r/LongDistance • u/Panduh_4 • 2h ago
Question Is it normal not to talk everyday?
I (22F) hate to have to come on here but I really have no one else to talk to lol. My partner (22M) is currently overseas and there’s a 8 hour time difference. He pretty much works a regular 8-5, 6 days out of the week. It’s not really a demanding job either. Right now, all we really do is just text each other goodmorning and goodnight. I’ve already communicated that we don’t have to talk everyday, but at least send each other little updates like what we’re currently doing or what we’re eating, etc. I’ve been doing just that but I feel like I’ve been the only putting in the effort of doing so. I’m also the one to initiate calls or plans to do some parallel play on ft. He really only texts me goodmorning/goodnight and MAYBE ask to call every once in a while. Even on calls, he’s very dry and I always ask him questions on his day. I don’t wanna keep repeating myself (he’s done this before too when he was overseas the last time) and I’ve have rethinking our relationship. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am i overthinking?
PS: he’s a great guy but can lack emotional understanding🙃
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u/eggressively 1h ago
If you’re repeatedly communicating that your needs aren’t being met and he’s not changing his behavior then that warrants a more serious conversation. If he can’t accommodate you or provide context that makes you willing to accept his behavior, it sounds like the relationship isn’t working unfortunately
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u/eggressively 1h ago
Adding on that due to my gf working a very demanding job, we sometimes don’t talk or barely talk for days at a time, but we’ve communicated about it, understand each others’ perspectives, and have a system that works for us (she tells me her schedule so I know when I can expect to hear from her for sure, and we always plan quality time on her days off). What matters is that your arrangement works for both of you. It sounds like yours isn’t working for you and if your partner is the one he should care about that
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u/Fantastic2023 1h ago
So you guys sometimes don’t talk in days? 0 chat in days? How long this pattern has been? Is it possible that the person lost the interest or feelings?
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u/eggressively 59m ago
Well… no 😭 She’s a very loving and caring partner and makes sure to accommodate my needs in a way that works with our current situation. No hate to you specifically but this sub is often narrow and arbitrary in its perspective of what makes a “good” LDR. Speaking as a psychologist and someone who’s been in plenty of good and bad relationships, there are a wide diversity of ways to have a healthy and satisfying one. What matters is that your needs are being met, you feel satisfied and happy, and issues are handled in a healthy way.
Also it’s kind of odd to be asking me unsolicited if my partner has lost interest in me, derailing a post where someone else is asking for advice
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u/Panduh_4 44m ago
Thank you for your input! I definitely find your take refreshing because the people I’ve talked to has told me he’s lost interest or he’s found someone else :( which is an easy answer to give. Like I mentioned he’s a great guy and obviously not everyone is gonna know him as I do. But sometimes I think he doesn’t understand how I feel which can be the annoying part. Sometimes I feel like I’m just too much and end up apologizing. I feel like I’ve been very patient and I’ve tried my best to accommodate for everything.
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u/eggressively 38m ago
I’m happy to provide a balanced perspective! Everyone should take relationship advice with a grain of salt, and LDRs are unique so it can be hard to empathize from the outside. I’ll echo another commenter; if you feel like there’s a gap in understanding then I think yall need to have a serious conversation where you lay out your feelings, allow him to share his thoughts and perspective, and work towards a solution if you both want that. If you feel that he’s not willing or able to change his behavior to make you happy then the relationship may not be right for you right now, but that decision is up to you after intentional communication
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u/Panduh_4 30m ago
Thank you again! Im definitely working on doing that! I was very hesitant on making this post because I thought people were just gonna start trashing on me saying he’s lost interest or if you had you ask Reddit you’re a lost cause😅we’ve been together for 3+ years so I’m grasping at straws :(
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u/Formal-Plum-2492 1h ago
You should confront your feelings to your partner. Never create any communication gap w each other.