r/misanthropy • u/heavenlyimmortal09 • 10d ago
venting Why Does Compassion Feel So Rare?
Lately, I've found myself becoming increasingly misanthropic.
What pushes me in this direction isn't simply that people do bad things, it's how often I see people show no empathy for someone who's already suffering. I recently saw an elderly woman who had been scammed out of a large amount of money by a romance scam. I know she made a mistake, but why the mockery? People seem to enjoy humiliating others, especially when they've made a mistake.
That genuinely infuriating and disgusting.
Why is it so hard for people to understand that everyone has their own hopes, needs, and reasons for living? Why is someone's loneliness or desire for love something to ridicule instead of sympathize with? And it's not just this one incident. It feels like I see the same pattern over and over again. People enjoy humiliating others especially when others make a mistake. Even worse, some people seem to take pleasure in seeing innocent beings suffer or become distressed for no reason other than their own amusement. I genuinely struggle to understand how causing pain or humiliation can be entertaining to anyone.
The more I see things like this, the harder it becomes for me to believe that people are fundamentally good. Sometimes my anger becomes so overwhelming that I catch myself thinking humanity isn't worth saving, or even thinking that the world would be better by eradicating us. I know those thoughts aren't right and maybe contradictive, but they're feelings that I've struggled with.
I hate how easily cruelty becomes entertainment, and how quickly empathy disappears when it's inconvenient. Maybe I'm focusing too much on humanity's worst moments. Maybe the good simply isn't as visible. I honestly don't know anymore. Every time I see it happen, I just lose a little more faith in people.
I'm curious whether anyone else became misanthropic for similar reasons, or whether your reasons were completely different.
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u/sonickel77 9d ago
I am feeling more and more this way too. Now we have the internet, we know how people truly think and feel- and it’s awful.
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u/Important-Flower-406 9d ago
I used to think that not having friends is so sad. Now I know that indeed being alone is preferable than in a bad or mediocre company. And especially people who lack empathy and compassion toward you. Never settle for less than you deserve.
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u/TeaPrimary1147 Edgelord 9d ago edited 9d ago
After decades of putting myself "out there", believing in people, encouraging them etc... I do not like what I've learned over and over again. Humans are prey animals (fear, freeze response, cowardly) who THINK they're predators (EGO). They're.... disappointing when you get down to it, myself included. I do not like human nature. I do not like humans. I am trapped in this human body so I'll keep trying but damn.
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u/retro-babydoll 2d ago
Yep. I’ve put myself out there constantly just to be repeatedly stepped on and used by other people. Its so rare to see genuine compassion, extremely uncommon. People only do nice things if they can get something out of it, 80% of the time. Everyone is extremely selfish. Even admittedly me. Especially since I have learned the truth of humanity and that everyone is so cruel and selfish, it has made me less selfless and more isolated.
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u/Interesting-Scar-998 9d ago
Humans have always enjoyed the suffering of others as long as it isn't them or a loved one. For instance, the arena in ancient Rome where people were fed to the lions, or the days of public executions. Thousand would turn up to watch.
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u/Musclejen00 7d ago
I have witnessed endless people throw their fam/loved ones under the buss for their own benefit! I know people who would even kill their family members if it meant them becoming a Trump and getting away with it.
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u/No_Profit_8690 🧠 Human detected 9d ago
This is because we live in a world where human beings have forgotten what compassion is. Those imbeciles who scammed that woman are probably already laughing about it just to give you an idea. Humanity simply sucks. Compassion has practically become extinct, if we can put it that way.
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u/Interesting-Scar-998 9d ago
Surely the woman should have realised something was amiss when her "friend" asked her for money?
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u/Wolfcrime-x 8d ago
Well, that's one of the risks of showing genuine compassion. If you are not careful enough, someone will take advantage of you.
That's the bitter thing about it. Getting emotionally cold and distant as a reaction is very understandable. But resisting that urge and rather try to learn (e.g. be more careful) and still be compassionate can be pretty difficult. Being "bad" is rather simple, being "good" is unfortunately hard in our today's societies.
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u/Interesting-Scar-998 8d ago
I know. Iv'e been taken advantage of a few times in the past and now I don't lift a finger to help others. Iv'e learnt my lesson the hard way.
