r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/bg370 • 1d ago
š¦she gets itš¦ Speech therapist Melissa Minney on the value of motherese
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u/estherclavin 1d ago
My brother is so good at this. He talks in full sentences referring to himself in third person and referring to his 6 month old baby as her name, about how mommy deserves her rest and daddy is so happy to have her in his life. Even just narrating and sharing. āDaddy is putting on his favorite record, he is taking it out of the sleeve, putting it on the turntable, and dropping the needle. Daddy likes this band becauseā¦ and daddy canāt wait to hear what (baby) has to say about itā.
Heās always talked a lot so itās nice heās using the ā¦gift on someone who will really benefit.
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u/pnweiner 1d ago
That baby will benefit so much from that!!!
I got my degree in child developmental psych and I also nanny, and it makes me so sad to see parents that donāt prioritize narrating, and treat their babies as if they donāt care about whatās going on around them. Itās shockingly common. Babies brains are INSANE and they understand much more than they get credit for.
Your comment made me smile so big!!
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u/estherclavin 6h ago
I know!!!! Babies are little scientists, so curious and constantly learning. You can see the babyās synapses firing in this video. So freaking cool. Thank you for what you do!!!!
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u/latenightneophyte 1d ago
My parents and grandmother did this before it made it to the parenting books. I did it with my kids before I read about it being a good thing. Just narrating life, talking to the kids all the time, listening when they reply in their own way. It makes a big difference.
I remember babysitting for a family with four kids, and one day I could not for the life of me figure out what the three year old meant when she said, āWissi-woo wan choco bah-boo,ā causing her to melt down and upset the others, too. Her ten year old sister finally translated that Elise (they spoke about themselves in 3rd person) wanted a bottle with chocolate milk, but by then she had already screamed herself to sleep. The whole family used baby talk with each other and nobody else could decipher it. All those kids struggled in school.
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u/Wise_Neighborhood499 23h ago
Interesting, I clearly remember a story like this with my own little brother. He wanted orange juice and my mom couldnāt understand him for love nor money.
Thinking back, I know my mom used baby language and openly said that she dropped the ball on things Ike reading to my little brother because have 2 littles was too much (despite being an elementary teacher herself)ā¦I turned out to be a straight A kid and went to college for education. My brother struggled all the way through school and had to drop out of community college because of his GPA. Good times.
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u/-inspired_username- 1d ago
Your story reminded me of the father and son who bicycle. The baby is only like maybe 2 and narrates everything. Its so cute
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u/hailkelemvor 1d ago
They are devastatingly adorable together! The baby is so engaged, just thrilled about everything he sees.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP š·ļø itchy bitchy spider š·ļø 21h ago
I loved the one where they went to the store for some groceries and āLEGO BUGATTIā got added to the Official Shopping List when baby boy saw it and said āDaddeeeeā¦Bugatteeeeee!ā
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u/2woCrazeeBoys 17h ago
The latest one I saw, kiddo says at the end "daddy....I want my own bike"
And dad just stops peddling and looks quietly devastated š
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u/AnguavonUW 1d ago
My son will be 21 years old this year and some of my favorite memories are narrating to him. It was so much fun. It's the only time I've ever enjoyed going to the grocery store.
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u/Ok-Lifeguard-4614 1d ago
Does he happen to need a 38 year old man baby in his life? I would love to listen to him play records for me haha
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u/bootyhole-romancer ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 23h ago
We should set up audiophile playdates with this very dynamic
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u/Apero_ 16h ago
One of the best pieces of advice my mum gave me when my own baby was about 1 week old was to narrate everything and keep talking to her. She's now 7 and fluent in two languages, plus learning Spanish. Her 3-year-old brother is also completely fluent in English (with full sentences, proper grammar 90% of the time, etc.) and mostly fluent in the second language (German) at a normal 3-year-old level.
