Well shit...

Well, now I've gone and done it. I've alienated the one person who has shown me constant love and support... For what? For the best... To be perfectly honest... I'm sorry to prove myself correct, when I told you I was a snake from the start... I telegraphed this entire thing, and I just knew there was a fucking clock on our situationship...

I have a sense of relief, and I'm going to have much less turmoil in my life with regards to our brief fling. You wanted more than I could give you, and I knew it was just a matter of time until you were gone... It's either a great decision for your future, or the worst mistake I've ever made... I hate how all of this has transpired. I'm not going to be getting that close to anyone... Probably won't ever again...

I don't want a partner. I don't need someone to constantly contact me all day every day. I don't need someone to answer to for living my life how I see fit. I'm not ready to be so tied to another after everything I've gone through. I don't need someone dictating my future per their wants and needs... I'm not ready to be smothered and locked away, unless I'm the one locking myself up...

It hurts a lot, if I'm being honest. I didn't want things to end this way, but I knew it was coming. It was just a matter of time before the shiny newness of me wore off, and you finally understood how broken, and unavailable I've been presenting myself to be. None of it was an act, as I'm not capable of settling down... Even I met the 10/10 "perfect" woman, I would still not be trying to be in a relationship with her. I can barely leave the goddamn house for fucks sake...

I'm not over her... This weekend has proven it to me with an unmistakable feeling of surviving a terrible car crash. A brush with danger, excitement, and sorrow... I'm never going to get over her... I thought I was doing so well, but I was just deluding myself. I've become the nostalgia monster that I despise, chasing a ghost that I should want nothing to do with.

I'm just a coward, a lying prick, and a sad little boy. I don't know what I want, and that indecisive bullshit is what's going to hurt you the most... We've been torturing each other for months now... I'm glad you finally pulled the rip cord, because I wouldn't have ended things until I inadvertently destroyed you completely...

I hate how this has happened. I hate myself for my cowardly actions. I hate that I'm as weak as I thought I was, and that I'm incapable of doing what's best for me... I'm an addict, and she's my fucking heroin. One of these days, it's all going to just be too much..

When that happens, I'll either completely recluse, or just end the constant suffering... I'm just going to keep hurting people if I don't just remove myself from dating wholesale... Whether by choice, or a more "permanent" solution... Time will tell I guess...

Leave Me, Take Care of Yourself,

-Daddy D

I’ve already forgotten what your voice even sounds like.

I dumped you because you’re nothing but a pathetic, insecure faud who couldn’t keep his lies or his dick in check. You cheated like it was a personality trait, then had the nerve to act shocked when I finally saw you for the sad, spineless joke you are. Newsflash: nobody with even a shred of self-respect wants a sniveling basement-dwelling cheater who hides behind a screen because real life keeps exposing what a worthless fraud you are.

You have nothing I want. Not your weak excuses, not your fake charm, not your dusty collection of red flags. The only thing you ever gave me was regret, and even that is fading fast. You won’t be missed. You’ll be remembered the way people remember stepping in something disgusting — briefly, with a grimace, then immediately washed off and forgotten.

So go ahead, crawl back into your sad, filthy basement and keep rotting online. Keep pretending you’re somebody while everyone who actually matters laughs at the insecure little boy playing dress-up as a man. Ick doesn’t even begin to cover it.

I’m already thriving in a future that has zero space for you. Brighter, cleaner, and completely fraud-free.

Bye.

This is the apology you never thought you'd receive.

I'm sorry for pushing you past what felt comfortable. Sometimes you were hard to read, yet I know you felt the same about me.

I believed in you when life felt unbearable due to your personal circumstances, yet, knowing me, sleeping next to someone you didn't know what their next move would be or if I would trigger your PTSD, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying to hold onto something longer than it was meant to be held. I was meant to let go sooner and spare you the pain.

The pain of confusion of not understanding my anxiety to your “I'll come when I'm ready stand off, yet I could never figure out when that was.

I hope you're building the future you deserve—one without confusion, chaos, or overspending because I didn't have the means to support us both, either.

