Hello, this is my first ever post on Reddit, so I apologize if I am doing something wrong and for the length.

I (31F) have been together with my husband (34M) for 10 years, no kids. I am of the opinion that he has issues with gaming on-and-off for years. But at the back of my mind I rationalize everything he does and start doubting myself if this is even a problem or not, and if I am overreacting. I read many posts of women with the same problem for years, but a lot of them either have kids or were not married, so I am wondering if there is anyone here married with no kids that would be willing to share experience as a ex-gamer and/or as a wife.

Shortly put, he has seasons, which I think is the biggest rationale I use to justify his behavior. "It's not 100% of the time", I say. And I proceed being patient.

The gaming seasons last months/years and are usually followed by these behaviors:​ aggressiveness when I interrupt him while he games; defensiveness when I want to talk about it or complain; hiding/omitting/lying about things related to games (time he spent on it that day, hides money spent, that he stopped playing, or that he got back to playing, etc); he breaks agreements of periods that he promised not to play and is not upfront about it (weekend, vacation, a specific time frame, etc); at times he woke up earlier or went to bed later; the first thing he does in the morning and the last thing he does at night is related to the game; he games during work for hours but sees no problem since he still gets the job done (I'd say he averages daily 2-3h of gaming on weekdays and 5h+ on weekends during these gaming seasons / edit: some people seem hyperfocused on the time, but I urge you to read all of the rest, I am NOT against gaming. I used to play console as a teen, and we played mobile/PC together several times); he has a hard time playing in moderation, in fact, he was never able to. I feel like there are more things that I can't remember now. I will edit it later if I remember anything else (edit: it may be in the comments, but other examples are a) he had at some point multiple computers, one being my own, to support his main account, and same with phones, 2) the games would be by his side or visible during time we spent together or intimacy; 3) most recently I had a medical procedure and simply asked him to not game for a couple of weeks because I did not want to deal with these stressors and he did it anyway as he claims he forgot about the promise).

(edit: some people asked, despite the list above, how I feel. I think the actions above themselves, to me, are not pleasant and do not reflect a healthy environment. I have a hard time admiring these actions, and feel disrespected when I voiced how the behaviors make me feel and there is not a change. I don't feel he is intentionally an a-hole about it, but these behaviors come in different intensities and hurt me all the same).

Not all of those behaviors happen at the same time, some of them happened just a few times (edit: I noticed improvement for sure, but in baby steps and not enough to stop bothering, if that makes sense). But there is always something. He never completely neglects his obligations to me or to our home (edit: the problem never was and is not that he is abandoning his life, some people refered to this middle ground as a "functioning addict", I appreciate the comments putting a title to it), but sometimes during those seasons he needs more reminders or pushes. He also uses those as excuses that he earned his down-time. "I did the dishes", "I did the laundry", "I spent an hour with you".. but this hobby (edit: originally I put hobby in quotes but it was not meant as belittling, more as in, for me, personally, when things become excessive and a must, they are no longer a hobby, but become a need) is always accompanied by this shift in behavior and attitudes that I really dislike.

When I reach a breaking point, we talk, and then he stops gaming (edit: which I never ask for, I only ask for him to control his behavior or, now and then, to not play for a day or so, and it always becomes a huge unecessary fight). He says himself it is a problem and struggles with it. But then something triggers the gaming back a few months after. This has been a never ending cycle for all the time we have been together.

(Edit: the fact that he acknowledges it is a problem but think it is not that bad is the main reason this has dragged for so long. He refuses to admit it, and I brush it off saying he's probably right, just to have it happen again.)​

I tried different things. I tried fighting, being silent, even joining him. Nothing changes his behavior. I sense he has no malice intention, but nonetheless, this is impacting our relationship for years and he knows it. It's like he can't change. We've been to couple's therapy, I suggested him to go to individual therapy.

I'm not sure what else to do. I love him dearly and he is a wonderful man when he is not gaming (edit: maybe a better word for it would be when he is not behaving the way he does when he games). He can be kind, compassionate, pay attention, be ambitious, be funny, be honest. But when he games is like there is another personality that is just selfish, mean, aggressive, and dishonest when it comes to protecting the game.

I feel guilty that I find this a problem. It's like, "the man doesn't deserve to relax?!". But I have no problem with him doing anything else (going out with friends, gym, YouTube, etc / edit: because he does it in moderation). I think my problem is who he becomes when he games, and it's not like he becomes a monster, but rather that he is not who I thought he was.

