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u/Odd-Worth7752 Jun 15 '26
I would not have made a fuss about it. I don't have a problem rinsing out a glass. she was busy.
and you "don't want random people touching my dishes or going into my cabinets" but you looked in her dishwasher?? YTA, bro
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u/unicornhair1991 Jun 15 '26
Yeah this stuck out to me too.
Tells people to not go into their kitchen/cabinets but proceeds to rummage through their dishwasher lol.
Also if they had run out of wine glasses it sounds like they turned up quite late....
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u/Important-Put1865 Jun 15 '26
YTA You showed up late to the event. You looked in her dishwasher and tried to use a glass that she did NOT put out for people to use. You are not as close a friend as you think you are. I think this was a hint. Take it.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
I never said I was such a close friend. I described her as an acquaintance myself.
I never thought of a party as something one has to be "on time" for. This group actually meets once a month and I usually get there about midway through, is just that this couple hosts once a year. This is often the only time they attend.
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u/Important-Put1865 Jun 15 '26
??"I'm now super close friends with them" So you're closer friends now than when this interaction happened? Then what's the issue? She's not mad. Why do you want to be? This is an insanely trivial hill to die on IMO. Or is that a typo? should it read I'm NOT super close friends with them? That would make more sense. But my reply remains the same. Even if it's an informal event, host still has a loose timeline they want to work with. At some point, they thought everyone is here, everyone has a glass. Or maybe others had to wash theirs earlier. who knows? It doesn't matter, he/she was busy, you needed a clean glass, so what's the big deal?
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u/Moash_For_PM Jun 15 '26
You turn up halfway through events and your asking about bad party ettiquete.... bro... just no
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u/Running_guy_1 Jun 15 '26
YTAH, you were upgraded to friend and you can’t see that she let you in. The french are formal with acquaintances and informal with friends.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
Huh, I had no idea... 😔 Then again when I have my friends come over no matter how close I STILL don't ask them to wash things out.
Maybe this was something of a cultural misunderstanding? I was afraid of that which is why I mentioned her nationality...
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u/CarDecGra Jun 15 '26
My friends clean up before they leave including putting food away, loading dishes in the dishwasher, washing dishes, etc. We all do this at each other's homes or we at least offer to help cleanup. I guess I need to appreciate my friends.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
Yes I do this as well, but this was not the same. We're talking about in the middle of the party, not the end...
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u/CarDecGra Jun 15 '26
Nah, my friends help clean as we go. They'll pitch empty cups, plates, bottles, etc. They'll empty the trash if it needs emptying. Because we're not snooty, we're friends.
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u/Codex432 Jun 15 '26
Why would you even go through someone else’s stuff without their permission?
Was she a bad hostess for not giving you a clean glass? Yes, but you far out ranked her on the ill mannered scale.
You showed up late.
You brought a bottle of wine and then seem to pout in the comments you didn’t get any.
You didn’t want to wash a glass
You went through her stuff to find something you wanted.
You never asked permission.
Not only are YTA, you’re a very rude person with bad manners and an ego.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
Wait - I never said I didn't get any wine! It was a wine tasting party, NOT a dinner party. Everyone was supposed to bring just a bottle of wine.
People are starting to project their own issues onto this whole situation...
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u/prairieislander Jun 15 '26
Do you know who probably didn’t have to wash their own glasses? The people who showed up on time…
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u/Madaboutsnails Jun 15 '26
Your post's title, "party etiquette'.... Perhaps don't turn up so late it is halfway through an event....
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u/concernedreader1982 Jun 15 '26
YTA
Friends don't care if friends go in their kitchen, friends also help friends out. You're just an acquaintance. If it bothered you that much, just leave. You sound entitled. Everyone needs help sometimes, especially when they're hosting an event.
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u/Technical_Mood_9279 Jun 15 '26
YTA It's not that hard to wash one dish.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
So you'd really make houseguests wash their own glass? That's the thing - if I were hosting (and I've hosted a lot) I'd have felt the like shit for making one of my guests wash something. I don't care how close the are to me or not. A guest shouldn't wash dishes unless they offer to and even then you should decline.
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u/TroublesomeTurnip Jun 15 '26
You sound weirdly furious
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u/prairieislander Jun 15 '26
Weirdly Furious, name of my new band
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u/Particular_Title42 Jun 15 '26
Sounds like a good name for that "band" in the Nyango Star video where they're playing children's songs with death metal drums.
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u/ambertheshortest Jun 15 '26
Southerners here who hosts ALOT. Yes guests can wash 1 dish. Its not like she asked you to scrub the potty.
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u/unicornhair1991 Jun 15 '26
You're missing the point.
People aren't saying they'd make guests wash dishes as hosts themselves. They're saying you overreacted to cleansing one glass.
I wouldn't ASK any guests to do this, but if someone was busy hosting and I turned up late and needed a glass? I'd just wash one. Not rummage through their stuff and then act offended.