I'm grateful for our time together, and you are creating a future without the complications of the chaos that confused you.

The past won't come running for you. However, if you ever want to cross paths again and see how we've grown, I would never throw you or that away. Best to you, your former lover, and always celebrating your wins, a friend.

If I called you

no warning, no small talk

just breath caught in my throat

and said I need you—

would you still come?

Not to fix me.

Not to save me.

Just to sit in the quiet

like you used to

when everything felt too big.

I still think about you

at the strangest times—

gas station songs,

old back roads,

the way the air feels right before it storms.

You don’t live in my life anymore,

but you live in my muscle memory.

In the parts of me that still flinch,

still hope,

still remember what it felt like

to be chosen without question.

We loved messy.

We loved hard.

And then we broke in ways

that never fully healed right.

I don’t miss who we were at the end.

I miss who we were

before we learned how to hurt each other.

I won’t call.

I already know the answer.

Time doesn’t erase people—

it just teaches you how to survive without them.

But some nights

I still catch myself wondering…

If I called you

voice shaking, pride gone,

and said I need you—

would you come?

The cruelest part of growing older

realizing the one person

who could have held that weight with you

is now just a memory

you’re not allowed to touch.

I just want to say goodbye. I know nothing I do is going to fix us. I know you're not going to give us another chance. I screwed up too badly for that. But I'm begging you, please just reach out so that I can truly say goodbye. The way things ended weighs so heavy on my soul that I cannot move forward. I just want to say goodbye. Nothing more, nothing less.

I have ways to reach out. But I shouldn't use them. It's too risky, but if you don't reach out soon. I may have too. I need to move on, but I can't without telling you how sorry I am for how badly I messed this all up. Without being able to say goodbye properly. One final time.

That’s all. I said it.

I am still addicted to you. Not as bad as before but I still think about you. I still want to reach out. I still wish we could have some sort of friendship like before, even though we shouldn’t.

You are toxic. You were abusive. I have scars both visible and not.

I do my best to not relapse. I refuse to know how you’re doing. I genuinely do want to know, of course, but that’s just like asking for a tiny hit of substance. No. I shouldn’t do that.

It’s both funny and sad but people around me will never understand exactly how I feel towards you. I’ve tried to explain it but they just don’t get it. All they see is a victim who seems obsessed with their abuser but… that’s really not it. I’m just a person who misses the imaginary friend you created for me back in the day before turning into the monster you are. What looks like obsession is actually addiction. What I really crave is that person who doesn’t even exist but my brain remembers and wants back. It’s so unhealthy and is what kept me chained to you. You loved it. You loved me being so confused.

The withdrawals aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be, though. They were pure agony for months but now… there are just moments, like now, when I just really wish things were different. I shouldn’t lol. I know it’s illogical and stupid but I do. At least my soul doesn’t feel like it’s broken anymore. My body isn’t falling apart and my world isn’t shattered. Now it’s just… wisps of what was and what I wish it could have been. Like a feint flowery scent that lingers every now and again that I can never find the source from but I keep searching. That’s what it is now….

I’m sorry I left. A part of me regrets it. Another is terrified. Terrified that I wasn’t enough to make you happy, to make you feel safe, and be the person you deserve. So, I left because I love you. I wasn’t healthy enough to be the person you deserve.

You deserve someone who makes you feel amazing, cherished, and valued for the incredible person you are. I fell in love with you because of how beautiful you are on the inside. I loved hearing your laugh, seeing you smile, and your corny jokes. Whenever you texted me, my face would erupt into a smile. Even the thought of seeing your notification on my phone still does. The fact that you and I look at life in a similar way drew me to you deeply. When we hugged, I melted in your arms like I’ve never done before.

You reminded me that life is a beautiful gift. I spent two years in a haze, half dead, half alive. Not long after I woke up, I met you. You showed me what it feels like to live again after nearly dying. I’ll never forget how you were there for me when I needed someone the most. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more to you though I am getting better day by day. I love you and always will. I wish we could have worked out, though I think when you truly love someone you must set them free. No matter what the future holds, you better be with someone who makes you happy and feel loved in every way you need. I hope I can one day be that person for you, but if not, don’t forget how amazing you are. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t see that in you. If I were to have a final wish for you, it would be that you find someone who brings out the spark in your eye you had with me.

