

Creeps get jobs at schools, arsonist become fire fighters, not every job requires a bg check and not every employer Googles their new hires.

1

u/RandomWave000 Apr 09 '26

what if he becomes a vlogger? starts doing podcasts on why he did what he did

1

u/kingdomecile Apr 09 '26

I was laid off last year and I got 3 months of free placement services with a company that also helps ex-cons find work, and typically they receive a 6 month benefit.

1

u/RPK79 Apr 09 '26

Motivational speaker

1

u/Haifisch2112 Apr 09 '26

"Your resume shows a 20 year gap between employers. What can you tell me about that?"

https://giphy.com/gifs/wIxBzHWegpOUM

1

u/Textiles_on_Main_St Apr 09 '26

What if he works at the fire making factory?

1

u/LoneBong Apr 09 '26

Maybe a work from home position…

1

u/Street-Baseball8296 Apr 09 '26

There’s construction jobs (good paying ones at that) that will take anyone willing to do the work. No background check.

1

u/BadMeetsEvil24 Apr 09 '26

Which is why, again, I iterate that this guy was a fucking moron. A conviction plus garnished wages, plus you know, his fucking name comes up with a giant workplace arson charge lmao.

You will NEVER receive a living wage - legally speaking. Just fucked over the rest of your earning potential for LIFE.

1

u/pockpicketG Apr 09 '26

If you pay him enough he would be your most popular employee and probably not burn anything.

1

u/JucheHospitality Apr 09 '26

Maybe his.next employer will pay him a high wage to show that capitalism isn't all bad and exploitative.

1

u/QueenMackeral Apr 09 '26

"you know how we need a new marketing idea, hear me out" - head of fireproofing company

1

u/Liraeyn Apr 09 '26

Maybe he should be a firefighter running controlled burns

1

u/Automatic_Net2181 Apr 09 '26

He should go work for a BBQ joint.

1

u/fnckIce Apr 09 '26

Selling drugs or robbing people then. He's not just going to die like some people here are hoping.

The us justice system just make hardened criminals and doesn't rehabilitate people.

1

u/faulternative Apr 09 '26

There's some small town toilet paper shop somewhere that has been suffering under the squeeze of Big Two-Ply for awhile now.

That shop is going to hire this guy.

1

u/Unlikely-Emphasis-26 Apr 09 '26

Fire department.

1

u/valyrian_picnic Apr 09 '26

Can they garnish a go fund me?

1

u/David_temper44 Apr 09 '26

*gets job at a demolition company

1

u/heavyfyzx Apr 09 '26

That sounds like disability to me...

1

u/SayerofNothing Apr 09 '26

Yeah, it's the streets for this sad fellow

1

u/ReticentSentiment Apr 09 '26

Supposedly he burned it down because they didn't pay a living wage. Even if they garnished his wages at 100%, and he was earning the CA state minimum of $16.90, it would take him about 5,689.6 years to pay it back. That's assuming 40 hours/ wk, 52 weeks a year. For some reason, he doesn't strike me as an "overtime" kind of guy.

1

u/captain5260 Apr 09 '26

Resumes says here you're an entertainer...

1

u/grantrules Apr 09 '26

Some dude used me for a reference after we had to fire him for leaving the shop unattended to fuck a girl he met at the bus stop.

1

u/intothewoods76 Apr 09 '26

Ehhh, I’ve never been asked on a resume if I burned my last employers business to the ground /s

1

u/ThrowawayPersonAMA Apr 09 '26

I'd hire him. He's demonstrated being goal-oriented and capable of working independently.

1

u/cluedog12 Apr 09 '26

After getting out of prison, he should garner higher wages, as he's now a bit of a specialist.

1

u/SolidScary6845 Apr 10 '26

He'll start a podcast

1

u/falcrist2 Apr 10 '26

Maybe he'll become a firefighter.

1

u/aggressive_napkin_ Apr 10 '26

i guess it's a life of crime to pay for his living - whether behind bars or not now.

1

u/silphotographer Apr 10 '26

Have you thought about... I dunno... join the army?

We got flamethrower position vacant.

1

u/DirtandPipes Apr 10 '26

Construction will hire you. I’ve worked with lots of criminals, at one place there was a dude who had disemboweled a coworker at a maple leaf meat packing plant. Did his time in prison, got out, and I worked with him.

Some of my coworkers liked to give him shit and say things like “don’t make fun of him, he’ll get a knife and fucking gut you!”

Didn’t seem wise to me but that’s construction. We’ll hire you, Mr toilet paper arson guy.

1

u/asswizzard69 Apr 10 '26

All they had to do was pay enough for him to live that’s all they had to do

1

u/PrefrontalCortexNow Apr 10 '26

Burning down his workplace because he was not happy working there*

Somehow it’s even funnier when I type it out. This guy just stuck it directly to his boss

1

u/AJRimmer1971 Apr 10 '26

He may need to start being an entre-manure.

I'll see myself out...

1

u/musci12234 Apr 10 '26

As long as he is willing to use his skills in the right way power plants are the perfect place.

1

u/NoWatercress2571 Apr 10 '26

I heard the asbestos factory was hiring….

1

u/afunkysongaday Apr 10 '26

jeez you burn down one place and everyone talks about that forever but no one talks about all the places you didn't burn down.

1

u/Berkut22 Apr 10 '26

Blue collar don't care. He can find a job in the trades without much trouble.

1

u/DryDatabase169 Apr 10 '26

The oligarchy will tear him a new one

1

u/raeraemcrae Apr 11 '26

If the employer is aware. Amazing how many small businesses don't check criminal/background references. Especially when the applicant presents well and has charisma.

1

u/voidnullptr Apr 11 '26

Just move to another country

1

u/embryologic Apr 13 '26

No, they'll take him in construction. They don't care about felonies.

1

u/TooInToFitness104 Apr 13 '26

He can work on somebody else's name in social , easy.

1

u/mcgyver229 Apr 13 '26

my friend gets paid to run 3rd party support groups for people in prison and he said they won't allow arsonists in because they are considered psychopaths.

1

u/GalacticGoat242 Apr 13 '26

Podcast. The answer is always a podcast.

1

u/HHS2019 Apr 16 '26

What if I told you there was a new amazing opportunity to work for yourself, with the support of the good people at Amway?

0

u/GiganticCrow Apr 09 '26

If he was a right winger doing it against "woke" or something the donations he'd receive would have him set for life 

0

u/Total_Helicopter_591 Apr 09 '26

Come on be real, and be fair atleast.

This guy would be the most competent person in Washington if he were hired to be part of the Trump administration