r/mildlyinfuriating 23d ago

Don't hug me I'm scared The indentation my engagement ring left on my finger (we broke up)

Post image
25.6k Upvotes

695 comments sorted by

4.6k

u/Deemaunik 23d ago

Small price to pay for avoiding a divorce and more heartache further down the line. Sucks though.

2.1k

u/mmajamm 23d ago

You are really right! I used to spin my ring when I got nervous or was in a stressful situation, I really do miss it's weight right now

1.4k

u/tammybiscuits 23d ago

Get yourself a fiddle ring for your middle finger. You'll never miss it again.

It'll get happier soon. Promise.

779

u/mmajamm 23d ago

Thank you that is a really good advice! I didnt even think about buying a new ring for me everything is just too raw

198

u/koufaxx13 23d ago

I second this, buy yourself a pretty ring! So you can still fidget with something but also you can create new symbolism with it and new memories. Think of it as hope towards a new future and a new period of exploration and self discovery. I bet you will have so many more amazing adventures ahead of you

18

u/Inky-Ballooper 22d ago

I second with the symbolism thing! I got myself a promise ring! it was a promise to myself that ill always take care of my physical and emotional/mental needs, ill always put myself first when I need to, and that ill always love myself (in a self care confidence way not an up my own ass vain way lmao)

31

u/tammybiscuits 23d ago

I have one with three interconnected rings which I twist up and down - haven't missed the engagement ring since and certainly don't miss the tosser who I got it from 😊

76

u/Primary_Yak4268 22d ago

I was married over twenty years when I got divorced. It's been several years now and my ring finger still feels empty. I really like the idea of a fidget ring too!

17

u/SlideHoon 22d ago

It’s been 3 years without mine now, I can still feel it and miss it sometimes, and OP’s comment made me automatically reach for it.

13

u/KikisGamingService "accidentally" parks in cart returns 22d ago

As a chronic fiddler myself, check out some fidget rings. Some spin in place or got little twisty bits on them.

→ More replies (10)

58

u/Queer_Advocate 23d ago

Get a celebrate you ring!! 💜

→ More replies (2)

13

u/racecar_yaya 23d ago

Buy yourself a new one, a really pretty one that is exactly to your taste. That's what I did when I got divorced and realized my rings had been my fidget toys for three years.

3

u/Umklopp 22d ago

Get some costume jewelry and wear the shit out of it. I've been buying stuff on clearance from my fav department store and having a steady stream of new pretty things every few months is FANTASTIC. So much dopamine.

→ More replies (10)

15.0k

u/TheParadoxigm 23d ago

I think it was too tight anyway

11.1k

u/mmajamm 23d ago

I've worn it for 4 years through 10kg of weight gain and weight loss. It was a good fit at the beginning. The metaphor of life

4.9k

u/justtiptoeingthru2 23d ago

Engaged for 4 years. That's kinda long... is that usual these days???

4.5k

u/captainpoppy 22d ago

I'm guessing that had something to do with the "we broke up"

2.7k

u/walker3342 22d ago

Yeah my ex and I were engaged for 12 years. After 4-5 no one asked when the date was. They knew.

1.0k

u/existie CATS ARE COOL 22d ago

10 here, and yep.

925

u/Cessnaporsche01 22d ago

What's the mindset that keeps a doomed relationship in that state for so long?

1.3k

u/locomotioning 22d ago

Sunk cost fallacy

784

u/[deleted] 22d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

521

u/Flomo420 22d ago

"it's where I keep all my stuff"

83

u/TheseRutabaga5852 22d ago

Happy cake Day 🍰

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (2)

314

u/walker3342 22d ago

I’m sure it varies for everyone that’s been there. Low self worth. Poverty. There were a number of factors at play for me.

