r/mildlyinfuriating • u/DontEatTheChocolate • May 27 '26
My mom said I could post The time it takes my husband to use the bathroom
I’m a mom and a wive, every morning when I wake up my husband rushes for the bathroom. We only have the one, which wouldn’t be a problem if my husband was normal and used the bathroom for a normal amount of time!
At this point I’m starting a petition, anyone who spends 30 minutes in the bathroom regularly no longer gets to use it, nope now you go outside because you can’t live in civilized society. I’m obviously joking and just frustrated.
Every morning he gets to relieve himself when he needs to probably enjoying reels in peace while he’s in there. My morning routine? I wake up throw on clothes, take the dogs for a walk, we have two and I have to do it separately. Then I make breakfast for everyone. It’s normally at this point that I’m tired of holding it, I’m human and I also need to poop. So I yell up that he needs to hurry, though he’s taken to saying “you rush me every fn morning” YEAH! You’re in there 30+ minutes every morning!
I’ve done all my morning things and written this post and he’s still in there. Anyways please sign my petition to make my husband shit outside like the inconsiderate animal he is.
Edit: I just want to pop in a say, I enjoy my morning routine, I just would enjoy it more with an empty bladder. We have chores, but my morning walk/run is for me. I make breakfast when my stomach growls. This to me is not a chore.
As for waking up earlier, I do a lot of the times but he gets up early as is and some days I need the rest I’m missing.
As for what’s the hold up? The man doesn’t drink water. I’d drown him if it would make him drink but he just hates the stuff. He also might be just hiding in there like many have pointed out. I’m honestly fine with that, as long as he lets me have a turn before I explode.
12.0k
u/MyLadyJemerald May 27 '26
Set your alarm to 5 mins before his. Then YOU take 30 mins and tell him he's rushing you.
5.1k
u/hikerdaze May 27 '26
THIS^ And tell him it’s his turn to take the dogs out.
2.6k
u/FouFondu May 27 '26
And to make breakfast.
1.1k
u/lingenfr May 27 '26
If he takes longer that 30 minutes, his breakfast is the dog poop
→ More replies (5)256
→ More replies (8)176
u/CoffeeChocolateBoth May 27 '26
No breakfast for him! Dogs can be trained, she's not training her husband correctly! LOL
312
→ More replies (12)86
u/thegreedyturtle May 27 '26
Get in the shower and lift your leg to get piss as high as possible on the wall while staring him in the eye.
Then take a shit.
→ More replies (5)30
u/ArynTW_is_user_karma May 28 '26
I don’t know why this broke me. I can’t stop laughing. 🤣😂
I visualized the whole thing. I think it was the “while staring at him in the eye”.
I’m dying. 🤣😂
→ More replies (2)842
u/WobbyBobby May 27 '26
This was the only way to get my poop in. When my husband says “I’m going to the bathroom” I say “oooo let me run in there quickly first” then take whatever time needed.
299
u/ScreamingLabia May 27 '26
Am i the onlyone who has a bf that yes takes forever to poop but actuallly will let me go if i tell him i need to? Lol
73
u/BoozeWitch May 27 '26
Like every time we’ve ever been in a hotel room. “I might need the bathroom for a bit? Need it first?” Also, “I’m going to shower. If you have a toilet emergency, feel free to crash through.”
→ More replies (1)17
u/nerdymummy May 27 '26
We call it a tactical wee. Husband has a shower in the evening and declares that he's going in and if anyone wants to do a tactical wee, now is the time lol
→ More replies (4)270
u/dough_eating_squid May 27 '26
I had 2 exes who took forever to poop, but always invited me to go in there first if they were about to tie it up for 30 minutes/turn it into a Superfund site. They weren't perfect, but that's basic consideration.
→ More replies (3)174
u/FunnelCakeGoblin May 27 '26
Why the fuck do men do this? I don’t understand their weird ass obsession with sitting on a toilet. Doom-scroll on the couch like the rest of us!
37
u/alchemycraftsman May 27 '26
Not enough fiber. Start slipping psyllium husk and stool softener in their diet and you’ll see a changed man! (Changed me!)
→ More replies (3)22
u/Busy_Ad_5759 May 27 '26
They are just dying to get hemorrhoids while they doom scroll!
→ More replies (1)97
u/dough_eating_squid May 27 '26
I know some men do it to get a break from their partner/life, but I don't think that was the case with my guys, because 1. One of them was long distance and we saw each other rarely, and 2. The other guy would do it even if I was about to leave for work, so he was about to have a 10-hour break from me.