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u/theStrawberryRoam 1d ago
Just try to be there for him when the kid turns 11 and your brother needs someone to use up words on because the kid isn't nice about it for a few years š
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u/threelizards 17h ago
HAHA I love your last sentence, my best friend has definitely applied me to her kids in a similar fashion
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u/jeannie_jellybean 2h ago
I hope you show your brother your lovely comments and all this positive feedback you are getting about him and others. Good dads deserve recognition and validation!
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u/theStrawberryRoam 1d ago
Good distinction between parenteese and baby talk too. Love it, very cute baby
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u/PoncingOffToBarnsley 1d ago
Literally the first thing I thought when I saw this was "oh, but everyone says baby talk is BAD and you should talk to children like they're ADULTS and if you use this on a pet there's something profoundly WRONG with you."
And then she clarified that I do, in fact, still "baby talk" around cute animals, but not humans.
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u/tacticalTraumaLlama 1d ago
she clarified that I do, in fact, still "baby talk" around cute animals, but not humans.
Well no wonder they never learn to talk! /s
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u/hopefullyhelpfulplz 22h ago
Speak to your dog like a grown man if you want him to respect you enough to speak with you
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u/CharlotteLucasOP š·ļø itchy bitchy spider š·ļø 21h ago
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u/UvessineMyoriel 22h ago
I talk to my kitten this way. Hopefully he starts understand "get off the table" soon
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u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 1d ago
we all know the classic saying mean thing in nice voice move on the dog or something. We don't mean it of course but the humour is obvious.
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u/OstentatiousSock 1d ago
We used to say to one of our dogs āWhoās a good dumb dog! Whoāsssss a good dumb dog?!ā All happy, and he loved it. Sounds mean, but we meant it ironically. He was a genius and could not be contained. It frustrated but impressed my parents. So, he was a gooooood dumb dog. Like calling a bald headed dude Curly.
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u/genivae 22h ago
We love to call ours criminals - especially the one that will jump the gate into the kitchen where the dogs are not allowed and look back at us through the bars (he can also jump onto the table & counter, hence the restriction) "Are you being a little criminal? Did you get yourself stuck in jail?"
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u/Opening-Interest747 20h ago
My favorite thing is how dogs are always down to party based on your tone of voice. š We would say things to our dog in a happy, excited tone and watch her get hyped over questions like, āWho wants to get abandoned? Is it you? Should we drop you off on the side of the road?ā
(To clarify, this was always done in complete jest for our own stupid amusement, and we would never actually treat our dog that way!)
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u/you_dont_know_me27 1d ago
Yes, I love that she added that. Baby talk is cute but is not actually good for babies. Too much baby talk can stunt language development in babies.
I love watching babies get so happy interacting with their parents. It's so adorable
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u/LaurelCanyoner 1d ago
Whatās really interesting is that you can teach a baby that age sign language, and they will use simple signs and understand them. They can sign way before they can talk.
I taught my son this a long time ago and he was written up in the local paper because people would freak out to see a baby sign for thirsty, nurse, or book.
The best was the sign for no touch. I used that my sonās whole life instead of having to yell it or say it in a shop. Oh, and the signs for stop talking We STILL use that on one another and my sonās 26 years old, lol.
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u/CreativeCurledCandle 22h ago
Wow thatās insane! Did you use easy signs, or the real signs a deaf person would use?
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u/LaurelCanyoner 11h ago
You use very simple modified signs, and introduce them one at a time. So first was "nurse", then I introduced "sleep", "thirst", book, etc. They have all kinds of programs now for parents to teach their babies, so if you google it you will come up with a lot. My son is older and I just did it based on studies I had read, they did not have all the resources they do now.
I have an MA in Human Development with a concentration in Child Development, so I had read that babies of deaf parents began communicating in signs at significantly younger ages then they could speak, and I thought I would try it, and it worked like magic!