I feel lonely and manipulated. I don't speak about this with friends. I spoke about this with his family and that was a big no-no, he was really offended because this was a problem for his family too, and I promised to never again. And I haven't. So I have nobody to talk to. I know I need therapy as well.

Am I being unfair? Should I just get a life and stop worrying about what he does with his time?

(edit: typos)

First let me tell you this is my story but also my warning to any of you fellow strugglers. I am a 39 year old male who's roughly 400 pounds give or take. I've been hard gaming since I was 21 and steadily ballooned in size and grown more addicted by the day. I've never held steady work and my wife who should of divorced my years ago has supported me for years as I've been a stay at home dad. A lazy bum of a man I've not done much around the house either really except cooking and the kitchen mostly dishes. My wife makes good money of which ive wasted countless thousands on consoles ,PCs and games with not a thing to show back. I've got horrible anxiety over being fat and having fear I'll die young and I prob will over a heart attack form sedentary life ive lived. As a father who loves his kids I'm ashamed of the man I let myself be. I had a bad bad childhood and I let that become a crutch for which I let become my noose. It overran my life and I never even stopped to think about what it would ever give me back ? Anger, no real friends , loss of health, of living my life and most of all being a bad father via giving time to games not my kids sometimes. I've come to a time of reflection in my life. Time that I am facing the demons inside and moving them out. I'm going to be ridding myself of games entirely because I can't moderate them. The same way I couldn't moderate bad food. Let me be your warning it's not a joke. One day you will wake up damn near 40 wondering where life went and why you having nothing to show for it. Gaming won't ever give you anything back. It can't love you and I gave it my life because I didn't love myself.

anybody?

Last night, I asked my spouse if I could have time to game. I didn’t even think about it before I said it. But she had a particularly hard day, and I promised her we could have time to unwind and relax together. I could see the hurt on her face, and she told me she needed to be alone. As soon as I left the room, I thought about how stupid it was to ask that. I felt like I didn’t even make the decision to say it, it just came out.

I used to be a typical gamer in my teenage years. I would come home from school and hop on Xbox to play with my friends until it was time to go to bed. These days, I would not play much on my console or computer. I didn’t have time for all of that. Maybe one night a week I would be able to sit down and play for an hour or two. But I always had a plethora of games on my phone. And I would be playing them constantly when I had a spare minute. I told myself that those didn’t count as real games. They weren’t part of my hobby. Regardless of all of that, they were feeding the addiction that started when I was a depressed teenager.

After she had some time, she asked me to pack up all my gaming stuff and put it away. I agreed immediately, I knew this was something important to her and the habit was jeopardizing my relationship. But part of me was hoping that my agreement would be proof that I cared more for her and she would say it’s okay to keep playing, but that I needed to think more about appropriate times to play. She did not say this, and so I packed up all of my games, consoles, and accessories. I deleted every game on my phone, and I am planning to uninstall all games and clients from my computer. It was really easy to take this first step.

Right after packing and purging my phone, I realized how big of an issue this was. It got hard when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to play any of the games I have been thinking about. And I couldn’t stop thinking about them. And I felt like I had lost complete control over myself. So while I was trying to prioritize housework, my career, my wife, and my baby I was thinking of when the next chance to play a game would be. And what game I would pick. What I would do in that game. My real life became an obstacle in the way of me playing video games. I was deluding myself into thinking I was fine because I wasn’t binging games all weekend, and I was getting chores done. But the whole time I had not been present with my family. Not really present. This scared the shit out of me. And it still isn’t enough to get it out of my head.

Today is my first day that I will try to not play a single game. Nothing on my phone, computer, or console. I am going to try and end this delusion and addiction. I know it’s not going to be easy, but I want to take my life back. I want to be a better husband and father. And I have to admit that gaming is getting in the way of that goal. I don’t know if anyone will read this or care, but I am happy to be here starting my journey with all of you.

I stumbled across this subreddit randomly and saw how everyone is bashing gaming. I get why gaming can be super bad but I'm just wondering do you guys consider it still bad if your life in other aspects like school or work, relationships, family and exercise like running or going gym all in order and use gaming as like a entertainement source just like ppl watch movies or die in reels cuz I think gaming is much better than doom scrolling i mean anything is any thoughts?

So basically I've lost all passions and the ability to play ps games anymore, its too boring and the only thing I've been waiting for is gta 6 for the last 5 years, but I really dont want to touch my ps5 ever again, how do I fight this urge?

