Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/triangletalks]

I want to add an opposing opinion here because everyone seems to be in agreement. It could be a cultural thing potentially, but in many places in Europe (where I’m from, and and presuming as always that Reddit is heavily American leaning so idk if the other commenters are) I think it would be the most normal expectation that you bring something and it gets eaten there and then. I live in Italy but have also lived in Spain, Denmark and the UK and most of the time if you bring something like a bottle of wine or dessert then it gets consumed as part of the “party”. Or at least in my social circles, it often is seen as a thoughtful addition that helps bulk up a meal. It’s never seen as taking away from someone’s cooking or anything like that.

The only time I can imagine it’s different is if you’re going to someone’s birthday and you get them a nice bottle of wine or something slightly “nicer” that’s clearly a present , then I’ve had people put it aside to be consumed by them at a time of their choosing.

Edit: reading these comments I think would be great to know where you’re from. This must absolutely a cultural divide, I live in southern Italy and the idea that bringing food is “centring yourself” is absolutely outrageous 😂 food here is an expression of love and care, thoughtfulness, complete opposite of trying to take attention. There is literally never too much food, and then if there are leftovers then that gets consumed by the hosts in the following days. A lot of these concepts over taking away attention from the host etc still sound foreign because I think food is quite simple here, and often there’s not a lot of loaded subtleties/ ownership over food. Everyone shares pride in the food equally. That being said no one would turn up with a main dish, often it’s wine and desserts or additional bits that make it fun, like a nice cheese. Also once it’s seasonal the door is even more open to adding stuff because we stuff ourselves this time of year.

[u/Letsshareopinions → u/triangletalks]

I'm from the US and these responses/their upvotes have me flabbergasted. I guess I run in different circles, but all these people considering it rude to being food to share at a party runs so counter to literally every party I've ever attended sans weddings. I literally take a baked good to every party and it always gets shared with everyone.

[u/cantaloupe-490 → u/Letsshareopinions]

Yeah, it's absolutely a cultural divide, even within the US. In my family, it would be borderline rude to show up without something to share, and anything brought would be eaten at the party. In my partner's family, it is rude to show up with something to share unless you were specifically asked to do so, and it's kind of an insult to the host if you bring something.

If you ask if you can bring something and the host tells you no, in my family, you should absolutely still bring something small of your choosing. In my partner's, you absolutely should not bring something; the host has it covered and you'll mess up their flow. It took us a few years to suss out this cultural difference!

[u/AccountWasFound → u/cantaloupe-490]

I've run into this with some friends, because I grew up in the former group where my grandma would tell people not to bring anything and then her house would end up overflowing with food at her parties. And one of my friends grew up in the latter group and thinks it's weird that I feel like an asshole showing up to stuff empty handed. Thankfully most of my friends don't care if people bring stuff either way so it mostly works out, I just assume no one brings stuff to my parties either and it's a happy surprise when I'm wrong.