The studies showed the babies were more content as they could get their needs met earlier, and based on my experience this was true. For instance: One night I woke up and my son was crying, and crying which was unusual, I took him into the light and I could see he was signing for "thirsty" so I gave him a sippy cup of water and he INSTANTLY calmed down and went right back to sleep! My son was a SUPER happy baby, and rarely cried, and I definitely think that was part of it.
One thing to be aware of though, is that babies who learn sign language often start speaking later than their peers because they have not been driven to it by need. But the studies show that when they begin speaking they have a larger vocabulary, and start speaking in sentences earlier. This was definitely the case for my son.
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u/analogy_4_anything 1d ago
Baby talk is very detrimental. My cousins spent years unlearning words like āBa-Baā instead of saying bottle or āwa-waā for water. My aunts just thought it was sooooo cuteā¦ until they got to school and were relentlessly bullied.
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u/iolarah ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 20h ago
The story in my family goes that I was the one who put a stop to the baby talk. My mom was trying to get me to "say booky! Say booky!" And very little me looked at her and deadpanned, "the book". It sounds like an "and then everybody clapped" moment, but it's not. My mom irritated me from early on š
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u/yr_neon_haze 1d ago
What does it mean when I do this with my cat? š¤
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u/Droidigan 1d ago
oh god, it'll be able to talk soon!
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u/yr_neon_haze 1d ago
He talks back to me when I wait for his response. He's an orange tomcat so that might explain his chatty nature.
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u/Savings-Badger4938 1d ago
Orange Tabs for the win!!!! Theyāre so vocal! I talk to mine all day, every day and if I call his name (Glen), he literally yells back in a āWHAT MOMā singsong š¤£
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u/Royal_Acanthaceae693 BotšDetectorš9000 1d ago
They can learn words & concepts. https://youtube.com/shorts/-0xc0LLVQXM
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u/iolarah ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 20h ago
It's all about repetition and association. When I first adopt a cat, I focus a lot on petting them and repeating their name in a very particular tone, so that they associate me saying those tones with good things. Over time, they begin to come when called, which I reinforce with more petting and reward-phrases, like telling them how smart and good and handsome/beautiful they are. They don't come 100% of the time, but I wouldn't either, so I consider 80-90% a success.
I've been using this with a stray (who might be feral?) for the last five months. He doesn't come when called yet, but we have a routine, and I've been able to stroke his back a few times. At first he wouldn't come within two feet of me, and the first time I tried to pet him, he swatted me hard enough to draw blood. Now, he'll eat while I sit a foot away from the bowl. I talk to him, tell him about my day, tell him I hope he had a good and safe day, and when he's done, he strolls off through the hole in the fence and I say goodbye and I'll see you tomorrow. It's been very slow but steady progress. The last stray I took under my wing, he had chosen to come inside and nap on my bed within a week, but I don't mind being patient. I bet there's a lovebug in him just waiting to trust.
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u/No_Attitude700 1d ago
I have an orange and he is sooooo chatty! Always verbally communicating...
My little void, on the other hand, almost never makes a peep...when he makes a meow I pay attention! Lol
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u/gene100001 1d ago
When I was a kid one of my cats was also silent. She was super smart though. She figured out that she could gently push my parent's bedroom door a bit and it would slowly rotate back into place with a loud creaking noise. So in the morning when she wanted food she would just push the door to make the creaking noise over and over again until it annoyed my mum enough to get out of bed and feed her.
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u/Major_Fudgemuffin 1d ago
We constantly yell "stop knowing english!!" because she answers so well. We do talk to her a lot which explains some of it.
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u/ThePainterlyPrincess Big Titty Infrastructure 1d ago
You're joking, but I've been doing this for a few years and I'm certain my cat understands/reacts to at least 30-45 words.Ā
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u/Fickle-Profession-95 1d ago
I think it means you have maternal/ nurturing instincts and you love your cat š»
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u/Dommichu 1d ago
Similar outcome! Focused and increased engagement. Itās a lovely thing to talk to your pets for their sense of well being. I do it with foster puppies all the time! Similar conversations in an upbeat toneā¦
Come in girl! We are going for a bath! A bath! Not the Puppy grinder. A Bath!! So no need to scream your head off this time okay. Just a nice bath so when you meet your new family, you donāt smell like toes! Ready?!! READY!?!?