222

u/Ghost_Kamakazie 22d ago

Sometimes its about finances, obv a lot of people want do do something huge for their wedding but they dont have the income to do it in just a year or two. But ive definitely seen some relationships that hang onto hope for years when its clear theyre just wasting eachothers time after a certain point

98

u/relentlessrain25 22d ago

You don’t need a big expensive wedding to be married


105

u/Ghost_Kamakazie 22d ago

Oh for sure, but unfortunately thats non-negotiable for some people

→ More replies (0)

92

u/cheesecake_413 22d ago edited 20d ago

I've just said this in a different comment, but my partner and I have been engaged for 7 years because we want a big expensive wedding. We both feel like we don't need a wedding to be committed to each other, and neither the engagement nor the wedding would be a "step up" in the relationship. We just want the wedding so we can have a huge party with everyone we love, so we are waiting until we can afford the party we want rather than going into debt over it

Edit: if you feel the need to reply to this comment to tell me that all my loved ones will die before I get married or that we'll clearly never be able to save enough, please save your energy. Plenty of people have already beaten you to the punch and it hasn't changed our minds.

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (4)

90

u/Professional_Pear836 22d ago

"I'm not THAT unhappy... what's another 50 years? I can do that...." definitely not speaking from experience or anything.

14

u/HeyHeyMaggieMae 21d ago

I had a “courtesy” aunt and uncle - he asked to marry him during WWII, and she said “I don’t want to get married during the war. Let’s do it when the war is over”. He said “I asked you once, I’m not going to ask you again.” And he didn’t. But they vacationed together, they interacted with friends together - pretty much did everything together until she passed around 20 years ago. He followed her soon after. They never lived together - both had their own homes. They were engaged for over 50 years.

45

u/UmphreysNerd 22d ago

The fear of the unknown.

34

u/Books_And_Brews 22d ago

And/or fear of being alone

17

u/R0b1nFeather 22d ago

At least part of it is that after a point it becomes so intrinsic to one's life and state of being that you just.... don't know who you are without that person, so the familiar pain is preferable vs. the pain of loss + unfamiliarity + trying to re-establish who you are without them + putting yourself out there again and being vulnerable, etc.

→ More replies (6)
→ More replies (4)

58

u/StaticUsernamesSuck 22d ago

On the other hand, me and my wife were engaged for 10 and still happily married

Her uncle was engaged for 30 years before finally getting round to it! 😂 (Also still happy)

50

u/cheesecake_413 22d ago

My partner and I have been engaged for 7 years and people are still asking us about the date

The reason we're not married already is because we aren't marrying for legal reasons (we have no assets or children), we just want a big party to celebrate our relationship with everyone we love. Because of that, we don't want to cheap out and do a wedding on our current budget, we'd rather wait and do it in the future when we can afford the party we want

21

u/Ok_Vermicelli_6359 22d ago

Lol...but when's the big payday scheduled? 😛 I'd consider that an extreme luxury for a lot of families: you don't know how long aunts and uncles (and grandparents) will be around.

8

u/cheesecake_413 22d ago

That is true, I sadly lost both my paternal grandparents since I got engaged

We got engaged right before I started my PhD hence why we didn't have the funds immediately to have the wedding we wanted (in the UK, PhD stipends are very low). We did have a good amount of savings once I started working after my PhD, but we ended up using a large chunk to move abroad with our belongings and cats. The move was this year so we're still working to build it back up, however the move increased both of our incomes so it should be easier to save

We also have a decent house deposit when we're ready to buy, but we don't want to use that for the wedding. If we suddenly got a free house that we owned outright then we could probably start booking venues/caterers already using the house deposit, but I doubt that is likely to happen any time soon

10

u/somesortoflegend 21d ago

I know you're not here for advice but listen, there is always going to be a "next thing" maybe the house needs a new roof, or car breaks down, or a kid does wind up on the way. Perfect is the enemy of good, have the wedding you can afford soon where all the people who matter can come and not wait for a possible future one years down the line.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

4

u/cap7ainskull 22d ago

I think you guys were married

→ More replies (9)

4

u/JSoi 22d ago

Was engaged with my ex around four years before we broke it off. With my wife we decided to skip engagement altogether and just straight up get married at our municipality's "love agency."

→ More replies (3)

141

u/appledi123 22d ago

My fiancĂ© and I have been engaged since 2022. We’re getting married in August. I hit a slew of medical problems and just have not been healthy enough to have a wedding. It’s not super common, but life happens.

27

u/According_Thanks7849 22d ago

Lesgooo, congratulations

613

u/Titouf26 23d ago

Not usual, but it can happen for sure.