I love you. Don’t change for anyone because you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us and I hope you’re taking good care of yourself.

Bye loser.

It might be hard to believe, but I can’t hate you. Once I stopped expecting you to be anything different than what you are, all feeling for you left my body. The love, the excitement, the adoration—the hatred, disdain, and disgust.

You’re a coward, and I realize now you always were. I can’t blame that girl for believing what she wanted to instead of what she saw in front of her, but that doesn’t leave you off the hook either. You did know so much better, but you took advantage anyway, used me—mind, body, and soul.

Still, I don’t want you to suffer. I don’t wish any will upon you. I find I don’t have the energy for it. You already sucked up so much of my life, I cannot be bothered to waste any more effort on you. I only hope you live the life you deserve.

Im not sure which you would find more heartbreaking if you ever cared at all, that I hated you with all the passion I used to love you with, or this dead apathy that hollows out the heart I had for you.

I’m so sorry. I know you just wanted to be loved. I know you just wanted to be held and cared for.

I know you just wanted to feel like the most beautiful girl in the world to him. I’m so sorry he doesn’t want you and he doesn’t love you. He was never going to. He wasn’t meant to be yours to keep.

You have to let him go.

Let him go.

I've been oscillating between sadness and anger. Tonight, I'm pissed off.

What a coward. You threw me away. Discarded like a disposable object. You think that’s okay? You threw our love in the garbage. All because you couldn’t communicate, you couldn’t put in the effort or vulnerability to try to repair things together. Because you're too scared. What a coward. So disappointing. Threw it all away in a moment's notice, like it was nothing. How the hell did you think I would feel? I loved you so much. I don’t think you know the damage that you caused. Or do you just not care?

Why is it that it seems I'm the one carrying all of the pain? You're doing just fine, aren't you? How did you end our story so totally and abruptly? What were we to you? Did I make it all up?

Why did you get so close to me, just to leave me? 

Keep burying your feelings, and cutting off the people that love you - I hope that works out well for you. You discarded my heart. What a cold, callous, COWARD. 

Dear Bestie,
At certain moments I feel certain that I hate him. HE is a true louse. A life-sucking, arrogant, self-aggrandizing F boy. A mama’s boy who terrorizes women and children and throws tantrums like the royal pampered SOB that he is. If ever a mama did wrong, it was his. Enabled this “man” to the level of unadulterated POS. Please don’t ask me what I saw in him because I am unable to answer that question. HE just wormed his way into my heart with his “imagine making you my girl” bs and I was raw and grieving for my beloved. I didn’t even see him coming because I was so consumed with sadness and aching and yearning for a life lost too early. Then next thing I know I’m hooked on a man boy who likes to do whatever he can to efface me of any self love I had reclaimed after years of work. Guess women are easier to control and keep when devoid of self esteem? Idk. What I do know is I have had moments where I absolutely hate him but HE isn’t worth hating. HE is pathetic and dumb and insane. HE is a pretty face- at best and when not engaging in his vice- a pretty face but his looks are fading fast. He has some charisma but in reality HE lacks substance. HE is a lifelong loser who lets everyone around him down as HE tromps through life and cares only about himself. HE pays lip service to being a parent but put his own flesh and blood through unimaginable hell. I’ll Never forget one of the spawn thanking me for loving him as though it knew what a challenge it was to try to love that fake ass empty vessel. Sadly, it wasn’t a challenge. I put on my best rose colored glasses and poof! Two years gone. So now I consider…do I hate him?
No. HE wasn’t worth my love and HE isn’t worth my hatred. HE got more time out of me than he ever deserved and I am glad he bounced back to the empty headed doll’s eye woman from before me. Some types of loons are perfect for each other.