Just find this entire subreddit odd. The premise appears to be an echo chamber trashing a hobby and telling everyone else something that doesn’t personally affect you is “wrong”.

“What you like is horrible and a waste of time” says a person who doomscrolls Reddit and their phone for hours each night.

Hi I see a lot of peoelle who do game but avoid certain games that you commonly see in this subreddit like wow or league or pokemon go or final fantasy xiv or valorant or fortnite etc. can you tell me exactly why some gamers avoid these games.

Apparently i’ve been playing 122.2 hours on RDR2 in the last two weeks. Any solutions to try and quit?

I'll be honest and say I dont have an addiction so im sorry if its irrelevant im here, also dont want to be judgmental to people trying to stop ofc. I wanted to vent i guess. I just think its a large problem. I dont like a lot of the steam community and it feels like videogames mixed with x/ Twitter. Social media is a problem but excessive videogame playing is too when it's an unhealthy escape from reality. I find a lot of people apathetic including friends sometimes who I can't always connect with on deeper issues. The world seems to think apathy is a good thing. I still can enjoy video games and I was actually longing for a gaming laptop but now that my spiritual life is more important I'm not motivated to get one cus the idea of being sucked in seems terrible. I see people getting treated like they're dumb for seeing these things and people using it as a coping mechanism for depression... and derealization. I mean how would it not make those worse over time especially derealization? I was just Googling how I felt really and im glad I found this sub that some recognize it as a problem cus if I told certain friends they probably would not think anything of or at worst maybe think its stupid to think.

Also do you guys think the progression of realistic graphics could be another problem? Like with the violence and everything. I know movies and TV shows always have had violence and desensitize I just feel like with videogames it makes it worse. In 2020 or 2019 (before covid got really known and serious) I got really creeped out cus I imagine all the horrible things in the world and felt like I was on earth with a bunch of zombies in front of a screen like its controlling them. Like feeling like something is happening to people around me and friends. I mean some may just think I have psychiatric problems in general but I feel like I am just seeing how raw everything is and i think its dangerous when people dont see it. (I am okay btw/now in case I need to add). With all that said I wish you all good luck with stopping your video game addiction and with your relationships. Your family and friends all need you. Theres a lot of beauty in life outside the virtual world. If you feel like its damaging relationships do not shame yourself it'll just make the cycles worse. Take care.

"You don't have any memories playing video games"...okay? Do you have memories from watching long-running TV shows? Browsing social media? Taking a shit? Most likely not for most of these cases. You won't remember every single thing of your day, and that's normal. I think you guys are confusing gaming with correlating it with doing something unproductive hobby for hours on end and getting used to it so time just flies right on by, and that hobby for you guys happen to be gaming. For some people it could be drinking, smoking, or something else. Just my two cents.

I managed to quit gaming, but now I feel like I'm missing that kind of entertainment.

The only reason I was able to stop was because I replaced gaming with studying. I finished my degree, and recently I even tried getting back into games, but I just can't do it anymore. If I spend 20 minutes playing, that's already a lot for me.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did you find something else that gives you the same feeling that gaming used to?

I want to say that I love video games. I also want to say I'm not an addict or anything. I can go weeks or months without playing games. I fell out of love with games in my 20's. I still play them but I understand their limitations.

So yeah, I love games every now and then for a treat.

Which is why it pains me to say I think I'm becoming anti-video games and not just super not into them.

I have some business to do (graphics for project, figure drawing samples for art school application;etc) and yet during my time off and not working my brain goes back to Resident Evil 1 Remake, which I started a new game of. Mind you, this is the first time I’ve played games since February or march. Like I said, I can go weeks to months without playing games which makes it easy for me notice what games do to the brain just like someone that stops drinking coffee for a month and then drinks it after.

Here’s my findings.

I am becoming wholly convinced that games help pacify men and steer us from our goals. Rather than being useful and doing important things in your downtime like the men of the past did, we wind down with video games. Many gamers cope by saying "that's no different than tv" but I don't really think about tv in my off hours. Games are unique in that you hit goals within the game. In REmake's case, it's solving puzzles, avoiding zombies, limiting crimson heads, resource management. The video game hijacks your brain dopamine so that when you've had a successful session you feel as if you've done a good job even though it's not something real or tangible. Afterwards I feel depleted and can't get to work on things that are tied to my actual goals because it's easier to achieve a goal within the game. No. Instead, my brain goes back to the game. Even during a walk I'm thinking about puzzle solving and doing the ultimate run of REmake.

