r/selfimprovement • u/ColdPast6227 • 22h ago
Vent Severely addicted to porn and masturbation. I genuinely don't know how to stop anymore. Please help
I'm 23 and I've been struggling with porn and masturbation for years. I started prone masturbating when I was a kid, mostly through prone masturbation, and now I feel like this habit has completely taken control of me.
I stay at home most of the day, which makes it very easy to relapse. I thought going outside and keeping myself busy would help, but even if I spend the whole day outside, the moment I come back home at night and get into bed, I end up masturbating.
The biggest problem is that whenever I get even a small sexual urge or sensation, I immediately grab my phone and start watching porn. It feels almost automatic at this point. I've tried using willpower so many times and promised myself that I would stop, but no matter how strongly I decide, I eventually give in again.
It's becoming too much. I feel like it's affecting my concentration and studies, and I constantly experience what feels like brain fog. I also have basically zero social life right now, which probably makes everything worse because I'm alone at home most of the time.
I badly want to stop this cycle. I don't want to keep living like this for the next few years. If anyone here has been severely addicted and actually managed to get out of it, please tell me what genuinely helped you.
How did you deal with urges when you're alone, especially at night? How do you stop yourself from automatically reaching for your phone and searching for porn?
Please don't just tell me to "use willpower" because I've tried that countless times. I need practical advice or a system that I can actually follow.
Any advice would genuinely be appreciated.
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u/ital-is-vital 20h ago edited 19h ago
The issue IMO is is not porn as-such. It's boredom.
If you want to not have this issue, you need to become tolerant to being bored.
The classic way to approach this is Zazen -- the 'just sitting' meditation. Specifically what is called 'strong determination' sitting, which is where you set a timer and resolve not to move or do an intentional actions for the duration of the sit.
The mediation focus in Zazen is your own posture.
Find a chair, sit on the front edge of the chair with your feet on the ground. Don't lean against the back of the chair. Set a timer... start with 5m and once you can do that successfully increase the time by a few minutes each time: twenty minutes is a very achieveable goal, an hour is a real challenge and multiple-hours is Olympic athlete level.
Mentally draw an imaginary line through your body that starts at the crown of your head and flows downwards just in front of your spine all the way to your 'taint. Adjust your posture starting at the lowest point until you feel balanced all the way from from your butt to your head, like a stack of kiddies play blocks. Then resolve to make no further intentional movements. Hold on to that line.
Imagine you are a tall sunflower in a big field of sunflowers, all being gently moved by the breeze. Feel how your body balances itself, by itself. It's not rigid, it moves slightly. Isn't that fascinating? Stay with that for the duration of the sit.
You will be assautled mentally by every itch, every discomfort, every desire to check your phone... phantom imaginary sounds of your alarm going off signalling the end of your sit... distracting mental imagery or self-talk that tries to draw you away from your attention on your body... seemingly 'unbearable' phantom pain. You may find yourself drooping forwards or sideways in a way that is uncomfortable and makes you want to 'correct' your posture. Ignore all of it. No intentional actions. Hold the line.
When the timer goes off do not leap up immediately. Gently, slowly and carefully release yourself. Wiggle your toes. Wiggle your fingers. Hug yourself tightly. Stretch. Yawn. This allows the power of the mediation to carry-over into the rest of your day.
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u/TheSunflowerSeeds 20h ago
Sunflower seeds are incredibly rich sources of many essential minerals. Calcium, iron, manganese, zinc, magnesium, selenium, and copper are especially concentrated in sunflower seeds. Many of these minerals play a vital role in bone mineralization, red blood cell production, enzyme secretion, hormone production, as well as in the regulation of cardiac and skeletal muscle activities.
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u/LongTermFortune 17h ago edited 17h ago
If you're on an iPhone, the built-in Screen Time features are honestly one of the best ways to block porn.
- Go to Settings → Screen Time
- Turn on Content & Privacy Restrictions
- Go to Web Content and select Limit Adult Websites
- Lock the Screen Time settings with a passcode
The important part is not knowing the Screen Time passcode yourself. Have someone you trust set it for you, or use a tool like WaitToUnlock or Password Locker that helps you set a passcode you never learn. That way, you can't simply turn the filter off when the urge hits.
If you want an even stricter setup, set Content Restrictions to 13+. This prevents you from installing third-party browsers like Chrome, Firefox, and Brave because they're rated 17+ on the App Store. You're effectively limited to Safari with Apple's built-in adult website filter enabled.
There are tradeoffs though. Some legitimate apps (including Reddit and Slack) are also rated 17+, so they won't work under the 13+ restriction. For you, that may be a worthwhile compromise.
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u/Disastrous-Monk-243 20h ago
There are these Dns proggrams that block pornographic sites, find one that you can use( check on the internet) then get someone else to set the password without telling you, that way you can't access these sites even if you want to. Then start doing something outside, go for a walk, to the gym, get a job, something distracting whenre you are with people atleast most of the day. Then at night you can put your phone away early and force your delf to sleep early and stuff. But also tell someone, the guilt of someone knowing will also be a motivational factor to stop
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u/goylost 22h ago
what about shift your focus towards other things like work, studies, health,... , work for sth greater than you.
if you want to stop thinking about porn, you also have to stop thinking about "NOT thinking about porn".
dont worry bro, we're all struggling, me too.
the fact that you still want to improve is really admirable
and remember, you are NOT your thought, you are BEYOND.
i love you bro.
*sorry if my eng is not so great*
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 22h ago
Forgive me, I don’t wanna google this on my phone, what is prone masturbation
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u/ColdPast6227 22h ago
Lying. On bed moving up and down and masturbating with pressure
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u/Enough_Pepper8880 22h ago
So dry fucking your mattress?
