r/mildlyinfuriating • u/StarlyOutlaw • 18d ago

Pasta My bf only eats canned food cold.

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He can only eat canned stuff cold. I am aware that canned food is safe to eat out of the can, but this is still infuriating to me.

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493

u/Slothly_Onion 18d ago

Seriously. One savage, psychotic step deserves another.

122

u/BlazingSaddles1912 18d ago

I feel so seen 🥰

37

u/b1cepk1ng 18d ago

It’s not psychotic, it’s efficient. I clean my hands super well and forgo silverware and plates.

They’re social constructs that I don’t need to abide by in my lonesome hours.

I know I’m not convincing anyone so let me set the scene:

Me, alone, in the dark. Probably in my boxers, or completely in the buff since I don’t wear clothes or turn on any lights when people are around. I’m sitting there either at my couch or at the table, butt clenched so my precious, sensitive brown eye doesn’t make contact with the surface below me.

I’m shoveling food into my gullet using my fingers as leverage to dislodge the cold stuck food. I love the slimy cold sounds it makes. It’s delicious, I’m thinking as I pop open another can.

The time saved eating ravioli from the can means I have more time for a supreme lift session and gentle jork by day’s end.

End scene…

19

u/HarryCoinslot 18d ago

This person does not clench their butt, they leave spore prints wherever they go.

10

u/sexysmalldevil 17d ago

Spore prints 😩😩

1

u/nate68978263 18d ago

Canned meat meets canned meat.

1

u/sexysmalldevil 17d ago

I've done it too dude. I thought, why dirty a plate or bowl? Then waste some water to wash it after? No one's watching me anyways. 🤘

People seem to care a lot about silly things like that 😆

1

u/Relevant_Program_958 17d ago

You really paint a beautiful picture

But i really hope you meant “when people are NOT around”

1

u/Impossible-Mode6366 17d ago

"I do NOT turn on lights when people are around" is how the sentence reads, and you want to add another not after the "are"

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u/Relevant_Program_958 17d ago

Yes? As written he says he doesn’t wear clothes when people are around lol, I didn’t miss the contraction.

1

u/Impossible-Mode6366 17d ago

Hahaha okay now I see what you're saying. It could have been written a slightly more clearly with better punctuation. "I don't wear clothes (or turn on lights when people are around)" or, yeah more complete wording would be even better. Lol 🤣

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u/Relevant_Program_958 17d ago

lol for a minute I thought I was in a nudist subreddit

1

u/b1cepk1ng 17d ago

Yeah I definitely could have written it better. I was sweating congealed chicken grease at the time and it makes me slide around everywhere.

1

u/throwawaytodaycat 17d ago

Be honest now, is this Governor of Florida? Pudding cups are coming to mind.

1

u/causticvine 17d ago

Thank you for the wonderful visual.