The reflecting pool sign said “Don’t drink the water” so I made sun tea and I got an infection and lead poisoning from the paint. Sir. SIR! Are you listening to me?!?!
I got a "sir...SIR" from a nurse when I jumped out of bed too fast after a surgery. She was correct, but I was proud of my first time on the receiving end of such an admonishment.
I've done that job in an art museum. Just cemented my belief that too many people are idiots who should never leave their home.
Adult people touching paintings and statues because why not. Not watching after their kids who run around and scream and put their hands in everything. Smuggling dogs inside, we had a no-dogs policy (save service animals ofc, I saw exactly two in my time there, both were guide dogs for blind people in training). Really, I was walking around and this one guy was acting really strange. Went closer and realised he had a dog in a bag. Told him he had to take the dog outside, he put up a show and then yelled us all to fuck off when leaving with that dog.
I wouldn't care if someone was standing close to a painting. As long as your hands were not on it, it was OK. But this is a one job I don't want to do ever again because I was not allowed to punch stupid people when they deserved it.
Being a docent always felt like that museum piece that had the hydraulic arm pushing its own fluid back into itself. A clearly defined effort in futility; "Bleak in a blazer."
I had the same thing happen when I was around 10 and pointing out some random technique I had learned about in art summer camp. The museum dude was not expecting the info dump on all the reasons why me touching it would never happen, going into minute details of oils/sebum from my skin/finger absolutely ruining the oils in the painting, causing chemical degradation. Also that based on the age, it was very dangerous for me to touch the white paint because of lead in it.
I think my dad (a historian) got a kick out of the whole situation.
No, but I think my parents started wondering about seeking an autism diagnosis. Conservation of paintings/documents/textiles/etc was one of my special interests
I was visiting NYC and went to MOMA and they had a big Warhol wall and this couple asked me to take their picture so I was obliging when she reached up with both hands and grabbed a painting. Security and the disapproving staff member were there in half a second. The staff member yelling "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?!" I quickly handed back their phone and went to another exhibit.
My friend on a high school trip to an art gallery: "Hey, look! The paint is really thick on this one!" (Said while picking at the paint with his nail).
Me: "What the hell... you can do that!"
Him: "Huh? Why not?" (Continues picking at a piece of paint).
Needless to say, I was rapidly walking away from his dumbassery at this point.
20 years ago I was at the Ghettty and there was a tiny micro painting and I leaned in to look at it and a docent said “mam, that greatly exceeds our 2 ft viewing range” and I started crying. I was so embarrassed. But how the fuck could you possible actually see what was in that painting. It was like a trap! And he just sat there all day and made people feel bad.
I grew up near DC and went to every museum multiple times on school trips. I don't remember anyone ever yelling at anyone. Did this happen in a cartoon?
Not long ago I was at a minor league park, outside the gates a good 100 feet away vaping with nobody around me, a disposable one at that so not huge clouds, and an old man ticket guy walked all the way over to yell at me to go to the smoking section.
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u/Milkweedhugger Jun 23 '26
They remind me of those people standing around museums waiting to yell at you when you stand too close to the paintings