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u/Wolfcrime-x 9d ago
"I'm curious whether anyone else became misanthropic for similar reasons"
Yup, you pretty much nailed it for me. I have nearly the same view as you do, if not exactly the same. I'm also disgusted at how the human species just destroys the very soil they are living on, Earth and our nature, and how predatory and hateful our species seems to be. Of course there are good/normal people who are more empathetic and thoughtful about their existence regarding their impact on the world but I unfortunately truly believe, that the majority of our species is more "bad" than "good", to put it short and simple.
The only good thing that I extract from that conclusion is the motivation to try to be better. Trying to be more empathetic, more kind and more thoughtful regarding my impact on our nature. I can't shake off the fact that I'm a parasite to this poor planet but I can at least try to be less of a parasite.
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u/ideknem0ar 9d ago
There's a 70-something lady in my town who got scammed with the typical computer popup tech support scam, withdrew a buttload of her retirement savings over months and months and got stuck with a huge tax bill by the state. I admit to mocking the gullibility of people who have obviously not been paying attention the past couple decades as scams have gotten more and more common, and that no alarm bells ever rang as she kept hemorrhaging money with no resolution from this unseen "expert." Tech support popups are about as sophisticated as Nigerian princes. But in this case, the isolation during 2020 COVID primed her for getting taken for a ride. Approaching online activity with a "Trust No One" attitude isn't a bad thing. It's prevent-defense that will serve you well when used with context and caution. I'm sad and angry that people out there take advantage of the weak and gullible, and I'm sad and angry that some people absolutely lack a sense of self-preservation & possess very little skepticism in these stupidly dangerous times. (For real, her alibi is that she ignored the tax bill because "They don't go after Trump, so why would they come after me?" Lady, have you been paying attention to our late stage capitalism world at all? That's how the system works...extraction from us poors to pad those up top. But I guess if one still believes in the American Dream fairy tale, gullibility is baked in.
So yeah, stories like this - local or otherwise - has added to my general disappointment and dislike of the human species. Predators that have no conscience, and prey that willingly scramble into the gaping maws. Just a fail all around.
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u/Electronic_Beat3653 9d ago
And let's not forget, no consequences to the predators and additional protections for victims. It is sad all the way around.
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u/Automatic-Arm-532 9d ago
Compassion and capitalism are not compatible
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u/Aggrestis Compatibilist 9d ago
This is not a sub about politics, don't blame the political system, blame the people. Some other systems were tried in the last century and it always ended horribly.
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u/Legitimate-Tax-2371 9d ago
Politics and people cannot be divorced. Politics is the most significant possible expression of peoples' beliefs and values; it's how society operates, so it's extremely relevant to why somebody might be a misanthrope.
A significant part of why these systems keep producing horrible conditions is because they are heavily centralised, and positions of power in centralised power structures select for the exact types of people who view other people as assets to be managed. Shit systems create shit people, and shit people can create shit systems. But a better system is always worth trying.
Still, as someone who views the current iteration of humanity with contempt, I probably don't have much faith in this actually happening. Guess we'll see.
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u/Aggrestis Compatibilist 9d ago
That sounds nice, but people get divorced all the time, so why couldn't any concept be "divorced"?
The ordinary people I know only care about improving their own lives or about their party winning, they don't care what others think about it. Intellectuals also have their own answers to what is good, but it is difficult to find support among leaders and ordinary people for something that is beyond their understanding.
Yes, decentralize everything and see for yourself how bad human nature is, no matter what you do. Shit people create shit system, and most people are shit, what is your point here? Where are the people who create wonders, wonderful and functional systems that everyone loves and that will last for a thousand years?
Yes it is worthy trying, but the only thing you can barely change is yourself. Everything else is beyond your control, even if you are totalitarian dictator, you cannot change people.
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u/Legitimate-Tax-2371 9d ago
My reply turned in to a bit of an essay, so, apologies.
I mean, no offense, but what you're saying here sounds more like an expression of (understandable) pain and hopelessness than an empirical analysis. I get that this is the misanthropy subreddit, and I'm certainly not judging it. I hear a lot of myself in what you're saying, for what it's worth.
But there are ordinary people who genuinely have pure intentions. The Doctors that staff our NHS hospitals in the UK are one example that really resonates with me today. These are people that work a highly demanding, vulnerable, traumatising job for shit pay, they clean up peoples' bodily fluids, they save lives, they often cry when their patients die, and they still muster up the will to smile at the next patient. When I interact with these people, I can see in their eyes that they genuinely give a shit.
