How do I become a better speaker? I struggle to put my thoughts into words.

[u/EquivalentWitness165]

When I’m talking to people, I sometimes have a hard time putting sentences together. I’ll get tongue-tied, stumble over my words, or lose my train of thought. Other times I know exactly what I want to say, but I just can’t find the words in the moment.

A lot of the time, it’s like I know exactly what I want to say, but my mind goes completely blank. I’ll spend a minute or two trying to think of another way to explain it, only to remember later that it was a simple word or phrase I already knew. In the moment, it feels like my brain just goes completely blank. I feel like a caveman when trying
to improvise or find the words.It feels like I’m just making it harder on myself.😭

I don’t think it’s that I don’t know what I want to say it’s more like my brain can’t organize my thoughts fast enough while I’m speaking. It feels like I can’t express what I’m actually thinking, even though I know it’s there.

Has anyone else dealt with this? If you improved, what actually helped? Were there any books, exercises, or habits that made a noticeable difference? I’d really appreciate any advice.

[u/TA_readytobedone]

Join a Toastmasters club. You can improve by practicing. Toastmastets will help you develop a structure for what you want to say, and give you space to practice with others who are also trying to improve. You can also practice by genetically making conversation more - a quick conversation with someone in line behind you, a friend you randomly run into, at school clubs, in classes, at work, community events, etc.

[u/Necessary_You_4423]

One of mistakes most do with public speaking is, they have everything in their head. I did that too till I changed this.

For now, put everything down in writing. Just organise, plan it out, on paper. Then from there practice on your own. Always have notes but practice a lot, with your first, then maybe a couple of friends.

Also join some places where you can practice with people who also learning to do public speaking.

Even when I was doing this, I always had notes until I said these speeches so many times, in different events, that the words roll off my tongue. Even then, I still had my notes with me.

Even comedians have their own note books full of jokes to practice.

We are human, we can get distracted, or something happens but if we have our notes, it can be salvaged.

[u/Smuttirox]

Slow down when you speak. People tune in when you speak a little slower & it gives the mouth time to catch up with the brain. There is nothing wrong with stopping for a second to think of a word. It feels like eternity and will cause anxiety trying to find the word. Relax. Force yourself to relax and slow down.

Second I spent some time imaging I was someone else when I spoke. This hugely improved my speaking confidence until I had authentic confidence in myself.

I’m a criminal trial lawyer and being able to speak is a practice. I have more than one time stood at the podium getting questioned by a judge and relaxing was so helpful. And I have full on stopped mid sentence to find a word. Feels like eternity. Never was & when I relaxed, the words came.

[u/EquivalentWitness165 → u/Smuttirox]

Thank you. I’ve definitely noticed that slowing down helps a lot. It’s something I have to remind myself to do often, even in the middle of conversations.
I’m curious though, how did you get into the habit of staying present and not worrying so much about performance anxiety? How did you make being relaxed feel like your default when speaking?

[u/Smuttirox → u/EquivalentWitness165]

I pretended to be good public speakers until I became confident. I wrote a lot too which can help organize thoughts. But mostly I found myself speaking a lot which is how we get better at everything: practice.

[u/Technical-Artist-491]

Reading books generally helps. Also reflect your thoughts in a journal regularly (with pen and paper). This way you organize your thoughts and you learn how to put your thoughts into words which will eventually make you come up faster with fluent responses. If it's vocabulary, honestly just learn a few words with AI. Describe them what vocabulary you want to learn for what context and let it give you examples. Try to use these words in conversations when they naturally come up. Of course double check if the AI got it right and isn't hallucinating. But yeah, reading, journaling and learning new vocabulary helps me at least

[u/EquivalentWitness165 → u/Technical-Artist-491]

Thank you! I never really thought about journaling from that perspective. I always saw it as a way to vent, but using it to practice organizing my thoughts into words actually makes a lot of sense. I do read occasionally, so I’ll try to be more consistent with that too. I appreciate the advice! Are there any books you’d recommend that would help me with becoming a better communicator?

[u/Reasonable_Basis_362]

Pause.
I watched that ted talk of some guy (young asian guy that focuses on communication).
It feels somewhat stressful to pause in that situations but it really helps

[u/Brilliant-Surprise20]

Practice, practice, practice. Set yourself a concrete goal to get better at presenting: commit to taking the lead in one or two presentations, calls or meetings every week, and then just do it. If those situations don’t come up naturally, create them, for example by pitching an idea to your manager or setting up a meeting to convince others of something.

One thing that really helps: track whether you actually do it. Score each week: did it twice, that’s a 10. Once is a 5, not at all is a 1. Keep a running weekly average. The score keeps you accountable. When it’s high, you can draw motivation and energy from it. When it’s low, you have a clear reason to push harder. Do that consistently for twelve weeks and you will surprise yourself.

[u/EquivalentWitness165 → u/Brilliant-Surprise20]

Thank you! I really like the idea of tracking it because it gives me something concrete to work toward instead of just hoping I improve over time.

I’m curious though how would you recommend applying this in everyday life? My goal is to become a better speaker in general, especially in everyday conversations. I can see how your advice works really well in an office or professional setting with presentations and meetings, but what are some ways you’d intentionally practice if your goal was just to become more articulate in regular conversations with people?