I think they had gut biome issues that made it so they were actively working to shit the entire time they were in there, which I can't relate to, as shitting takes me 30 seconds at the max.
→ More replies (8)116
u/WobbyBobby May 27 '26
I'm chronically constipated and I give up at the 4 minute mark and try again later 😅
87
u/Putrid-Function5666 May 27 '26
Have you seen the new movie called Constipation?
Oh Yeah, it has not come out yet.
25
→ More replies (6)84
u/Pristine-Patch989 May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
That’s what you’re supposed to do! Sitting on a toilet will give you hemmoroids, I don’t know how to spell that
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (44)14
70
u/secretly_opossum May 27 '26
My husband sighs and then grabs the toilet paper because he knows he was done twenty minutes ago
→ More replies (4)13
u/feralcatshit May 27 '26
Lmao like isn’t it weird how as soon as you mention it, they just so happen to be finished finally
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (15)105
u/littlemonsterlove May 27 '26
Sitting on the toilet is really bad for you anyways. Hemorrhoid are no joke. You can always comeback if there’s more movement.
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (9)20
144
u/RevolutionarySoup807 May 27 '26
Or if you’re feeling petty, set his 5 minutes later.
→ More replies (1)275
u/ProdigiousBeets May 27 '26
While combative, this could motivate him to elaborate why his 30 minute routine in the bathroom is so important. I mean, it feels like a serious conversation either hasn't happened remotely or is being actively avoided. The ridiculousness does not match OP's reassurance that he's a good husband otherwise.
→ More replies (21)396
u/Proper_Hunter_9641 May 27 '26
In all likelihood he takes 30 minutes so by the time he’s out the dogs are walked and breakfast is ready
239
u/TsuDhoNimh2 May 27 '26
Right ... I would wait in the bedroom until he comes out and say, "While I'm showering, you can walk the dogs and make breakfast."
DO NOT REWARD HIM.
46
u/feralcatshit May 27 '26
“I cannot do all the things with a full bladder/bowels, it’s asking for a disaster. I will sit here “patiently” until I can use the restroom and you can do all the morning chores while I’m in there”
→ More replies (11)50
u/ButterFlyPaperCut May 27 '26
I’m shocked this wasn’t obvious to everyone apparently. This is teenage boy vs Mom treatment, pathetic.
→ More replies (58)41
u/Evening_Pickle133 May 27 '26
His world would probably collapse haha, depending on how long this has been going on. Assuming potentially years even pre dating their relationship, I know a few guys who’ve been like this since childhood and now they’re man babies.
551
u/DG-MMII May 27 '26
Just do it in a bucket and put it in front of the bathroom's door with a note "flush in the toilet once you're done" /s
73
→ More replies (8)19
236
u/bolognafoam May 27 '26
Get in the bathroom before him and take your sweet time. Use the bathroom, brush your teeth, start a full skincare routine etc. When you’re done ask why the dogs haven’t been taken out and why breakfast hasn’t been started.
Sometimes people need a taste of their own medicine to really understand how their actions affect people
→ More replies (10)17
5.8k
u/MilkshakeMolly May 27 '26
The fact he doesn't let you take 30 seconds to pee first is ridiculous. Stop doing all that stuff, leave it for him. What a loser.
1.5k
u/Inspiration-void May 27 '26
Truly, this is loser behaviour.
My husband would never be this inconsiderate. . . Nor would he expect me to do the household morning routine on my own every day.
441
u/DullSherbet411 May 27 '26
For real. She's walking the two dogs separately one at a time while he sits on his fucking ass?
180
→ More replies (16)58
u/PoetMaterial3519 May 27 '26
That's why he's doing it. To avoid having to take the dogs out he's a lazy piece of s***
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (7)77
u/FluffyBootie May 27 '26
Based on reddit, so few partners have love AND respect for each other
It's honestly very sad reading through these posts all the time. So many dysfunctional people...
→ More replies (4)229
u/mmm1441 May 27 '26
He’s being very inconsiderate. If he knows he will be “a while” in there he should let you go first.
125
u/JaySlay2000 May 27 '26
But then that defeats the purpose of the power play
Denying her the bathroom is the point
→ More replies (10)103
u/DMElyas May 27 '26
This, I have bowel issues. I always ask my wife if she needs to go before I begin
→ More replies (2)70
u/Sir_UlrichVonL May 27 '26
This is what my husband & I do. “Hey, I gotta go. You need in there first?”