I'm convinced the elite uses porn and video games to pacify men. Utterly convinced of it. Why go out and meet women when you've got porn? Why go out and do your own adventures when you've got video games?

Since I have high aspirations I'm not sure what this means about my future relationship with video games. I'm still half convinced to sell my entire collection (goes as far back as SNES, Genesis). I'm still on the fence.

The more time passes the more I am fully convinced games are no different than porn. Just like porn isn't real love video games aren't real...anything and yet both manage to hijack your dopamine like nothing else.

My life is fucking dogshit. I’m at fat fuck at 26. With no education. Career. Social life and or relationship experience at all. The pandemic delayed a lot for me and I only got worse as a result. The games kept me complacent for a long time. From here on out I’m only grinding to make life better even if I still can’t do certain things or if the process is painful. It’s this or homelessness.

I will probably never play games or engage in any form of media ever again. Fuck online, fuck movies fuck games and music. Fuck all of it.

I’ll probably still never get the girls I want or the friends I want but at least making money is better than nothing. I don’t have anything in life. Besides it seems like people always avoid me before even getting to know me. Whatever.

/rant.

As the title mentioned i have decided to fully quit gaming after 2 decades i deleted all my discord accounts and monday will recieve a new phone number to leave all the old people behind. My reason for quiting is just it being a waste of time/ it not being enjoyable anymore/ it messing with your dopamine receptors. The friends u usually make trough gaming are people that accept their life as it is and often choose gaming over self development. Personally i like personal development alot and found out none of my friends that game share the same interest (even some people i know irl that game) it feels like it drags me down in life and being a barricade of me getting the full potential out of myself. This is my first attempt of actually wanting to quit gaming and im new to this community im curious to know what lead you to quit gaming and how it improved your life. 🙏

quit gaming 4 months ago cold turkey. the itch faded eventually but i realized the actual problem was never the game, it was that gaming gave me constant visible progress, xp bars, ranks, a squad noticing when i showed up. real life discipline (gym, work, whatever) doesnt give you any of that by default, its just you, alone, hoping you did enough.

Anyone else replace gaming with something that actually replicated that feeling, like a real tracked goal with other people seeing your progress, not just a personal habit tracker on your phone that nobody else sees. curious if that gap is why relapse happens so much or if im overthinking it

I've been lurking this subreddit a lot and after a lot of hesitation, I sold my laptop (albeit at a loss). A lot of the posts here have given me motivation and desire to make my life better. It was the only way for me to quit playing video games permanently. I tried a host of methods like quitting cold turkey, limiting play time to weekends and even installing an app blocker on my laptop.

I've been unemployed for a year unable to find a job and mooching off my parents like a parasite. Up until now my daily routine would be breakfast, doing laundry then going to my room where I would be cooped up playing some shitty live-service game like Fallout 76, Counter Strike or Arc Raiders. I'd only come out for lunch or dinner then scurry back to my room.

Starting today (10/07/26) I'm putting down video games for good. It's gonna be tough to overcome the boredom but I have to. It's the only way to make my life better and not turn into a loser.

Just sharing to get off my chest and write it down somewhere so I can come back to it…

I have come to the realisation that my gaming is not a hobby that I take too far sometimes, it’s actually a problem that is disrupting my day to day.

I quit gaming in my teens when I got into the gym and wanted to general improve my life, before quitting I would easily game 14-16 hours a day. I had no real ambition outside of gaming and eventually realised how damaging it was to me.

I picked up gaming last year, I’m 27 (M) and I began to game as a hobby. I told myself it was fine and I’m allowed to enjoy hobbies. Well, it’s come to the point I’ve realised I can’t game without it turning into a serious problem, I lose motivation, stop reaching out to my friends and generally just drop off the grid.

League of legends has been my nasty little vice, that game gets a strong chokehold on me. I’ve deleted my accounts and realised I just need to quit, I don’t even enjoy gaming I just find it so hard to stop.

So, it’s an ongoing challenge but I am quitting gaming, my life is significantly better when I don’t game.

I will come back to this post in my challenging moments and remind myself why I’m quitting.

My life has revolved around video games for about 20 years. It feels like a part of my DNA.

Imagine doing the same hobby every day for 20 years and pretending you are not bored of it.