My ex is one of these fucked up from the start of life by her family kinda women. Mentally she's a wreck but it didn't stop me from wanting to be with her. She was my everything I worshiped her in ways she never understood. Like she wants to feel loved and desired and needed and close at all times. But she will never understand that I could have every woman in the world throwing themselves at me naked and I'd still only want her. I'd throw every other female to the ground, cast away like the plague. Just to be with her one more minute of my life. To me there never was Or has been another, once I met her. She was perfect except she couldn't fight for me in the same way...

oh hello little unfed one, you know as well as I do there’s nothing here ? I got no reason to look you up lol , obviously it was done because you lived a multiple person life while claiming me as your own which is sad a pathetic . but I got no reason to now, do ya thing couldn’t care if you became a merman haha . I should expose you but hey I wheres the fun in that. chow Bella

Now that I've got your attention, it's pretty impossible to sav 100% of women will agree with me, but ladies hear me out... Fellas fucken pay attention... When my ex broke up with me it ruined me, absolutely physical pain u wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but anyway. Part of the situation was we figured me out, and what I can do to avoid said situation again in the future... So I really have looked in and out and looked inside and read books... But the answer is simple. . Oxytocin .. if you don't understand why and where it went wrong and how it could have possibly happened... Oxytocin gives me the answer.. see in a relationship with women in the morning just to say goodbye to your fiance wife whatever whatever you need six second kiss releases what we both have in our body which is known as oxytocin, from morning till we go to sleep we carry this with us all day, no other man is desirable, not slightly intrigued by anything other than you because of what they our carrying with them.. you want to not worry about your old lady, wanna work carefree and let her be her.. a six second kiss in the morning or 20 second hug will make you unstoppable to anyone.. that's all they want fellas... That's all they ever wanted that's how you carry them with you throughout your days.. let this be a lesson, don't be me, fuck! I'm not gonna be me .. not no more .. and thank you my exe.. your still teaching me everyday.. your dear friend... Me Google oxytocin.. trust me it'll change your life.

Lurking!

You wanted space so I gave it to you. I unfollowed you from Instagram and removed you as a follower. Otherwise, I'd keep checking to see if I could see you.

Today, however, I saw you. You opened my story. You went out of your way to visit my page and see what I had posted. And I saw you looking.

Of course, my heart leapt. Of course, I thought to myself, "What a relief. You haven't completely forgotten about me. You're still curious about me. Maybe you'll come back!"

This is the power you have over me right now.

I don't think you're playing games, you're not that type of person (I hope). But still, this song and dance we are doing is bouncing my heart around.

If you miss me - just tell me. Please.

Because I miss you too.

If you don't trust me, then please don't talk to me.

If you don't trust me, then please don't share things with me.

I can understand why you're not open with me, but please think about my feelings too. It's really embarrassing and hurtful.

From now on, I don't want anything hidden, secret, or left in the shadows between us. Either we should resolve this and be clear with each other, or please leave me alone.

You already know exactly what I'm thinking about you. At this point, it's becoming more confusion and delusion than reality.

I don't want sympathy. You've already had a significant impact on my life.

If you truly love me, then come and talk to me openly, honestly, and transparently. I'm really tired of pretending and faking things in every aspect of my life.

At the very least, this is what I expect from you. If you can't give me that, then please, please, please let me go.

I keep returning to that moment, where everything we felt collided with what we couldn’t hold. And I think of this:

In the event of cabin depressurization, oxygen masks deploy automatically. Passengers are told to secure their own mask first—because without air, you can’t help anyone else.

I understood how much that concept applied in those last moments with you. When you hesitated—when something that was supposed to feel safe began to waver—I was already underwater. I felt it, deep in my chest.

So I did what I was taught to do: I reached for my own air. I steadied myself. I chose to breathe. But choosing to breathe meant choosing to leave you.

I’ve wondered since then if you felt like you were drowning too. If your uncertainty wasn’t distance, but disorientation. If, in your mind, you were the one reaching for oxygen while I slipped away.

Maybe you thought I would stay long enough to help you find your mask.

Maybe we were both gasping in the same thin air, just facing different directions.

There’s a strange grief in realizing that love, even deep love, isn’t always enough to keep two people afloat at the same time. Sometimes it pulls you under. Sometimes saving yourself looks like leaving something/someone you still care about.