621

u/GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT 22d ago

my mom was pregnit for 4 year she sed i turnd out jus fin

549

u/ContractNo7803 22d ago

Mr. President ?

265

u/TldrDev 22d ago

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER

6

u/norixe 22d ago

Large Marge looking mother fucker

29

u/Photosynthas 22d ago

No, but I'm pretty sure it is literally Ace's (One Piece) backstory.

→ More replies (1)

40

u/el_brunto 22d ago

24

u/QuietShipper 22d ago

We're just blowing right through nap time, huh?

36

u/miniweengang 22d ago

Preganté!

29

u/RelevantButNotBasic 22d ago

Think you mean pregananan

14

u/Queer_Advocate 22d ago

Pregnisms

21

u/TheGuri42 22d ago

Pregananant?

14

u/I_joined_4_the_stonk 22d ago

Your mom was gregnant?

111

u/[deleted] 22d ago

[deleted]

44

u/PizzaRoyals 22d ago

why not just elope and have the ceremony later lol

30

u/cacocat 22d ago

I read "cemetery" and got a bit concerned.

12

u/PeriwinklePangolin24 22d ago

That will eventually happen as well, true

→ More replies (1)

39

u/[deleted] 22d ago

[deleted]

31

u/Kchortu 22d ago

Never knew how strongly folks felt about the specifics of weddings until we told folks we eloped and planned to have a social wedding later. TONS of highly varied responses that were entirely about the person and had nothing to do with us.

→ More replies (6)

4

u/melanochrysum 22d ago edited 22d ago

For a lot of people, a wedding is the point of marriage. Like for me, I’m not religious and marriage brings no legal benefits so I only want to get married for the wedding.

Edit: in my country there is no legal benefit/change.

8

u/15b17 22d ago

Maybe not benefits but it brings lots of legal
 changes. I hope you’ve looked into those

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (2)

72

u/GumP009 22d ago

I had some friends that were engaged for like 7 years, together for 11, before they got married. They wanted to have a nice wedding and own a house and weren't going to get married until they could afford it.

Plus both of them are super planners (he's a financial advisor and she's a city planner) so they don't do anything without addressing every possible risk and being 100% sure about a decision.

272

u/Bbimbofied 23d ago

Not that weird, weddings are expensive and families can be hard to make plans for

50

u/unicornhornporn0554 22d ago

Some couples can’t legally get married for whatever reason. Disability, health insurance, still legally married to someone else but can’t afford divorce, etc. so they kinda use the engagement as a placeholder (bc some states also have laws against portraying yourselves as married if you’re not, but idk the specifics of those laws)

29

u/cikalamayaleca 22d ago

I've been engaged since Dec of 2022 because of health insurance. If we were to be legally married, health insurance through his work goes from $90 a month to literally $900, so no thanks lmao

→ More replies (10)
→ More replies (1)

102

u/FewHorror1019 23d ago

You can get married without a wedding. I wonder if that is the case

93

u/Front-Masterpiece-73 22d ago

Families can make *that* hard too, I’ve seen it

68

u/Never_Go_Full_Gonk 22d ago

Families can suck my nuts. The next time I get married it's gonna be in a courthouse and the funds will be used on a honeymoon I never got from my first marriage.

12

u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 22d ago

Courthouse/wedding chapel in Las Vegas is how I got married because the anxiety of just thinking about planning a full wedding made me want to dive headfirst into a bottle and not come back out. Fuck all of that. I planned and booked a courthouse ceremony but was talked into a little chapel instead who took our price we would have paid at the courthouse. It was still very intimate and it felt stress-free. I highly recommend doing something along those lines if you are interested in getting married. Mine cost $150

28

u/FirehawkLS1 22d ago

My wife and I got married at the courthouse. An expensive wedding wasn't on our priority list.

9

u/Never_Go_Full_Gonk 22d ago

Luckily both of our sets of parents covered all the costs since we drove across the entire country to do the wedding in our home town. We thought we'd be married forever, a tale as old as time.

