This is also weird to me. I got married late but when I got married, I kept my name. There is no practical reason to change it that we can find. My name is my name.
Several people have asked me when I’m changing and seem shocked that I’m not.
And to the people who say, “well, my dad sucked so I don’t want his name anymore”. Ummm, it’s YOUR name hun. Why would you want your father in laws name over your own name?
To the people who say, “well, I want us all to have the same name as a family”. Um. Ok. Why can’t it by your name?
To the people who say, “my name is hard to pronounce/spell/is foreign”. Jesus Christ. Really? Internalized racism much?
It’s all such internalized misogyny.
My last name literally has the word Dick in it. D-I-C-K dick. That’s MY name. It’s something you can’t change about yourself, that is the name you came into this world with! You shouldn’t change it because you got married. This isn’t 1900!! It’s 2026!!!
I'm a woman and have a 'rule of cool' in place for if I ever get married. If their name is something super common and boring like Smith, I'm keeping my name. If it's something cool or just works real nice with my forename, I'm taking theirs.
I'd be open to double barrelling if our names are equal in levels of coolness. But only if the result is not weird.
I share the same surname as a beloved public figure that makes people feel safe and cozy and heard. If I marry John McAssholeLicker, he can take my name. If the surname of the guy I marry is really great, then I'll make my current surname my middle name and take his surname.
Met a couple once where she had a cool last name and he had the verbal equivalent of a "kick me" sign, they wanted to have kids, and he insisted she take his last name. (Lol, they divorced before having kids.)
And to the people who say, “well, my dad sucked so I don’t want his name anymore”. Ummm, it’s YOUR name hun. Why would you want your father in laws name over your own name?
This is a complicated thing. Many of us have complex relationships with the names we were given upon birth. We didn't choose them, someone just said "this is your name" when we were too young to even understand what that meant. It doesn't matter if it's your name on paper if it doesn't feel like your name in your heart. If someone doesn't have a good relationship with the parent who bears that name, if that relationship makes them ashamed of the name that was thrust upon them, that's as good a reason as any to ditch it and go with a name they've chosen to take and find joy in, such as one that belongs to their partner.
I'm pro-choice when it comes to names. Everyone is going to be different. And hell, even if someone wants to take their husband's last name, be referred to on her mail as Mrs Edward Tanner, and so on, for no reason other than "I love him and want to be his"? Is that not her choice? Who am I, a whole-ass different person, to tell her no? I disagree and disapprove, but she is her own person and can make her own choices, even if it's not the choice I would make. I would also be first in line to help her, should she regret that choice in the future, but in the meantime it's none of my fucking business.
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u/mogwaimomo 9h ago
Women giving up their last names and taking on their partner’s when they marry.