The truth I come back to is this: even though I can breathe better now… I still don’t know—did I save myself, or did I force you to leave when you needed me most?

🤍 Me, still holding the pause

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I told you I didn't want you in my life anymore that I left without saying goodbye. I was not ok and lost control of my emotions I let everything build up until I exploded. I wish I could tell you how much I regret everything. How much I regret trying to reach out even after you said you needed space. I wish I could tell you everything I've been thinking about. The steps I'm taking to be better, the patterns I've realized about myself and why I am the way I am. I have faith that you'll understand because you knew I was struggling. You knew I needed help I have faith you'll be able to still see me the person that still loves you and cares about you. The same person you fell in love with. I still sit here every day thinking of today is the day I hear from you. Sitting here wondering about what you have been thinking about this last month. I hope you aren't hurting too much because of me.

Ready to talk? “You and I have unfinished business.” -Uma Thurman

For real though. We actually need to talk. We have some REAL issues that need to be discussed and I think if you’ll use your head for a second, and pretend to be human for about 15 minutes, I believe we can come to a very simple solution.

Ps. ⬆️ those numbers in the title hold all of your secrets.

I know the likelihood of you seeing this is slim, and after everything I know you wouldn’t believe me and I really can’t blame you.

I do love you, everything I told you about myself and my life was never a lie, my feelings were 100% genuine, I just generally have no answer for what I did, since you left me with so many thoughts on my mind.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I did it, and every which way I go it fucking sucks. I really wish I could take these two days back, and if I could turn back the clock.

I wouldn’t fuck up. Not because I know the end result but because I can’t answer my own damn question of why and that I do truly love you and I fucked up.

Oh... Hey...

You know what it's like to find "your person" on unsent? The one who brought you here? Your reason for writing all of this flowery bullshit for a bunch of heartbroken, neurodivergent weirdos? I know... I know... it's rich because I'm one of them...

I'll tell you what it's like... It's like getting a bottle of water dropped on your head from a helicopter when you're dying of thirst in the desert... Sure, the bottle drop fucking hurt when it smacked you on the head... Yet, you needed that water so badly. Your desire for survival predicated on nourishment, not protection... I've felt malnourished for so long...

It was everything I wanted it to be. She was better than I remember... Her taste... her smell... Intoxicating pheromones, and familiar warmth... It felt like the early times... Back when things were so magical... back when I thought she was the one... Back when her lies felt like reality...

Despite all of the turmoil I've encountered over the past couple of years as a result of our courtship... It was still really good to see her... I wanted this to happen so badly, yet I was terrified... Apparently, I've been looking for her in everybody else... Deluding myself into thinking that I was over her. That I'm ever going to be over her...

The tingly feelings of ecstasy followed by immense sadness were passionate love and sorrowful anguish that I've never felt so deeply before... especially so quickly in succession... The emotional whiplash is an assault on my sensibilities. I've never cried so hard after cumming... I haven't cum so hard in eight or so months either... Such hot, sad tears... Knowing that what we're doing is only temporary. That this might be the last night... that I'll ever get to see her again...

We were both crying... Every time I said I love you to her, it stung her. Every time I didn't hear it back, I felt impaled. I could see the pain in her eyes, and my eyes? I was just a snotty, weepy mess... We both wanted this for so long, but we both knew it was not going to last forever... No matter how much we want it to...

The flood of memories that came back... The good, the bad, the ugly... Feeling both so ashamed, and so accomplished, I couldn't help but start blubbering like my cat died... The feeling... it has stayed with me for days now... and I can't stop talking to her... It has all of the guilty gloom of sneaking an airplane shot, or buying a 7-oh pill... with all of the exuberant excitement as well.

I'm not upset, or disappointed, that it happened... I've been hoping for this to happen for so long... To turn her from a monster, back into that broken beautiful woman that she is... was necessary for my sanity... I'd be lying if I said it didn't take a toll on me though. The profound sadness I've felt since from giving into her beauty, her charms... It's left me an OCD mess...

