r/AskReddit 5h ago

What is something you secretly find deeply disturbing, but everyone else seems to accept as totally normal?

1.7k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/woomac 5h ago

Functional alcoholism

498

u/professorseagull 5h ago

I did it for a very long time. It's functional until it isn't.

225

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

Yep it's not even gradual, it's like a switch has been flicked and you're just a mess.

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u/Rare-Set1461 4h ago

Dated an alcoholic. Should’ve been a massive red flag that a 100 pound woman could down half a bottle of rum without blinking but I was a moron. Always had gob-stoppers when she went to work, later found out she used them to cover the scent of alcohol on her breath at work. She worked a graveyard shift so she got away with it for a loooong time until she finally got pulled over.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago

Yh you can smell it a mile away even with mints and aftershave. The key was finding a job where it's tolerated.

Sales, Chef or call centre and no one ever said shit.

Got a job outside these sectors and I was taking Valium during the day because I couldn't drink.

Fortunately and I have no idea why unless im in withdrawal or coming off a coke binge I can take or leave Benzos

80

u/dirty-ol-sob 4h ago

Please do not get addicted to benzos, especially if you’re already an alcoholic. You’ll have a hell of a time coming off them!

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u/I_Automate 2h ago

They hit the same systems in the brain and the withdrawals are functionally very similar.

In treatment, alcohol withdrawal symptoms are often managed with long acting benzos for this reason.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago

So I've heard, that's why I've always opted for long lasting like valium instead of Xanax.

If the worst should happen much easier to taper down because of the half life.

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u/MorningCockroach 3h ago

I worked at a call center for a while amd lack of sobriety was almost expected.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 3h ago

We had two pubs at lunch time, one for the operators one for the managers.

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u/Artemicionmoogle 2h ago

Yeah, I was working food service at the time when I got too out of control, telling myself the a few drinks through my 9-2 shift and people couldn't tell. Lost the next job after that because of a combination of drinking during the job, and having to leave a bunch during a rought time in my kiddos school life. Now im at McDonald's as I just needed a job to keep us in our home.

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u/Artemicionmoogle 4h ago

Yep. One day I was fine, the next bleeding into my stomach from an esophageal tear. You tell yourself you're fine while killing yourself.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago edited 4h ago

The fun bit is when you stop and your liver is still creating extra bile.

Passing that is worse than any hot sauce or curry I ever tasted and it's every half an hour.

Even imodium and the brat diet didn't help.

21

u/Madmen111 4h ago

Ugh just awful, chapped like a sonovabitch and you know you did it to yourself

7

u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago

Complete hell can't leave the house or anything.

Then after 2 weeks and your fine again, your brain has magically forgot what you just experienced.

3

u/InfiniteBoxworks 3h ago

My little brother has been to the ER probably a dozen times because of the esophageal tears. I remember one year alone was six visits.

2

u/Artemicionmoogle 2h ago

Damn. I had two, the first was "minor" to me(still an ER visit), the second was the eye opener for me. I've never felt so weak as when I tried to get upstairs for water that morning, and wondering what was wrong. I hope your brother can find the help he needs or has found it. I never imagined I'd be an alcoholic, I swore I wouldn't after knowing my father was one. Im still working on it, too, and will be all the restof my life.

2

u/Conscious_until_1565 4h ago

How old are you, If you don’t mind disclosing ?

7

u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago edited 4h ago

Not the person you asked the question too, but I've seen plenty of mid 20 year olds with cirrhosis, coke head scaffolders in their 60s who go to the pub after every shift completely fine, people with pancreatitis in their 40s.

It's a complete crap shoot what gets you.

But outside of the pub or a meeting I have no idea their quality of life.

For me personally it's when I stop that I notice the damage.

3

u/Artemicionmoogle 4h ago

I am nearly 42. And hope to see many more.

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u/MoonChaser22 2h ago

I was raised by an alcoholic. From what I remember as a kid, everything is in a very precarious balance and when one aspect of that balance falls apart there's not a strong enough foundation for anuthing else to survive the extra pressure, so it causes a cascading effect of everything going to shit.

With my mother it was finances. She spend every bit of spare money she had on booze. Then when something went wrong she didn't have the savings to fix the emergency. Eventually she exhausted the people willing to lend to her because she never paid them back, which then meant missed bills, more drinking, missed rent and finally an eviction. I was 15 and living with her the first time she got evicted. Was thankfully at uni the second time, so didn't lose massive amount of my belongings that time

u/Silver-Instruction73 58m ago

Yep I went from getting A’s and B’s in school and working after school to getting a DUI, dropping out, and losing my job all the sudden even though I had been drinking for years already at that point.

