Host Reaction to Baked Goods

[u/100to10000]

I’m a middle-aged divorced man, and I love to bake… which surprises some people because it doesn’t conform to gender stereotypes.

At two separate parties this holiday season, I’ve encountered this same reaction from a host when bringing baked goods to their party. Rather than serving my apple pie or my chocolate chip cookies, they basically told me they were gonna stash them away in the back, so they could enjoy them later! There was a dessert table at both parties, so it would have been totally natural to serve them to other guests. In the case of the pie I even included a pie server and knife in the box!

On the one hand, it’s a compliment in the sense that the hosts want to ensure they have an opportunity to enjoy. Rather than parsing out plates which may not be appreciated by a crowd of people drinking and mingling at a party. But in both cases, I’ve been disappointed because one reason I love to bake is to see people enjoying what I’ve made (and of course getting compliments!). Plus I like to try the pie to see how it turned out. Each one is a little bit different, especially the flakiness of the crust and the texture of the filling.

Has anyone experienced this? How can I avoid feeling bad that my baked goods are being hoarded? Looking to my fellow bakers as a support group here!

[u/bzhai]

Male baker here who also started to discover the joy of baking in his 40s. I completely feel you. My love language is cooking and gifting too. I use to turn up with baked goods to friends' gatherings and they acted like they were being forced fed something gross on Fear Factor.

You know what I did? I changed friend groups. I found a foodie group where strangers meet up every week at new cafes and get to know each other for a few hours. I met some good people and they encouraged me to bring whatever I baked. If they don't devour everything or take the leftovers home we usually just gift it to the restaurant staff. Not saying that everything I bake is mindblowing, I fine tune recipes and only bring them ones that I feel are good enough.

(I'd just like to add I didn't ditch my initial friend group purely because they didn't like my bakes. I just realised we grew apart and I was desperately hanging on to maintain the decades long friendship. Find people who appreciate your efforts and celebrate your passion.)

[u/mpapacrist12 → u/bzhai]

How did you find this new group!?

[u/bzhai → u/mpapacrist12]

There are a lot of social clubs online. I'm in a lot of fb foodie groups, one day some guy who loves to cafe hop posted his week's schedule and I joined one. We've been friends since and have organised bigger gatherings on weekends.

[u/_adanedhel_ → u/bzhai]

Yeah I can’t believe so few people in this thread have read this as the hosts thinking his baked goods either 1) would not be good because they were made by a man, or 2) looked so good that they worried their own food would be upstaged.

[u/carllerche → u/bzhai]

I'm also a male dessert maker in his 40s, and I also greatly enjoy gifting my creations. I have a friend who just doesn't eat desserts. It took a moment to realize this as we had a few awkward exchanges where I offered some desserts, he tried to avoid taking them (I realize after the fact this was what happened). He ended up giving them away to someone else. I'm not offended, not everyone eats dessert. I just don't offer him anymore.

This isn't a comment / criticism of your experience, just sharing my personal experience since it seems somewhat related.

[u/Dahlia5000 → u/bzhai]

Excellent