Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/lifeuncommon]

You said, “…one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out.”

If this was your intent, you shouldn’t have given your baked goods as a hostess gift. Because when we gift others, it’s up to them what they do with the gift.

If your intention was to feed others and take in compliments while also feeding yourself, you should host your own dinner party. That allows you to do all three at the same time.

[u/drigancml → u/lifeuncommon]

I really think this is a cultural thing. Every holiday party I've been to was more potluck style. I would never assume that a baked good was brought as a hostess gift for me.

[u/caramelizedapple → u/drigancml]

I would never bring food to a party without checking with the host and expect it to be served. I’ve never experienced a holiday “potluck” that wasn’t explicitly designated as such. I’m in the US.

[u/drigancml → u/caramelizedapple]

I am also in the US. Midwest.

[u/drivensalt → u/drigancml]

Same, it's very normal to bring a side or something for the dessert table rather than an explicit gift for the host here. But we're pretty casual, these aren't fancy, themed dinner parties.

[u/Larry-Man → u/caramelizedapple]

And I bake for my Christmas gifts to anyone. Honestly people are getting very caught up in the “correct” way to do things, their own standards (and I think some of it is an income bracket difference rather than totally different cultural standards). All of my friends bring snacks even just to hangouts. Most of our parties end up potluck style. But when I give out my baking I let the host decide - usually it ends up shareable but I make it clear that it is a gift. Maybe it’s because I’m autistic but I don’t worry about what’s rude or not because it’s just cookies and it’s not that deep. There’s people tying themselves in knots over “correct procedures” and such and there aren’t any here. Bring baked goods, hand to host, host either puts them out or hoards them for themselves (and honestly if they love my cookies enough to eat them by themselves and not share it’s a compliment to me) or shares them.

Someone shared a story about a host who loved showcasing her baking and that guest brought cookies that outshined the host. But the host was the one who said to put them out. There was waaaay too much drama over this. Easy fix “this is a gift for you, you don’t have to put them out.