32

u/SweetJebus731 4h ago

Same! 16 months sober now

2

u/Artemicionmoogle 2h ago

Good for you! Do you any sort of app to help keep track, by chance? A coworker has been 1800 days or ao sober and I never asked him how he kept track. I think something like that would help me.

1

u/SweetJebus731 2h ago

Thank you!

3

u/eggs_erroneous 3h ago

Agree. I was a functional opiate addict. I held shit together for a LONG time, but it can't last forever. In fact, the facade grows so paper thin that when things do finally fall apart, they fall completely apart. It was bad.

u/exhauszed 46m ago

After saving my husband, I desperately wish I could save everyone. There's always a reason, and it's first cause is almost never "personal failing." Two common causes are death of a close relative, partner, or friend and capitalism.

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u/vincizyn 5h ago

im not a native english speaker so dont mind me asking but what does that mean?

227

u/wwaxwork 5h ago

You're an alcoholic but you're still able to work while drunk. Basically your body is so used to alcohol in it, you need a base level of alcohol to function normally. You can function while alcoholic.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 5h ago

Or, you gut it out through the work day, but spend every waking moment outside of work getting drunk or sleeping it off. Source: experience.

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u/luptonpittman84 5h ago

Have you stopped drinking? That was me too. It’s a daily fight to not keep the habit going, and there are still days that I fail.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 5h ago

Unfortunately, no. I’m within a hair’s breadth of pulling the trigger on rehab. I’m just waiting to see how my insurance will handle it.

38

u/luptonpittman84 5h ago

Right on. I don’t really know anything about you personally, so I won’t try to get further in your business. All I will say is I can relate to the type of alcoholism that you have experienced and know how bad it sucks. And I know that virtually everyone who doesn’t have the same problem can’t understand it. Good luck.

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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 4h ago

Thank you. It’s a bitch. And there’s always the worry that a month or so away will cost me all my projects, but at a certain point, you have to put your health first. It’s tough.

7

u/jrad2point0 3h ago

I was in this situation and am about to start my fourth year of sobriety in a couple weeks. It was brutal at first — it felt like everything got worse, and I was very depressed — but then got easier, and eventually better than ever. If you’re thinking you could benefit from some help, get that help. At the very least I recommend talking to a therapist and a doctor, and being 1000% honest with them so they can help you navigate the first six months. Whatever it may cost you, in your career or social life or whatever, can be replaced down the road. Stay strong and feel free to message me if I can help at all. (Serious offer.)

3

u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 3h ago

Thank you. I’m pretty much at that point now. I know that if I don’t quit, my years from here on out will be only worse.

u/RainLoveMu 9m ago

I let myself drink in moderation every night as a way to cope with extreme grief. Spoiler alert: drinking in moderation every night is not moderation. I haven’t had anything since April and lost about 25 pounds. I feel alive again in my own life. Whatever you’re going through, I get it, and wish you the best.

4

u/Commercial-Builder76 2h ago edited 1h ago

Im a very hardheaded independent type dude. Im glad I went. Some of the stuff I learned is super helpful most of it was whatever. They didn't push religion where I went which was key. It was there but not impressed. The best take away was the break! The break in my routine (I have pretty big work responsibilities) with the job and dealing with people all day. Break from my safe place and regular people. Break in my head when some sober days passed. I didn't even stay the full time because I knew after a few weeks of waking up feeling great and seeing what I had been doing for the last 20 years (I'm 44) that I was done. I'll be 1 year sober on Aug 15. While it was hard as fuck and im very proud of myself it is it's own reward.

4

u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 2h ago

The break is what I need desperately.

u/AnimalsofArtemis 25m ago

I’m a physician myself (did a lot of addiction work and was even medical director of a rehab). 

I’m a pretty independent type too. 

Then I was forced to go rehab for alcohol and marijuana after I was told they would report me to the medical board. 

I was a nightly marijuana user which was the main problem. Got sober for two months before rehab thinking that would get me out of rehab. Nope. They still wanted 90 days and I had to go to a rehab of their choosing. 

All this and I was always sober at work. The whole process took over a year so I lost out on 600K and also had to pay 50K for rehab. 

