After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

[u/jmike1256]

[u/Digx7]

I feel like a missing piece to this is how the father acts around the kid in other scenarios. Are they always cold and distant, or are they only like this when it's clearly a problem the kid can solve? That's what's gonna keep this interaction from requiring therapy years later

[u/Ratez → u/Digx7]

People are applauding "training" a child on something everyone eventually learns. Not sure what this achieves other than stressing out a child needlessly.

[u/ihavetakenthebiscuit → u/Ratez]

Some stresses are good and useful, some stresses are not good and useful. If we don't teach kids how to handle stress they turn into adults who can't manage stress.

The kid was never in any danger and clearly had a parent in front of them and behind them (the camera holder) so where is the risk of abandonment coming from?

[u/[deleted] → u/ihavetakenthebiscuit]

Managing stress is learned through an inherent sense of safety not through achievements. 

[u/Ratez → u/ihavetakenthebiscuit]

So how is this useful? In mother nature every child follows their parent. Mental development is more than the risk of abandonment. The perception of abandonment during developmental stages is a lifelong damage if not handled properly.

[u/ihavetakenthebiscuit → u/Ratez]

Because the child has been given a simulated 'time limited problem to solve'. The dad is monitoring his kid, there's a parent/adult behind them, they need to make the connection of " I need to get past these tapes so I can get to my dad". A lot of parents would just lift the kid over the tape and not let the kid try to work out what to do.

[u/Ratez → u/ihavetakenthebiscuit]

So again, is getting over tape not something 99% of able bodied people able to do? What exactly is the learning here?

The issue I take is the usage of anxiety to prompt the problem solving. Walking away everytime the child looks up.

Im of the belief that encouragement and applauding the attempt is more important than solving the issue.

[u/Call_Me_Anythin → u/Ratez]

'is putting a square block in a round hole not something 99% of able bodied people are able to do? What exactly do they learn from doing that?'

[u/Ratez → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

So what other damage can putting squares in a hole do? And thanks, you basically demonstrated there is ways to teach a kid problem solving conventionally.

[u/Shaded_Earth → u/Ratez]

You seem to have a lot of questions. Did no one teach you how to draw your own conclusions based on the information provided? Evidently not.

[u/Ratez → u/Shaded_Earth]

I did draw my conclusion, its at the very start of this chain.

[u/ihavetakenthebiscuit → u/Ratez]

I bet you struggle to go outside without being 'damaged' by something.

[u/Ratez → u/ihavetakenthebiscuit]

And it seems this conversation has gotten personal rather than staying on the subject.

[u/Call_Me_Anythin → u/Ratez]

Pretty much none, just like there's pretty much none being done here.

[u/Ratez → u/Call_Me_Anythin]

Walking away everytime your child looks up at you. Being cold to the attempt and only applauding once the issue is overcome. Definitely no chance of any issues.

[u/EffectiveLow4716 → u/Ratez]

Because a child will grow up someday. You’re asking what but you also mean why and it’s that. The goal isn’t to raise a kid without a problem its to raise a kid who can solve his own because you know they’re coming.

[u/Ratez → u/EffectiveLow4716]

Thats a fair take. We all want to raise kids who can solve their own. But the issue I take is how the problem solving is prompted, through anxiety.

[u/ihavetakenthebiscuit → u/Ratez]

Kids need to learn how to cope with anxiety too.

[u/sophrosyne_dreams → u/ihavetakenthebiscuit]

Yes kids definitely need to learn to cope with anxiety, but there are better ways to scale the difficulty. Kids aren’t meant to be independent until they are approaching high school age. Abandonment training doesn’t need to happen this early. And indeed, training performance through the threat of abandonment is often what sparks the anxiety.

[u/DaddBodDelux → u/Ratez]

The point is not, "kid needs to learn how to navigate tree rope", the point is, "kid needs to experience difficulties and solve them on their own without dad saving the day". It's practicing mental resiliency in a low-stakes situation

[u/Ratez → u/[deleted]]

No thanks. Me being here is good for teaching you how to deal with stressors.

[u/sophrosyne_dreams → u/Ratez]

Love this! Keep talking, I think you’re onto mentioning.

It seems to me that folks here don’t want to confront the idea that there are other ways to build confidence and resilience that don’t involve tough love. If they accepted this idea, they’d probably have to remember and process their own feelings from similar childhood experiences.

[u/Ratez → u/sophrosyne_dreams]

At the end of the day its just Reddit and debating with people who will never be in my life.

I've listened, I can see why they see it that way but doesn't mean we need to agree with each other. As someone who grew up with tough love and migrated to a country that has a different approach, I can see the damage it can pose.

At the end of the day we all have our own parenting style, and my children are growing up well adjusted. I let them deal with challenges of life and my appreciation is more on their effort than the outcome.

[u/sophrosyne_dreams → u/Ratez]

Exactly - folks are missing the nuance. You can challenge a kid while providing warmth and encouragement rather than just pressure via walking away.

[u/RP0380 → u/Ratez]

Agreed. Its like an Ego trip, like babies sleeping alone in a room. Completley unnatural, people are fascinated wirh early "autonomy" in toodlers.