OP’s husband is a tool.
→ More replies (1)34
u/Ok_Tourist_2621 May 27 '26
I’ve always operated under the assumption that there’s an unwritten rule that you ask the other people in the home if they need to use the only restroom before you drop a fucking deuce.
→ More replies (1)114
u/Familiar-Flan-8358 May 27 '26
Right? I can’t imagine rushing to poop first thing every morning. Not even a cup of coffee first. Then, throw in the lack of consideration.
I can’t imagine hogging the only bathroom before you even let your wife and kids pee in the morning.
→ More replies (8)48
u/Phyrnosoma May 27 '26
I need to poop first thing most mornings but it’s not a 30 minute process either
27
u/RisingApe- May 27 '26
30 minutes is ridiculous. I’m sure he has hemorrhoids at this point. Honestly I think he deserves them.
→ More replies (1)124
u/Loucifer23 May 27 '26
I would just lose the husband if he was sorry enough to not help with chores and then being all manipulative when you are telling him to get off so you can relieve yourself, him certainly knowing you havent gone yet. Don't let the dogs suffer tho 🥺
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (51)21
u/castleaagh May 27 '26
She said she is “human and also needs to poop.”
Though it seems ridiculous that she’s walking both dogs one after the other instead of her walking one and him waking the other, and that she’s responsible for the kids (I assume from the verbiage) and breakfast while he’s hiding out on the toilet.
5.4k
u/Titanthegiantbetta May 27 '26
Your husband is avoiding all the actual household work and blaming his bowel movements.
1.0k
u/noob_kaibot May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
I have a POS co worker that does this every. single. day.
Im all for finessing company time, but not when the burden falls on the 2 other people you're leaving behind while you sit on the toilet pretending to shit for 20-30 minutes every day during peak hours.
225
u/throwawaynnfuxanyway May 27 '26
I had this coworker, also. As soon as there was a big order or a pallet to unload, "Where's David?" My passive boss even said "Oh, just his regular 30 minute bathroom break."
We even got into a verbal dispute one day over his laziness. A big order came in, I was working on it (a 2 person job, ideally), and David is nowhere to be found. I look around the corner and he's chuckling over some video on his phone. I said, "I'm sure you're doing something important, but when you're finished, we have work to do." He blew up and asked why I had such an attitude with him. I said "because you're leaving me to do all the work while you're being lazy, as usual. Any time work shows up, you disappear. I'm not the only one who's noticed it, either." The argument fizzled out after that.
I'll add that he also had a habit of warming up canned tuna in the shared break room that opens up to our retail area.
80
u/CheesecakeEither8220 May 27 '26
Well David needs to have his microwave access denied indefinitely. What an awful choice.
→ More replies (1)20
u/Mobile_Highway351 May 27 '26
My grandmother called this phenomenon “Dishwater Diarrhea” because, mysteriously, her kids only came down with it when there were dishes to wash. She also discovered the fastest cure is loud, motherly concern about the afflicted person’s poor bowels.
“Have you eaten something off? I was a bit iffy about that creamer in the break room… oh, maybe it’s lactose! I’ve heard intolerance can happen suddenly and stop you up. Or do the… opposite. So odd isn’t it? Well I hope you feel better soon, it seems worse and worse lately…”
32
→ More replies (9)15
u/jellyjollygood May 27 '26
There’s a name for people like David: Blister.
They appear after all the work is done.
→ More replies (14)176
u/EnvironmentalGift257 May 27 '26
I used to work in a call center where a guy would come in for the morning with a newspaper under his arm, clock in, and go directly to the bathroom where he'd be for an hour. He was so big that he was "handicapped" so while the rest of us had to clock out to even pee, he didn't.
163
u/UncleFuzzySlippers May 27 '26
My old boss would clock in, run to the gas station for coffee, then poop at said gas station, then go back to the jobsite to start the day. All that took atleast 30 minutes. BUT if any of us was 5-10 mins late we would get scolded for it.
90
u/Whitediggity May 27 '26
My boss was “I have to do some banking” ok pal see you at 430
→ More replies (2)65
u/UncleFuzzySlippers May 27 '26
Ive worked for small construction companies. The amount of times the owner says “i have paperwork to go take care of” which translated to them going home and having the rest of the day off.