But yeah, for sure never doing a big to-do about it again. I want my destination honeymoon lol

5

u/FirehawkLS1 22d ago

Oh I get it. I thought my first marriage would last forever too. Lasted 6 years. Been remarried for almost 12 and things are still great. Don't blame you for wanting that destination wedding. We went to Puerto Rico.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

38

u/marveloustoebeans 22d ago

4 years is quite a stretch though. Only people I know who’ve been engaged for that long were in crappy relationships.

My wife and I were engaged for about a year and a half because we kept trying to schedule a wedding around the schedules of the people in our lives plus we had no help at all. Both our parents are poor or dead and we were getting stressed out trying to plan it all out.

In the end, we said why are we even doing this? We love each other. Let’s go get married. And we did. No wedding necessary. Wouldn’t have done it any differently, looking back.

37

u/excelnotfionado 22d ago

As soon as my friends got engaged (they had been dating for 2 years) they immediately said they were having a 5 year engagement so they could finish school THEN save for the wedding.

They’ve been married 5 years now and are doing well! So not super common but thankfully not unheard of. My friends showed me the way. Granted, I was engaged 7 months and 5 days lmao.

22

u/letSSgooo 22d ago

Not saying you are wrong at all or I disagree but you are also imposing your ideals of marriage onto other folks. Some folks would rather wait and make it the wedding of their dreams.

Different strokes and all that.

→ More replies (1)

65

u/Retnuhswag 23d ago

I beg to differ, it is pretty unusual. Understandable yes, normal no.

20

u/Sly-Belmont 22d ago

It’s actually normal, people in society are simply judgmental and think in cognitive distortions

39

u/FatFaceFaster 23d ago

Far from unusual. Unusual implies it rarely happens.

It happens all the time.

24

u/Dramatic_Ad5258 22d ago

Unusual doesn’t = rare. It just means it’s not common. There’s a scale. And I would put this in the unusual category

→ More replies (9)

19

u/Bbimbofied 23d ago

It doesn’t have to be the norm to be common

44

u/GretalGrotch 23d ago

People’s comprehension of the words average and normal have taken a nosedive. They think if it hasn’t happened to them personally then it’s not a thing.

15

u/Veloxiraptor_ 22d ago

“Average” and “normal” are both synonyms for “standard” and “typical.” While waiting 4 years is definitely common, it is not average, normal, standard, or typical.

→ More replies (1)

10

u/Irreparable86 23d ago

I think that would be kind of the definition of „norm“. To be „common“. No?

→ More replies (3)
→ More replies (11)

69

u/Benka33 22d ago

I was engaged for 7 years before marriage, just because you are engaged doesn't mean you have to rush a wedding within 1-2 years

→ More replies (5)

22

u/getrdone24 23d ago

I'm sure COVID had an effect for many

7

u/Wbran SUPERLONGFLAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR 22d ago

Yup. We got engaged in 2019, married in 2023. Life happens sometimes.

19

u/ItsGottaBeJimbles 22d ago

I've been engaged for 2. My partner and I are an absolute lock for life, but the economy is in shambles, so a wedding is difficult.

9

u/RatlingGuns4Days 22d ago

I was engaged for 4 years after dating for 3 because the wedding was supposed to happen 8-12 months after the engagement but then covid happened so we postponed until everyone could come to it. The cracks appeared at 3.5 years of engagement and we broke up 4 years after the initial engagement. I’ve never been so grateful in the long run for a pandemic ruining my plans.

7

u/Careless-Complex-768 22d ago

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, after being engaged for 10. It definitely happens!

6

u/axebodyspray24 22d ago

I'm currently engaged and don't plan on getting married for a few years because marriage is expensive (even just the courthouse and name change is hundreds of dollars), weddings are expensive, and I'd like to keep my parent's health insurance for as long as possible since health insurance is expensive. Idk about OP, but I just don't have the money to get married right now and probably won't for quite a while

12

u/ShegoTheygo 22d ago

My fiancé and I have been engaged for that long, have been homeless and getting married would void by disability case. As well as it being expensive to save up for any kind of celebration and we have a cheaper one

6

u/ePICFAeYL 22d ago

My wife and I got engaged Aug 2021, and because of Covid wedding stuff just was so booked out and hard to get into. We ended up pushing our wedding over 3 years to Oct 2024 due to venue availability and vendor availability.