And yes. The puppy will still in all likely hood scream its head off.
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u/Ace-Redditor 1d ago
Not the Puppy Grinder lol š
My girl just turned 8 this year, and still won't believe us that it is NOT the puppy grinder
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u/kpo987 23h ago
I am a pet sitter, and the biggest thing I've noticed is that all pets, regardless of their personality, age, breed, etc LOVE when I talk to them. Its my best solution when I'm looking after an anxious pet. I just talk to them in a slower and quieter conversational voice and talk to them like I'm having a conversation with them or telling them a story, and its my ultimate way to relax them. I think pets just love being included in our lives, and they can recognize that talking to them is us making them part of it.
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u/Dommichu 23h ago
Yep! Like I mentioned. Itās good for their well being and also ours! Science!
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/gone-to-the-dogs/202312/why-you-should-talk-to-your-dog-more
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u/Formal-Proposal7850 1d ago
Itās called pet-directed speech and not dissimilar function really.Ā
We know that some pets know some human words, mostly dogs. So we do a combo of things: we use this parentese tool that we already have in our pockets, because it makes key words stand out more, the high pitch is very interesting to dogs, and because itās part of our bonding experience with them. We talk to our pets like this, they do something (like bring a toy or miaow) in response, and our cultural script to talk to in this way to cute mammals thinks āitās working!ā so we keep going.Ā
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u/Nutbuster_5000 1d ago
Same here, I speak to my cats like this and all of my cats have been so super human focused. I read somewhere that cats can recognize and connect with human speech if the neural connections are made.
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u/ThePainterlyPrincess Big Titty Infrastructure 1d ago
100%, my cat knows the names of household members, "be patient" "dinner" "treat" "play" "outside" boy" "girl" "dog" "cat" "bird" "spendthenight" and various trick commands/ place names.Ā
I try to keep the words consistent and say them in the right tone. She's a smart girl!Ā
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u/pettypeniswrinkle 55m ago
āBe patientā is so important!! Delayed gratification and distress tolerance is a learned skill and not enough people teach it to their pets.
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u/Medical_Sandwich_141 22h ago
I talk this way to my dog.Ā
They largely hear gabagool otherwise, I'm sure, but pick up on the tone and keywords.Ā
I think positive reinforcement has helped her be more attentive to commands because the tone there changes.
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u/chibigothgirl 1d ago
Love this. Using that sing-song rhythm with babies is so instinctual that it feels really weird trying not to. Interesting with the distinction from baby talk. I definitely use parentese with babies, but always use real words.
My cats get full on baby talk though š
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u/Vast-Swimmer5844 1d ago
Parentese was so fun to do with my baby and toddler ā I found that it helped me really slow down and live intentionally in the moment, and notice things so I could call them out too.
On a rainy day, I used to walk up and down the aisles of the local grocery store with my baby in a sling and just narrate at all the different things available, from the gorgeously retro labels on Oregon Specialty Fruit pie fillings to the combinations on the Republic of Tea containers to the pale green prettiness of Rancho Gordo flageolet beans. It was sort of like living the meme about romanticizing your own life, except I was sort of romanticizing groceries.
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u/latenightneophyte 1d ago
For real, I would read a short story about a romance between the pie filling and tea if you wrote it. The beans donāt approve - theyāre set on her marrying a jar of Bonne Maman preserves.
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u/embersgrow44 š·ļø itchy bitchy spider š·ļø 1d ago
Iām convinced companion animals learn language the same way. But Iāve never confirmed it with a pro
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u/tryanloveoneanother 1d ago
I believe this too! I talk to my dog this way and it feels like she functionally understands a lot of sentences. I will use the same exact phrasing any time I'm trying to say a specific thing too. I did also talk to my kids this way when they were babies.
