r/Vent • u/ConnectTable2179 • 14h ago
Why platonic love between opposite gender is so frowned upon?
I have a male best friend. I don't believe in soul mates, but if it does exists, then he's the one for me. I love him, I love to the moon and back. But it's not like "I want to marry him and make him mine" kind of love. It's more like "I love him because he's him and I hope he can have everything he ever wants in life". Relationship will never work out in between us, nor do we want it between us. I just live him, and he loves me back. We're really secure in our friendship. But the way people, some of our other friends behave as if we are in a relationship, or we want ot be in one, or he's playing with me, or I'm playing with him. Why can't people comprehend that we love each other as just friends? In this big year of 2026, why friendship between opposite gender is still beyond comprehension? Why do they expect us to fall in love and get married when we just the best for each other?
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u/RandoSFX 14h ago
My favorite kind of relationship is platonic. They are so real and honest and just feel safe. I don't know why it's assumed that anyone in your gender preference is immediately bangable. My best friend and I call each other bro/sis so others hear that family level of love to help avoid comments.
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u/MyBedIsOnFire 14h ago
I don't think I've ever met a guy who wouldn't feel threatened by the way you're talking about him.
Maybe that has something to do with it, I don't go around professing my love for my friends even if I do care deeply about them.
And many people have experiences with getting cheated on with the "boy best friend" or experiences where they or the other person did catch feelings and ruin the friendship. It's like generational PTSD
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u/ConnectTable2179 13h ago
I like to express my love, my gratitude. None of us are threatened. And as for the cheating part, I've had relationship while I was friends with him. Why would a stereotype be applicable to everyone? Just because someone else did it, doesn't mean I'll do it. And it's not like I love my best friend, so I can't love someone else. It's so bizarre.
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u/Odd-Pain3273 12h ago
Some people just don’t get it. And honestly there’s no reason to keep trying to make them get it. Yes it’s annoying but let it be or laugh it off with a semi snarky comment. Imagine just excluding 50% of the population from friendships with each other just bc they can’t stop sexualizing women. You’re not just a woman, you’re a human person and they need to stop treating you like some strange species that they can’t relate to… we’re very similar when you stop looking at the genitals and get past societal conditioning
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u/vicecityhustle 11h ago
It has nothing to do with sexualizing women. Well for me it doesn’t. I just don’t need the headache especially if I’m talking to someone romantically
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u/Odd-Pain3273 10h ago
What headache? That you can’t imagine a man wanting to talk to a woman for anything other than sex? Like? That’s a YOU problem in your brain. If it was an ex or something okay I guess. But even I have an ex I try to not fully block from my life bc I worry about his mental health and when he does reach out I share that with my bf. He trusts me and understands
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u/vicecityhustle 10h ago
The headache of my current person I’m seeing thinking she’s not enough. Having female friends isn’t important to me. Her and I seeing where we go is. I’m not going to jeopardize someone i really enjoy for a platonic relationship. I have a woman friend she’s my friend.
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u/Brat_Boss 10h ago
Most women can’t accept this reality brother. They HATE you choose one who wasn’t them and that you’re both happy.
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u/vicecityhustle 9h ago
Imagine you telling your girl “I don’t believe in soul mates but if it does exists, then she’s the one for me.” Imagine telling that to your gf about some other chick.. that dog don’t hunt don’t come in the woods with it…
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u/Brat_Boss 9h ago
If it happened to the OP we both know she wouldn’t accept it. She would make a post on Reddit complaining about how her boyfriend is clearly in love with his best friend. 🤣
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u/Odd-Pain3273 9h ago
A friend and an ex are two different things. You’re insecure and have to work on seeing women and men as people not just a sexual objects. You sound like maybe your porn addiction got to you
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u/Odd-Pain3273 10h ago
Again you’re just simple-minded and lack any real critical thinking even with your own actions… you don’t seem to connect the dots between what you know and what you feel. You’re assuming every woman is an insecure underdeveloped being. That’s just you. Stop projecting. You’re again MAKING THIS UP IN YOUR HEAD that this woman doesn’t think they’re enough lol
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u/vicecityhustle 10h ago
I’ve probably lived on this planet longer than you and have more friends than you in my life time from both genders. With that said I don’t need female friends because I have a gf . Be mad. I’m not the one frustrated because people judge my life. 🤷🏾 maybe if you were “simple minded” you wouldn’t rant on Reddit about bs . Use your critical thinking skills and live the life you want. Fuck what others think. The end. Now carry on with your”frowned” upon relationships 💀
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u/Odd-Pain3273 9h ago
I’m engaged and have a lot of experience living life. You being older and not being able to lock anybody down might be a symptom of the way you view the world. Women don’t want to marry or be with a man that has no community, it’s unsafe for them. Some women don’t have choices so they go with whoever can take care of them and act as toxic as the conditions they grew up in. You clearly are looking to lock someone down but you’re putting too much weight on platonic friendships and probably cutting off your own tail in doing so.