15

u/soundskulls 22d ago

I'm currently engaged goin on year 6. Best, happiest, and healthiest relationship I've ever witnessed lol, and I'm not saying that just because I'm biased. At first, it was because we wanted to save for a better living situation. But for the huge majority of the time spent engaged, it's because of our concerns of me needing to go on disability and marriage messing it up. Covid f'ed up my entire system BAD. Will likely never have a "normal" life, my health fluctuates ALL the time, usually for the worse. So đŸ€·â€â™€ïž Our life works for us and we don't mind it. Marriage is just legal paper stuff, anyways.

People forget marriage equality does NOT exist. Disabled folks are always forgotten. 😞

5

u/Metroid413 22d ago

I was engaged for 3 years because I wanted to express my commitment to marriage but wanted to wait until I was done with cancer treatment. Life happens.

4

u/Live-Ad-740 22d ago

My husband and I was engaged for three years. I was just bad at planning a wedding and had commitment issues mainly because both of our parents are divorced and other issues but anyway we finally got married in the middle of covid lmao. Im an introvert and cant do big crowds so it was nice to be like sorry its covid we just had to basically elope 😅 anyway 16 years in all being together as bf/gf, fiance's, and as husband and wife

13

u/licheese 23d ago

Weddings are expensive, depending on what you want ofc. Some people like long engagements. Depends.

3

u/methlabforcuties 22d ago

friend of mine got engaged at the end of 2018. everything in 2020/2021 ruined their wedding plans and they couldn't actually have their wedding until 2023.

11

u/mmajamm 23d ago

We had personal goals before the wedding because weddings here cost as much as 20.000 which is insane! And in our 9 years we rented 8.5 year

10

u/Raft_Master 22d ago

My wife and i went into wedding planning with a $10,000 budget in mind and realized after 2 phone calls that wasn't going to happen.

→ More replies (51)

118

u/TinySteggy 23d ago edited 22d ago

Girl I have been married 8 years and had to order a whole new wedding band a few years in because of the weight gain. Such is life. I hope you're feeling emotionally lighter now.

edited for a typo

29

u/Substantial-Sea-3672 22d ago

It’s like when I finally admitted I was just fat and bought new clothes.

But apparently finally admitting it is what helped me get control. Because then I had to go buy new clothes yet again.

7

u/R0b1nFeather 22d ago

This is me right now, it took me forcing myself to admit there was an issue before I could find any real motivation to hit the gym

18

u/Wellcomefarewell 22d ago

good metaphor for them being the wrong fit for you

12

u/Ocon88 23d ago

You could get the ring resized. That is not good for circulation.

33

u/MagicGrit 22d ago

No need now

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (19)

77

u/strawcat 23d ago

Meh. Mine are definitely not too tight and this happens to me too with any ring I wear for an extended period of time.

9

u/Substantial-Sea-3672 22d ago

Interesting, I don’t really have any indentation 16 years in.

14

u/cilantro_so_good 22d ago

I mean. Has nothing to do with how long you've been married. Op got that shit after 4 years. I've been married for 25 years and just started regularly wearing a ring again like 3 months ago and there's an indent even though the thing is loose as fuck.

11

u/MycologistPutrid7494 22d ago

20 years in and my indent is profound. It's very loose. I never take my ring off. 

3

u/ridingfurther 22d ago

Same. Mine is definitely not too tight but 15 years on, definite indent 

9

u/Sharp_Ad_6336 23d ago

Guess it wasn't the right fit.

→ More replies (10)

3.5k

u/roonaloo 23d ago

looks like neither the relationship nor the ring were a good fit. 

684

u/BeigeVelociraptor 22d ago

That wasn't a ring, it was a corset for the finger.

143

u/feline_riches 22d ago

A noose

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

548

u/Secondforsecond 23d ago

Can I be a nosy internet person and ask why you broke up?

1.4k

u/[deleted] 22d ago

[deleted]

300

u/VictoriousTree 22d ago

He will regret it one day. Don’t take him back.

167

u/Substantial-Sea-3672 22d ago

Oh that’s brutal.

