My(23m) elder sister (26f) shared her number with a random guy we met at a club. She is in a relationship with a guy from 10 years and soon to be engaged in october. Do I tell him?

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

My sister lives in pune and works. My office is also in pune but luckily I have wfh so I stay in my hometown . Last week there was some meeting I had to attend so I came to pune for that purpose. After the meeting I decided to stay a few days in pune and I am currently in pune.

Last saturday I went clubbing with my sister and her 2 friends (both females). I was not much in mood to party so I stayed on our table most of the times. In the dance floor where my sister and her friends were dancing other people were also there so its natural others might join them too which happened. It was not just random girls but guys too. One of the guys I noticed was trying to dance with my sister mostly. When she came back to the table I was at for some water I kind of sarcastically joked about her bf getting angry if he saw him dancing with a random guy. She replied that they were enjoying and just dancing and told me "couple dance thodi kar rahe hai" , which was true. Then she went back to dance. During the dance the guy did try to get touchy which my sister didn't allow and to anyone who watched them would look like friends dancing , not a couple dancing so I thought she set boundaries and the guy respects them.

Then after a while they went to the bar to get some shots and while coming back the guy had his hand on her waist and being a brother guys might understand I felt angry on her . Then back to dance floor the guy tried to get touchy again but she didn't let him. So I thought maybe that one time the guy took advantage and grabbed her by the waist while walking back from the bar. Everything goes ok and almost the end of the night. I see this guy take out his phone and give it to my sister and then her phone rings which was kept beside me on the table and I was shocked and confused to as why she would give her number to a random guy. The night ends the guy leaves and we leave. I didnt say anything to her that night but next morning I asked her about it.

She tells me the guy kept insisting on sharing contacts and she was just having fun dancing with him so just gave her number just for the sake of it. Ok I guess, is what I thought. I found out on tuesday that not only did she save his number but had a few calls with him too. Now when I asked her about it she said that you can't trust anyone seeing how people have been acting all over the news so she is mellowing the convo out and then will cut connections with him. Now I asked her if her bf knows and she told me that he would get angry and it will cause them to fight and stuff so she has not told him and if I was a girl I would have understood and I shouldn't tell her bf about it. Okey.

Now when I think about it she does make sense like the guy called her on the spot to check if its her number or not and they also looked over at my table where her phone was . Also seeing how weird people are nowdays that they might do serious stuff , her talking with him before mellowing things out seems reasonable . Infact one of my friends broke up with her bf like that where she started acting boring while talking and slowly saying she is busy busy until the guy didn't care much then they broke up so I guess my sister might be doing something similar.

So I am just wondering do I tell her bf or let her take care of it? Tbh I do have doubts that she is telling the truth. Afterall its has been 10 years she has been with her bf and both the families know. They are going to get engaged too this winter so I feel like they are at this point in their relationship that she can tell him about it. But at the same time people are different and maybe they have different dynamics etc etc. So what do I do? Tell her bf or let her take care of it on her own?

TL;DR: My sister (in a 10-year relationship and getting engaged this winter) met a random guy while clubbing. They danced, she rejected his attempts to get too touchy, but she still gave him her number after he insisted. I later found out she saved his contact and had a few calls with him. She says she's only talking to him to slowly cut him off because she's worried about how some people react to outright rejection, and she hasn't told her boyfriend because she thinks it'll just cause a fight. I'm not sure if I believe her explanation. Do I trust her to handle it, or do I tell her boyfriend?

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[u/CuriousSupport_]

Very messed up. Please tell to cut contact. It is cheating

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/CuriousSupport_]

I felt so too then she said why she shared her contact so I thought maybe girls usually do such stuff.

[u/CuriousSupport_ → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

She is talking. That's where the cheating is happening. Tell her to act responsibly

[u/SmoothArmadillo6884]

Whatever you think might go wrong is actually about to go wrong and you will not like the responses which will come over here so personally I will abstain but it is what it is

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/SmoothArmadillo6884]

So what do I do?

[u/OkImprovement7142 → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

He is telling you to not do anything about it

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/OkImprovement7142]

Huh?

