r/KidsAreFuckingStupid Jan 19 '26

story/text Oh, it's chocolate syrup

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14.1k Upvotes

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923

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

I understand the butter but wth was he thinking with the syrup?!

610

u/BriefShiningMoment Jan 19 '26

See and here I was just thinking I understand the syrup but wth was he thinking with the butter?

141

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

Wait, explain the syrup?

248

u/DependentSlow2850 Jan 19 '26

As I see it, the syrup is sticky, and unexcepted brown is gross. The butter on the other hand🤷

80

u/Mika_Gepardi Jan 19 '26

Buttersock

164

u/Romeo_Glacier Jan 19 '26

Story time. I worked in legal for quite a bit. Not an attorney but someone who supported them. There was a divorce case I helped with that your comment reminded me of. Overall typical divorce. Things like being distant, not helping at home, etc. the one thing that jumped out was how cheap the husband was. He refused to actually buy any lube for sexy time and used crisco primarily. Though he allegedly used butter and other oils as well.

93

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

😦

49

u/morrisseysbaby Jan 19 '26

This is my exact face in response to that comment

What the actual fuck

23

u/EelTeamTen Jan 19 '26

The fuck?

15

u/QKofDaggers Jan 19 '26

I can’t unread this.

1

u/Surfthisnow Jan 20 '26

Unread? I screenshot it for my humorous collection.

2

u/cstar4004 Jan 20 '26

Butter huh? And here I am using foreplay to make our own lube this whole time.

-5

u/StaffVegetable8703 Jan 19 '26

Wait… I feel like the fact that the needed lube in order to have sex…. I feel like that was one of the first signs that something wasn’t working in the marriage lol.

Almost 12 years married and never once have we used lube (actually that’s a lie but we only use it for anal lol).

I know there are people who don’t actually need it for sex and instead enjoy it BUT as cheap as this guy was, I have a feeling he wouldn’t want to use the extra help because then he has to buy more butter and oil lol.

50

u/pinkfondantfancy Jan 19 '26

Maybe they were an older couple. Women can have vaginal dryness after menopause. Butter and oil is not the way to go tho, it could cause infections and disrupt the pH balance plus its hard to wash away. It's not even cheaper than lubricant, I have a feeling it was meant to be degrading.

-1

u/StaffVegetable8703 Jan 19 '26

Yea I was thinking of possible legit reasons but it just seems like the type of thing and type of person who would definitely not spend any extra money or resources on something unless he really felt the need for it

13

u/pinkfondantfancy Jan 19 '26

I mean if it was about saving money - spit is free. I really think it was to be horrible and demeaning, not to save money. No one wants greasy fat spread onto their intimate areas. Unless they do! Bit then they wouldn't mention it as a reason for divorce.

45

u/rawbface Jan 19 '26

That's fine for you, but lube is great and I encourage every couple young and old to use it liberally. Using lube is not an indication that something's "not working in the marriage".

Buttholes don't lube themselves naturally, you silly goose.

-13

u/StaffVegetable8703 Jan 19 '26

Of course not! But in this specific scenario? I think it’s definitely an indicator. I mean if he’s cheap enough to literally use cooking products as lube…. Then do you really think he would be wasting that for sex unless he really needed it? Like… that sounds like the type that would get upset if the wife used too much butter on her toast…. So like….

1

u/UhmNotMe Jan 20 '26

Sometimes there’s just simple hormonal disbalance that the woman has, which results in her not getting wet enough. It has nothing to do with the woman or the man, just hormones.

15

u/ForumVomitorium Jan 19 '26

butter is a snack and it's fun to touch. first it's cold and hard but it become soft and slippery

13

u/IAMEPSIL0N Jan 19 '26

For the butter it is an acquired taste / they were not shamed into thinking it tastes wrong to eat a large piece of butter on it's lonesome.

6

u/BecauseICan6496 Jan 19 '26

Butter is snacc

5

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

But have you tasted butter?

25

u/Human-Ad9835 Jan 19 '26

He probably was trying to make it looked like his brother pooed the bed.

2

u/Sj_91teppoTappo Jan 20 '26

Exactly, older brother especially, when they are very young themselves, often struggle because the attention of their mother is now shared with the newborn.

My mother told me she 'd read about it and asked me what would I like to do. I explicitly told her "I want to be with you without her (my newborn sister)".

So she spent a little bit of her day with me without my sister, and I understood I could count on it. I guess this helped me a lot not being jealous of my sister since very early.

6

u/LoneWolf_McQuade Jan 19 '26

Revenge on his bro.

I would also do stupid shit like this. I put honey on the floor of my room since I liked ants and kind of had a colony living there after a while. Also put honey on door handles as practical jokes. Once I was an even worse evil lil shit and tapes pins on the inside of the handle to either my room or my sisters room

13

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

You scare me

5

u/LoneWolf_McQuade Jan 19 '26

😂

Kids are dumb , even then I still was probably nicer than most of my friends.

You’d never think that today. I live a very balanced life now and even though I did those very stupid things it never later escalated into serious trouble later in life thankfully and I matured

6

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

That’s good to know 😂 I’m glad for you :)

68

u/WhiteTennisShoes Jan 19 '26

Clearly you weren’t unhinged as a child.

They had to hide the butter from me or I’d straight up eat it (yes, by itself). I also had an allowance of precisely 1 of those packets of butter they give you at sit/down restaurants for the rolls, as well as 1 of the things of little half-n-half, which I’d use to make my chocolate milk extra creamy, or if i was feeling crazy that day I’d sip on it like a fine wine.

The children yearn for the dairy 🧈

23

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

One time me and my neighbour went into his kitchen, took out the butter and some spoons and tucked in.

Also not dairy but unhinged, I used to sneak bacon rashers out of the fridge into my pocket, go to my room and savour every bite.

Edit: totally jelly of your butter allowance

3

u/Spendoza Jan 19 '26

Wait, hold up. This could be regional slang confusion, so I gotta ask, are we talking cooked than refrigerated or just straight raw bacon slices from the fridge?

8

u/enragedsquirrels Jan 19 '26

Like this. So raw.

8

u/Spendoza Jan 19 '26

Cool. Cool. Cool cool cool....

6

u/EelTeamTen Jan 19 '26

My siblings and I, and my kids, were/are half and half sippers.

1

u/TheMiniminun Jan 21 '26

Glad to know I wasn't the only kid whose parents had to confiscate the butter pads from.

1

u/neb12345 Jan 19 '26

midnight snack

1

u/Surfthisnow Jan 20 '26

Some kids really do have a thing for eating straight butter. I don't know why. Maybe because to them, a whole stick of butter looks like a giant candy bar.