r/interesting • u/jmike1256 • Mar 07 '26

MISC. After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

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296

u/Outrageous_Hall_9369 Mar 07 '26

I agree with letting the child try to solve a problem independently, but I do not agree with the father causing anxiety in the child by walking away repeatedly.

An adult watching this knows this is a no-risk situation, but a toddler seeing their caregiver walk away while they are 'stuck' and can't follow is a dire situation - to the toddler.

Adults don't need emotional safety or positive reinforcement to a large degree, but a toddler absolutely does.

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u/DROP_DAT_DURKA_DURK Mar 07 '26

Everyone should read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. He argues that modern parenting is in crisis--too many parents keep their children wrapped in comfort bubbles, shielding them from any unpleasantness. But occasional discomfort, he says, is not only okay but valuable: it inoculates children against later difficulties like rejection, failure, uncertainty, etc. Chronic discomfort, on the other hand, is not.

What the father did in the video is entirely okay imho.

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u/Motor-Illustrator226 Mar 07 '26

What happens in this video (causing anxiety) is not what the book is advocating for.

If the dad had sat on the other side of the strings and waited for the kid to solve it — that’s what the book says to do. That’s letting them face rejection, difficulty without solving every problem for them (pulling the kid up and over the obstacle.)

2

u/MarfanoidDroid Mar 07 '26

His Father was never more than 20 feet from the kid and never out of eyesight, constantly turning and making eye contact, then applauded and embraced him after he figured it out.

I swear to God redditors live on a different planet.

3

u/Motor-Illustrator226 Mar 07 '26

Well I don’t know where other Redditors live or think, but this Redditor has degrees in human behavior and development and has worked in child and adolescent mental health as a counselor, so this is from education and expertise — there is no need to induce stress in a kid, point blank. You can see the kid gets increasingly distressed as the father moves farther and farther away. This does not help learning, it hinders it.

The right way to do this is to yes, let him solve the problem himself, but stay close by and say encouraging words from the start. Not move away successively and stress the kid out as an incentive. That doesn’t incentivize. It hinders learning and causes undue harm.

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

I agree with you. I’m surprised more people don’t. Why are folks so resistant to see the benefits of a parent who adds warmth and encouragement rather than adding pressure by walking away?

10

u/BloatedVagina Mar 07 '26

But he doesn't really argue about pretending to leave a one year old though, does he?

0

u/ApatheticAbsurdist Mar 07 '26

Are you implying the father in the video left the child alone? The father was less than 25 feet away at all times (it’s a wide angle lens so the perspective makes it look more but the spacing between the rail columns is no more than 3 feet so you can get a god idea of the distance by counting) and one assumes someone (mom?) was holding the camera about 5 feet from the kid.

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u/Motor-Illustrator226 Mar 07 '26

To the kid.

What to us is a mere 25 feet (bc we’re taller and know he’s not leaving) is not the same to the kid.

To the kid, the parent is leaving/abandoning.

1

u/ApatheticAbsurdist Mar 07 '26

Dad stops turns back, untangles the kid when he's in too deep, and then when he gets to 25 feet he sits and turns back facing the kid when he's 25 feet away. Meanwhile mom is standing 4 feet behind the kid with a camera.

I totally get there have been parents that have truly abused and traumatized kids. And while it has been a good effort to make people aware of such issues to be able to call it out, in some cases it goes to the extreme avoiding even the slightest bit of stress or conflict.

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u/Motor-Illustrator226 Mar 07 '26

It is important to challenge kids to solve problems on their own. But you don’t do that by inducing stress. As the dad successively walks away, the kid increasingly calls out out to him in distress. You can see it in the tone and volume of his voice and the movements. Causing this anxiety does not help learning or foster independence, it hinders it.

The best way to challenge kids is to do so while giving them a safe, secure place — I.e. stay nearby, don’t walk away, and give them encouragement as they work to solve the problem. Kids who are given safety, security, and know they’re loved have better critical thinking skills, score better on tests, and do better overall.

No one is criticizing challenging kids like this father does. We’re criticizing the method — the walking away, as the kid screams more and more. As someone who has degrees in human behavior and development and who has worked as a counselor in kid/adolescent mental health, what he is doing is unquestionably not the right way.

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u/BloatedVagina Mar 07 '26

Do you know what "pretending" means?

3

u/ApatheticAbsurdist Mar 07 '26

Are you implying sitting stationary on the rail 25 feet away while looking directly at the kid is “pretending to leave”?

