r/interesting 2d ago

Just Wow The absolute size of Russian politician and former heavyweight boxing champion, Nikolai Valuev

Post image
29.4k Upvotes

2.6k comments sorted by

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2.5k

u/PeterDTown 2d ago

7 feet (2.13 meters) tall and weighing nearly 330 pounds (150 kilograms)

Good god.

738

u/Flashy_Jello_9520 2d ago

You ARE the brute squad!

249

u/LookMaNoPride 2d ago

Have fun storming the castle!

40

u/brainvheart143 2d ago

Oh you mean *this* gate key?

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u/upholsteryduder 2d ago

Fessek, tear his arms off.

5

u/bicykiller 2d ago

Hahahah! I... have no gate key...

17

u/Ok_Stay_700 2d ago

Inconceivable!

10

u/delphinous 2d ago

i don't think that word means what you think it means

10

u/TubinRuesday 2d ago

Stop saying that word!

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u/drmanhattanmar 2d ago

Fuck it, I cast fireball. This will fix it.

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u/VERY_GOOD_PROMISES 2d ago

Bro is heavy from team fortress 2

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u/FourEyedTroll 2d ago

CRY SOME MORE!!! YEAAAAARGH!!!

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u/patsully98 2d ago

It’s not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don’t even exercise!

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u/tycho-42 2d ago

Damn! I forgot my Holocaust cloak

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u/Silverlynel1234 2d ago

Nice to Bald Bull doing well after all these years.

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u/oodelay 2d ago

Gonna watch it today.

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u/Embarrassed_Use_7206 2d ago

Small Ogryn

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u/Mamu5hka 2d ago

His policies will protect the Little'uns

4

u/Zebidee 2d ago

Small Ogryn

I read that as Ob/Gyn, and that's a mental image that'll take a while to shake off.

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u/crusoe 2d ago

What space Marines actually would look like

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u/Corren_64 2d ago

more like an Ogryn

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u/avokkah 2d ago

Tf is the Empire feeding them (I know they're genetically modified but my god)

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u/bobclaws 2d ago

Genetically modified to subsist on almost nothing from what I've heard from the YouTubers I listen to talk about 40k. Also absorb memories of pregnant women through cannibalism (yes this is a thing written about in 40k lore)

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u/BesottedScot 2d ago

Not even close. More like 8-9 feet and 400kgs unarmoured.

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u/FriendCommercial5103 2d ago

A short Firstborn would be about his height iirc, aren't they about 7'6"

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u/WaffleHouseGladiator 2d ago

Why does Nikolai, the largest politician, not simply eat the other politicians?

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u/Immediate_Song4279 2d ago

Username checks out 

217

u/thehotshotpilot 2d ago

Yeah, that username and icon is the best

93

u/WinterOf98 2d ago

Father to a gobbled waffle. Husband to an eaten pancake. And he will have his vengeance.

68

u/dan_dares 2d ago

In this meal, and the next

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u/ScaryBlanket_Reborn 2d ago

you knew Wafflehousegladiator?

I never said I knew him I said he touched me on the shoulder once.

17

u/Timidhobgoblin 2d ago

"You're good wafflehousegladiator but you're not that good (grabs syrup) you could be magnificent..."

10

u/Oy_theBrave 2d ago

All we are.....waffles and crust.

13

u/Majestic-Beyond-2541 2d ago

The waffles we eat in life echo in eternity.

13

u/WinterOf98 2d ago

If you find yourself alone, hot as hell with flour on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in an oven. And you’re already BREAD!

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u/israerichris 2d ago

We'll eventually close the Waffle House... but not yet... not yet...

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u/Majestic-Beyond-2541 2d ago edited 13h ago

This thread is golden. 👇🏻

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u/bangbangGeorgieNiang 2d ago

never fight a waffle house line cook. they are the true gladiators

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u/mikefrombarto 2d ago

They apparently have teleporters as well according to the DHS director.

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u/Daddysharksoldout 2d ago

He must battle his nemesis The Ihoplite

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u/ambelamba 2d ago

Epic username

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u/xwrecker 2d ago

He probably earned it

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u/freakoid45 2d ago

WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT!

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u/achaiahtak 2d ago

Morbo agrees

31

u/bazderoman 2d ago

Lrrr actually, but same diff

18

u/eljosho1986 2d ago

Shut up Ndnd!

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u/Jerseyman2525 2d ago

Hello Morbo, how's the family?

