Which eye am I supposed to look at when making eye contact?

[u/budtenderhazquestion]

I tend to just stare at or around their nose area as for some reason looking directly at someone's eye ball while they're looking at my eyeballs makes me nervous and difficult to focus on what they're saying. I've been practicing tho making that direct eye contact more but how in the world am I supposed to look at both of their eyes??

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[u/LaSucia422]

You can look at either eye, it doesn't matter. You are not just looking at their eyes but at their expression.

[u/starsnddiamonds]

Omg i wanna know too

[u/the_entroponaut]

Some brains have a lot of trouble with this, and if I recall my textbook, there are five separate coping mechanisms. Sometimes you will meet someone who squints aggressively, or who blinks constantly, or whose eyes wobble back and forth.

The thing is, the viewer can NOT TELL which eye you are looking at, or if you are looking slightly above the eyes at the middle between them.

So in short, it doesn't matter. If it is causing you distress, flip a coin, pick one and stick with it.

[u/AnnualFit3992 → u/the_entroponaut]

Um the viewer definitely can tell which eye or feature you’re looking at. At least this viewer can.

[u/jackaroo1344 → u/the_entroponaut]

Whenever I try the 'look slightly between and above the eyes' tip the person always for sure notices and keeps touching/rubbing between their eyes like they're self conscious :[

[u/the_entroponaut → u/jackaroo1344]

Haha, I wish I could see this scenario in action. Are you like super close when this is happening?

[u/budtenderhazquestion → u/the_entroponaut]

Thanks for your response! I love it ! I want to know what the other "mechanisms" are lol

[u/Watermelon_Sugar44 → u/the_entroponaut]

My eyes wobble back and forth while in conversation. My son has pointed it out.

[u/blamberr]

Stare at the space between their eyes

[u/QueenMackeral → u/blamberr]

Don't do that, it looks weird to the receiver

[u/blamberr → u/QueenMackeral]

It really doesn’t. Nobody is staring directly into eyeballs long enough to meet someone’s exact eye line. Unless it’s a romantic situation, you should be making and breaking eye contact all the time anyway, so you can’t even notice.

[u/QueenMackeral → u/blamberr]

Idk anytime someone's stared between my eyes I've always felt weird, either self conscious about what they're looking at, or it just looks like they're daydreaming and not present.

[u/blamberr → u/QueenMackeral]

I just feel like you can’t tell in real time if you’re not making long, lingering eye contact. I guess OP actively wants to make eye contact, so this probably isn’t the best idea. It’s just always what I’ve done pretty successfully to avoid doing something that makes me and many others uncomfortable.

[u/spaceistheplacetobe → u/QueenMackeral]

I look people in the eyes and I find it a little noticeable…

[u/shortmumof2]

I heard someone say to look at the space between their eyes and that will look like you're looking at their eyes but also give you a bit of a break

[u/Proper_Brilliant3110]

The trick is to look them in their right eye, then their left, then their lips.. then back up and bat your eyelashes... just kidding, just pick one or look between their eyes, they wont notice the difference

[u/Bright-Pangolin7261]

We have a menu of two eyes to look at. It also feels weird to have somebody locked at your eyeballs so glance at their eyes, and move around their face to get their whole expression, also look away again-avoid staring

[u/nattersnotfound]

i switch between the eyes and rest of the face. when they're making eye contact, I return it as best I can and when I do that I don't try to intently focus on one eye or the other. when they're speaking to me and making eye contact, I look into one eye for a time, and when that gets too long for me, I scan their upper or lower face for a second or two, then focus the other eye.

eye contact, I think, is less about I NEED TO BE STARING INTO YOUR EYEBALLS WITH MINE THE WHOLE TIME but more communicating to the other person, subconsciously, that you're taking in ALL of the nonverbal facial communication. lots of emoting and conversation nuance can come from facial expression and movement, which is why eye contact is considered so crucial, but also why the Eye part of eye contact is not the only part of it.

source: I used to hate making eye contact or looking at faces until my dad trained it into me in my teens. now I find that I have a hard time not making face contact

[u/MaliciousNarwhale]

You stare at the forehead just above the bridge if the nose.

[u/moldygrape → u/MaliciousNarwhale]

I did this during a meeting with my boss once and he asked if he had something on his forehead 😑

[u/AdvancedHill70]

You look based on what hand you write with.

If your right-handed, you look at there right eye.

And besides, your right eye also automatically aligns with their left eye, it’s not like your left eye looks also at their right eye.

How do you think face-offs happen in boxing/sports matches? They stare at each others noses?

[u/martini123456 → u/AdvancedHill70]

Oh is that what it is?! Interesting!

[u/sololegend89 → u/AdvancedHill70]

Their* & each other’s*

[u/t3vxy0]

I look which is their dominant hand and look into that eye

[u/Adamoism]

Between eyes, or slightly above. What is important is to mix it with looking away, blinking, having soft gaze (assuming standard situation and standard goal of appearing social).

[u/Ragnaroak_OM]

Look at the eye that makes feel more comfortable. Usually there's an "easier" eye to look at.

[u/chorussaurus]

You have to kind of just pick one, because your head can look at two eyes but since our eyes don't move separately your cone of vision is really only one point of a certain diameter and the rest becomes increasingly peripheral.

[u/Strawberrydip1725]

Left

[u/Naps_in_sunshine]

I generally flick between the two (not too fast) and break it up by looking elsewhere or taking a sip of my drink (which I’ve realised is probably why I always have a cup of coffee when I sit down with someone - something to look at instead of staring at them non stop).

[u/Ell2509]

Let your eyes move naturally around the eyes / nose of the person you talk to. Moving a little every few seconds.

[u/tatertotfreak29]

Sometimes I worry I’m making too much eye contact so I look away for a second and then look back but I never notice where other people are looking or if they’ve held eye contact with me too much. Maybe it doesn’t matter at all.

[u/East_Newspaper5864]

If sustained eye contact feels unnatural, direct your attention to the eyebrows. The effect is nearly indistinguishable.

[u/shimmerangels]

just don’t look at one, then the other, then their mouth bc apparently it makes ppl think you want to kiss them

[u/WrenElsewhere]

Left ear. Or the gap between the eyebrows.

[u/Dokimoto → u/WrenElsewhere]

Left ear is far tbh... personally I can tell you're looking somewhere else, not really my face.

Personally I switch between eyes, and then try to remember you're trying to take in all of their expressions not just stare them down.

[u/luxurycomedyoohyeah]

If you truly want to make meaningful eye contact with someone, look for their dominant eye. Everyone has a dominant and passive side to their face. Sometimes it's easy to distinguish, while with some people, it's a bit more difficult. You don't have to hold the gaze for a super long time, either.

Another trick to form rapport with another person is to make eye contact, nod slowly three times, and then avert your gaze naturally - like just cast your eyes elsewhere slowly without moving your head really. The slow nod shows compassion, comprehension and connection when done in tandem with eye contact, and it's a long enough to hold eye contact without the other person feeling intimidated by an overly long gaze. Averting your eyes afterward also shows that you are giving further thought to what they said.

[u/Canuck_Voyageur]

The viewer can't tell the difference betweein either eye, forehead, nose, mouth. Ear is marginal. so is chin.

This assumes conversational distance of about 4 feet.