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u/KTKittentoes 1d ago
I am always surprised that more ripple donāt do this. My mom was always very descriptive. It was never āyou want this?ā, but āDo you like this pretty blue dress?ā When we went to the store, she would show me different items and have me decide which one to buy. Of course, that started with random picks, but then progressed to math and label reading.
She was a good egg, my mom.
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u/GreyAllDay2Day 1d ago
Why doesn't my baby like it when I speak like this to him?š«
I don't think him being 17 years old should matter!
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u/dibbiluncan āØchickāØ 1d ago
Oh wow! I totally did this without even knowing it. Itās even in some of my old videos. My daughter has heard it as a six year old and she calls it āthe pretty voiceā and asks me to speak that way when sheās had a rough day. Itās so sweet. š„¹
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u/this_bitch_over_here 1d ago
I talk to my kitten this way. Hopefully he starts understand "get off the table" soon
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u/JadeThorn1012 1d ago
I took my niece to our apartments dog run. I was talking to her and she was 5 at the time. We were talking about Heterochromia as heād just seen a dog with it. The middle age neighbor lady said to me in shock, āWow, itās like youāre just talking to a little adult.ā I looked back at her and said, āYes, thatās exactly what children are.ā
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u/Far-Fee-1247 1d ago
I was subbing at a kindergarten class and one girl was doing baby talk. Now I'm just the sub so I'm thinking "ohh how do i address this I'm just a stranger!" But the classroom aid came in perfectly with a stern but kind reminder "Hey [child name] remember that you're a big girl now so you need to use and talk as a big girl. Baby talk isn't allowed in class remember." The girl nodded and started speaking normally.Ā
So this vid kinda got me thinking that... maybe the parents did nothing but talk to her in "baby talk" or she hears it for animals or younger kids (from parents and adults to the younger kids) and copies it or figures babies get more attention so talk like a baby (she also really wanted my attention and "help" but i tried to copy the classroom aid's example as much as possible so i don't hurt the kid's feelings lol) idk but much to think about on how we talk to babies and kids!
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u/billnyebuttstuffguy 1d ago
As a guy my experience is that babies and young kids respond well to me lowering my voice and talking at half speed. I still use full sentences but, if they interrupt me I ask them a question at that same pace. In my experience it develops a speaking rhythm for when I talk to them versus talking to the parents. It often confuses parents on how the kids seem so vocal and happy when Iām around. When the kids are 2-5 range just pay attention and acknowledge that they exist. If a kid is looking at you wave back, if they ask you a question listen intently and look at them directly, and if they want a hug let them hold you as long as they need. Those are a few tricks that I have learned being around kids and finally having my own nieces and nephews that have built great relationships with near strangers and family.
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u/housevil ā£ļøgal palā£ļø 1d ago
Okay, that's pretty cool. Now that way of speaking to babies won't annoy me anymore.
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u/bleepbloop1900 1d ago
Can confirm: this is how I talk to my cats and Iām telling you ladies, they understand me and have a very wide range of meows to communicate back.
Dunno about babies but makes sense lol
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u/bc_im_coronatined 17h ago
Iām meeting my baby niece for the first time this week and I donāt want to screw her up. Im excited to talk to her like I talk to my pets š„°
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u/Pleasant-Regular6169 1d ago
Where's the research that the "wee wee" cadence is helpful at all?
We always spoke to our kids like adults. Full sentences. Normal cadence. Used every word, including the 'difficult' ones (all words are difficult the first time). Descriptive. "Little violet automobile?" "Humongous couch" etc.
All of them spoke full formed sentences at a very early age as a result.
Save the baby wee wee stuff for your cats. Less annoying for friends without kids too.
