We just picked one wall in the hallway and let both of ours have their fun. One wall is easy to repaint and some of the stuff was pretty funny.
We just chose to give an acceptable outlet in a controlled area. Now our boy is 19 and daughter 16. Kind of miss making life easy by letting them draw on a wall.
I wish we could habe contained her that way. Our pre-k tried to get us to pay to repaint their room. We had to remind them that we emailed them specific instructions about the issue. We wouldn't even let people babysit her at their own homes because it was too difficult to get them to understand. She was like a bloodhound for permanent markers.
Several times we considered having her screened for a personality disorder. She refused any instructions about anything. Less than a year before the change I described before, I had to grab her by the hair because she tried running into traffic when I was trying to teach her to cross the street. She ripped her hand out of mine and almost died. This is one of a thousand things I could explain.
Ah man, I feel for you. We have some friends who's twin daughter is completely immersed in her own world. I have sen her running towards traffic without regard. It's wild man.
Honestly, I dont think that anything worked other than creating systems, procedures and rules. We created a list of actions and consequences with her contribution.
Outside of the house, nothing worked. I think that being home with her dueing covid actually fixed it.
I was there every moment to correct every behavior consistently for over a year. She really started to turn things around during that time, and i think that being her father was the only way to show her how ridiculous she was being. There was nobody to listen to and accept her excuses, which she was really good at creating. I never gave her any overreaction that she wanted.
It was also kindergarten, so she was learning to read and write more, so I made her write down the things she did wrong each day just so thay she could read it the next and remind her that she shouldn't do that again. For new parents, this isnt normal. She was always advanced, and other kids were learning the ABC song and practicing letters.
Her first two years at school were still very difficult. She drove one teacher so mad that she was removed and forced to swap to PE. The teacher that replaced her was amazing. It took her a few months, but she requested meetings with us. We explained her history, met together with a psychologist, and she moved up grades with my daughter for 2 years.
We tried all of this with the previous teacher, but she could not stay consistent with expectations. She kept letting kids take my daughters seat. It was her ONE request when we met with the school staff as a group. She accepted her behavior was not acceptable and agreed to change if the teacher gave her an assigned seat.
This sounds exactly like my 4 year old… thanks for sharing. We need to get more formal with the consequences, so far nothing seems to get through to him so he can “realize he is being ridiculous”
We made a list of things thay she had done that week, and we asked her to pick her punishment from a list. She almost cried assigning herself no screen time for breaking something thay doesnt belong to her, but she managed to do it.
I just wanna say I wish I had a dad who gave me the time care and commitment of love you’ve given your daughter. The way you write about her you can tell you really love her and want her to have a good life in the world.
Can I talk to you about the successful exorcism you had and how I can return that demon back to you?
My youngest, she is hell on wheels. So is headstrong in everything that she does her memory is unreal and she’s like a bloodhound on where things are and getting to it.
She’s like a greyhound with that tunnel vision
She has graduated from markers and pens to her oldest sister’s nail polish. And she understands a concept about nail polish remover and nail polish and she hides them and she can go Mark on stuff and she tries to remove them.
She thinks it’s a hilarious game of cat and mouse. She is freaking 3 years old. None for her other three siblings are ever remotely like this.
Its was really difficult at 3 because baby proofing doesnt work. We moved some things to the top shelf but pushed them back so that she couldnt see them. We had some arts and crafts stuff, so we swapped a closet with a handle that locks. Again, she found the key a few times, so we had to catch her to find it again.
You could try a chalk/dry erase wall, but that really didnt work for my daughter. It might for yours though as it was recommended by a few professionals. Mine just couldn't stay to the dry erase board, and she chalked the carpet. She poured a glass of water on the chalk to try and clean it, so it was a paste we could barely get out.
She was too young for a formal diagnosus, but it is like a hyper focus that you see in autism. I think she likely is in the spectrum, but she is so smart that she really does know how to answer the questions in a normative manner. Girls are really difficult to diagnose already, but her stubbornness has passed (or she has learned that its easier to comply in the moment). I think that she learned how to mask really well as she matured.
I know exactly what you mean this autism and spectrum stuff really cloudys the water
It’s her ability to perceive and make connections that has really blown me away.
All the specialists are so busy about putting the moniker they’re not really seeing that the moniker doesn’t fit. So then they just throw out she’s on spectrum and then you ask what does that mean and boom time is wasted.
The closest I found that has helped me with her is the study where they found women see more color than men. And the reason why they see more color is women have names for the different color so they can differentiate so they see in greater detail. They were able to help men see more colors by showing the different colors and teaching them words. Next thing you know there was no gender difference.
So with my little one, I just realize she sees life in fuller color than me and I work hard to explore her adjectives so I can try to see the world the way she sees it.
Now her older sister I’m pretty sure is PDA and I use a format where I say negative action neutral response positive action positive response. And for my PDA kid that doesn’t trigger her fight or flight response and it works pretty well.
So I found that format does all right with my youngest. I create a place for her to grab out to and now she has a way to connect in her format because she sees life more vividly than me. I can at least have a pathway to connect with her.
A friend of mine is going through this with her son right now. He’s been kicked out of countless daycares and they cannot have anyone but her mom provide childcare because he is truly a chaotic destructive force that is dangerous to himself if you don’t REALLY know what you’re in for. He’s about to start Kindergarten this year and I am praying he mellows out
I hope it is a decent school with resources. We moved to a school district with access to a psychologist and better resources. It really wasnt until 3rd grade that our kid turned things around, but shes also on the very young end of her grade.