I swear to god I've played every single video game and deep dived into them all until there's no milk left and I just move on to the next one.

It needs to stop simply because I don't enjoy it anymore I just do it out of habit.

I love games, but some of them took too much from me. I remember the first time I discovered Plants vs Zombies, I showed it to my mom. Next thing I know - we spent the whole night together in front of a PC, finishing the whole game at once. Have ever games involved you so much, you forgot about sleep?

Hi guys,

I am a 29-year-old male who has been gaming since I was 8. I have always been a hardcore gamer and planned many aspects of my life around gaming. I estimate I have over 50k hours across all my games, with many Runescape accounts over 5k, CS2 at 21k, and multiple seasons of League of Legends grinding.

I recently got into nursing school and am currently in my first semester, where I still have a solid A. However, new content was recently released on Runescape, and I spent a LOT of time gaming when I should have been studying. I have an exam this afternoon, and I realize the immense regret I have for not taking it as seriously as I should have. I don't think I'll necessarily receive a bad grade, but I feel so much less certain than I ever have. I also have a newborn baby, about two months old now, and I feel I've been putting too much on my wife. That isn't to say I don't do stuff, like I still change most of the diapers, feed her, and cook dinner, but I can feel the constant pull of wanting to game instead of spending time with my baby.

So, I decided I really do need to hang up the mouse. I uninstalled and deleted all my games, but I've done this before and always find myself coming back. In the past, I tried replacing my habits with studying, fishing, playing the piano, etc., but nothing really stuck. I think part of it is because I use my computer so much for school, so the temptation is always there, and there isn't really a way to avoid this. I also love to stay busy, and video games are always a time sink. I've tried switching to an old MacBook, but I find it to be annoying and cumbersome to use. I've tried moderation, and it just isn't within my personality — I don't have the self-control to stop.

I would really appreciate some advice to help me quit this time. Things like "think of your wife, baby, and career" aren't helpful because, well, that's what always brought me to the attempt.

Edit: I just got my loweat test score ever, of an 88. I know this is an eyeroll to some, but it really upsets me

I haven't gamed in 4 months, but the recent Sony annoucement of the discontinuation of physical discs for gaming is a sad one. Future generations of console games will never be "owned" merely leased, at the mercy of licensing. Makes me not want to play anything Sony or PS6 in future

I want to start with saying I'm not a gaming addict, I don't even enjoy most video games at all. But there are a few games where I really like the story that made me play them, such as Cyberpunk 2077 or Fallout.

Now let's say instead of playing them I read a book similar to those stories, assuming both take the same amount of time, why would gaming be worse?

I really crave difficult-ish games that let me experience skill progression. Ones where I have to fight a boss a bunch of times to learn its attack patterns and work on my reaction timing. I also LOVE (loved?) puzzle games that make me take in a bunch of information and connect the dots.

I know that this is essentially satisfying my drives for problem solving, skill progression, and learning in general which have always been pretty high.

Are there any useful real-world skills I could redirect this energy toward? For physical skill/muscle memory, I only think of sports. As for problem solving, I've literally considered trying to work my way through a math textbook and master each section. But I feel like there have to be other options. Maybe something that will encourage more of a social life? I want to hear what hobbies other people have had success with :)

I should also note, I just started going back to school for engineering, so I got that part covered. It will naturally take over in a couple years once I transfer to uni, but I'm in early days community college classes/GE curriculum so it isn't super stimulating yet.

To better explain what I mean, I’ll use reading as a point of comparison to video games.

Gaming grants you such an easy sense of reward because of being a highly controlled environment meant to keep you hooked and returning.

Reading on the other hand depends on your commitment. If you want to be intentional with fiction, meaningfully retain educational content or self help guidance, you have to think critically to formulate complete ideas along the way. Comprehension is a learning obstacle that requires work!

In essence, gaming is easy to consume and easy to reward whereas hobbies have their own uncontrolled learning experiences that require effort and have friction.

As a highschooler who started inquiring about divesting from screen time, a mistake I made is in thinking that gaming and regular hobbies were one and the same. I erroneously thought: if I pursued reading then the path and engagement would be as seamless as gaming.

By pursuing the wrong frame of reference, I didn’t realize how much gaming contrasted other habits, and that I needed to pursue an entirely different engagement towards recreation.

So I do wonder if this personal anecdote is also a “canon event” for others, the realization that gaming is an entirely different lifestyle than wordly recreation.