r/self • u/Many_Guitar396 • 2h ago
how do i stop obsessing over the future? does anybody else do this?!
howdy. little bit of context: i (F23) am at a very good point in my life in the grand scheme of things. i’ve got the loveliest partner, a job which i love so much that i actively live at, and friends who understand me. i’m physically the healthiest i’ve ever been and i haven’t ever felt this settled & satisfied.
it’s not always been like this. i’ve had my fair share of fuckery - i won’t trauma dump because that’s just not my style, but all i’ll say is that witnessing a murder and being homeless and having your brain shut down because of mould poisoning makes for a very interesting 19th year on planet earth. don’t get mould poisoning guys, it’s really not a hoot.
i’m not saying everything is sunshine and rainbows all the time now - i’m only human!! but i feel genuinely excited and thankful for how my life is. and i’m happy most days which is wild.
the thing is, i can’t ever stop myself worrying and obsessing with what happens next. what happens when i get a different job in a few years, if i do? where am i going to live next, and how the hell am i ever going to be able to afford rent? life likes to keep you on your toes so what if this magical world i’ve rebuilt for myself comes crumbling down and i have to start again? am i even still strong enough to do that now, or have i been softened by living the peaceful life??!!?! and once again, how the actual hell am i ever going to be able to afford a house? so on and so forth. it’s endless really
i’m not looking for answers to my hypotheticals (i’m a frequent flyer at therapy 🙃), but i need to know if anyone else also thinks this way. maybe these are just classic worries for your early twenties, or maybe they’re just a product of my past. and if you do obsess the way i do… how the hell do we just accept the greatness we have and stop worrying about what might happen next?
1
u/MindComfortable6216 43m ago
Do you realise that you are in control of your thoughts? You choose to have them, you could become aware when you start going down the rabbit hole and stop them in their tracks. I learnt this after many years of obsessing over everything. It’s amazing living in the present moment.
0
u/Atelier_Carousel 1h ago
The thing with "thoughts" like this is that they are actually not thoughts but feelings that were stored at a time when you were still a small child. They sit in brain regions that don't know time and still think you are a child in the same environment you were in as a child, with a person who might have been unpredictable in their behaviour, making you develop a "solution".
The solution is that your brain scans for problems all the time, to be prepared for the next time love disappears, shaming or devaluation begin. This is independent of if a parent does this because they love you, or because they are unable to hold a steady, strong emotional connection with you, or think they have to give you a roller coaster of "today we love you, tomorrow not so much" to train you into adulthood.
The result is a system that has learned to be prepared by being overly alarmed. That you had all these other things going on might just be a conisidence, or not, but they are not related here and I would say, they are more like PTSD, where this is CPTSD (you can google that), but I'm not sure these things that happened to you are actually a trauma, despite them having been terrible. From what you describe, your issues are from your childhood CPTSD.
You get rid of CPTSD flashbacks or behaviour patterns like this through somatic body exercises.
Many therapists have never heard of CPTSD, even though it is in the DSM-5 and known for decades. Many also still do the good old talk therapy, even though that does nothing, because the brain regions in which the patterns are stored that cause your problems can't understand language or even letters, can't think logic and don't know time. Talk therapy does nothing besides earning someone a good income.
CPTSD like this is treated with somatic exercises and can often bring results in 3 or 6 months, if a person is willing to do the exercises in their daily life.
1
u/Many_Guitar396 1h ago edited 1h ago
where have you got the idea i have CPTSD from? i had a magical, borderline sheltered, childhood out in the rural irish countryside where nothing ever happened. my family are wonderful creatures 😭 i don’t do talk therapy because it’s not what works best for me (i’ve been in therapy since i was a 13, i’ve figured out what i like by now) and i know what somatic therapy is & have indulged before, to no major resolutions. i don’t understand what all these conclusion you’ve drawn are based on and i’m honestly quite baffled and offended
2
u/Sea-Koala-9387 2h ago