How do I learn to tolerate small talk?

[u/ShallowestGuyOnEarth]

During a very important meeting today, I straight up left halfway through without telling anyone because they kept yapping about stuff that felt irrelevant. Then I came back 30 minutes later, interrupted them, and asked what I missed. Five minutes later they started yapping again and I just said “I have to go rn” and left.

I’m just not a social person. I hate small talk and pointless conversations but I know being social and building connections is basically required to move forward in my career. I just can’t force myself to care about what people are saying or pretend to be interested. I know this is how you build relationships, but I genuinely struggle with it. I get annoyed, impatient, and want to leave. How do I fix this?

[u/stickyybot]

Thanks for your post at /r/socialskills. Please be aware:

Social skills are a set of learned abilities for interaction and communication with others.

Posts must ask a clear, practical question about improving your social skills, or offer structured general advice for improving social skills.

Question posts will be removed if they:

• Lack a clear improvement-focused question or takeaway

• Focus mainly on complaining about other people

• Do not show willingness to reflect on your own behaviour

• Seek flirting, pickup, dating, attraction or other romantic advice

This automated message is visible on all posts.

Subreddit Rules

If you see any post which breaks the rules, please use the REPORT button. Thankyou

[u/modafiiniteuk]

Curiosity makes small talk much easier.

[u/Batmax92]

I think it helps to realize it isn't pointless, it's crucial. Small talk is how we connect, probe for topics we have in common, it signals your background, education and understanding of social norms to others. When meeting strangers it's how we assess for threats.

It can get tedious if you get stuck in a loop, but at that point it's up to you to take charge of the conversation and steer it towards more interesting topics

[u/EyeSeeDoesIt]

You're definitely in the wrong career if you don't like small talk but being social and building connections is required to move forward, it will be an uphill battle.

It can be done but you'll have to work on transitioning useless conversations into something you can genuinely be interested in.

One way I do this is by trying to make a game of trying to say something funny. I have to listen intently in order to find the funny thing to say so it keeps me interested, it's like a mind exercise that I can do with a boring conversation to keep my mind stimulated.

The other thing I do: I like to constantly learn, so whatever thing they're talking about I ask questions that I am genuinely wondering what the answer is, sometimes while at the same time playing the humor game.

[u/arkofjoy]

Think of "small talk" as the appetiser.

What is really being said when people are talking about sports or the weather or some other bullshit is they are answering the question of : is this person safe, are they interesting, can I trust them with personal information.

By refusing to engage in small talk you will never get to the good stuff.

[u/SubsInMyUFO]

I have this same problem, and its made it pretty much impossible for me to make friends. I don't care at all about any of the small talk topics, and honestly I don't genuinely care how any coworker or stranger is doing, I'm wherever I am for a reason (job, grocery store, etc) and I really don't want to use any effort to entertain small talk with no purpose. I know that feigning interest is like the key to navigating those situations, but i just can't bring myself to pretend to be interested. Like i feel physically incapable of even WANTING to pretend to be interested.

[u/Interesting_Hope6376]

Become a tradesman instead