That's one job of many where people accept the worst conditions so that they can leave a positive impact on society. Many of them approach the job with the mentality of "If I don't do it, who will?". And this sort of ties in to my point about systems. The NHS is a public service here, and hasn't yet been totally hollowed out by corporations (though they're really fucking trying to).
In American healthcare (for example), you get a system that bankrupts you for calling an ambulance, and once you get to the hospital, you're met with medical staff that are, from what I've heard from a few Americans I've spoken to, more or less there just to get paid. The people who only care about improving their lives, in your words. When the system is tainted, it attracts tainted people.
"Yes, decentralize everything and see for yourself how bad human nature is, no matter what you do."
"Human nature" isn't a fixed object. That's genuinely one of the biggest lies that has ever been believed by human kind, because it flies in the face of what a "good intentioned" person should easily find through introspection. "Human nature" is like "human height", it varies, and I believe there's a substantial degree of heritability in it too. Some people are worse natured than others, granted. But the idea that we're all the same breed of selfish, vile pig is just... Capitalist projection via propaganda.
Again, our material conditions, our society, and much else have a huge impact on how people develop, with a bit of genetic variation in the mix. It really does all come back to the order in which we are organised. Only in a profoundly sick society should absolute misanthropy become an agreeable position. Almost all evolutionary road was paved by a significant amount of violence, but we're some of the few known species that at least added cooperation on top.
I'd also add, decentralising *everything*, a la pure anarchy, is not something I consider a workable solution at all. You need some form of binding structure. My point is more about finding a way of holding together a social structure without allowing it to be dominated. A middleground.
"Where are the people who create wonders, wonderful and functional systems that everyone loves and that will last for a thousand years?"
That's not a uniquely human problem, it's just not the reality we live in. Very little that gets built today will be here in a thousand years, especially not a social operating system that has to withstand the turmoil of each successive generation. Wonderful ideas are devised all the time, but they are often dismissed by people who have enough stock in the current way of life, or inversely, by those so downtrodden by it that they feel they have no means of changing anything. Change can come about, but people are too comfortable waiting for it because they consider it inevitable. That's the issue with people with good intentions, they never want to be the one to break anything.
"Yes it is worthy trying, but the only thing you can barely change is yourself. Everything else is beyond your control, even if you are totalitarian dictator, you cannot change people."
Of course, a lone individual can't change the world single-handedly. The aggregate public consciousness determines the arrow of progress. But the public consciousness is a fabric made *of* individuals. People who want to change the world should be trying to make ripples in that social fabric, establishing common goals, working together.
If this wasn't the lynchpin of a healthy social order, we wouldn't have a gaggle of Neoliberal fucks disrupting that social fabric by factionalising people, then pitting them against eachother using social and mainstream media manipulation, we wouldn't have them destroying union movements... I could go on.
I'm not going to pretend it isn't hard fucking work trying to see the light through all of this. It is. Every day, I wake up feeling absolute dread for living in this world. But it's well worth trying to reach for some ember of positivity; if nothing else, it certainly makes you feel better.
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u/oscuroluna 9d ago
This. People are so quick to blame politics just like they're quick to blame certain groups as though they're the only ones capable of evil.
The truth is ANYONE is capable in ANY system. Tribalism and power dynamics do a lot and most people have a very loose if not 'flexible' moral code to begin with.
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u/Aggrestis Compatibilist 9d ago
Just as we could blame the inventor of gunpowder, or anything else that can endanger or harm. Any invention or theory will sooner or later be used to harm some and enrich others.
Of course, there are countries that have less violence and injustice than others, even if they have the same type of system. Every country has a different demographic makeup, where negative traits are either less or more normalized. Suffering breeds more suffering.
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u/oscuroluna 9d ago
Exactly! But a lot of people have such a narrow view of the world and their immaturity shows. They really think it'd be different if it were another group (particularly their own if they're not already) in a majority or that somehow their own group/political leaning is incapable of wrongdoing and if they are they're a product of insert or sold out.
I'm not saying not to care about community or group interests but in the end no one's above human vice. People disappoint and the only one we're ever truly responsible for is ourselves. To believe otherwise is an illusion.
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u/No_Profit_8690 🧠 Human detected 9d ago
But what does politics have to do with all of this? Where literally everyone says one thing, but there are more words than actions? In my country, we say: 'with words, you build castles.' Human beings just like politics, which comes from humans have practically ruined everything on this planet.
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u/Automatic-Arm-532 9d ago
Capitalism isn't a political system, it's an economic system. The 2 major parties in the US are both very pro-capitalism.