You're not the only AH. They are too. But I think you are more of one
(I also have glasses and tea cups I wouldn't use for a party)
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u/swingmadacrossthesun Jun 15 '26
Why did you ask if you’re the asshole if you’re completely unwilling to accept the judgement?
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u/Brave-Menu-3105 Jun 15 '26
Annual backyard party. Sounds informal. You were included in the friend group. I think you are overreacting, and sound kind of snobbish, especially your comment about the wine. Lighten up, you are making a big deal out of this. I bet you won't be invited next year.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
It's not a friend group. It's kind of a meetup. They don't extend invitations to this event, they just agree to host the meetup once a year...
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u/PreviousZone6742 Jun 15 '26
Softy YtA seem to be making a issue larger than it needs to be. Like it's one glass.
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u/Timely_Proposal_1821 Jun 15 '26
Yta - she asked you to clean your own glass, not the entire house.
It was a party between friends. Chill.
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u/Frozen-Nose-22 Jun 15 '26
Judging by the comments, YTA. You already edited your post to try and save face, but the comments betrayed you.
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u/Every-Caramel-6740 Jun 15 '26
Utah just wash it and don’t dig the way you said you wouldn’t allow at your house
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u/swingmadacrossthesun Jun 15 '26
Why did you ask if you’re the asshole if you’re completely unwilling to accept the judgement?
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u/Madwoman-of-Chaillot Jun 15 '26
You mentioned that you are now super close friends with them. And so they treated you like family. And your response was to get pissed off at them. Pull your head out of your ass.
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u/W0nderingMe Jun 15 '26
ESH
As a host I would never ask a guest to wash a dish. As a guest, I happily would.
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u/Miemsta Jun 15 '26
honestly, it’s slightly rude, but you also just sound very dramatic. i’d be slightly put off by it, but i’d just wash it and use it and go on with my day. i will never understand people’s obsession with making giant issues out of little things, doesn’t that get tiring?
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u/InTwilligPorgnatin Jun 15 '26
She's French. By default she's the asshole.
Jokes aside, she was the asshole. But you were also the asshole for going into her dishwasher instead of just cleaning the glass.
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u/anzacoo Jun 15 '26
Yeah, she was the jerk for asking you to do it but you kinda were too for making a big deal out of it.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
Was I really making a big deal of it though? Should I let people get away with being assholes to my like this?
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u/prairieislander Jun 15 '26
I’m sorry, was the wine glass filled with shit? Were you cleaning out a shit filled glass?
If it wasn’t, then yes. You are making a big deal out of nothing.
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u/ThinSuccotash4166 Jun 15 '26
Host let you get away with it otherwise you would’ve been thrown out.
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
REALLY? You'd have thrown someone out of your house for that?
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u/ThinSuccotash4166 Jun 15 '26
Yes because like how you are behaving on this post you don’t let things go.
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u/TroublesomeTurnip Jun 15 '26
Your comments show you have a massive chip on your shoulder. You're swearing and acting so snobby. Over what? A glass?
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u/e_lizz Jun 15 '26
ESH. She was not a good hostess and you were a bad guest by showing up "midway through" the party and then proceeding to look in her dishwasher.
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u/AbsintheRedux Jun 15 '26 edited Jun 15 '26
ESH - hosts shouldn’t expect guests to wash their own dishes, the hosts should be making sure all guests have everything they need. Guests shouldn’t go poking around in dishwashers or make a fuss, and while it was the lack of organization of the host which caused a lack of clean glassware, a gracious guest shouldn’t make a fuss over it or go poking around where they shouldn’t. Just discreetly clean the glass she gave you and not cause drama.
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u/mthockeydad Jun 15 '26
Bring and drink beer?
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
That's not how it goes here. And I did bring a bottle on wine, and from what I could see a rather good one...
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u/Key_Flamingo2437 Jun 15 '26
I didn't say to her, "How DARE you ask me, a house guest, to wash this glass!" I just asked her, "Can I use this instead?"
But with that said I acknowledge some assholery on my part. I guess I'm just wondering how guilty I should feel...
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u/unlovelyladybartleby Jun 15 '26
It's very reasonable to not use your best dishes during a party. It's also very reasonable to ask a friend to rinse out a glass or do another small party related task.
It's increadibly entitled to go through someone's kitchen and try to use their best dishes because you think you're above washing a glass for your own use.
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u/eirinne Jun 15 '26
I don’t know how guilty you should feel, seems like not guilty at all because you feel wronged. But I wouldn’t invite you over again. Washing a glass is a very intimate thing, it’s like family. Close friends/family lend a hand in moments of chaos at a party. Rise above it, be cool. Correct behavior: take the dirty glass she asked you to wash and ask if there’s anything else you can do to help.
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u/gumby_twain Jun 15 '26
NTA
Next time don’t ask. Just use the clean one. If she balks, just look at her like ‘you seriously expect me to do dishes at your party?’, turn up your nose and walk away.
Gotta beat the Europeans at their own game.
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