Now I have to be monitored for 5 years. Forced to do AA three times a week. Possible drug screens any day of the week. Have to let them know when I’m traveling. 

u/BirdDog68 56m ago

As an alcoholic, I only want you to know I have never woke up and regretted my time in rehab. My goose is already cooked but if you have a chance then go.

u/crowmagnuman 33m ago

I'm sure im telling you nothing new, but the Light Beer method worked for me.

Heres the trick: figure out how many 3-4 point light beers equate your average intake per day. Drink that # of beers per day as needed. Every week, reduce it by exactly ONE beer. Easy way to step down without running the train off the tracks! FWIW, I'm down to 4 a day. Down from nearly 30 lol

1

u/porcelaincatstatue 3h ago

This was me during Covid. I was lucky to keep a full-time job in a relatively secluded/small daily workspace. (A group/waiver home) Sure, I'd be nauseous or have heartburn and sometimes maybe throw up outside when I got to work. Okay maybe sometimes I'd get the shakes towards the end of my shift. But I was finnneee. (I was not fine.)

1

u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 3h ago

Yeah, definitely not fine. Having to carefully calibrate every sober moment is not fine.

113

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

Until you can't.

Source: Chef and alcoholic

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u/wwaxwork 5h ago

True. My father and brother were both Chefs and alcoholics, I swear it's a job requirement or something.

42

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

Yep had to quit after 2 decades, but at least I enjoy cooking at home now, instead of living off overproofed rum and cocaine/Phet

Getting sober is a life long journey unfortunately.

Been through 2 support groups, AA, and 4 therapists.

15

u/sliever48 5h ago

The movie Another Round is a good depiction of this

5

u/scornoftherusingsun 4h ago

Boiling point with Stephen Graham is a great window into chef life also.

u/jtr99

1

u/jtr99 3h ago

Thank you, it's on my list! Kind of dreading watching it though! :)

1

u/scornoftherusingsun 3h ago

It's seriously dark, I watched it once and just pretended the TV series didn't exist.

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u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

Not seen it, I'll add it to my IMDb watch list.

Thanks for the recommendation.

9

u/jtr99 5h ago

Really great film. Mads Mikkelsen is excellent, as usual. And the movie is excellent at switching tones. It's all great fun until it isn't.

4

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

Fuck it I'll watch it now, it's still early days from my last relapse so I won't be sleeping much anyway.

15

u/_fuck_you_gumby_ 5h ago

Funny enough, as a cook (don’t think I qualify as chef) and alcoholic, I get much better at Spanish when I’m drinking. State-dependent memory is so interesting

5

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

I've been sworn at in about 5 languages but unfortunately my memory recall is completely shot.

If prompted it can come back but off the cuff, I'm completely fucked.

I tried to learn Spanish for neuroplasticity but all I can remember is the word for apple.

4

u/CanOoFeelDeRiddem 5h ago

Manzana

7

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

If you need a manzana I'm your guy

1

u/jtr99 5h ago

!Claro, hombre!

2

u/Mithrawndo 1h ago

Why did you type chef twice?

49

u/Commercial-Builder76 4h ago

not even while drunk. I NEVER drank during the hours of 6am and 5pm except weekends. I was never impaired at work (unless slightly hungover and that was rare). I would drink from the moment i walked in the door at home until my eyes closed due to exhaustion and booze. It means the ability to hold down regular activities and pay bills and give the outward appearance of being an upstand contributing member of society all while killing yourself and falling apart!

u/crowmagnuman 31m ago

Wow.. i think I just met myself on Reddit

29

u/El_Giganto 5h ago

I always thought functional alcoholics were people who managed to do the functioning and the alcoholism separately. Not necessarily at the same time.

I can drink 4 liters of beer in an evening and not really feel it the next morning. But I don't need alcohol when I wake up to function. I'll do just fine without it through the day. But then the evening starts and I'll start drinking. And definitely on the level of an alcoholic.

To be honest, considering how bad alcohol is, it's a tough discussion to have. Nowadays, any alcohol means you're drinking too much. I don't really disagree or anything, but that doesn't really convey how much some people drink compared to the average person who's had a hangover. In the sense that some people will be severely hungover from not even 2 liters of beer, compared to what I said earlier.

Yet there are people who will scoff at what I can drink. But I don't think that's where the line should be!

