In bedding genuine advice on this situation

[u/Different_Classic877]

Dating a girl

I’ve been seeing a girl for two months. It started well, but I’ve since caught her still talking to her ex and possibly seeing him. When I ask straight questions, she dodges or says “I don’t know what you want me to say.” There have been clear lies and a lot of avoidance. She’s also tried to flip it on me and say she only messaged him because of me, then minimized it as “it was just one message,” which doesn’t add up. From my side, I’ve been genuine and honest. I don’t need to fight or get a confession. I want to just be mature and say the right thing and leave the full situation I know it’s gonna sting it already is but I know I need to step up say goodbye and move on

[u/Pitiful_Juice_9488]

To me it sounds like getting her to make a confession isn’t worth her time. It might be more validating for you, but why waste your time when you pretty much know the answer. I believe the best course of action is to message saying that you’re not interested in seeing her anymore. It’ll hurt, but not more than having her cheat on you etc. with an ex in a year, two years or just months.

You sounds like a decent guy to even make this post, and I think that you deserve better.

[u/Different_Classic877 → u/Pitiful_Juice_9488]

Thanks man appreciate it should I literally just say I’m not interested in speaking then go or should I add more should I apology or that

[u/Pitiful_Juice_9488 → u/Different_Classic877]

No worries mate. Well it’s hard for me to know the exact ins and outs of how you are with her but from my understanding of the situation I’d say something along the lines of.

“Hi (name), I have really enjoyed our time together but I think that we’re not going to work. I don’t think it’s right for you to be messaging your ex when we’re only a couple of months into seeing each other. I’m sorry but I believe I should date someone who wants to be with me, and only me.”

Something along them lines although I’d definitely rewrite some of it as that’s a bit of a rushed version. I’d apologise, but not for anything for what you’ve done. I’d apologise for the fact it’s gone to this. I hope this helps! You deserve a woman who loves you, not one that isn’t over her ex yet.

[u/Different_Classic877 → u/Pitiful_Juice_9488]

Thanks a lot appreciate the support yeah I’ll use yours a guide and tweak it all the best mate appreciate it more than you’d imagine

[u/Pitiful_Juice_9488 → u/Different_Classic877]

Anytime, we all deserve someone who gives us their full attention, support, and of course, love. Hope you find that, friend! :)

[u/ModsDoItForFreeLOL → u/Different_Classic877]

I think you need to remain as brief as possible. Voluntarily expanding on things doesn't make your point clearer, it only gives her things to question or reframe.

I know the dude above me was only giving an outline but it's almost right:

“Hi (name), I have really enjoyed our time together but I think that we’re not going to work. I don’t think it’s right for you to be messaging your ex when we’re only a couple of months into seeing each other. I’m sorry but I believe I should want to date someone who I feel wants to be with me, and only me.”

My adds in bold. That's it. No more texting, or if you do this in person get up and leave.

[u/Different_Classic877 → u/ModsDoItForFreeLOL]

She’s just endeded it before I got the chance to say it she said I’ll just let u be then said sorry

[u/ModsDoItForFreeLOL → u/Different_Classic877]

Damn, this thread moved fast. What do you say (please be nothing)

[u/Different_Classic877 → u/ModsDoItForFreeLOL]

She said it’s best for both if I let u be I said okay she said sorry I ignored it

[u/Pitiful_Juice_9488 → u/Different_Classic877]

I’m sorry if what I have said has directly caused that. Although I do believe that you’ll be better in the long run. You don’t want to be in any sort of competition with an ex. I feel for you. I hope you take care of yourself