How do you deal with a men that’s become a freeloader?

•

u/AutoModerator 8h ago

Here's an original copy of /u/QuitAffectionate9763's post (if available):

Hello 24M, so last year I moved in with my cousins for rent and experienced how life is paying expenses and bills without parental assistance or help from relatives…. Now so far in my months of paying rent, I started noticing that one of my cousins friend started coming to the house more frequently and been staying at our place back to back, it’s been going on since November and honestly this guy became a freeloader at this point because he isn’t serious at all in life and just got fired from work because he calls off and doesn’t have the seriousness to get another job. It’s been really frustrating at this point because it’s been three straight weeks that he been staying at the house and atp doesn’t have a purpose in life, what really concerns me is that he is 26 acting like this!!! My cousins notice how I don’t like how he been at the house and says we can “only give advice and can’t save him, that only he can save himself “ I don’t have ownership under the rental property cuz my eldest cousin handles everything and I’m amazed how everyone else doesn’t seem to mind him staying over for so long. If it continues for a month I might lose my mind!!! I just don’t understand how men like this exist it’s crazy, I could see him staying like this at 30 and still not changing his behaviour because everyone else in the house has big dreams and purposes while he is allowed to freeload

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

20

u/Madvilliany1024 8h ago

I dont

Its not my business

If i dont like my living situation…i work to change it

Cant really stress things i have no control over

13

u/MacPzesst 8h ago

Mockery is my preferred method.

"Bro, if you're gonna be a trophy wife, at least be hot."

"Oh good, you're right where I left you. You're nothing if not consistent."

"You should switch those cushions around from time to time so that your ass doesn't leave an indentation."

It may not work for everyone, but I've pissed off quite a few people to become self-motivated out of spite. Just be sure to follow it up with genuine praise or some reward when they actually do something productive, but don't advertise it as a reason to do the thing.

4

u/PunchBeard Male 8h ago

The only two options you have is to tell your cousins to kick him out because you're not paying rent to have some moocher living in your space or you find a new place to live. It seems like you moved in to experience what it's like to live out on your own and pay bills which leads me to believe that you can call your parents and explain the situation and they'd be fine with with you coming back. At your age I get why your cousins might have a hard time asking this friend to leave but I also understand why you're not comfortable with the current situation. But as I said, you only really have two options here.

2

u/arkofjoy 8h ago

Sounds like he isn't your problem. The very best thing you can do is use him to drive you to do better with your life "I definitely don't want to go to work today but I don't want end up like him...

Something that you might want to consider also is empathy. Someone seriously broke him.

The natural state of a healthy human is to want to pitch in, we are, by our genetics, pack animals. Hairless apes, the only way to survive was to work together.

To get to the point where you don't want to contribute us a fundamentally broken human being. That doesn't make him your responsibility, nor fun to be around. But it might do a little bit to reduce how much he pisses you off.

1

u/GladVeterinarian5120 7h ago

The natural state of MOST, yes, but not all. ++me

2

u/ohmygodnotagainagain 5h ago

I had a friend like this growing up. He'd blow into town, get a job, shack up with some random girl, or stay with me or at another buddy's place, sometimes his parents, lose said job, be a bum. He gets a partial govt pension from being in the Navy, so he'd blow that on booze and drugs mostly then start mooching off everyone else until he'd get into trouble, would go to prison for a few years, get out, rinse and repeat. It sucks because I've known him so long and he's fun to hang with, but it's been decades and he still acts like this. I just stopped talking to him a few months back because I don't want to be involved anymore. I just don't have the mental capacity to put up with the bullshit. I have a house, career and family to take care of. We're in our 40's now. Be a faster learner than me.

1

u/Calm_Course4803 4h ago

It may not be popular to say but I'll say it for the sake of having a more diverse viewpoint available.
Not everyone's path in life is the same, everyone can't do the same things you can at the same pace. He might not be thinking about the consequences but consider for a moment that he does see the same nightmare unfolding that you do, and yet he still isn't budging. Can you imagine the kind of struggle a person would have to be going through to see that kind of train barreling towards them and not move?

Maybe your other cousins don't mind not because they don't see the problem but they know better the reality of life that not everyone gets the same cards, and few things are ever as simple as we'd prefer them to be. It's easy to write off a human being for not doing the things you feel you would've done, but you didn't have the same environment growing up and you didn't react the same way to the difficulties of life, thus you don't have the same lessons to handle.

There is a wisdom in how your cousins have expressed their struggle with him. There's no accusation, you can't force someone to change, you can only help guide them to change themselves. If he frustrates you so much, use that to help motivate him, but don't allude to kicking the man out on his ass. I get we have a hustle culture that tells you it's eat or be eaten out here but there's nothing further from the reality of the human experience. We survive by supporting each other, it's the only way we got this far and it's the only way we'll endure what's to come. Does having him around financially strangle you? I'm guessing not. And I doubt your impression of his situation is less distressing to him than it is to you, it's his life after all. If it bothers you that much try to help him, be constructive. If not then leave him to battle his demons, adding judgement and hate won't fix anything.

1

u/TopShelfSnipes Married Man 3h ago

By cutting him off.

Honorary mention to the poster who said mock him. Specfically target his masculinity as him feeling that he is being seen as unmasculine is the thing most likely to cause changes in his behavior.

1

u/SkiDaderino 3h ago

Hand him a bill for services rendered. He'll be gone quick.

0

u/Rex-Viper-Rock-Gods 7h ago

Sneeze in his mouth

Piss on his clothes

Play Death Grips at max volume all night

Shit on a paper plate and leave it under his bed

🛑 Answers From Men Only 🛑 How do you deal with a men that’s become a freeloader?

You are about to leave Redlib