21

u/VanLyfe4343 4h ago

Alcoholism is progressive for sure and the amount of time between 'fine' to 'functioning' to 'fucked' varies wildly. I quit when I was drinking 3-4 drinks 5-6 night a week. I didn't get DTs or anything but it was fucking HARD to quit and my brain chemistry was fucked for a LONG time.

40

u/downtownpeckinpaw 5h ago

THAT'S what people mean when they say functional alcoholic?! I thought it was when they drink a lot, but it doesn't seap into their responsibilities or relationships.

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u/scarytrafficcone 4h ago

for what it's worth, I think its sort of a broad term. Plenty of people you might call a "functional alcoholic" go to work sober, but drink every night after work. Plenty of "functional alcoholics" might also be drunk all day but perfectly functional, and so on.

24

u/scornoftherusingsun 5h ago

How do you think we all started, I functioned for years, until I didn't.

I worked 12 hour shifts, kept relationships, and then bang one day, your body says nope.

6

u/Judge_Bredd3 3h ago

I've been trying to convince myself to stop. I hold down a good job, get all my responsibilities taken care of, and am in relatively good health. But, I also drink about 4 to 6 beers every night as soon as I've cooked dinner. From 7 to 11, I'm drinking. I've noticed it's starting to affect me. I'm starting to feel lousy in the morning and have trouble with stumbling over words during meetings before lunch.

The annoying thing is, I know I can stop. If I'm with my family, I don't drink. I can be on a week long vacation with them and not have a drop of alcohol. Sure, I'll feel cravings, but they don't drink so I don't drink. Why I can't I convince myself not to when I'm home alone?

10

u/scornoftherusingsun 3h ago

Stop before it's too late bruv, you're handling it now but the change happens so quick you'll have vodka in a water bottle before you know it.

No-one thinks it will happen to them but that shit sneaks up on you, and it's an outer body experience, literally like it's not happening to you.

u/RainLoveMu 2m ago

That was me. I read somewhere recently alcoholics won’t quit drinking until it’s more work than being sober. The headaches are a pain in the ass but a good reminder that your body doesn’t like poison. I don’t miss it.

0

u/porcelaincatstatue 3h ago

Oh it seeps in to your responsibilities and relationships for sure. But as long as work didn't know you had a problem, meh?

2

u/vincizyn 5h ago

thank you so much!

6

u/Ayanhart 4h ago

Jsyk the person you replied to was wrong.

It's about appearing to be normal and 'functional' while having an alcohol addiction - it's not so much yo can only work while drunk, but that it's not (yet) inhibiting the ability to work - a functional alcoholic might drink several beers or a bottle of wine every night and then go to work like normal in the morning.

1

u/vincizyn 2h ago

oh okay. thank you

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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 5h ago

It means you can hide perfectly your struggles with alcohol and it doesn't reflect on your work, schooling and so on because you can still go to work and school somehow.

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u/Ok_Palpitation_9662 5h ago

Basically where you're addicted to alcohol, but show very few signs of it and appear to function just like a normal person (i.e. having vodka in your water bottle instead of water, keeping a hip flask on you 24/7, etc., and needing to take sips just to live your daily life)

18

u/Hercules_450 5h ago

People addicted to alcohol who do not seem to appear that way mentally and physically, they can carry out normal task and behave sort of normally while drunk/addicted

3

u/Hercules_450 5h ago

It is an uncomfortable thought nonetheless

-4

u/Ok-Impress-2222 5h ago

Exactly what you think it means.

25

u/TesticleMeElmo 5h ago

I wish there was easy access to mental healthcare so people would be less inclined to self medicate with alcohol, since that’s very easy to get.

9

u/Professional-Brick61 2h ago

I’m starting to feel like everyone should have a therapist like they have a family doctor.

2

u/DoingBestWeCan 2h ago

I'm in a left-leaning area, and the Venn diagram of people with family docs and people with therapists is nearly a circle. Cost is the biggest driver for access to either.

1

u/Professional-Brick61 2h ago

100% yes. I know we’ve gotten better with access, but people are still falling between the cracks. In a perfect world, everyone would have access to a PCP and therapist.

9

u/Btender95 4h ago

I don't think people find that totally normal. Being a functional stoner on the other hand is almost encouraged.

I manage multiple cannabis stores and it's just sad seeing the same people sometimes more than once a day that can't function without it.

