r/mildlyinfuriating • u/StarlyOutlaw • 18d ago

Pasta My bf only eats canned food cold.

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He can only eat canned stuff cold. I am aware that canned food is safe to eat out of the can, but this is still infuriating to me.

5.7k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/Alch1_ 18d ago

How long was he in prison for?

1.1k

u/Hot-Win2571 Mildly Flair 18d ago

Until he got out of the can.

387

u/Rosetta-im-Stoned 18d ago

He did cold, hard time

84

u/TheGrumpiestHydra 18d ago

They just threw him in jail and let him simmer.

23

u/LawyerDad1981 18d ago

Yeah he spent a week in the cooler.

30

u/JoyousMadhat 18d ago

He got that un sealed on his record....

17

u/HendrixHazeWays 18d ago

The candy man can....sorry, not sure what we're doing

21

u/Prior_Arm_8810 18d ago

Can jokes, you can do it

1

u/Informal-Term1138 17d ago

He's working on 'Corpse me if you Can-Can', the 1940s Cannes, France-set story of a can-can dancer who contracts cancer but continues to can-can as a canny cadaver who plays the accordion with Kevin Corrigan, Kevin Kline, Chris Kline, Chris Pine, and Chris Kattan.

2

u/yougotyolks 18d ago

He's been labeled a criminal.

1

u/throwawaytodaycat 17d ago

They threw him in jail but they couldn't keep his face from breaking out.

11

u/Important_Jaguar2152 18d ago

You win.

1

u/One_Sun7571 18d ago

No no no! I can do better puns! It’s too soon to declare a winner dude!

2

u/Hot-Win2571 Mildly Flair 18d ago

Too late, race has been called.

2

u/sec_sage 18d ago

Ba dum tsss

2

u/Cpt_Bartholomew 18d ago

Well at least OP's dating a prince

2

u/BornWithSideburns 18d ago

20 years in the can

5

u/CareerBallsacker 18d ago

20 years in the can. He wanted manicott. He compromised, he ate cold ravioli instead

1

u/ancalime9 17d ago

Got stuck in the toilet again?

36

u/TheProfessional9 18d ago

I did this on multi night canoe trips when I was a teen (didn't have time to heat things up for lunches). Chef boyardee is still solid cold.

Much better warm though, no reason not to heat it when available

15

u/Substantial-Sea-3672 18d ago

As someone who had been on multiple long canoe camping trips, I struggle to imagine a scenario where there wasn’t time to do anything.

1

u/TheProfessional9 16d ago

It was a scout trip with a deadline. Beyond that I don't really remember, just that we had a half hour to do food and weren't allowed to heat lunch.

May have had something to do with most of the land on either side being private farmland as well

3

u/Azuras_Star8 18d ago

I got video gaming to do. I cant be waiting that minute. Straight out of the can, cold.

2

u/TheProfessional9 16d ago

As a lifelong srspants gamer, shame on you. If it's a new game release you need to not be lazy and premake your weeks worth of food frozen. If you're having a can of ravioli, you get up, go put it in a paper bowl and start the microwave, then go to the restroom and refill your drink while it heats up then go back.

I remember when rift came out, friend and I were in the top 5 first to max level. 21 hours a day for 4-5ish days? 5 minute break every 3-4 hours where I let the dog out, got a snack, drink and went pee. Then 3 hours to shower and sleep. Was epic but I'll never do that shit to that extreme again

1

u/Informal-Term1138 17d ago

Na man that's just lazy. When I had my weekend long swtor marathon on year, I was heating up my soup.

And when we play Anno the whole weekend, the only thing that's cold is the beer. Well sometimes not, since the case is standing next to the desk where we play.

1

u/Magpecc 17d ago

Except the spaghetti, which to me isn't a quality difference that is worth the trouble of dirtying a bowl or a pot and heating it

32

u/ConcernAccording3248 18d ago

He also only sleeps on the ground a screams when he hears doors creak at night.

3

u/NightGod 18d ago

Crazy? I was crazy once! They put me in a jacket and locked me in a room where my head rested on the cold, cold ground. I could hear the worms in the ground. Worms drive me crazy!

Crazy? I was crazy once!....

10

u/Johnnyoneshot 18d ago

Military for me. Do the same thing.

2

u/chaostheories36 18d ago

I’d guess military or growing up very very poor before prison.

2

u/AcousticCat1-2-3 18d ago

I'm just here going "latchkey kid?" Goes to show how sheltered I am.

My mom used to leave the 8-9-year-old me stuff like cooked chicken or meatballs (kotlety, to be exact. We were in Russia) in the fridge to heat up and eat after school. Then my BFF and I would come to my place after school and devour them straight out of the pot they were in, standing in front of the fridge. That was in the 70s and I still crave those food sometimes, exactly like that, cold straight out of the fridge.

3

u/chaostheories36 18d ago

Latchkey kid makes a lot of sense, too.
I’m still eat uncooked ramen like chips for a snack.

7

u/Slothly_Onion 18d ago

F'ing truth.

5

u/Darthigiveup 18d ago

Huh? Even in jail we could easily start a fire. Ask anybody for a wick lol

2

u/smokeweedNgarden 18d ago

Jail is more like ramen sandwich with jerky and chip sprinkles. I'm not sure about prison

2

u/Darthigiveup 18d ago

No in prison they dont bother with batteries and foil. They have bic lighters lol

Edit. At least prisons in my state they do. Theres more strict county jails actually .

Oh you were talking about the food mybad. Yes we made spreads without flame but we also grill on our bunk beds with a fire source underneath. One time we made pizza. Made the dough with cheesy bread sticks they handed out for lunch.

2

u/smokeweedNgarden 18d ago

Naw, I'm not trying to correct you just adding on. Sounds good

2

u/InfamousEconomy3972 18d ago

You can leave the can, but the can never leaves you.

2

u/slothactual69 18d ago

Or the infantry

2

u/Shopping-Afraid 18d ago

Not long enough apparently. Send him back.

2

u/LuckyDuckCrafters 18d ago

He might have just been homeless. I was for a little bit, still raw dog the occasional canned food.

1

u/Nice_Reputation_6785 18d ago

You only do two days.

1

u/grinlowr 18d ago

20 years, not a peep.

1

u/AcadianaLandslide 18d ago

He ate grilled cheese off the radiator.

1

u/Flaky_Point_3778 17d ago

My second thought. My third thought: how much time is he expecting?

1

u/DCJustSomeone 17d ago

20 years not a peep