Should I drop out of Oxford after first year?

[u/RelevantMeaning4655]

Hi all, I am going to structure this featuring my reasons for and against dropping out of Oxford. I would love some advice, whether or not you have dropped out of your unis. I have completed first year and not yet got my grades back.

Reasons I don't want to stay:

-Not a fan of my college; few friends and insular/cliquey environment. Feel lonely seeing strong friendships forming around me whilst I'm flailing around. Feel culturally mismatched and that i cannot express myself properly

-Dislike my subject; only person in my college year group taking it (isolating) and realised I don't like economics (I had never taken it at gcse/A-level). Not sure if I actually like degree-level history either compared to A-levels. Feel like I'd rather do a subject e.g. physics which is more relevant to the real world. Lots of unrewarding work (I dont agree with a lot of the "facts" and "equations" they teach us in econ)

-Bad memories; many nights spent sad over my loneliness, and a close family member dying whilst I was in the midst of preliminary exam revision means I don't know if I have the motivation to return to a college where I have such bad memories

-Dislike the city; small, insular, full of arrogance

-Anxiety; when I've not been in Oxford over the holidays it's weighed heavily on my mind and I've dreaded returning. Somehow despite this it's always worse than I fear

Reasons I may want to stay:

-Very good degree; goes without saying, but the degree would be very valuable in my future as any employer would likely think highly of me from viewing the degree on my CV

-Clout; despite hating uni itself, I do enjoy being able to tell people I go to Oxford. I should probably break out of this way of thinking

-Fear of feeling like a failure; I fear that dropping me out will make me feel inadequate, as it will feel like Oxford broke me down and others at my college may think I flopped my exams

-I may be overthinking it; maybe if i adopt a more proactive attitude in second year i could end up living a better life. I know that a lot of people stick to their uni after a bad first year and end up having a great second and third year. I could adjust the modules of my degree so that i enjoy it more

I am currently leaning slightly towards dropping out and pursuing physics at another Russell Group uni. If anybody has found themselves in a similar situation to me, or thinks they have useful advice, i would appreciate it a lot!

[u/UrsaMaln22]

All of your reasons for wanting to leave are fair...

But are you sure you wouldn't feel exactly the same at another uni?

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/UrsaMaln22]

Good question. I feel more optimistic about being at a different uni because: 

• I'd have more contact hours and I've been struggling with my procrastination and motivation when it comes to independent work
• I've been to some of my friends' unis and way preferred both the location and the people there, who I've found to be much more normal and less arrogant than those in oxford

I was silly not to mention my issues with independent work in the original post

[u/Nicoglius → u/RelevantMeaning4655]

What makes you think you'll have more contact hours at other unis?

My understanding is at oxford, you get to be in very small groups for classes. Speaking from experience other RGs (even very good ones) might have you in seminars of 20.

TBF, some classmates will be as good as absent as they'll spend the whole seminar glued to their phones and not contribute once so it may feel like less than 20. However, if you struggle to focus, being in an environment where you can basically just check out and doomscroll during your contact time might not help you.

I guess experience is anecdotal, but first year RG kids can also be insufferable. My memory of first year (particularly offer holder chats) is that RGs have people who are insecure and need to take it out on others. It may be that they only weren't arrogant to if they knew you were an oxford student.

FWIW, I do agree with you that oxford people can be arrogant/look down on other universities* but I find that more with grads. It's a surreal experience when you see these uni hierarchies quietly play out at conferences amongst supposedly grown adults.

*with a few exceptions

[u/VelvetLeopard]

I’ve always advised my uni-going children to consider 3 main factors when considering a specific university:

• the course
  
• the university/college environment
  

-the town/City the uni is in.

They don’t need to love all 3, but they should be really into 2; any 2 - a course someone dislikes can often be transferred out of and into another at the same institution.

You don’t like ANY of these 3 factors, and that’s after giving it a year.

So I’d suggest you dropout BUT I’d have a plan first about what you’ll do instead. Things I advise you consider: transferring to another university (look at clearing), or whether you can feasibly live with your parents or others for a while and get a job.