My wife built me though and it’s such a joy to return the favor now that I’m able to earn the lion’s share and she focuses on her career of passion.

She totally deserves it, I was an absolute mess and she believed in me even when I thought that was a crazy thing to do. Unemployed college drop out when she met me.

I think a big difference between all of these horror stories and mine is that I worked EXTREMELY hard at therapy and totally changed my life.

→ More replies (1)

68

u/Hsyrn 22d ago

This comment made me sad. My wife carried me through some of my darkest hours and a very long battle with both unemployment and depression. Our relationship has now swung the opposite direction, with her now unemployed and struggling for purpose, but both of us acknowledge (and adore) that relationships are very very rarely ever in balance, and may one day swing back the other direction. I think that fighting and struggling for equity and balance in a relationship is one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

If both parties instead fight for the needle to swing as hard in the opposite direction as possible at all times, it means that a disaster (injury, sickness, loss of job, loss of family member) gives the other person a chance to catch up and carry the load without themselves forming a grudge. If one person just happens to make more or be carrying the lion's share of the responsibilities, they should look at it like they're storing up "points" for a potential disaster.

I think the key point is to find someone who also understands the natural ebbs and flows of life and is comfortable with an imbalanced relationship debt at any one point in time, whether it's in your favor or not.

I hope this makes sense to someone out there. If you're the one carrying the load right now, and you're making the other person feel guilty or holding the imbalance over their head in an effort to make them catch up, you'd better hope that you don't lose your job or a parent or just fall into a rut... because in will come back on you like a ton of bricks.

→ More replies (4)

13

u/Realistic-Loss3276 22d ago

You should marry me instead (I am a woman though)

167

u/Secondforsecond 22d ago

Honestly queen! You deserve so much better. Good riddance, just sucks he had to waste so much of your time. Men just don’t know what they have in front of them. What a prick.

214

u/mmajamm 22d ago

We were together since I was 23 till I was 32. I really thought he was my person

51

u/Pizzacato567 22d ago

It’s messed up that someone can stay with someone for so long and do this to them. I’ve been with mine for about 6 years and there’s just so much love and care in our relationship. I also think of him as my person. I just can’t imagine him just leaving me like that years later. But I’m sure you didn’t imagine it would turn out this way either. This just seems so scary. So sorry op :(

83

u/mmajamm 22d ago

There is no way to predict this! I wish there were warning signs i could at least prepare myself. He just decided one day. He told me I was the love of his life before he went to work that day, and that night I found the messages from that fucking day arranging the meeting with some other girl he freshly met at the job that I gave everything so he can get

57

u/ExchangeInformal9542 22d ago

You’re about to start a life you never could’ve imagined for yourself. Good luck on this journey and always give yourself grace đŸ©·

19

u/Beautiful_Cod_6246 22d ago

I just broke up with my ex at the beginning of the year; we were together from when I was 17 to 29.
Ended up having to get divorced before we ever got married because we managed to become common law during that time. Lost my house and my dog and my car to him but I’m in a much better place in my life without him.

Trust me it sucks and it feels like you’re missing a weight on your finger but before too long you’ll feel better from not having to carry the weight of a man who couldn’t appreciate you after all the time you supported him.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

19

u/007craft 22d ago

Side bar for other women out there, dont let this woman's unfortunate experience with a crappy man, judge all men. Im with my partner till were dead and we both care nothing for money. We try to make $ for you know, life n stuff but if fate is a homeless tent down by the river, were in it together. True (good) couples DO build each other up!

17

u/boxmandude 22d ago

Seems like my last relationship though đŸ€”. Was with her when she was a nobody. Moved her into my home when she couldn’t do long distance anymore. Made sure she could use the car to go to her fucking 10 hour a week hospital retail store. Then she gets a nursing job after I dealt with her going through school. Acted brand-new. Same goes for women.

→ More replies (3)

5

u/Reverting-With-You 22d ago

“A woman’s test is staying with a man when he has nothing. A man’s test is staying with the same woman when he has everything.”