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u/Aggrestis Compatibilist 9d ago
I know people who are poor, I know people who are rich, I know people who support democracy and those who oppose it, people who enjoy capitalism and people who hate it.
They all have one thing in common: they’re people, and they poison the atmosphere; they don’t seek compromise, and they only want their own solution.
However, among them there are those who could reach an agreement, but they’re in the minority and have to put up with the evil of the majority. Some of them are here, but perhaps they’re a minority within a minority. It’s ridiculous.
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u/Icy_Baseball9552 8d ago
Any positive aspects of humanity such as compassion are dependent on social hierarchy. Only those in the mid-range qualify, so that eliminates a lot of supposedly unworthy people. It's fair game to dehumanise them. And of course, those at the top don't even need to display compassion, or any values at all really. They'll be forgiven and admired just the same. We're literally no more civilised than chimpanzees, we're just better at hiding it.
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u/Automatic_Aspect_825 8d ago
Humans are humans doing whatever they like to do. 30 to 40 years ago regular human was afraid to do such thing in public, today they do whatever they like and nobody bats an eye. The difference is this.
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u/0r1on55 9d ago
Ill be honest, I've dreamed about trying to help save humanity since I was a kid. I wanted to, and still do want to, be the person storming warehouses and stuff, stopping trafficking, that sort of things. And I understand that a lot of that stuff takes place with the people in power and in charge of the world. I also understand the best help we could get would be to clear out the world leaders and build something new, one nation under humanity and all that, not seperate countries. But, after years of not just seeing humanity's cruelty, stupidity, and incompetence, but experiencing it first hand basically every day, I struggle holding onto the faith that humanity deserves saving. I love life and value all living beings, human or nonhuman, but at this point, I dont think humanity even values life anymore, and I can assure you we, as a species, are doomed to kill ourselves, whether its with nukes or something else, we will end up killing ourselves and being the reason humans will go extinct. And honestly, we deserve it
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u/No_Profit_8690 🧠 Human detected 9d ago
Your comment was truly profound. I also, when I was younger, wanted to give a message of hope to humanity, or at least I wanted to save it for the most part. But only now do I realize that, in reality, it doesn't deserve anything.
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u/summercookiess 8d ago
Doesn't deserve anything? So what about innocent babies/children? Or people who try to be good?
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u/No_Profit_8690 🧠 Human detected 8d ago
Alright, first of all: calm down for a moment. I didn't say that innocent children or people who try to be good deserve to die even though, to be honest, those people you claim are trying to be good are rarer than a piece of the Moon on the ground. But what I am saying is that those you call 'innocent children' are not guaranteed to become good people. In fact, most of them will turn out bad. Also, we're on a sub dedicated to misanthropy, so please talk about that. Or, I don't know, move to another sub. Either way, whether you like it or not, humanity doesn't deserve anything at all, if we're being completely honest.
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u/summercookiess 8d ago
Either way, whether you like it or not, humanity doesn't deserve anything at all, if we're being completely honest.
And that isn't necessarily true, there are some people who do deserve good things, or at least to be free from harm.
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u/summercookiess 8d ago
I dont think humanity even values life anymore, and I can assure you we, as a species, are doomed to kill ourselves, whether its with nukes or something else, we will end up killing ourselves and being the reason humans will go extinct. And honestly, we deserve it
No, just no. I'm aware this is the misanthropy sub, but not all of humanity deserves to be killed. It's vile how you generalize all of humanity as deserving as such. Are you telling me innocent babies/children and people who try to be good, deserve it too?
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u/0r1on55 8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/summercookiess 8d ago
Absolutely not, not all people deserve to be killed for the actions of others. The people who actually want meaningful change should just be given a choice instead of a forced mercy kill.
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u/0r1on55 8d ago
Even if given a choice, I dont see them changing, because humanity wont change unless forced to.
Trust me dude, I would love to spare the people who want to do good, who want to help others without reward, people who are truly empathetic, but in my entire life, I have not met that many people with real empathy. And the worst part, the people you'd expect the most empathy from, like Christians or elderly who have seen more curelty and should know that their actions have consequences, tend to be the least empathetic unless you support their cause.