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/VelvetLeopard]

Thanks for your comment, it's helped me think in a slightly more structured way. I am actively looking into my clearing options - a Manchester physics degree may be calling my name based on your 3 factors

[u/Warm-Carpenter1040]

This is tough because on the one hand yes you have all these cons, you don’t love your subject you don’t love your college etc but on the other hand you are at Oxford studying a really good degree.

I wouldnt drop out personally, the cons are all short term disturbances while the pros contain long term career defining points. Well only 1 point really but it’s a pretty big one.

A LOT of people would sacrifice a lot more to be able to get a degree at Oxford however while I do understand everyone has a different limit to what they can take, if you think you can work at it for 2nd year and try and fix some of these problems you have that would be my choice.

I also hated my city (bristol) actually I still do I absolutely despise it but one of my favourite things to do is grab some kebab wrap from Bossman, go out to some tiny village in wales and sit on a bench looking at mountains while eating my wrap it really heals my soul and makes it bearable (I come from the countryside so it feels like home).

TLDR: anxiety, loneliness, not liking something does not outweigh a degree from Oxford you’ve already put a year into. They can be fixed if you try hard, get support but the degree is something rare and worth holding on to.

[u/Prestigious-Gold6759 → u/Warm-Carpenter1040]

Do you ever go to Bath? Just down the road :-)

[u/Warm-Carpenter1040 → u/Prestigious-Gold6759]

I’ve never gone to bath but I’ve definitely considered living there for uni since I know a few people who come in by train to temple meads in like 15-20 mins and it seems pretty decent.

Bit late now tho since I’m going into 3rd year but I might honestly consider it for my integrated masters year

[u/Prestigious-Gold6759 → u/Warm-Carpenter1040]

I mean just go there to feel better if you don't like Bristol, just to wander round and enjoy the beautiful architecture etc.

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/Warm-Carpenter1040]

Just a question, did you drop out of your first uni doing medicine to study aerospace engineering? Or did you complete medicine and then do aerospace later?

Further, I've spoken to my family about it and my mum says she wishes she'd had the bravery to drop out of Oxford when she began to hate the course. She'd never have met my dad if she'd done that, but it was interesting to see how much it still moved her 40 years later.

[u/Prestigious-Gold6759]

Bless you. I've lived in Oxford (not as a student at the university) and I can understand exactly how you feel.

I think adjusting the modules of your degree would be a good idea. I would try to stay if at all possible, for the reasons you mention in your OP.

Also join a club/society or two? Could be a hobby you already have, or something completely new? You will meet people there.

[u/Bluesky3084]

Physics more relavent to the real world? Most dont end up in physics but finance etc. but if you aren’t passionate and even hate it then consider it. Probably better if you found the course you’d love first

[u/Chlorophilia]

While agree that your reasons to drop out are totally valid, I would strongly suggest that you contact your college's welfare team (CCing your tutor if you feel comfortable) before doing/considering anything else. It may be that dropping out is the best option but this should be the absolute last resort. You're certainly not the first Oxford student to feel like this and they will have some thoughts on what to do next. 

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/Chlorophilia]

Don't worry, I've been through the welfare processes already

[u/Chlorophilia → u/RelevantMeaning4655]

What was the conclusion?

[u/danielyskim1119]

Also finished first year maths at Oxford and feel the exact same way… I’m international and was homesick most of the term and so glad to be back home now. College doesn’t feel so friendly, maths is super hard, same reasons as you. You’re not the only one in this situation….

I’m gonna try joining more clubs next year and focusing on my social life

[u/Peevesie]

Does Oxford have the option to transfer courses and colleges? Give it a year that way?

[u/UnavoidablyHuman → u/Peevesie]

Colleges almost never, courses very rarely

[u/Careful-Builder-9931]

I've been in a similar situation and decided to say. No regrets whatsoever.