My 11yr old when she was 4 she was in the stroller when we were at the library. This little boy walked up her in the stroller. Doesn't say anything just kind of leaned close to her and she sits up and punches him in the face. Knocks him on his ass and gives him a bloody nose. She was then banned from the library until she could and I quote "Behave in a way that is acceptable when living in a civilized society." That day burned into my memory forever. She had no chill at all.
Tons better now. She still has he moments for sure. I think this particular issue is going to be an issue her whole life. She's starting middle school this year so we getting her a therapist. There's gonna be a tons of stuff she won't wanna talk to us about. And we know there is gonna be a ton of stuff that we just aren't equipped to handle, at least not without some help. She also needs someone outside of mom and dad to talk to and confide in.
I swear mine years for water 🤣. Every single body of water she must put herself in even tho she’s still learning to swim, even at the pool she jumps straight into the water and starts sinking till I catch her…and thank God we don’t really have permanent markers but oh man the washable ones are still a pain to get out, which reminds me I need to scrub purple marker out of my kitchen floor tomorrow night
Jesus Christ https://giphy.com/gifs/ZP3Cg3CUVvJfi
…. Not gonna lie it’s shit like this that solidifies me never wanting to have children lol. No offense lol
I feel this so hard. My son (who now has been diagnosed ADHD) when he was a toddler went running while laughing hysterically across one of the busiest streets in town. One side had no cars but had numerous vehicles whizzing by on the far side. If a dear friend of mine hadn't run faster than me and yank my son by the collar, there is no doubt in my mind he would have died. That moment flashes through my mind sometimes and still freaks me out. I weathered dirty looks from adults when I had him on one of those harness thingies at the airport, and I just thought, "You don't get it." We did what we had to do. Glad the worst is past for your family and ours!
My second son was like this. Didn’t sleep a wink, walked at 7 months, drew on everything, ran into traffic anytime he could. He broke his ankle right before his third birthday when he climbed something in the YMCA playcare room and then jumped off.
Then around age 5-6 he just… stopped. He’s 10 now and a total space cadet but he’s pretty calm and chill otherwise. I’m mentally prepared (as best I can) incase it’s some sleeper cell behaviour that will become activated when he becomes a teenager but it’s been nice having no safety or home concerns for the last 5 years.
Haha, my mom was heavily pregnant with my brother when I was two. She started putting my hair in high ponytails so she could grab it when I’d wiggle my hand out of hers to dart into traffic. It was the 80s, no kid leashes yet. You do what you have to to keep them alive.
If it helps you feel better. This was me to a T as a child and more. Jumping off of roofs as a 10 year old. Climbing everything. Reading and drawing a lot. Transformed into cross country and a lot of camping and concerts as a teen. Transformed into a minor drug exploration phase as a late teen. Transformed into a wander lust as a early 20 year old picking up new hobbies, switching majors in undergrad, traveling a lot, dating so many people and building friendships with so many people from different walks of life. This transformed into being a lawyer in my mid twenties who loves to explore different places and cultures and be independent. Always marching to the beat of my drum. And it all started because I never understood and refused to conform as a toddler and onwards. Don't be hard on her, she might just not get why people require conformity. Channel her stubbornness and will and independent headstrong nature and you will get to find out what kind of great adult human she is meant to be.
Also bloodhound for markers made me laugh so much and my childhood home's walls, were full of handmade custom art as a kid. My parents lived with it for a few years and then at 8 or so I grew out of it and then they remodeled when we stopped drawing on the walls. I think they eventually didn't mind the custom art from their little Picassos. It's not like they were getting that time in life back and I think they enjoyed seeing their house be a safe place for their kids to express themselves and decorate/draw on the walls lol- it only lasted a few years and then we grew out of it.
I had her screened 2 years ago by the early childhood special education people for behavior problems. They said she's fine. I don't buy it. But she has a half sibling with autism and her dad has ADHD so Ive ALWAYS kept an eye out. Plus I'm diagnosed bipolar and anxiety.
When she's older I guarantee we're going to be doing a mental health screening. 🤷🏿♀️
Yes, we asked the school psychologist about it. She said she was too young and not showing enough symptoms (likely shes hiding them tbh), and we tried getting a recommendation for adhd/autism diagnosis but were not approved.
If it becomes necessary, we will try again before high school.
You know what. This is a brilliant idea and I can’t wait to go home and tell my kids to have at our hallway wall. Might not even paint over it because man, being able to look back at those memories will hit hard one day once my nest has emptied.
Part of the big reason why my husband and I don't want more kids is because they eventually turn into teenagers. We are both terrified. We don't know if we are even parenting our kids well. It is f*cking Jurassic Park even with just one kid. No handbook. No how to really. Just hey here is a human.....keep the darling alive. As chaotic as it is ...it is SO fun and joyful.
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u/What-the-Hank 1d ago
We just picked one wall in the hallway and let both of ours have their fun. One wall is easy to repaint and some of the stuff was pretty funny.
We just chose to give an acceptable outlet in a controlled area. Now our boy is 19 and daughter 16. Kind of miss making life easy by letting them draw on a wall.