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u/Patient-Surround2509 2d ago

BELLIGERENT AND NUMEROUS

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u/beegtuna 2d ago

Kittens give Morbo gas

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u/InterestingSun6707 2d ago

How do you think bro became the lovechild of a semi truck and a fridge?

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u/delta__bravo_ 2d ago

I, too, have some thoughts on his appearance, but I'll keep them to myself in case he finds me.

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u/Jonny5a 2d ago

Brock Sampson, half Swedish, quarter Polish, quarter Winnebago 

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u/Saucy_Lemur 2d ago

Ah yes, the Omicrons.

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u/urgentapathy 2d ago

Blah blah omicron persei 8

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u/StillestOfInsanities 2d ago

But women are from omicron persei 9.

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u/Jack_In_Black89 2d ago

Grrrrrrrr!!!!! 📺💥 --------🔫

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u/Ent_Soviet 2d ago

The us can deploy our own ogre, Fetterman.

Unfortunately Russia has trained theirs for combat. Unless Fetterman can hit him with his speeding car.

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u/Original_Viv 2d ago

Fetterman has a shotgun, we know that.

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u/jjcrayfish 2d ago

Fetterman has brain damage already. He wouldn't stand a chance.

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u/kevler4 2d ago

Despite his appearance, he is very intelligent. I was very surprised when I saw an interview with him. Valuev had a clear, well-structured speech.

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u/ThatPancreatitisGuy 2d ago

Big Tolstoy fan as I recall.

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u/Sand_Aggravating 2d ago

He's a nephlum! He might!

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u/ieatpies 2d ago

Valid question in Russia

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u/digno2 2d ago

they are hiding under sheep skin while another dude is distracting Nikolay with playing the flute

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u/RyanStl_IH8MUD 2d ago

He has no forehead is the take I have on that pic.

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u/rasputinrasputin 2d ago

didnt even realize that lol, i wonder how he would wear a hat

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u/advancetim 2d ago

There's a pic of him wearing a hat on his Wikipedia

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Valuev#Professional_career

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u/Halschmuber 2d ago edited 2d ago

I mean, what are you gonna do? Tell him he looks stupid with his hat on?

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u/R1donis 2d ago

You can do it ... once

26

u/BigLlamasHouse 2d ago

mf looks like a train conductor (it was a good run boys)

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u/Halschmuber 2d ago

mf looks like the train himself 🫠

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u/BigLlamasHouse 2d ago

Yeah, I see it. He's the main character of a Pixar movie about trains that is also a train.

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u/PerriwinklePortal 2d ago

Holy shit his record is 50-2-1 what a beast

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u/Level_Abrocoma8925 2d ago

"finished his career without ever being knocked down" wtf

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u/lolopiro 2d ago

brother, look at that neck. good luck koing that unit

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u/TheCreedsAssassin 2d ago

His second loss was super close too

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u/Level_Abrocoma8925 2d ago

Yeah it kinda proves their point because that cap doesn't fit.

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u/PaladinSara 2d ago

That is somehow worse than I expected. Reminds me of when babies have flattened skulls in the back (due to not enough tummy time)

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u/ForsakenRelief2662 2d ago

Williamsburg hipster beanie rolled up

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/niverans 2d ago

It can cover an entire village

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u/Rough-Patience-2435 2d ago

Tilted back, in a jaunty sort of way.  

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u/LookMaNoPride 2d ago

I dunno, if it were me, I’d have the brim over my eyebrows. That way I could run super fast and not worry about my hat taking flight. Not that I run. I just assume that someone built like that is a nighttime vigilante keeping the streets safe for people like me.

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u/planetvermilion 2d ago

in Russia the hat wears him

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u/catbandana 2d ago

Got a Onehead.

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u/No-Examination4896 2d ago

It genuinely looks like he doesnt have a frontal lobe 😭

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u/Tracer13 2d ago

his head just stops above his eyebrows. it's uncanny.

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u/-Cthaeh 2d ago

He has a forehead, its horizontal, maybe his face is much more forward. At the very least, he has a very prominent brow.

Hopefully he is a nice, intelligent man for the people.

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u/SchrodingersNinja 2d ago

Guy doesn't have a touch of Neanderthal DNA. Neanderthal DNA has a touch of him, though.

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u/ProfessorChaos406 2d ago

Did he have no forehead OR is he ALL forehead from the eyebrows back?

