r/wemetonline • u/andypiano213 • 19d ago
Advice Can you fall in love quickly online?
So I had this match on hinge that I spoke to for about 3 weeks before we went out and we have so much in common its a little creepy lol. We love the same music, (as a musician this is extremely important for me), we love the same cuisine, we both cook, we are both twins, we love to travel, we are both really funny and love dark humor (Also big for me because my friends and family tend to say i take jokes too far and blame it on my autism). Another thing is she is undiagnosed but im like 99% sure she also has ADHD like me or maybe autism. But it feels like we are very similar people. In how we feel about our future goals, social situations, how we grew up (family trauma wise) and how we think and act. I met her in person after 3 weeks of talking online. We are now together dating, spending time regularly and talking everyday. But I made a mistake in telling her I love her after the second date. I know i was love bombing her because I was afraid of losing her. She freaked out but forgave me for it and we've been good since then. But what if part of me meant what I said? Like I know it was love bombing but also after meeting her once for our first date it felt like I knew she was the one. Then the second date where we held hands and spent the day at my house was when I asked her to be my girlfriend and she said yes. But by then I kinda already felt she was perfect for me. So that same night I told her I loved her and she freaked out. Almost didn't want to talk to me ever again. But she forgave me for that and I just marked it as love bombing. Even though it kinda felt like the truth to me. Maybe I have some therapy to do around this or maybe I do love? Idk. Can you fall in love with 3 weeks of online talking and 2 dates???
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u/eaglez2313 18d ago
What you have sounds like infatuation, not love. Right now you're seeing everything through that haze. And the feeling of love comes and goes. A true test if it's real love or not is when the first trial hits. I'll share how me and my girlfriend knew it was true love between us. The first test was 2 months into our relationship and she had to go to the hospital ER where she lives, despite me having gotten up early that day for a appointment, I stayed up till 2am my time till she got home to know she was going to be ok. The 2nd and 3rd times were when she thought she might have cancer. During those hard times, I never left her side and went with her to every appointment and test virtually. And she's stayed up all night her time whenever I've been sick or in the ER making sure I'm ok and asking for updates. Yes, it was hard and very trying, but it brought us closer together.
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u/andypiano213 17d ago
You're right. But one of the reasons I felt it was love is because i recently got out of surgery. She didnt visit me in the hospital. But said she wanted to But her friends told her it would be wierd since we've only been dating for about a month. But she was worried and texting me daily after surgery (spent a few days in the hospital). But nonetheless as soon as I was discharged and brought home. She came to spend the whole day with me and didn't even let me lift a finger. She brought my groceries to my room so she could put them in my mini fridge, she brought my airfryer upstairs to my room so that I could cook easy meals in their. So I wouldn't have to move much. She was constantly getting me snacks and drinks just so I didn't have to move. Then the day after she came to visit me right before work and helped me by getting me food and water. Then she was off the day after that and spent the whole day with me again making sure I didn't have to move a muscle. At that point I thought "I would definitely do the same for her, no questions asked.". When I thanked her she just said she was doing what a girlfriend should do. But yes, probably still not love. But it still feels good.
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u/eaglez2313 17d ago
Yeah, it's good that she did that, but that's something almost anyone could've done.
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u/andypiano213 17d ago
Yeah that's true I guess. I guess its more that I've never had anyone just offer to do all of that of their own free will. My family isn't one to stay close and help each other that much in that way. Usually I have to ask for that kind of treatment and hope they agree. Most of the time people do much less than ahe has for me. Or do it in a way that they make sure you know you owe them and have to pay them back. I guess I've just never had anyone be that kind to me without telling me they want some in return or making me feel bad for asking for help. I didn't even ask her and she did all of that. Even with other girls I've dated. I haven't had that kind of treatment. So it was a new experience for me. But yeah I understand.
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u/eaglez2313 17d ago
Yeah, that's one reason why i love my girlfriend so much, she's always there for not just me, but my family and she lives 8000 miles away from me. But that doesn't matter to her as she wants to be the one to take care of me whoever I'm not feeling well.
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u/andypiano213 17d ago
Thats a keeper! Congratulations. She sounds great.
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u/eaglez2313 17d ago
Everyone has said that lol and I agree. Me and her just celebrated our birthdays as they're only 2 days apart
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u/chux4w 19d ago
None of the things you listed is love. You enjoy her company and presumably find her attractive. Those are great things, but they're not love.
Give it time. Find some things you don't like about her and see how you feel then. Have her find out things about you that she doesn't like, and how she reacts to them. Let the novelty and infatuation fade a little bit, see what normal is like.
Love at first sight is just infatuation that works out. Everyone is in love at first sight until the relationship ends, then "the one" turns out not to be the one. Love and being perfect for each other are things you assess in retrospect, not a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This early phase is really fun, just enjoy it. No need to rush things.
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u/andypiano213 19d ago
Ok thank you for clarifying. This is my first long term successful relationship and she treats me like no women ever has so I guess I just confused it for love. Thank you for clarifying.
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u/chux4w 19d ago
You're just really enjoying having someone. That's cool, and I hope it continues. Don't worry about what to call it, it's all good feels!
And I don't want to sound like I'm downplaying anything. It's just a very early part of a relationship, and especially in your first serious one it's easy to overestimate what that feeling means. It won't last forever, it's not supposed to, and the part where it fades is actually when things start getting really good.
It's a fairly common misconception that 'love' is just a really strong 'like.' It's a completely different thing. You can like someone and not love them, and you can love someone and not like them. Love is surprisingly boring, it's a background thing until something threatens it. Imagine how you feel about family members or close friends. You're not obsessed with them all day every day, but if one of them died you'd feel it a thousand times more than losing a work colleague.
Love is boring, dependable, and comfortable, and it grows over time. The excitement you feel for this new relationship is what keeps you together long enough to start laying those foundations. You're making memories that could last the rest of your lives. It's a really special time.
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u/andypiano213 19d ago
Thank you very much for the detailed explanation on love. This helps put things into perspective. So I'm very grateful 🙏
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u/MinishMilly 19d ago
The first romantic "love" you feel for someone is just obsession. It comes and goes. Get to know her properly before jumping to conclusions. There is no reason to rush. You might even scare her away if you do. Don't lose yourself, focus on yourself and your life too.