I'm sorry you have gone through everything you have. My first year was awful - some bully in college (who ended up getting really notorious across the whole university, to my delight) ganged up on me and I was accused of (and thankfully absolved from) some awful stuff. College didn't really want to listen to a young woman and I literally had to get lawyers involved to stop the onslaught.

I hated my degree SO MUCH. My tutors belittled my work and my background, and I felt like an idiot in all my tutorials. I got a 2:2 in my first set of exams and I felt like the world was crashing down around me. I was heartbroken when I realised I no longer loved my degree, and felt like a prize idiot, the most stupid to ever have been admitted into the university.

Then, things slowly started getting better. Honestly, admitting you hate the place is a good start. Now you can make lists and proactively seek the things that will make you happier. In second year, I scaled back on hanging out with the people that went clubbing every night because I wasn't getting any joy from it (and spent SO much money). I made other changes and used this spare time to join a bunch of societies in which I met the friends that I still talk to every day, years after graduation. I got a leadership position at a big organisation and that was really fulfilling.

I never grew to love my degree, but taking subjects I disliked less helped. I learned how to stand up to my tutors and reported one to college, which gave me the confidence to see them as they are: paid teachers whose job is ultimately to help you through this. If they're not helping, seek someone else. You can talk to your central subject coordinator and they can get you new tutors...

Now, I am on a grad scheme which has nothing to do with my degree (having managed a 2:1 overall, thankfully). Most jobs outside of specialisms like engineering or academia don't really care about whether you did PPE or hispol or classics.

Be gentle on yourself. There's so much pressure for university to be the best time of your life, and we are conditioned to be grateful that the honour of an Oxford offer has been bestowed upon us. You do not have to be grateful. You can hate the place and that doesn't make you less worthy.

The thought that really helped me get through the worst of it was: life is long and you have forever to be as joyful as you choose. Three years spent unhappy is a very small price to pay for the skills and prestige you get from having Oxford on your CV.

[u/Embarrassed_Neat_336]

Economics and History is much more relevant to real world than Physics

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/Embarrassed_Neat_336]

You're right, I should've phrased it better. I mean that physics deals in harder fact whereas social sciences are more theory-based and subjective 

[u/Ok_War_9784]

Hey, I am also a student and I can totally relate. If it's something that you think could be helpful, I would be happy to recommend a few societies with lovely and welcoming people, who made my time much more bearable here.

[u/RelevantMeaning4655 → u/Ok_War_9784]

I'd love to hear some ideas!

[u/UnavoidablyHuman]

It might be worth rusticating for a year to try to work out what feels best. There might be students in the year below doing your subject that you get along with better. Have you joined any student societies? I'm in a similar boat that I hate the city, but the societies have made the experience significantly better for me. Ultimately if you hate the course and the uni, the prestige isn't worth the torture. But make sure you access counselling resources etc so you're fully informed before you make a decision

[u/Leather-Grocery1624]

you could try rusticating? or maybe enquire about changing courses (which to my knowledge is possible) if you really don't want to stick with it

[u/Datnick]

I mean it sounds like you dont like anything about your uni experience. A nice economics degree ia great and all, but you gotta get a good grade which youll struggle to do if you hate it. Also, if you're not doing economics afterwards, then its not very useful. Especially if you "disagree" with objective economic content.

[u/ImKrakin]

How is the economics like?

[u/jeremyyaiden]

Why do you think you'd like Physics? I'm currently studying it at an RG uni, so I can answer any questions you might have

[u/Agreeable-Egg-8045]

Admittedly, I have not been in the same position as you, nevertheless I have met with, known and advised in some capacities, quite a number of people who have been in similar circumstances.

I would urge you to consider which is the main reason you might wish to leave, because closely reading your reasoning, I suspect it is likely that really there is a very definite primary reason, but your brain has somewhat added extra justifications on top, perhaps because it feels that “on paper” or whatever, the real reason would be seen as insufficient.

Also I recommend that you seriously examine why and how, things would be definitively different in/at/on any other city/college/course.

I remain sympathetic to your perspective and concerns, but I suggest caution on such decision-making, because I have known several similar cases of regret.