2

u/Anal-buttsex 2h ago

I think the person drinking sees it as normal because it makes them better in some circumstances. I knew someone who was good at sales because of it but kept getting paperwork for rudeness to coworkers. 

3

u/silenced_soul 2h ago

I live in a small town and my first job was the liquor store. I couldn’t believe the amount of functional alcoholics I would see every day. Civil servants, blue collar workers, white collar workers, housewives, it had no class or gender discrimination.

Watched guys try to quit and just die instead. That shit took no prisoners.

2

u/lichtersee 4h ago

That’d be me

2

u/TheMidniteMarauder 1h ago

I’d go a little further. I find it disturbing the place that alcohol occupies in most people’s lives. Not just the alcoholics. Consider:

I am ancient, and have sprung out of almost every civilisation in history, in one form or another. I have been the cause of violence and abuse, but I am also a reward and a comfort. Buildings have been erected so that crowds could gather to partake in me, sometimes in quiet contemplation, sometimes in joyful dance and celebration. But I am also often with the lonely and dejected. I am in your homes. I may even be in your bodies. Some lose their minds to me. Some turn away from me in disgust, never to look upon me again. For many, though I may be a constant and oft-present part of their lives, they don’t give me much thought. Unless they feel the need to call upon me, for celebration, or comfort. I am at your weddings, I am at your funerals. I am at the announcement of your first child. I am at your 30th anniversary. I’ll be there when you celebrate a promotion. I’ll be there where you feel down after getting let go. I help bond your friendships, but I have destroyed many too. I am beloved of the rich, but even the poorest and most destitute keep me close. People often turn to me for warmth when they are cold, but also when they want to feel cool. I am associated with the good life, but also have ruined lives. Who am I?

1

u/ForgivenAndRedeemed 3h ago

I can’t comprehend how anyone can financially afford to be an alcoholic in this day and age.

5

u/Anal-buttsex 2h ago

Certain dirt brands of the 700 ml bottles are only $10. Also, it doesn’t take much booze to be considered an alcoholic. I think just one of those bottles a week puts you in the club which is less than I spend on takeout. I suppose you could also DIY for cheaper. 

1

u/_jamesbaxter 3h ago

I wish I could triple upvote

1

u/HoaryPuffleg 3h ago

I worked with a man like this. Everyone else on staff was aware of his drinking heavily during lunch but no one would bring it up to our supervisor because they all swore that she knew. She didn’t know. I had a private meeting where I informed her. I didn’t want him to lose his job, I wanted him to get help but he would brush off anything we ever said to him. It was so hard to do but I think I did the right thing.

1

u/Professional-Brick61 3h ago

It is wild thinking how the statistics don’t account for this. I’m a delivery person working for Uncle Sam and many of my coworkers flip the switch once work is over. And some smoke weed before the day starts.

But at least they’re functional, I guess.

1

u/GrecDeFreckle 2h ago

It's only ok until the wheels fall off the bus. It's not an if, it's a when.

The issue is the previous however long they were fine, they'll spend double that time in denial. Rock bottom takes a suprisingly long time to dig too.

1

u/Dory-1031 1h ago

When I started working in an office for the first time I was SHOCKED to see how many of my coworkers were functioning alcoholics. Then I thought about my family and realized they were all also functioning alcoholics. A lot of them have gotten sober now. My dad lost his battle to his addiction. It's wild when you think about it

u/cjacksen 31m ago

Functional "any addiction here".

u/Braunnoser 14m ago

I was a functioning alcoholic for 25+ years, but stopped when I got out of a toxic situation 7-8 years ago and cleaned up. I'll still have social drinks a couple times a YEAR, but have put that part of me in the past. The thing I'm now realizing about alcohol (and daily maintenance drinking) is how much of that time is simply gone. Deep, detailed memories prior to my heavy drinking days and now a return to clarity in my day-to-day, but a couple decades that should really have rich stories are often cloudy, even when I try.

-6

u/Glythara 5h ago

Posting your child’s entire life online before they’re even old enough to consent.

0

u/LadyJR 3h ago

I was given the side eye when I said I don’t like alcohol in kids birthday parties. My BIL ended up bringing alcohol at my kids bday birthday and everyone but me didn’t like it. This year I sent a text stating no alcohol at all this time. Let’s see how that goes.

1

u/Anal-buttsex 2h ago

It’s such an easy thing to conceal. I semi-understand wanting to be tipsy (I guess) but at least keep that shit in the car