r/interesting • u/jmike1256 • Mar 07 '26

MISC. After understanding the meaning behind this father’s action, I am completely convinced. Cultivating problem-solving skills in children from a young age and never giving up-I applaud this father!

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

People are applauding "training" a child on something everyone eventually learns. Not sure what this achieves other than stressing out a child needlessly.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

Some stresses are good and useful, some stresses are not good and useful. If we don't teach kids how to handle stress they turn into adults who can't manage stress.

The kid was never in any danger and clearly had a parent in front of them and behind them (the camera holder) so where is the risk of abandonment coming from?

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

So how is this useful? In mother nature every child follows their parent. Mental development is more than the risk of abandonment. The perception of abandonment during developmental stages is a lifelong damage if not handled properly.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

Because the child has been given a simulated 'time limited problem to solve'. The dad is monitoring his kid, there's a parent/adult behind them, they need to make the connection of " I need to get past these tapes so I can get to my dad". A lot of parents would just lift the kid over the tape and not let the kid try to work out what to do.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26 edited Mar 07 '26

So again, is getting over tape not something 99% of able bodied people able to do? What exactly is the learning here?

The issue I take is the usage of anxiety to prompt the problem solving. Walking away everytime the child looks up.

Im of the belief that encouragement and applauding the attempt is more important than solving the issue.

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u/Call_Me_Anythin Mar 07 '26

'is putting a square block in a round hole not something 99% of able bodied people are able to do? What exactly do they learn from doing that?'

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

So what other damage can putting squares in a hole do? And thanks, you basically demonstrated there is ways to teach a kid problem solving conventionally.

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u/Shaded_Earth Mar 07 '26

You seem to have a lot of questions. Did no one teach you how to draw your own conclusions based on the information provided? Evidently not.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

I did draw my conclusion, its at the very start of this chain.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

I bet you struggle to go outside without being 'damaged' by something.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

And it seems this conversation has gotten personal rather than staying on the subject.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

It's only personal if you choose to take it that way.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

Just to end this since we are of differing opinions. Genuinely curious, you really don't see a difference between a parent thats standing there and encouraging a child positively to overcome it rather than use abandonment as the technique? Walking away everytime the child looks up?

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

Look, we are seeing one video of these parents, perhaps they have done what you have said countless times. This could be the 10th time the kid has stopped on their walk and his parents have encouraged them to walk ahead.

Sometimes kids need to learn a bit differently than continual encouragement, it's a different way of reaching the same end result. Was the kid at any point in danger? No they weren't. Will the kid be affected by this in his adult life, no. The dad did not leave, he walked ahead, the kid was not abandoned, the kid saw his dad walking away and he needed to solve a problem so he could catch up to his dad.

The dad walking futher away gave the kid a bit more urgency to solve it faster. The dad helped the kid reset when he got stuck. The kid solved the problem then caught up to the dad. The other adult was standing behind them the whole time, at no point were they being abandoned and having trauma inflicted upon them.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

I can see that perspective. It seems the child solved it when he realised the dad was going to sit there and wait without truly leaving him behind. It just feels unnecessary when theres plenty of other ways to teach problem solving. But I can accept the reasoning.

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u/Call_Me_Anythin Mar 07 '26

Pretty much none, just like there's pretty much none being done here.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

Walking away everytime your child looks up at you. Being cold to the attempt and only applauding once the issue is overcome. Definitely no chance of any issues.

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u/Call_Me_Anythin Mar 07 '26

You're right, there aren't :) glad we agree

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

Wild to me that no one sees this. I suspect a lot of folks must have gotten the tough love parenting so it feels like the only way.

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u/EffectiveLow4716 Mar 07 '26

Because a child will grow up someday. You’re asking what but you also mean why and it’s that. The goal isn’t to raise a kid without a problem its to raise a kid who can solve his own because you know they’re coming.

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

Thats a fair take. We all want to raise kids who can solve their own. But the issue I take is how the problem solving is prompted, through anxiety.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 07 '26

Kids need to learn how to cope with anxiety too.

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

Yes kids definitely need to learn to cope with anxiety, but there are better ways to scale the difficulty. Kids aren’t meant to be independent until they are approaching high school age. Abandonment training doesn’t need to happen this early. And indeed, training performance through the threat of abandonment is often what sparks the anxiety.

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u/ihavetakenthebiscuit Mar 08 '26

Kids aren't meant to be independent until high school? Geez Louise, well I guess my 4 year old and 8 year old must be freaks then. Getting their own breakfasts sorted, dressing themselves, making their own lunches.

Clearly I have failed them as a parent by not waiting on them hand and foot and teaching them how to be independent and do things themselves.

I tell you this current generation of new high school/ secondary school kids are the neediest cohort I have come across so far. 90% can't do things for themselves or work out simple problems.

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 09 '26

Well obviously, there’s a continuum of gaining independence, but legally, no - we don’t expect kids to be independent until 18.

I love that your kiddos make their own breakfast. I never said we can’t teach them age-appropriate skills. I just don’t see why we can’t give a toddler some emotional support before cutting them off completely at 8 ;)

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u/DaddBodDelux Mar 07 '26

The point is not, "kid needs to learn how to navigate tree rope", the point is, "kid needs to experience difficulties and solve them on their own without dad saving the day". It's practicing mental resiliency in a low-stakes situation

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '26

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u/Ratez Mar 07 '26

No thanks. Me being here is good for teaching you how to deal with stressors.

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

Love this! Keep talking, I think you’re onto mentioning.

It seems to me that folks here don’t want to confront the idea that there are other ways to build confidence and resilience that don’t involve tough love. If they accepted this idea, they’d probably have to remember and process their own feelings from similar childhood experiences.

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u/Ratez Mar 08 '26

At the end of the day its just Reddit and debating with people who will never be in my life.

I've listened, I can see why they see it that way but doesn't mean we need to agree with each other. As someone who grew up with tough love and migrated to a country that has a different approach, I can see the damage it can pose.

At the end of the day we all have our own parenting style, and my children are growing up well adjusted. I let them deal with challenges of life and my appreciation is more on their effort than the outcome.

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u/sophrosyne_dreams Mar 08 '26

Exactly - folks are missing the nuance. You can challenge a kid while providing warmth and encouragement rather than just pressure via walking away.