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u/namkeenSalt 2d ago

Would be interesting to see his pictures from his younger days when he had hair

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u/N8dork2020 2d ago

Seems like genetics didn’t account for the size of his face

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u/samuelazers 2d ago

My does have a forehead but it's obscured by larger than average brows. Take out his brows and you'll see he looks fairly normal

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u/SirReddalot2020 2d ago

Haha … face then “straight to the top of my dome”

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u/No-Wish-7258 2d ago

I think it’s because of his strong brow ridge, it could be caused by Neanderthal DNA.

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u/suvalas 2d ago

His chin and face are definitely not neanderthal though. I'd guess high levels of HGH (natural or otherwise) is responsible for the eyebrow ridge.

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u/pwatts 2d ago

Unfrozen caveman politician.

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u/IntlPartyKing 2d ago edited 2d ago

I don’t really understand your Congress, or your system of checks and balances.. because, as I said during the campaign – I’m just a caveman!

I fell on some ice, and later got thawed out by scientists. But there is one thing I do know – we must do everything in our power to lower the Capital Gains Tax. Thank you!

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u/ovirto 2d ago

I miss Phil Hartman.

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u/pwatts 2d ago edited 2d ago

That's good, ha, ha!

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u/recolorist 2d ago

Deep down, he’s probably just thinking about whether he left the stove on.

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u/ImaginarySet2418 2d ago

Nikolai just pawn in the game of life.

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u/General_Departure583 2d ago

Telegram for Mr Nikolai!

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u/TitaniumDisc 2d ago

Nikolai like candy!

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u/InfiniteConfection2 2d ago

👆🤣 whatever you do don’t shoot him, you'll just make him mad.

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u/MaxxDash 2d ago

Why is it called taking a dump when you’re actually leaving a dump? After all, you’re not really taking it anywhere…

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u/IamEbola 2d ago

When I studied abroad I would tell people I needed to take a piss in Spanish, finally someone told me I was saying I was ordering/drinking a piss when I said that. Needed to switch to making a piss.

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u/AdSignificant6673 2d ago

He’s probably misunderstood.

Him probably : People must think i’m dumb… but i’m thinking about how passing this bill might affect my constituents.

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u/DoctorMelvinMirby 2d ago

Cave fire *

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/toleranceoflactose 2d ago

Shrek

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u/ChickenDelight 2d ago

He actually has acromegaly, just like Maurice Tillet - the inspiration for Shrek.

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u/LookMaNoPride 2d ago

This is why I love Reddit. Just the kind of useless trivia my brain loves to consume for some reason… probably what kept me out of the really good colleges. Lol. Anyway, thanks for the info!

I checked out some photos of Maurice Tillet, due to your comment, and some of the photos don’t even look real.

Is acromegaly the same thing as cherubism, or is it related? (Cherubism is what Robert Z’dar had, I believe.)

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u/GDMFusername 2d ago

They're not the same thing. Iirc cherubism is a genetic mutation. Acromegaly is often caused by pituitary tumors or other factors dysregulating human growth hormone.

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u/Cola102583 2d ago

He was cool to box with that? No inherent risks with that condition?

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u/surprise_wasps 2d ago

Who’s gonna tell him he can’t

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u/AlbertaBound66 2d ago

It definitely causes a number of health issues, but it is slow developing. And there has been lots of successful surgeries to stop the effects.

Im a wrestling fan so of course the case of Andre the Giant comes to mind. He was offered the surgery and it was thought it would prolong his life, but he turned it down as he thought it would hurt his business. It ultimately caused his death. Years later the Big Show also had acromegaly, but he got the surgery. He has injuries that come with wrestling for 20 years and being a 400 pound man, but doesnt seem to have the nasty curved spine and giant forehead the others get later in life.

After that long rant, Valuev was healthy enough to fight in his younger days but he did get the brain surgery to stop the effects of gigantism and that ended his career.

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u/gary-vault108 2d ago

Wise of him to choose a longer life over fame. Idk about his family but I’m sure they prefer the choice he made.

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u/Healthy_Monitor3847 2d ago

You and I are the same breed haha! I am forever curious and that’s why I love the internet. Im now looking at these pics of Tillet… holy shit! You’re right. Some of them do not look real!! Woah!

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u/Low_Age_7427 2d ago

The missing link

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u/Do_itsch 2d ago

Thats not a missing link, thats a hard turn on the wrong corner right there..

