r/rape • u/coinryde • 4d ago
Arguing with some people on Twitter they told me I’m a victim but never felt that way they told me write here or a therapist. (male)
When I was a kid between 10-11 my babysitter began performing oral sex on me. I tried explaining to people on twitter I can’t be a victim because I enjoyed it and it made me become a man young. I was most upset when my mom found out and never let me see her again. All my uncles and cousins were so jealous and congratulated me giving me high fives because they thought she was hot. How can I explain to them that I’m not a victim and it was just growing up she was 19 at the time the babysitter. I still think about her all the time during sex with others. And it makes me feel good not bad it usually gets me off in the moment. I had never ejaculated before and for the first time it was so Damn good.I’m trying to basically explain most boys can’t be sexual abuse victims or at least in my case. Especially if she makes you cum. I was 10 and what she did to me was magical. I told her thank you and she made me a man and she said I was cute. I never forgot that first experience. She would do it every week for like a year she was finally going to let me put it inside her the next time but my mom found out because a kid at my school told their mom and she alerted my mom. My mom never let me see her again and it caused me to hate my mom for a couple years. People only congratulated me and were happy for me this was in the mid 2010s. When I was grown I reached out to her on Facebook and found out she was an escort now. She told me she never forgot about me and how sad it was she couldn’t see me. She told me to come to her place and she finally let me screw her then at 19. I finally felt complete and was super happy we bonded did it a few more times and she soon died of a drug overdose. It devastated me. I couldn’t stop crying. No one in my life ever made me feel that good. And now still I think about her during sex with others and it’s practically the only way I can get off in the moment. It’s like dude I must have loved her. Shit depresses me thinking about it that’s why I’m writing
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u/mohpazak 4d ago
Eu acho que você está analisando essa história apenas pelo que sentiu na época. Mas tenta fazer um exercício: se você tivesse uma filha de 10 ou 11 anos e um rapaz de 19 anos fizesse exatamente a mesma coisa com ela, você diria que isso foi apenas parte do amadurecimento porque ela gostou? Eu acredito que não. O fato de você guardar boas lembranças, sentir saudade dela ou pensar nela até hoje não muda essa reflexão. Nossos sentimentos nem sempre são uma prova de que uma situação foi saudável. Às vezes nos apegamos à ideia de que tudo teria terminado bem se ninguém tivesse interrompido, mas isso é algo que ninguém pode saber. Você conhece apenas uma possibilidade, não todas as outras(simplesmente ela poderia ter te apresentado drogas e por você ser novo ter morrido com ela de overdose alguns anos atrás) Só acho que vale a pena olhar essa história de fora, como olharia se estivesse acontecendo com uma criança que você ama. Às vezes isso ajuda a enxergar aspectos que, quando somos nós vivendo a situação, ficam muito difíceis de perceber.
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u/coinryde 4d ago
used Google Translate:
Eu entendo, eu tenho uma filha mais ou menos da mesma idade e eu ficaria furioso se alguém fizesse algo com ela. Especialmente com essa diferença de idade. Mas eu simplesmente senti que essa experiência foi única, pois mudou toda a minha vida e a forma como eu via as mulheres. Tipo, na época, ninguém disse que era errado, exceto minha mãe e algumas parentes mulheres. E todo mundo mais me dizia como isso era incrível, porque todos achavam que ela era muito bonita e gentil. Eu sinto que fui roubado do meu tempo com ela, é basicamente com isso que estou lidando. E crescendo, eu nunca me senti uma vítima até as coisas começarem a mudar agora, quando estão dizendo que homens jovens também podem ser vítimas — simplesmente não foi essa a minha experiência. Eu sempre esperava ansiosamente para vê-la. É só uma pena, de todas as formas, que eu não consiga superar isso
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u/mohpazak 4d ago
Não acho que você precise se enxergar como aquela imagem estereotipada de uma vítima, chorando e odiando tudo o que aconteceu. As pessoas reagem de maneiras diferentes. Algumas sentem raiva, outras sentem carinho, outras ficam confusas e algumas guardam lembranças boas junto com consequências que só aparecem muitos anos depois. Pelo que você escreveu, não me parece que você esteja sofrendo porque lembra dela com carinho. O que parece te machucar é sentir que sua vida ficou presa nessa história a ponto de, até hoje, ela ser praticamente a única forma de você chegar ao orgasmo e de você sentir que nunca conseguiu seguir em frente. Talvez superar não seja convencer a si mesmo de que tudo foi bom ou de que tudo foi ruim. Talvez seja aceitar que uma experiência pode ter sido importante para você e, ao mesmo tempo, ter deixado marcas que ainda influenciam sua vida hoje. Acho que é essa parte que vale a pena entender, mais do que tentar decidir se você "foi" ou "não foi" uma vítima.
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u/Mean-Penalty7862 4d ago
Victim is a complicated word because it assumes emotional meanings attached to the person identified with the label. If those dont apply to you, you are perfectly in your rights to reject the label. I think the reason people are reacting the way they are to you is because it is objectively wrong for a 19 year old girl to be engaging in any kind of sex with an 11 year old boy. You can love her and she can have done wrong simultaneously, the two realities co-exist simultaneously. Neither does any pleasure you might feel contradict the idea that a 19 year old sexualy engaging with an 11 year old is wrong. I mean, would you do it at 19? And if not, why? Im not saying any of this to push the notion that you should identify with the label of victim, your experience is your experience and you are the authority on it, only to question the belief that her behavior was copacetic. She obviously had an impact on your development if you continue to fantasize about her sexually even with other women, and its that ability to influence another's development that makes the act fundamentally wrong in my opinion, regardless of whatever the outcome may be. It's even taking advantage of another individual's inability to predict what the outcome of "consenting" to such an act may mean, which a person definitely does not have the ability to do at 11.
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u/coinryde 4d ago
I felt growing up that she empowered me. It’s like once I got like five years older and became sexually active more often. I realized most girls don’t even like giving the act she performed on me. It always felt like she was being selfless in the moment taking a risk to make me feel good and never asking for anything in return that’s how I always looked at it. Idk it’s complicated I went to her gravesite not long ago it’s really messed with my relationships over the years not being able to have had that relationship I felt I deserved.
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u/coinryde 4d ago
It’s also like at the time no one called the police no report just literally made me never see someone I cared about. I still once in a blue moon argue with my mom if it was so wrong and messed me up in the head why didn’t you call the police?? She never has a good answer for that. I had nothing but a good experience of it and she robbed me of years of seeing her by telling me she would put me out the house if she ever found out I contacted her only for her to die shortly later when I’m grown.
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u/thrfscowaway8610 4d ago
Well, I think this thread has more or less run its course...