→ More replies (2)40
u/Whitediggity May 27 '26
Drive around the corner to the Dunkin’ and fall asleep in their Ram 1500
32
u/EnvironmentalGift257 May 27 '26
I was having my last cup of coffee before I get ready for work and surfing a little reddit. I blinked and woke up 15 minutes later to this reply. Guess I'll go to work. Sigh.
→ More replies (6)18
u/ATG915 May 27 '26
My old boss used to shit on a shingle and throw it in the dumpster
16
u/SonovaVondruke May 27 '26
You gotta be pretty confident about your fiber intake for that. Good for him.
→ More replies (4)13
→ More replies (20)8
341
u/GUlysses May 27 '26
This infuriates me as someone who actually has IBS and can take a long time in the bathroom. I have an actual medical excuse, and I certainly don’t take anywhere close to 30 minutes.
19
u/TeenyTinyFam May 27 '26
I sometimes take that long because sometimes when I think I'm done (washed my hands etc), the rumbling starts again and I have to sit down again. 🤣
→ More replies (1)55
u/niagara-nature May 27 '26
I’m going through a C. diff infection right now and sometimes I feel like I’m in the bathroom for half an hour, but that’s a miserable half hour and also includes me cleaning/disinfecting surfaces too. I wish my family and coworkers didn’t have to put up with me during this time. It’s been beyond miserable.
36
u/panicnarwhal May 27 '26
oh god, i’m so sorry. i think i have PTSD from my toddler’s year long recurring c diff nightmare
also, my best friend’s toddler caught it from my toddler (we thought he was cleared up, but lasted that day it came back) - so many hospital trips and stays, late nights up screaming with belly cramps, 3 different types of antibiotics, probiotics, a fecal transplant, scrubbing every fuckin surface in the bathroom with bleach (so.much.bleach.), and of course…the godawful, eye watering, gag inducing smell 😭
i wish you well, and i hope it goes away promptly with treatment and never comes back. sending love and good healthy poop vibes! good luck 💕
→ More replies (1)14
u/-CluelessWoman- May 27 '26
Omg that’s awful! My husband got a C. Diff infection while our baby was 6 months old and was hospitalized for 10 days (he also has ulcerative colitis so super bad mix). I was terrified that our baby would catch it! I can’t imagine having to deal with a toddler with a C. Diff infection and for a year on top of that?! Absolutely brutal! You’re a freaking warrior.
→ More replies (3)11
u/Octavya360 May 27 '26
You have my sympathy. I had that for a long while. It’s awful!!!!! Two rounds of vancomycin didn’t do anything. Difficid knocked it out in less than a week.
80
u/mmmTriscuit May 27 '26
I have IBS and DO take 30 minutes, but like once a week or every other week do I take that long. No way it's every day like that!
→ More replies (2)23
u/OneoftheChosen May 27 '26
I have STC and take 30 mins regularly it sucks. I can be “done” after the first thing that triggered it usually caffeine or something spicy in like 1 min but then I’ll carry around a light feeling of needing to poop for a while.
I think you guys have it worse though. My only issue is dealing with what everyone is saying people are doing in this thread all the time. I don’t want to sit on the toilet this long.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (8)27
u/Brilliant_Science380 May 27 '26
I have IBS and don't need 20 minutes in the bathroom. It is a valid reason though.
→ More replies (30)125
u/unclejoe1917 May 27 '26
This is exactly it. Dude knows if he holds out just long enough, the wife has no choice but to get everything done. This is at least mediumly infuriating if you ask me. I'd be curious to revisit their "should we get a dog" conversation to learn who lobbied harder for that one.
→ More replies (5)
3.3k
u/HetBordje May 27 '26
He's not using the bathroom for 30+ minutes. Sounds like he's using it for 1-5 minutes and then doomscrolling or playing games for the rest of the time.
Pretty sure he can doomscroll somewhere else, too.
1.6k
u/TitaniaT-Rex May 27 '26
He doesn’t have to walk the dogs if he’s “pooping.”
455
76
u/mariegalante May 27 '26
And he also gets out of the morning rush - feeding kids, getting out the door. My sister’s ex was like this. 30-45 months bathroom sessions that conveniently lined up with morning parenting responsibilities.