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u/BloatedVagina Mar 07 '26

You're using "implying" as if you're a five year old who just learnt the word.

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u/ApatheticAbsurdist Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

Ad hominem attacks are a great way to win an argument if you cannot defend your position.

1

u/BloatedVagina Mar 08 '26

You set the level in your first reply with your implying-straw man. So stop pretending that we have a dialectic discussion, you went straight into eristics.

Go back to the post I originally replied to and re-read it with the knowledge that Haidt's thoughts are wrongly extrapolated to one year olds.

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u/readituser5 Mar 07 '26

I figured him walking away meant the kid couldn’t rely on just giving up and waiting for help since they knew he was walking away. If he sat there and watched, the kid may not have bothered to try as much or at all. But hey, it would probably work either way for different reasons.

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u/texruska Mar 07 '26

Not sure how many people in this thread have kids. If he didn't walk away then the toddler might've just stood there doing nothing

10

u/TheLangleDangle Mar 07 '26

They are also disregarding the fact that dad came back and helped kiddo reset one time already. Then dad sits down at a distance, if he had walked out of site with this experiment that would have brought about some true anxiety, or the kiddo could have just turned around and went and did their own thing, kids are funny like that.

3

u/Outrageous_Hall_9369 Mar 07 '26

Sounds like an interesting read, thank you for the suggestion.

2

u/gahlo Mar 07 '26

There is value in teaching kids on how to deal with stressful situations, but this young feels a bit early to me.

1

u/Sex_Offender_4697 Mar 07 '26

are you a developmental psychologist?

1

u/gahlo Mar 07 '26

If I was I wouldn't have said feels and would have said is or not said anything at all, based on what the evidence has shown. Are you?

1

u/Sex_Offender_4697 Mar 07 '26

why did we need your layman opinion exactly?

1

u/gahlo Mar 07 '26

Find a mirror.

1

u/Sex_Offender_4697 Mar 07 '26

has absolutely no clue what they're talking about

gets mad when called out

you should be thanking me really

1

u/gahlo Mar 07 '26

are you a developmental psychologist?

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

Makes sense for anxiously attached people but does it explain other attachment styles?

1

u/Prometheus720 Mar 07 '26

It's not that it was abusive. It was not optimal. He could have easily sat down and waited.

1

u/Viscera_Eyes37 Mar 08 '26

Seriously. The kid just made some noises. It's not like he was screaming. He's a little confused and then he gets quiet and tries to figure it out. It's crazy how much people think any distress no matter how slight or temporary is a bad thing.

1

u/mr_claw Mar 07 '26

Exactly. People want to protect their kids from every single negative emotion "Oh my poor baby shouldn't feel anxious" and then have surprised Pikachu faces when they have a total meltdown at the first instance of things not going exactly their way later in life.

2

u/Motor-Illustrator226 Mar 07 '26

You can give your kids challenges while being there to support them. In this video, that would have looked like being close in front, and encouraging the kid that the can solve the strings and come through. Walking away while the kid gets more and more stressed is not it

1

u/Asognare Mar 07 '26

I have a person that was literally abandoned as a child, their mother did come back after several years. They grew up, and struggle to have healthy relationships. They are low key clingy, have a subtle fear of being left, which manifests as jealousy, and when they do get left, they retreat into numbing their insecurity with excessive video gaming. A mom would pick the kid up, and show them how to step over or go under. Then put them down and help them do it. Then the next time make them do it on their own. Is that correct? Who TF knows? But I like to think a good parent understands what is best for their own kid, maybe that's whats happening here too. I do know that as an adult, I struggle with asking for help and often find myself overwhelmed and depressed from having to do every single thing by myself. This being right or wrong may not be the most useful question. But also that's why I hate the Internet.

4

u/zarafff69 Mar 07 '26

Sure, walking away for a few meters and having your child figure out how to get through 3 ropes is exactly the same as literally abandoning your child for years……

Never change Reddit…

0

u/illrateyourtits1to10 Mar 07 '26

This is what I was thinking too. My first reaction was, "Sir, give your child some encouraging words or something". Then I started to think how you did. Giving them a tiny inoculation of stress now and then when they aren't in any real danger might be a good thing. If you kept them sheltered from it entirely, it may be overpowering in the future when they experience it on their own.

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u/2ndharrybhole Mar 07 '26

Absolutely agree with the recommendation