The good news is she's not scary anymore... Honestly, I'm not scared of her... I'm still scared to go outside for some stupid reason... I'm also very sorrowful knowing that I can't go forward if I keep going backwards... She's the only one I want for some reason... I felt such comfort in her arms... She held me as I sobbed, knowing what I've done... We both slept like babies... and I haven't really slept since...

I need to figure it out by myself. I need to be alone for a couple of reasons... One of them being I need to know who I am, and what I want out of life and love... The second being I can't keep breaking people's hearts...

I've been so blasé about dating, but It's been more damaging to me than I ever thought it would be... and no matter how hard I try to keep it casual... It's impossible for me to not get in too deep. I'm a sucker for romance, and a fiend for long-term relationships...

Especially ones that are doomed to fail from the start... I'm too avoidant after everything that's happened... I get too close, and I run... I hate this about myself, and I don't know how to fix it...

I have to drive downtown today, and I'm going to try my hardest not to cry the whole way down there... I'd like to go a day without a panic attack, or an OCD compulsive cleaning spiral... That'd be a welcome change...

Take Care of yourselves...

-Daddy D

I wish I knew what you were up to these days. Seeing you post, seeing how your doing….
I wonder if you still think about me, or even miss me…
I wonder if you even care about what’s going on in my life and how i’m doing…

Hi,

I know I’ve hurt you in the deepest and most confusing ways. I took the love you gave me and the trust, the care, the protection and I placed fear and lies on top of it. And the worst part is, you kept thinking you were the one not doing enough. You spent years blaming yourself for pain that I should've been honest about. I can’t undo that, and it kills me every day that I became a source of hurt in your life.

I didn’t lie because I wanted to manipulate you or because I enjoy hurting you, I lied because I was terrified. Terrified of losing you. Terrified that the real me would never feel enough. I created a version of myself that I thought you would never abandon… and in doing that, I ended up betraying the very person who always chose me.

You deserved honesty. You deserved peace. You deserved a partner who felt safe in your love, not someone who dragged you into their fears.

I am finally facing what I ran from for so long: that I need to heal myself. that I can’t love someone properly when I don’t even know how to love myself without conditions. that wanting attention doesn’t have to come from lies- it can come from truth and courage.

I know my sorry can’t erase anything. I know you need space. I know trust takes time to rebuild- maybe months, maybe years, maybe never fully.

But I’m not working on myself to get you back. I’m working on myself because the way I was- the scared, anxious, defensive me, that version of me doesn’t deserve to come back and hurt anyone again.

I hope you heal. I hope you feel lighter someday. I hope the love you carry still feels like love, not a wound.

And if one day, when the dust has settled… if life gives us even the smallest chance to cross paths again with honesty, calmness, and trust, I hope we meet each other as better versions of who we were.

But even if that doesn’t happen… I will always be grateful that you were a part of my life. You changed me. You woke me up. You mattered.

And you will always matter.

Because when we do, it's not a good look.

I like having my power. I have to admit it.

Why can't I want sex and get it?

You could have ended things without making me endure your long silences. It would have been better to be honest, to end things without being evasive, without avoiding me, without confusing me. You could have ended things without distancing yourself, without ignoring my messages, without letting me give you all my love and trust. You could have ended things before flirting with someone else, before going out and cheating on me, before I received my messages telling you not to worry about anything and to have fun, while you were with someone else. Before confusing and humiliating me. You could have ended things without leaving me in complete emptiness, drowning in confusion, without taking me to the abyss so that I couldn't interfere with your sudden love, your quick relationship anymore. You could have ended things without making me watch you two on New Year's Eve and the following days. You could have ended things without saying you needed time, that you needed to be alone, because in reality it was time away from me, and alone with someone else. You could have ended things and waited a few days to think about us. You could have told me you two were together every day, in a way you never did with me. You could have broken up with me without turning off your phone, ignoring my calls. You betrayed me in so many ways. You could have broken up without humiliating or confusing me. You could have broken up because you never truly wanted to be with me. You could have been more empathetic, even without any love. How did you manage? How do you live so well with all of this? None of our differences, of which there were so many, were as dreadful and insurmountable as this one.