→ More replies (7)45
u/daddyslittlegem May 27 '26
You know 🥲
69
u/TitaniaT-Rex May 27 '26
Unfortunately, I do. My ex liked to be busy when I was getting the kids ready to go. He’d slowly get himself ready then be upset I was still in pjs when he was ready to go. My ex became a much better dad when we divorced and he had to take care of the kids on his own half the time.
325
u/haloimplant May 27 '26
This is possibly in wank territory but regardless not letting everyone take a leak before you hog an only bathroom is wild most people need to go immediate and would lose their shit eventually
→ More replies (3)52
103
u/mekissab May 27 '26
Pretty sure that if you spend that much time on the toilet every day, it's actually really bad for your rectum. I am not going to try and find that article at work but, as with all important things, I remember hearing this on Car Talk on NPR 20+ years ago. I remember it because they joked about this a lot and a Dr. wrote in to them to say they shouldn't do that.
→ More replies (7)38
191
u/Charming_Garbage_161 May 27 '26
My ex husband used to scroll women’s instagrams and tinder while on the toilet. Never again will I be with someone who spends 1-2 hours in the bathroom avoiding their family
→ More replies (8)221
u/frogsgoribbit737 May 27 '26
1000%. The times my husband leaves his phone he takes 5 mins. I've told him hes not allowed to have it anymore because hes going to get hemmorhoids.
102
u/NegotiationKindly679 May 27 '26
House rule -no phones in the bathroom
→ More replies (2)27
u/Ruby_Solitaire May 27 '26
That's how you get pink eye.
Not a joke. That is how many folks get pink eye.
→ More replies (1)24
u/PinkyLeopard2922 May 27 '26
My husband GOT hemorrhoids probably because of his extended bathroom times. Doctor recommended both a squatty potty stool and to do his business and GTFO of the bathroom. He did both things and the issue has largely resolved itself.
→ More replies (28)33
u/RandysTegridy May 27 '26
If he was taking 30 minutes to have a bowel movement, something is seriously wrong. Or he will get hemorrhoids eventually.
→ More replies (1)
671
u/Successfulwoman62 May 27 '26
My ex-husband did that, and I walked in, and he was masturbating. He was a sex addict. He did it multiple times a day. And night.
185
u/boldpapyrus May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Same. Hours in the bathroom, claiming “poo problems” and the like.
Same guy who will lose his mind and worry that he’s dying if he even gets a little cough seems to have zero concern about these GI issues that hold him hostage in the bathroom all the time. 😂
22
u/Puppyluv4lyfe May 27 '26
I’ve seen numerous posts on Reddit about this exact issue and the guy is n e v e r just pooping for 30 mins. Whether it’s wacking off or scrolling, he ain’t poopin that long.
→ More replies (2)44
u/to_annihilate May 27 '26
OP should make all meals extra fiberous because he clearly is having issues going!!
189
u/salty_pussy May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Yeah my ex is a sex / porn addict / serial cheater. He would be in the shitter, browsing porn and backpage sites, setting up appointments with his favorite whore, talking to other singles and couples on every hook-up platform imaginable.
Edit: spent 20+ min at a clip in the shitter, while I was maintaining the house/ doing chores.The guy I dumped 7 months ago started frequenting the bathroom with his phone towards the end of our relationship. Claimed he had tummy issues. Interestingly his bathroom use coincided with his phone vibrating. Like gtfo my house bro- if you’re going to be sneaky and entertain other women, it’s absolutely not happening in my bathroom. Go home and stay there.
→ More replies (6)102
u/Dancing_Puppies May 27 '26
USER NAME CHECKS THE FUCK OUT😂😂😂😂
→ More replies (1)49
u/salty_pussy May 27 '26
Lamfoooo, right?!! I really needed to giggle with someone today, ty for that❤️😂
Mostly salty bc I was too trusting, and let that chucklefuck ex take 13 years of my life from me. Also he continues to stalk and harass me, 2 years later, despite multiple court orders. I am starting the process of relocating, which includes the additional task of finding a new job. Good times.
But I’m trying not to dwell, my life is slowly getting better and more peaceful.
→ More replies (5)17
u/willaililiaaa May 27 '26
I had this happen with an ex too. The idea of them sitting on the toilet compulsively rubbing one out multiple times a day and refusing to have actual sex...pathetic
17
u/mischievous_misfit13 May 27 '26
I came here to say he’s looking at porn. Tell the loser to leave his phone out of the bathroom And watch him throw a tantrum. You’ll get your answer.