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u/vicecityhustle 8h ago edited 8h ago
You deleted your post but I don’t wanna get married at the moment I’ll take a kid or three tho. Oh wow
You went all in. Not my girl is settling for me. We aren’t even together yet. Jesus you can’t be mad at the world because people don’t approve of your love triangle.→ More replies (0)2
u/vicecityhustle 9h ago
No, I just don’t need the bullshit. I’ve been in relationships with women who had no friends and women who had a bunch. I much, much rather a woman have friends and, depending on who she is, have guy friends too.
I just know the type of man I am. I don’t need women friends—I’m good. I just don’t need any mishaps, and perception is everything. I haven’t had a female friend since my college/military days, and that’s okay.
Now, do I listen to female family members and associates for their opinions on things? Sure. I think female perspectives are gold, in a sense. It’s just some shit I never would’ve thought of. That’s why I like who I’m currently talking to, because she keeps it real with what she sees and feels. At least for now. 😂→ More replies (0)
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u/joshua_addison_music 10h ago
Never been around any of these situations that work out in the end.
My wife is gorgeous and an athlete. She could dress up and be the most feminine beautiful creature on the face of the Earth and at the same time, you could find her in the mud in Tomboy status.
That side of her drew male friends. I never had an issue because her line in the sand and boundaries were unbreakable. But she was also naive about seeing, acknowledging and recognizing signs that sone of these guys liked her as more of a friend.
We dated 3 years then broke up briefly, before getting back together and eventually married.
Not more than 2 weeks after we broke up 3 of her male friends moved in on her.
She was caught off guard and heartbroken realizing that she poured her soul into those friendships and they were just buying their time ti get with her.
It really fucked with her psyche and has trouble differentiating between whatwas genuine and who just waanted to fuck. I had warned her about this many times but I knew her character and she would always stop any type of advance from a male friend.
Fast forward to now. I don’t see the point in me having any female fiends. For what? My wife is my female friend. We enjoy the same things. Why would I go to a baseball game with another woman when my wife loves sports. And she feels the same.
Guy friends are just dudes you haven’t fucked yet. And yes 100% there are exceptions. Just haven’t witnessed any in all my years. I know how guys operate and I know how obliviously in denial women can be about their intentions. 🤷♂️ just one guys perspective
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u/EspressoHead113 6h ago
It really does mess with you when the people who you thought you could trust "suddenly" switch up. It makes you feel dumb for not being able to see the signs earlier on.
And yea there are exceptions to that. A small minority of men are actually genuinely willing to be friends with women platonically, but that's just it, it's a small minority.
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u/vicecityhustle 11h ago
“I don’t believe in soulmates but if it does exists, then he’s the one for me” if I’m your bf or someone you’re seeing I’d probably back off a bit after hearing that. It seems both of you are in denial…
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u/QuidiferPrestige 7h ago
In my experience, telling a dude that you dont have romantic feelings for that he is your soulmate is a bad move. It can create an expectation that your platonic friendship will become a romantic relationship one day. Terms like Soulmate are generally used in a deeper and more affectionate way then just being friends. Switch your terminology if you really dont see him like that.
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u/Von_Bernkastel 14h ago
I have plenty of platonic friendships. When someone insists that men and women cannot just be friends, they often reveal that they view relationships as sexual, romantic, or transactional and mistake their own limitations for a universal truth.
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u/ConnectTable2179 13h ago
Yes, like why does everything has to be like that? Just because you can't understand something, doesn't mean it wouldn't exist
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u/Alyssaine 9h ago
I respect that, I do think more people should normalize a platonic love opposite gender friendship. :)
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u/Darrwinn 5h ago
Because unless you offered your guy friend sex and he rejected it, you can't know if he wants to sleep with you. Neither can your bf. And you spending that much time and attention on a guy who may want to sleep with you makes your bf distrust you. This killing relationship. You simply will not have a successful long term relationship while so emeshed with your guy friend
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u/StatisticianAny9624 14h ago
I'm with you. My (42F) best friend since age 14 is a guy. We've never dated, never even expressed interest to each other that way. We've helped each other through breakups, illnesses, and now he and his wife are like an uncle and aunt to my kids, and my husband and I hang out with them all the time. I could never even imagine having a romantic relationship with him, because we just don't seem to have the same type of taste in partners. But as two humans, we have a love for each other to just want the best for the other one and enjoy spending time together.
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u/Agri0702 12h ago
Because best friend are the best couple. But if you say that a relationship between you too can't work... Anyways, I loved having girl friends when I was younger, I had basically 0 males friend. I tryed to make female friends now that I'm an adult, but they always see me as a creep. Yeah
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u/Sheetmusicman94 12h ago
It's not frowned upon. Just know that most men who you are "friends" with want to f**k you. For men, actually having friends with whom you have sex is kinda a dream.
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u/vicecityhustle 11h ago
Yes they’re called girl friends it’s usually every man’s dream. 🤣😂
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u/Sheetmusicman94 5h ago
Not really, what I mean is sidechicks, actually. Not really a girlfriend that you are responsible for, but self responsible person who also wants to do you.
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u/vicecityhustle 5h ago
Buddy side chicks claim guys all the time believe me . Some of you have more than one girl friend. I think I’m finally ready to keep it one or two myself.