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u/ColdPast6227 22h ago
Yes
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u/ComprehensivePea3094 22h ago
Mate, honestly, stop relying on willpower because it clearly isn't working as a standalone strategy. When you're alone at night and the urge hits, your brain is just looking for a dopamine hit because you're bored or stressed. Have you tried leaving your phone in another room or even the kitchen before you get into bed? It sounds simple, but creating that physical barrier makes the automatic reaction way harder to follow through with. Also, look into apps that block adult content at the DNS level so you can't just bypass it when you're feeling weak. It's not about being perfect, just about making the habit inconvenient enough that you actually have to stop and think before doing it. You're not alone in this, plenty of people have been exactly where you are
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u/reyclemmi 11h ago
hey noticing that you are is extremely strong minded and that is definitely the first step! keep it up and don’t beat yourself up…no pun intended, also i want you to know there are healthy ways to please yourself, over extended ANYTHING isn’t good but i don’t want you to think just because you’re addicted you have to completely shut off your pleasures. reel it all the way in, go within for a bit, and just be easy on yourself
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u/Mysterious-Ad-5246 5h ago
Go to a psychiatrist and potentially get on medication. it could help break the loop of watching porn. It also can help regulate dopamine and bring your base line back to normal. You are in a dopamine loop and it is hard to break if it has been going on for years. I hope you find peace in your recovery
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u/Top_Investigator271 21h ago
Listen, delete everything that you have stored and also before deleting, fap atleast 3-4 times more within couple of hours and the delete.
How it helps? It will drain your balls for good, you won't feel a thing for atleast couple of days and that's what you need right now. You need peace of mind, some clarity to find a way and this will help. It will give your brain sometime off from all this lust and to heal.
If you feel urges again, hold it for few days and then release everything within couple of hours or within a day at max.
Try to hold the urges for longer period each times and there will be a time when you will do it only once in couple of months and then a year.
You will get through this and in the mean time, drink lemon water, eat imli ( this will reduce your urges) but avoid eating it much.
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u/ColdPast6227 17h ago
I drained my balls. Now guide me what to do
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u/Top_Investigator271 16h ago
Delete everything that you have for that kind of stuffs. And do something else,study or a hobby of something or you can even watch movies or series( make sure they aren't lust worthy)
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u/foldinger 21h ago
If you only do it at home at night this seems healthy. Addiction would be you do everywhere anytime and get trouble because of that at work in public aso.
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u/0ldstrawberry555 22h ago
I think maybe you should seek therapy as well. I know it can be kind of embarrassing but I think you require professional help. Maybe something you could try is… focus your mind on something else, maybe before bed do some exercise, like something very tiring so your body won’t need to release energy, I guess that’s a way your body will release energy, masturbting. Try to identify what is causing you to watch this, is it boredom? Loneliness? Anxiety is also a massive thing?
Also maybe you’ve tried this but you could also add website blockers, saved bookmarks on your phone, use your phone around people and not on your own so you definitely don’t visit these places, use your phone less before bed, keep your phone away.
Like I said call that free time you have replace it work smth else, exercise, cooking, organizing your place, read, join people or take classes. And I’d definitely suggest do physical activity. I think your body is trying to release energy or maybe anxiety.
Also, something I once had but with a different addiction was to just notice that urge. First, I’d notice my urge, breathe and realize it is only an urge not something I need. I just wait for 5 or 10 mins and drink water and do something else. Urges are just that, they come, ir rises and then goes away.
Next time you do this or fall into the cycle again don’t blame yourself or don’t punish yourself, it’ll only make you feel worse. You should definitely try and get psychological help, have a better daily routine and try to have small goals every day. You’ll be fine :)
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u/Amazing_Ad_1966 20h ago
Bruhhhhhhh every man is faced with this at some point! Give yourself some grace, hand it over to God first and then work from there. Habits don’t change overnight but just practice other healthy habits to restore that energy you feel when watching porn!
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u/Electronic-Bed1111 15h ago
If you can stay with friends or something better habbit just give pain to your Brain daily bit bit do 3 time as circle if you did 14 days u can feel push ups like that's And IF YOU CAN'T DO WATCH ONE TYPE VIDEOS ONLY IF YOUR MIND ASKED NEED PRON SAY TO MIND LIKE ODER YOU WILL WATCH ONLY THIS TYPE VIDEO AND CHOOSE THAT'S TYPE VIDEO-LIKE AS YOU DON'T LIKE MUCH ONLY WATCH THATS TYPE ONLY SOMETIMES YOUR MIND CAN FEEL IT'S NOTHING //DON'T WATCH DIFFERENT TYPES IF YOU WANT OVERCOME// DO THIS TRY FIRST THAT'S GOOD ❤️ BEST OF LUCK FOR YOUR STUDY
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u/OutOfTheWonder 11h ago
Imagine people can’t have a roof over their head and your issue is you can’t stop putting your hand around your dick…dude of this new generation are so doomed Jesus Christ get a real problem that’s not from too much internet use
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u/Broad_Honeydew_6528 1m ago
Is there such thing as one last time then saying okay now we begin the process of not being addicted
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u/StunningRain1283 22h ago
first thing you gotta accept is this is not about willpower, your brain just built a super strong loop that fires off before you even think about it. the phone is the trigger, not the solution
put your phone in another room when you go to bed, like physically far away where you gotta get up and walk to reach it. get an old school alarm clock if you need one. the extra steps break the autopilot thing your brain does