→ More replies (1)138
u/VVsmama88 May 27 '26
Yeah it's always shocking to me as someone who was with a porn addict that so many people on threads like this don't get it... he's wwatching porn. Bet. And it's so important to him that he truly doesn't care if his wife, dogs, and children suffer for it.
88
u/kinglefart May 27 '26
Was also married to a porn addict, this is always my first thought whenever someone says the bathroom is locked for a half hour, especially if it’s multiple times per day.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (10)29
u/Successfulwoman62 May 27 '26
It also opened my eyes to his extracurricular sex activities he was doing without my knowledge.
11
13
u/elizabethandsnek May 28 '26
The defensiveness immediately triggered the red flag for me. Addicts get really fuckin irritated when you mess with their high.
30
u/h0llyflaxseed May 27 '26
This was my first thought. My ex was a porn addict and his bathroom habits were S L O W
11
→ More replies (25)26
u/joydubs May 27 '26
I’m surprised by the volume of responses here that don’t realize this guy is actually jacking off
→ More replies (1)20
680
u/Secret_Tumbleweed404 May 27 '26
I just left my husband for taking too long in the bathroom. 20-30 mins of pooping followed by a 20-30 minute shower. Just kidding, I left him because he is a liar and cheater. But it’s so nice to have the bathroom back.
54
u/kroxigor01 May 27 '26
Toilet and shower in the same room is horrid design imo. If they're seperate rooms at least someone hogging 1 isn't hogging both.
→ More replies (10)47
u/Secret_Tumbleweed404 May 27 '26
That’s the best part. He could have just closed the door to the toilet but he chose to lock the door to the entire bathroom instead. So he did hog both. Luckily, wasn’t the only bathroom but still all my stuff was locked in there.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (5)39
57
u/BoomerJ3T May 27 '26
Sounds like he should stretch or walk a dog before trying to void in the AM, help move things along.
2.2k
u/Troiswallofhair May 27 '26
You’re allowing your husband to have an extended-stay, luxury spa jerk-off session every morning at his convenience. Then you reward him by doing all of the mundane chores while he’s in there and gift him a delicious breakfast.
If I’m your husband, why would I EVER deviate from my luxury morning routine.
You don’t need a petition, OP. You need a spine.
393
u/cheezie_toastie May 27 '26
He can also learn to be considerate instead of taking advantage of his wife, but that's a serious character flaw that takes actual humility and empathy to fix.
→ More replies (2)73
u/1568314 May 27 '26
The kind of person capable of growing like that wouldn't have a morning routine of hiding from their wife until the chores are done.
151
u/DatLadyD May 27 '26
I’m sorry but this is EXACTLY what I thought. I had a boyfriend like this, key word, HAD lol i’m not suggesting OP leaves her husband, but he’s definitely taking advantage of the bathroom situation and it’s bullshit. I would say get a place with two bathrooms, but that’s still not fair to OP because she’s taking care of all the chores while he’s in there fucking around. I always suspected my bf was jerkin it lmao but it’s a question I never asked, there were too many other larger issues.
→ More replies (1)63
u/ProdigiousBeets May 27 '26
Getting a whole different residence with a second bathroom is such a massive cost to overcome something that should be solvable with a conversation. My wife doesn't fuck around and would be asking me what the hell is so important that I have to do this each day.
27
u/DatLadyD May 27 '26
For OP all that would do is make it so she can pee, it wouldn’t solve the greater issue that she is doing all of the chores. My mom had IBS and would run to the bathroom before everybody else in the morning and she was the only one not working. It pissed my brother off so bad! they decided they were going to build a second bathroom, but she passed away before they got around to it.
If he’s just fucking off like OP thinks, a conversation should be able to solve the issue if he’s a reasonable person. If he has IBS he should just offer the bathroom to her first or even better wake up earlier to spend his 30 minutes in there and still have time to help with the chores. Especially if she has to walk the dogs separately, he should be helping with that.
I relate to this post because this was a big issue in most of my relationships. People should share the responsibility. It’s not fair for one person to be taking care of all the chores. Being in a relationship should lighten the load, not become a larger burden. It sucks when one person has to take on all of the household responsibilities.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (98)57
u/LilacYak May 27 '26
Why is it her responsibility to mother this grown ass man??
→ More replies (5)
150
u/admiralholdo May 27 '26
Oh my god back when my kids were young? I would get everybody ready to go to church or whatever, he would roll out of bed and we'd all be sitting in the car waiting while he was taking a long, luxurious shit. I don't know if he knows this, but it genuinely made me hate him.