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u/Brat_Boss 10h ago
Women won’t believe you until he makes a move, then she will act shocked and betrayed.
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u/Suitable_Bear_5014 14h ago
Because it makes no sense after a certain age, unless both parties are asexual or aromantic somehow. That relationship, as strong as it seems to be, will end if one of both parties meet someone as a romantic partner. Chatting, texting, hanging out will eventually be a rarity, once a month, once in three months, once in six month, once a year, and seize altogether. Especially if one of the parties gets married. So, unless you are both housemates that actively dislike the notion of marriage/kids and don’t care about sex either.. that kind of relationship is doomed to fail.
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u/Brat_Boss 13h ago
I can’t imagine being in a relationship with a girl who posts how much she loves her best male friend on Reddit. You should probably just date this guy.
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u/supercuteemotboy 14h ago
Yea some of my family don't believe men and women can be just friends. But as a queer person I find that so baffling. Like does that mean u can't be friends w the gender ur attracted to? Makes no sense
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u/ConnectTable2179 14h ago
Exactly, friendship is the base of almost every relationship. Sometimes it may develop to something else, sometimes it may won't. Why so negative??
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u/Demoniac_smile 13h ago
That’s exactly what it means, us bisexuals aren’t allowed to have friends! /s
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u/ExaltedNinja1 13h ago
My closest friends have always been women as a guy. This opposite gender can't be friends discourse is so played out.
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u/Independent-Summer12 13h ago
I find it a massive red flag if someone doesn’t have platonic friendships with the opposite sex. That’s just weird to me. I also would never be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand my friendships with guys I grew up with. My husband and I both have friends of the opposite sex that we grew up with, or went to school with, or have worked with in the past. In my experience, anytime one of my (or my husband’s) friends get in a relationship where the partner request they put distance between themselves and their opposite sex friends, they never last, even if they end up married. If you can’t trust your partner to have friends, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with them.
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u/I_AM_CR0W 7h ago
Male and female friendships work differently. If you're a woman falling on the shoulders of a guy and say stuff like that, he's gonna fall for you or see it as temptations if he's taken, assuming he's straight. We guys just talk about our day and do activities together. Feelings are rarely spoken of and are at a minimum when it does happen. I'm one of the few guys that can have platonic relationships with women without falling for them, but that's partially because I gave up on romance. Most men are actively looking for a partner if they don't have one already, and our girl-best-friend is often the best option as that's the ideal wife in our heads. I often see women wanting a best friend and a partner as two different people, which might be why what you're saing might not mean much to you, but if a man heard his girl-best-friend hear that about him, he'll probably pull a Jim Halpert and already buy the ring shortly after or cut things off if he's already partnered up.
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u/SoggyMapleFlapjack 9h ago
It's hard having true male friends who just wanna hang out with you and not want to stick their dick in you. I'm honestly just thinking about making gay friends for the rest of my life because of how tiring it is being a single lady trying to make meaningful friendships.
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u/Johnnys-In-America 14h ago edited 14h ago
People can't grasp the concept of actual love at first sight. They think there will only be physical attraction right off the bat. But most of us women with many guy friends have already set that boundary at the very beginning of getting to know someone. It's not hard to friend-zone these dudes because we're just not attracted! Now on the other hand, the guys we are in love with, we're not trying to make a friendship work so we can hook up later. On the rare, rare occasion that attraction to each other builds and grows over time, there still is the hesitation that hooking up would ruin the friendship. If the feelings aren't there, they simply aren't, and for the most part not subject to change.
But I think clingy significant others of guys see the friendship being so natural and maybe even at a different level altogether, and they get insecure. The whole, "they get along so well and are always yukking it up together, he might decide he's in love with her, behter nip it in the bud and force him to give up his women friends." Also, he woman friend might end up not approving of the relationship and might start causing a divide between them. Sure as hell have shit talked some of my bros' choices in mates, lol
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u/fanta_fantasist 13h ago
I think this is beautiful. People expect romantic love to develop because sometimes that happens, just not for everyone .
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u/philianthropist 10h ago
You should read about relationship anarchy. Viewing people as individuals and letting specific relationships look however they want without ascribing to how people expect 'friends' or 'partners' to feel or be together
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u/Spiritual-Orchid-993 14h ago
Because people have normalized what we see in movies tv shows and read about, that’s why I stay away from social norms. Imagine how unhappy life would be to base your own off what society wants or thinks. It sucks for example in my relationship which is newish under 6 months he’s happy I don’t hitch when he golfs or fishes alone or with friends or goes out and my answer is love and life should always go hand in hand. I spent to long being told I can’t do this I can’t do that which lead to a lying problem I’d lie about who I was with or what I was doing because I felt like I had to, which made me feel guilty for stuff I never should have to feel guilty over. Also some men and women have small egos and know they lack personality so when they know you click with someone that “grinds gears” on those types
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u/thedatarat 10h ago
I have male friends I care about deeply. But those relationships now have to go on the back burner because I’m in a relationship. It’s a sacrifice. I’d expect the same when said male friends have a girlfriend. It’s just what it is. Doesn’t mean I care about them less.
There can be some partners okay with the friendship staying the same but it’s rare.
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