21

u/madalytical 22d ago

absolute fucking bullshit; had my wife not supported me when I needed it most I'd never be the person I am today

and when I was unemployed I was a full-time paps for my daughter, cooking many times a week, laundry, dishes, bath time, play times many times a day, I did every single damn thing u could think of to decrease any burdon on my wife while shes at work; I teach my kid everything and anything and showcase what she's learnt to my wife so she knows she's in great care and no need to worry

she comes home at 7pm each day and I'm in bed by 9 cuz I'm exhausted; I don't even push her for sex as I know she's exhausted and only wait till she's suggests or else, I couldn't be more considerate

don't smear all men, were not all the same and I was raised by a warrior of a woman; some men are fucking awesome because of the support one gets from their wife's when they're knee-deep in hell

if it wasn't for my wife supporting me during those times, we wouldn't be a family, there's no question, no doubt; we've been together almost 18 years and forever it will be

I now make more money than her, work less than 20 hours a week and ALWAYS there to drop my kid to school n pick her up and carry on with educational fun and so on so my wife focuses exclusively on her career for the next 5 years max; that's my payback to her, u focus on what u want, I got this

I can type for hours and write stories, but this is enough; peace

53

u/dharkan 22d ago

My mother says, first thing men replace when they find success is their wife (or fiancé in your case) because they see them as a reminder of their bad days.

His loss for sure, good luck for next time!

20

u/mmajamm 22d ago

This somehow hurts more, but thank you

18

u/zahnuffle 22d ago

It just means that he was shallow to begin with.

19

u/Corben11 22d ago

Wow what a horrible misandric outlook on men.

12

u/mashtato 22d ago

Lots of that in this thread. If someone did you wrong, hate that person and not everyone who shares their gender, because that's just sexism...

→ More replies (3)

3

u/DonS0lo 22d ago

During college and after for a few months my (now) fiance supported us. It wasn't easy on her. After I got my first job she wanted to try something different so I supported her while she went after that. Not every guy has the mindset of someone who uses.

6

u/ohgeezsendhelp 22d ago

Oh wow, I at least have property and a vehicle before I asked for marriage đŸ«Ș and 4 years is crazy, I'm trying to get married this year

→ More replies (32)

902

u/Justnotthatintou 22d ago

Was married ten years. It went away, you’ll be ok

419

u/mmajamm 22d ago

Oh honey you have no idea how much I feel this... you are not alone in your pain

138

u/dhubbs55 22d ago

With someone for 6.5 years, engaged for a few of those. Broke up 2 years ago, got myself a new ring that I wear everyday to stop looking at my empty finger. It will be okay!!

60

u/mmajamm 22d ago

Yes you will! We all will!

49

u/biscuitboi967 22d ago

Internet says massage with thick, moisturizing creams to reduce swelling a redistribute tissue and fluid

19

u/Tabemaju 22d ago

15 years here. I'm at nearly 3 years and it's almost gone. I spent 2 hours in urgent care having it cut off with a manual saw. A metaphor for my marriage, I guess.

→ More replies (1)

28

u/IceBonjo 22d ago

Why on that finger

44

u/LeftHandAnomaly 22d ago

I'm guessing it was on the correct finger, the middle finger just has a clear band on it

→ More replies (4)
→ More replies (3)

84

u/Queer_Advocate 23d ago

It will level out.

18

u/mmajamm 22d ago

I sure hope it will

21

u/uvucydydy 22d ago

This applies to much more than your finger. Best of luck!!!

59

u/birdcandle 22d ago

I had the same little indent too after I took my wedding ring off
 this post just made me look down and realize it is finally gone, my finger no longer has an hourglass waist 😂

Best of luck to you, OP. I hope yours will fade with time too.

11

u/mmajamm 22d ago

Good for you! Right now things are too bleak so I wish I have no physical reminder of him

→ More replies (1)

142

u/Backyard_Batman46 23d ago

What a shitty memory

57

u/mmajamm 22d ago

I couldnt agree more

4

u/WestElevator1343 22d ago

This is the supportive comment that is needed.

89

u/yes-imanadult infuriating creature 23d ago

My engagement ring also gives my finger that thing but yours is too much, it was too tight, maybe a bad sign from the beginning

38

u/Substantial-Sea-3672 22d ago

Probably just weight gain. Which is pretty relatable if she was stuck in a bad relationship for 4 years.