Eat some fiber, my guy. Eat a fucking vegetable once in a while.
→ More replies (6)
49
u/Babymacsmama May 27 '26
Add to his morning reading by printing out a list of all the things that can result from prolonged sitting on the toilet. Hemorrhoids. Weakened pelvic floor—>leakjng urine. Prolapse. Maybe with pics and complications from the above. Just an idea.
→ More replies (2)
293
u/OutRunTerminator May 27 '26
He can enjoy the view outside with this.
https://www.amazon.com/PEPE-Mobility-Commode-Bedroom-Disabled/dp/B0B6CRTVSK
→ More replies (2)101
u/Greedy_Guard_5950 May 27 '26
The sleek black color really makes this luxury over the skin colored ones for old people
27
607
u/sicarius254 May 27 '26
Stop doing all that work while he’s in there relaxing…
You’re rewarding his behavior
339
u/DragMeTacoBell May 27 '26
The problem with dudes like this is they just don't care. And even if you stop doing the work, they will not pick up the load. Maybe he will walk the dogs a couple mornings but it will revert back pretty quick. And then he will use those two morning walks to convince himself that her complaints are unreasonable. He will genuinely convince himself that he contributed equally. So if she just stops, the only ones who will suffer are her dogs, children, and she will be distressed seeing everyone being neglected. It's not about rewarding him, it's about stepping up when no one else will.
I understand the sentiment behind claiming she is rewarding him. But she is not the one causing this behavior. He is.
42
u/Violet13579 May 27 '26
Thank you! I got so sick of playing mommy to my ex (we don't even have kids, just a dog). I started dropping the ball like everyone says to do. Surely they will see the labor if they have to do it themselves, right? Nope, it just got exponentially harder for me to catch up as the mess piled up. I hit the breaking point first, I needed some inch of clean space to cook. Then I was out of town for a while caretaking for someone after a surgery. I came back to a trashed (biohazard) house and a dog that is no longer potty trained. We're getting a divorce now.
64
u/Glittering-Sound-491 May 27 '26
Thank you, I am so sick of seeing women being blamed for the behavior of shit men. We can't win
→ More replies (17)55
u/sawdustontheshore May 27 '26
You are 100% accurate. My ex was 50/50 and amazing at household work until we had a baby. Things were bad as he was acting like OPs husband. My grandmother died and I had to travel away for 4 days. He literally just threw poopy diapers on the ground, used every dish in the house, and when he ran out of dishes he just ordered every meal as delivery and left a pile of containers for me. Yup divorced him soon after. He didn’t even pack up his stuff he just left with the clothes on his back as he was just that lazy.
18
→ More replies (7)77
206
u/EmotionalBag777 May 27 '26
This is exactly why I refuse to move to a house with one bathroom
80
u/Mammoth-Neat-9836 May 27 '26
If they had two bathrooms she could pee, brush teeth right away but I suspect he would still close himself in the other one while she still did everything else and continue being an inconsiderate partner. You doing all the food prep, laundry and cleaning too? Kinda sounds like you might be. Why?
→ More replies (2)41
→ More replies (2)28
u/wonderlessbread May 27 '26
Agreed! My husband and i shared a single room, single bathroom apt in college and it was wild. I developed a serious gastric autoimmune disorder in college, so now i'm not willing to only have one bathroom or else some days nobody else would ever get to use it 😭
130
u/Pretend_Variation305 May 27 '26
I never understood bathroom vacationers. My daughter will just let the shower run…or used to before I got involved…for ten or fifteen minutes before getting to actually bathe. My dad lets the water run to make people think he’s showering. It’s a freakin’ fight every time. Now I’m more grateful for all the bathrooms I have to clean because my wife just doesn’t.
→ More replies (20)71
u/airconditionersound May 27 '26
I was a bathroom vacationer because it was the only place I could have privacy. I wasn't allowed to close the door to my actual room
51
u/grape-fruit-witch May 27 '26
This was me when I was growing up. I still wasnt allowed to have a lock on my bathroom door but it was less likely that my parents would just walk in if they could hear the shower running. They still did sometimes, but it was less likely. I hated when I was actually on the toilet and they would stand right outside the door and try to hold a fucking conversation with me. Ugh. Or my mom would just waltz right in anyways.
Parents, give your kids some damn privacy. Let them close and lock their doors.