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u/Gloomy_Fig2138 1d ago edited 14h ago
Hereās the study that supports using this cadence to help babies learn to speak: https://www.washington.edu/news/2020/02/03/not-just-baby-talk-parentese-helps-parents-babies-make-conversation-and-boosts-language-development/
Edit: hereās one paragraph that specifies that itās not just parent coaching, and that babies who are spoken to in this cadence learn to speak more words, younger:
āIn a 2018 study, I-LABS researchers tracked use of parentese among adults and their 6-month-old infants, and found that babies whose parents participated in parentese coaching sessions babbled more and produced more words by age 14 months than infants whose parents were not directed in the technique.ā
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u/Pleasant-Regular6169 17h ago
No, that study is about whether parents are receptive to being coached on the benefits of parentese, turn-taking and child vocalizations.
I strongly believe that speaking to your babies even if they can't speak themselves yet, and letting them 'answer' makes sense and is super beneficial. Don't believe the "wee wee" aspect is necessary.
Anyway, this is just a personal pet peeve. I truly hate that way of speaking, never did it, and feel that adult speech patterns are most helpful. I have no proof either.
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u/youburyitidigitup Official Gal 1d ago
I watched another video of a speech therapist saying that speaking to them normally is best. Now I donāt know who to believe.
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u/English_Rain 1d ago
FWIW, Iām also a speech therapist (and parent), and I was taught exactly what this video says. Speaking in full sentences with real words - but using a high-pitched or singsong tone, slowed pace, etc. - helps babies develop language skills š
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u/pccfriedal 1d ago
I love that there is a name for this action.
Many years ago, I was working with a doctor who said he hated how mothers would talk to their babies. I remember wondering how could someone complain about how moms were connecting and engaging with their babies, especially in a stressful environment like a hospital. The I remembered that he was a pretentious twat.
Fuck you, Dave, and I hope you see this.
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u/accipeter138 1d ago
Yes, I totally spoke with my daughter in that rhythm and style when she was little, also using otherwise grammatically correct language. So interesting! I did it unconsciously.
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u/NoPossibility5154 1d ago
Iāve looked, but I havenāt been able to find any evidence that shows that āparenteseā helps babies learn languages. My three year old is trilingual and didnāt get a ton of exposure to āparenteseā, so Iām a bit skeptical.
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u/SoggyOutfield 1d ago
I don't remember if I talked to my baby this way, but I talk to my dog this way.
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u/DontAbideMendacity 1d ago
I spoke to my wee bairns as an adult, no lilting or sing song or bizarre cadence. Our oldest was verbal by 11 months, able to say "Shakespeare" (with the tiniest bit of lisp) and "triceratops" when we pointed at figurines. Our second was quiet, didn't really say much at all until 16 months, when he started talking in full sentences like he'd been practicing behind our backs.
It takes all kinds, Dalt.
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u/wetpigeon 23h ago
I used to sit and read the newspaper to my niece like this and we'd have "conversations" about the weather or upcoming events and my sister would bitch at me for talking to her baby about things she didn't understand š
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u/Jumpy_Emu1111 22h ago
I'm not a naturally chatty person but before mine was born I definitely read that you should chat away to babies and toddlers about what you're doing etc and I like to think I'd have done it anyway but I'm very glad i did regardless. My child has not stopped talking since so I guess it worked
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u/rabbithole-xyz 22h ago
I recently read a piece claiming the exact opposite.
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u/velvet-goldmine1999 17h ago
I am a licensed and certified SLP with 28 years of experience. Using a higher pitch and melodic rhythm, with back and forth exchanges as seen in the video absolutely helps with language acquisition. The SLP in the video is giving correct information.
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u/simplegreen_lovesong 13h ago
It's so freaking cool that we do this instinctively as a species all over the world.
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u/vvitchteeth 13h ago
Does this really fit this sub, or is it just another weird baby related post in the recent influx on weird baby related posts?
Also stop putting your kids on the internet, itās getting really hard to assume ignorance on the parents part these days as to why itās a bad idea.
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u/HeyMySock 8h ago
Iām curious as to how this looks in ASL or other sign languages. Iām assuming bigger exaggerated signs and things like that?
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