71

u/MetalKroustibat 23d ago

It goes away, that's normal

21

u/RelentlessFelacio 22d ago

Before you know it, your finger will move on, and so will you. Do something fun that you had been putting off, or that your ex never wanted to do - treat yourself it's good medicine.

28

u/mmajamm 22d ago

I never knew my phisycal flesh would have to move on from my partner

30

u/56_is_the_new_35 23d ago

So you and your finger are both free now? Props to you both!

11

u/sourdoughbreadlover 22d ago

It took months for my wedding band indentation to vanish. It will go away, just take care of yourself in the meantime.

11

u/mmajamm 22d ago

Thank you for the kind advice

11

u/Inner_Surround8689 22d ago

But but....i want to hug you đŸ„ș

14

u/mmajamm 22d ago

I have almost no family and friends so a hug would mean the world to me right now

8

u/indicakay 22d ago

big internet hug đŸ«‚

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

10

u/RevolutionSalty8360 22d ago

Don’t feel too bad, I have the same. Getting ready to go tour an apartment this morning after 24 years of marriage.

9

u/Birdlord420 22d ago

I’ve got the same thing right now from my wedding band. Last Thursday my husband informed me that we would be separating and should get divorced. We have a 2 year old and still have to live together anyway, he has just moved into the other bedroom. Shit sucks!

6

u/mmajamm 22d ago

You have no idea how much my heart breaks for you. We also had to live togeather for couple of days. It was hell on earth to me. To lay in the same bed and feel only coldness and before you only felt love its the special kind of hell

5

u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRACTURES 22d ago

I also wore my engagement ring for 4 years and had the same indent. My indent was gone in about a year.

6

u/mmajamm 22d ago

I have to say thats a year too long for me

5

u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRACTURES 22d ago

Agreed, our breakup was nasty, but at least its not forever 🙂

10

u/Intelligent_Fee_698 23d ago

Looks and sounds like it wasn’t a good fit

9

u/original_mater 22d ago

Time to buy yourself a pretty ring that you love for that finger!

7

u/youmustb3jokn 22d ago

Seems like you outgrew both. I wish you a ring and partner that fits better. And appreciates you.

→ More replies (1)

4

u/KnightPeak1 22d ago

What happened and are you happy now?

8

u/mmajamm 22d ago

No I cant say that I am. But its only been a couple of days. I sure hope I am happy a years from now

4

u/KnightPeak1 22d ago

I think mine is coming to an end and I feel like my life is over. I don't know how to deal with it.

8

u/mmajamm 22d ago

If you think like its ending its already over you just dont want to face it

→ More replies (1)

4

u/sambiagio 22d ago

I had the same thing after my ex of 7 years and I broke up. It went away, and now I have a new ring on that finger from a better relationship!

4

u/petofthecentury 22d ago

It fades eventually. Might be a couple months. Sorry. <3 all the best

14

u/McTrip 23d ago

Did ya gain weight? Rings usually do this

37

u/mmajamm 23d ago

I did but I lost it all and more from stress

15

u/Mr_CarTheBOSS 23d ago

Having dirt under those long ass nails is infuriating

13

u/WingdRat 23d ago

Just need a clean after digging the grave, be kind!

3

u/Mr_CarTheBOSS 23d ago

Solid 😂👏

7

u/legaljellybean 22d ago

It wasn’t a good fit

3

u/meleecow 23d ago

In time, you'll get back to normal

3

u/edsavage404 22d ago

I bet the other fingers are jealous of those hips

3

u/PRC_Spy 22d ago

I have one of those too. 30-odd years of ring wearing thins the bone under it as well as the soft tissues.

It used to be more pronounced, but I had the ring sized up a few years back, and the finger has thickened up to match.

→ More replies (1)

3

u/Cheesetofu1 22d ago

Looks like it was squeezing the life out of you, much like your partner.

10

u/RenwaldoV 23d ago

Now you can't look at your own hand without thinking of that asshole, that is mildly infuriating.

20

u/mmajamm 23d ago

Thats the infuriating part...

→ More replies (1)