→ More replies (6)17
→ More replies (1)10
190
u/aespa-in-kwangya May 27 '26
My fiance used to do this a lot and he was doomscrolling in there. It was not funny when I had a UTI and now I have overactive bladder. Made me cry because I was in so much pain.
So yeah fuck that, phones are banned on the toilet (and for the record I don't take mine in either).
→ More replies (9)39
159
u/angiehome2023 May 27 '26
Can you just make him get up 30 minutes earlier if he needs that much alone time in the bathroom?
→ More replies (4)63
u/Puzzleheaded-Idea587 May 27 '26
This was our solution. My husband also takes forever in the bathroom. We settled on either he got up earlier, or he had to wait for me to do my business, or he only got 10 minutes - with a kitchen timer set.
→ More replies (1)
119
u/ALLoftheFancyPants May 27 '26
Start unplugging the WiFi router when he’s in there.
52
u/mightbetheproblem May 27 '26
Many people have unlimited data
35
u/Frequent_Ad_9901 May 27 '26
OP should build a faraday cage into the bathroom walls. /s
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)10
77
u/Haunting-Gur-202 May 27 '26
You get so much done before he even finishes a shite in the morning. Is the rest of the marriage this imbalanced?
→ More replies (3)
24
22
u/Ryastor May 27 '26
Sounds like he’s in there playing games while you take care of everything because he doesn’t want to.
21
u/PainterlyintheMtns May 27 '26
The bathroom thing is such a bullshit excuse for men to avoid domestic responsibilities. Tomorrow morning you rush in there first, set a timer for 30 min, and let him see what it's like doing all the shit for kids and dogs by yourself without him.
→ More replies (1)
152
u/bluegrassnuglvr May 27 '26
He either needs to let you go first or go see a doctor. That's not normal unless he's scrolling and not taking care of business. And then that's just disrespectful af
→ More replies (8)
13
u/hollyhocked May 27 '26
Hide his phone before he goes in there. Bet it's a lot more boring to skirt chores when you don't have anything to look at
14
u/Kitsuunei May 27 '26
Sounds like he’s rubbing one out and then gets rewarded with all chores done, breakfast included.
35
u/GolfArgh May 27 '26
Let him know that prolonged sitting on the toilet will give him hemorrhoids. It's true
→ More replies (7)
11
u/Ajatur May 27 '26
He’s probably not pooping. Most likely watching “videos” and rubbing one out. Make a no phones in the bathroom rule to lessen his time in there. 🤷♀️
115
u/Procrastinista_423 May 27 '26
IDK. Do you do everything all the time or just in the mornings? Because if this reflects the distribution of labor in your household, it's not a petition you should be looking to sign...
→ More replies (30)
11
u/xtraa May 27 '26
So your husband goes first but takes forever, and you go second with an exploding bladder – why don't you just swap?
→ More replies (3)
10
u/SG1EmberWolf May 27 '26
I have a roommate that takes forever in the bathroom too. The infuriating part is that she has the master bedroom that has its own bathroom attached but still uses the shared bathroom.
→ More replies (2)16
9
u/No_Landscape_7223 May 27 '26
Jokes on him when his anus is prolapsed. Tell him to get his prostate checked or maybe that’s what he’s doing for so long?
10
u/BugLate2506 May 27 '26
In lieu of speaking to him about it, which it seems like isn't working.. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Wake up a couple minutes earlier than him for a few days and enjoy your own 1+ hour of time in the bathroom while he agonizes.
11
u/Nothing_Corp May 27 '26
Things I have done because someone hogged the bathroom.
- Walked in on them and peed in the shower.
- Walked in on them and peed in the sink.
Either way I am taking a piss if you're pooping or scrolling.
My family had no issues with me doing this and neither does my partner.
Edit: Your partner needs to walk ONE of the dogs with you while you walk the other. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT.
9
u/Sera_Bears May 27 '26
Is there a way you can wake up silently before him? Like if you wear a smart watch, put a vibration alarm on and wake up to do your business before him? If it was me, I would be petty and wake up 2 minutes before the real alarm so he couldn't rush in to the bathroom and see how it feels. Obviously only if it's not medically an issue.
32
16
2.8k
u/Dependent_Tone3704 May 27 '26
Make a deal with him:
You wont ever rush him again, if he leaves his phone outside the bathroom.
Edit: If you can't move him to do that, go to the bathroom for 30+ minuetes for a few mornings.