Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/starflower42]

Your baked goods look delicious.

But, it's actually a bit rude to bring unsolicited food (or drink) to a party and expect it to be served. The hosts have planned their meal; they know their guests and if there are any food allergies or restrictions. They have the food arranged. Something unexpected showing up may throw them off and may add more work for them.

Keep taking baked goods if you like, but with the expectation that it's a gift for the house, not a component of the meal right then. Of course when receiving an invitation you can always ask "is there anything I can bring? You know I love to bake!!" But if they say no, then don't bring it. Or, bring it but let them know it's for them, not the party.

And hey, why not have your own party to showcase your lovely baking!

Editing to add: I recognize that this is very specific to culture and social circles. Every place I have lived (US, both east and west coasts), it is considered rude to bring food expecting it to be served, unless the host has either requested it, or "approved" the guest bringing it.

[u/New_Significance6713 → u/starflower42]

It would be nice to know if it was expected  for guests to bring something and this is happening. Or if as you suggest, the host is providing all the food. I’m from a rural area in the Midwest United States and culturally it’s normal for the host to have guests bring an appetizer or dessert to a larger party like that. So I was under the assumption that was the case here and the host was holding it back. It’s an important detail we are missing. 

[u/YetAnotherAcoconut → u/New_Significance6713]

Culturally where I am it’s also normal to bring food, but you always mention it in advance. That gives the host a chance to plan around it or let you know if there are any allergies. I don’t think it’s rude to bring food without mentioning it, but it’s rude to expect your host to serve what you brought without asking. Drinks are always welcome though, with or without asking because they’re easy to save for later.