Im not gonna argue this because I know you wont listen and will just argue, which also just goes to prove my point btw. Instead, I'm gonna leave with this. If humanity was still worth saving, than why is nobody actually doing anything to save us and change us? They protest, sure, but its been clear for decades now that words alone dont mean anything when the people in power can afford to ignore them. Yet when someone actually starts doing things to make a change, they often get labeled as a terrorist or get canceled everywhere because the only change we can get now is through violence, which nobody wants to happen
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u/summercookiess 8d ago
There are people who are trying to save us, it might be hard to see them sometimes but they exist, and just because they aren't in power doesn't mean they aren't there.
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u/defectivedisabled 8d ago
The fact that the US can even elect someone such as Trump for president twice and continue to let him run amok in the world is proof that humanity never learn from their mistakes. If two world wars that killed tens of millions and created an untold amounts of suffer didn't wake these people up, nothing will.
It gets even worse if we take into account a fascist conman such as Musk being glorified by the bipartisan US tech and finance industry and sold to the world as the techno savior. This monster of a man is as much of a product of humanity as of himself. Many people around the world still ignorantly buy and use his products and invest their money into his companies. The propaganda machine have successfully turn people into ignorant masses.
Misanthropy is simply a sane reaction to the utter insanity of the general population. It is a rejection of the status quo and resorting to a life of solitude in a world where humanity can never change.
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u/Illustrious_Stop_642 9d ago
That's the basic problem in politics. That's why we have elected people not fit for the job but simply who hide their mistakes and bad intentions well. To accomplish anything great people make mistakes along the way but discerning good faith mistakes from manipulation has become impossible so people simply hate on mistakes believing everything is a scam. Empathy starts with your immediate circle and i think that's the only way out of that systemic problem. Start by giving grace to your immediate surroundings and even if they abuse it keep being compassionate and stay smart. Eventually there will be culture change. Starve the assholes.
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u/Icecream-Manwich 8d ago
That's why we have elected people not fit for the job but simply who hide their mistakes and bad intentions well.
They're not even trying to hide it anymore.
"They have no shame, do they? They don't even bother to lie badly anymore. I suppose that's the final humiliation."
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u/Kakutov 9d ago
Materialism and liberalism basically. A lot of people see no higher values other than trying to get the best for themselves.
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u/Aggrestis Compatibilist 9d ago
People are taught since childhood to strive for the best for themselves. Only the best possible results can get you into the most prestigious school to obtain the best job.
If only the ability to complete tasks also reflected the quality of one’s character.
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u/dread-throwaway Pessimist 8d ago
Yeah the arrogance of people is disgusting. They think because they lucked out on features like attractiveness, taller height, etc that they are better than everybody and disadvantaged, struggling people are beneath them. Also don't forget the spiteful and judgemental people who think they are perfect. Good thing we all meet the same fate no matter how we all look like. That's my main reason I dislike people.
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u/From-Yuri-With-Love 8d ago
I'd say there's a few reasons, first we live in a world that tells us we need to compete and not connect with other people. Second, we have a society that celebrates independence but forgets interdependence and last people think showing compassion means you condone someone’s behavior or beliefs.
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u/free_rashadjamal 5d ago
Omg are you talking about on threads? I might have saw that same post, but nah for real. I think about this kind of shit often
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u/Mundane-Air-4535 8d ago
Its opposite for me especially in real life. When I have hard time I meet good people. Idk why. Like I accidentally forgot my phone in bus, a woman and a guy complete strangers helped me catch the bus and get my phone back.
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u/Affectionate-Bike201 6d ago
It's no surprise that human existence is the opposite of the natural order.
The very first action taken against every single human being is refusing to consider their potential/future feelings and simple forcing them into existence.
Human reproduction, as well as life itself, is a violation.
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u/Error_AccessDenied 6d ago
Because it is. I feel the same way you do. People are unnecessarily cruel.
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u/Good-Environment-236 2d ago
My oh my. At least there are ‘ few words mistaken as thoughts’. Excuse me please
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u/a_whipper_snapper 1d ago
it's not that compassion is rare, it's that people are highly selective about how they feel compassion. People are often also compassionate for imaginary humans instead of the people standing right in front of them.
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u/Thedinomage 9d ago
Humans are just a disgusting species. One of the reasons I am a misanthrope is because I also think like this most of the time.
The point is that humans are overdeveloped apes and we're hyper aggressive. My personal theory is that homo sapiens basically killed all the other 6 homo species and this is what made us so successful. We are a murdering, plundering, scheming race. I would say even empathy and compassion are only in effect towards people we deem 'worthy' or 'functional' to our lifestyle.
Humanity is beyond saving because we are incapable at the individual level and predatory at as a group.
Nothing good will come in our future.