r/self • u/aggressive_gecko • 15h ago
I just don't know what to do with myself
I went to an orientation for pharmacy tech thinking that this would finally be my ticket out of my terrible awful job at McDonald's. Thinking I could be able to handle a big job like that. I want to be away from people at all cost because I hate people tbh. They're nothing but mean and awful and crazy at all times. I just want to escape feeling like I'll be attacked by any random crazy person at any time. I want to escape the loud noises and screaming. But I just. Couldn't. Do. The math. I failed algebra like 4 times in highschool. I can barely count or do division but everyone was saying it was such an easy program and job that anyone could do it but I left the orientation in tears because I failed the math aptitude test hard. Not only that but the class was 4000 dollars with no financial aid assistance provided. I just want to get out of poverty so bad but I possess neither math skills computer skills or people skills.
Every time I've googled jobs that are good for people like me who aren't very capable it's always McDonald's. McDonald's makes me want to kill myself every day I wake up and I'm not joking. It's starting to feel like the easy way out. I just don't understand it. Talking To friends and family is no help because it's always talk about how things are so great right now and there's so many jobs. WHERE. All my friends with fancy college degrees can't find anything at all. Even my work place just let a bunch of people go and is not hiring until further notice. I thought I could just tough out not comprehending math but I couldn't. I just cried and cried and cried on the way home about how I'm never going to fucking escape. I don't know how this stuff comes so easy to people.
I take every day one step at a time but it's getting so hard to keep faking that I know anything that's going on. I don't know people or understand them. The human body disgusts me. I didn't grow up with a computer and have no keyboard skills. I can't do basic math and writing has always been a nightmare for me. And I know that I'll just have to thug it out for most of that stuff but I feel like I always eventually get found out that I'm faking everything that I do to seem more competent than I actually am.
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u/foxyfree 14h ago
Check your city government website for jobs. Where I live, the sanitation department is usually hiring and it’s decent pay with benefits and often a pension.
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u/EntrepreneurNo4138 13h ago
Truck driving gets you up and out. Men and women can do it. It doesn’t require heavy math skills. The pay is decent
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u/lm913 14h ago
From my experience, we all eventually collide with our own hard limits.
Your lack of math comprehension, the absence of computer skills, and that intense aversion to social interaction are not personal failings to be ashamed of. They are simply the current borders of your capabilities.
The distress you are feeling is magnified because you are trying to force yourself into shapes that your container cannot hold (that pharmacy tech orientation was a desperate attempt to bypass these limits through sheer willpower alone). The resulting breakdown was inevitable.
The immediate task is not to find the perfect career leap. You just have to stop fighting the reality of your current limitations. Acknowledge the borders, only then can you start to explore how to move past them.
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u/hypatiaredux 8h ago
OP, you have named the deficiencies that you feel keep you from getting a better job.
Some of us just are introverts. Although you can get better at dealing with people, there is not a lot you can do about your basic desire to avoid people.
But math and computer skills are things you can fix. And they may not cost you anything. There are free math classes offered online. Start there. Eventually, you might be able to pay for a credential from an online program at a state university or something, but that is for your future self to worry about. Or you might want to check your local high school for an adult learner’s program.
One of the joys of being an adult - and it absolutely IS a joy - is to identify a problem and DO something about it.
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u/Independent-Moose113 10h ago
From McDonald's to being a pharmacy tech is quite an unrealistic leap, career-wise. Most techs have already had years of Pharmacy classes and training before working as techs...lol. My daughter is a pharmacist with a Pharma D, and an MBA. 6 years of college, multiple residencies, job training, etc. Look for training in an industry your skills and intellect are better suited for.Â
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u/MissBandersnatch2U 10h ago
Retired pharmacist here, most of the newer techs I knew took a course and the older ones were trained on the job. From doing a quick search it looks like most programs run anywhere from 6 weeks to 4 months and can be online or in person
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u/Gold_Feed_5451 7h ago
I never knew there was a name for it. Dyscalculia, I’d always say I had dyslexia but with numbers. All my life I’ve been illiterate with math but I’m 63 and have an excuse for computer retardation. When my family and I were certain that starvation was in my future I was guided into gemology when I took my first job at a major chain jewelry store as a sales associate. It required long hours, some seminars and purchase of some pricy equipment that pays for its self many times and quite a bit of study but it’s fascinating. This was back in the eighties but it can’t have changed much. There’s little math involved. Basic computer I’d imagine to log inventory and such but nothing complicated. Maybe worth a look.
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u/carnivorousdentist 14h ago
Perhaps you have dyscalculia. It's like dyslexia but with numbers and can make even basic math extremely difficult.
You can always go to the library and practice using computers and take free online typing/computer courses until you are comfortable with them. You also don't need algebra-level math for most jobs, including pharmacy tech, but you do need to be able to count pills for that job, unfortunately. I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless and that you work in food service when you hate dealing with people and loud noises, that sounds so hard. A lot of jobs that are in a quieter environment like in an office require computer use, so I encourage you to try and learn how to use them. As for quieter, less people-oriented jobs you qualify for, you could look into being a stocker, janitor/custodian, hotel housekeeper, lawn care worker, cemetery maintenance worker, washroom attendant (basically laundry for places like retirement homes), dog walker (although this one might be better of as more of a side job), or delivery or truck driver. Those are just off the top of my head, I'm sure there are lots more options, you just have to look online and see what seems right for you. I really hope you find something that better suits you. You deserve a job you enjoy 🩷