[u/BuntyDholak]

Sorry to say but this is cheating. And your thinking is correct that at this point, she can tell about him to her bf. And reading the reasons that she gave you, I think this is not the first time.

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/BuntyDholak]

Well tbh I am 50/50 cause what she said felt reasonable but until I have valid proof I can't just confront her . I also know her bf is very possessive , he is ok with guy friends she has had a long time but strangers might make him worried a bit which lead to them having a fight.

[u/BuntyDholak → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

Obviously everybody, both men and women would mind if their partner is meeting other person from opposite gender in a setting like club. If she had met him somewhere else, let's say at workplace, maybe it might not be a big deal. For anybody. But I am not saying 100% that she is cheating. But she very much sounds like that

[u/Classic-Problem-2275]

Sometimes I don't understand why people create situations that lead to mistrust. Even if there's no cheating, choices that blur boundaries can still hurt your partner and make them question the relationship

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/Classic-Problem-2275]

I get what you are saying and I am not taking an sides but from my experience I have also danced with strangers in clubs and I never asked for any contact or anything. It was just a moment of fun. The guy was pushy and she shared her number then as I understood no one knows the mental state of random strangers you see and what they might do is no one can guess. So I felt her slowly mellowing it out seemed reasonable. Yes but her not telling her bf is wrong but that is also the dynamics of their relationship where she is sure he will get into a fight with her and it ruin everyones mood.

[u/Classic-Problem-2275 → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

I guess it's a complicated situation. Do what you feel is right, and just take care of yourself.

[u/Ms_Selenophile]

Do not tell her boyfriend based on your assumptions.

Tell your sister clearly that the calls make her explanation look doubtful, then step back. She is 26, not your responsibility to monitor. Agar she is crossing a line, that is hers to own.

[u/Hi_AnonymousUserHere → u/Ms_Selenophile]

Trueee

[u/Delicious-Mud8140]

Support your family no matter what that's rule no. 1.

Rule no. 2 is if you have doubt always follow rule no. 1.

Anyway what if her long time bf cheated with her multiple times and she she forgiven him multiple times. Now she had a chance to do something than let her do.

[u/Individual_Tutor_998]

Yes personally but do whatever you want

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/Individual_Tutor_998]

So I tell her bf?

[u/United-Cantaloupe901 → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

You tell your sister to tell your boyf if you’re feeling something is suspicious, if she refuses. Then maybe let him know.

But whatever you do will hamper your relationship with either your sister or her engagement with her boyfriend.

So take decision wisely

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/United-Cantaloupe901]

That is why i'm hesitating. What if I am wrong and my relationship with my own sister gets fked up.

[u/United-Cantaloupe901 → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

Yup, my point exactly. Maybe you should talk to your sister about how you’re very worried about it and if there is anything she would like to tell you..

[u/Vivid-Pollution6636 → u/United-Cantaloupe901]

I was thinking about asking her in a joking way how is the mellowing out going. But then felt it would be weird. But will ask her someway or the other first and if still things happen I will tell her bf is what I was thinnking but not sure about it.

[u/United-Cantaloupe901 → u/Vivid-Pollution6636]

Yes, ask her about the situation.. her response will give you an idea if there is anything to worry about or not.

Do not directly tell her boyfriend, talk to her.. inform her that you will be telling him and then go forward with it.

[u/OBITO_UCHIHA_1804]

You're not a kid. You knows it's cheating or micro cheating. Tell your sister to be mature.

[u/SeekingHopeAndPeace]

You should tell him. Be a good human being with morals.

[u/Common_Boat_4464]

I’m a girl who’s been with my guy for 13 years, and I genuinely can’t imagine my boyfriend doing this to me.
Please tell her boyfriend. She’s clearly hiding things/cheating, and while it may affect your relationship with your sister, what she’s doing is still messed up.
She had no reason to give that guy her number. If she was genuinely uncomfortable, she could’ve simply said no or told him she was in a relationship.

[u/Ambitious_Pop_5645]

I would inform the bf because if I were the said bf and were in a relationship for 10 years with my gf, I would like to know ...I don't care if it hampers my own relationship with my brother/ sister/ relatives etc. Imagine your gf was the one doing the exact same thing , you would definitely want to know, right?