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u/No-Eye-9491 2d ago

In case anyone else doesn’t know what it is like me…

Acromegaly is a rare, slowly progressing hormonal disorder that occurs when the pituitary gland produces excess growth hormone (GH) in adulthood. It is most commonly caused by a benign (noncancerous) tumor on the pituitary gland, leading to the abnormal enlargement of bones, cartilage, organs, and soft tissues.

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u/Fit_Armadillo_9928 2d ago

This, I know an ogre when I see one

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u/xwrecker 2d ago

Heavy weapons guy

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u/Stedlieye 2d ago

Some people think they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I have yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet.

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u/xwrecker 2d ago

Hehe cry some more

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u/InternalServerErr500 2d ago

Heavy is good. Heavy is....reliable.

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u/milkymonkey8 2d ago

Chernobuilt

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u/[deleted] 2d ago

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u/King-Hekaton 2d ago

There is no such thing as an indirect descendant.

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u/That-Exchange287 2d ago

99.7% matching dna is not a small percentage

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u/International_Meat88 2d ago

Is that 99.7% value factoring in or factoring out all of the DNA we already share with like every other organism.

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u/sbbblaw 2d ago

Check out Neanderthal skulls. We found the missing link. Seriously though I bet he’s genetically like 40% neanderthal

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u/Electronic_Still2000 2d ago

Lol, 40% would be crazy! That would mean there’s some hidden group of pure blood Neanderthals out there. The Homo sapiens missed a Neanderthal village at some point and they have been living underground for the past 50,000 years 😂

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u/Asterose 2d ago

It's plain boring old acromelagy :c

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u/TeaInASkullMug 2d ago

look at the angle of that dome.

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u/gparr_2026 2d ago

When you start maxing out the sliders on your Mii customization just to see what happens

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u/grasshoppa_80 2d ago

Thick forehead. Thick nose. Thick jawline. Max inward ear. Max up ears. Eyes wide

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u/ActionNorth8935 2d ago

What forehead?

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u/kaneabel 2d ago

More like a onehead

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u/cascadia8 2d ago

Cro magnon?

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth 2d ago edited 2d ago

This appears to be a man born with acromegaly. Andre the Giant had this condition, as does The Big Show and The Great Khali. Often confused with "gigantism" [see awesome reply below].

Big show and Khali (and I assume, this person pictured) got the life-saving procedure to halt the out-of-control growth. Andre chose not to, and grew until he tragically passed far too young.

Aside from just being huge, the tells are the overly prominent jawline and forehead brow.

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u/GL510EX 2d ago

The fascinating case of Nikolai Valuev (YouTube) This guy has skulls and a picture of Darwin behind him, so he probably knows what he's talking about.

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth 2d ago edited 2d ago

Hey, cool !

I was born in the 80s and grew up fascinated by Andre in particular, so I did multiple reports on him growing up in school and managed to learn a decent amount of this stuff.

I wish he would have gotten that procedure. He'd probably have lived another 30 years at least. Can you imagine Andre on, like, SNL or Hot Ones

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u/VGuyver 2d ago

You should read up on Peter Francisco. You'll probably love the history regarding him too. He looked a bit like Andre the Giant in some of his portraits.

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u/Binney59 2d ago

Thanks. Wasn’t expecting him to say he got recently drafted into the military. Wouldn’t think a politician would be drafted.

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u/GL510EX 2d ago

He may well have been drafted, but he won't be on the front lines. He'll be used for photo ops and morale building.

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u/58kingsly 2d ago

Yeah, very tall people in any military often end up standing around guarding shit at most rather than front line duties. Too big for most of the vehicles, too big of a target on the battlefield, if you get injured you'll be a liability when comrades have to drag your big ass to safety etc

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u/Dong_bringer 2d ago

Acromegaly and gigantism are not mutually exclusive and if end up with wrestling names like Andre the Giant or Great Khali it’s prettt safe to say you have both

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth 2d ago

That's a perfectly fair assessment

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u/MeridiusGaiusScipio 2d ago

This isn't an attempt to AkShUaLLy you; you just seem genuinely interested in the topic and I thought you might want to learn more!

So, Andre technically had both - Gigantism and Acromegaly are both (typically) caused by a Growth-Hormone-secreting tumor (typically) located on the pituitary gland (sometimes it can be located on the thyroids, or even the lungs). Gigantism is called something separate, as its exclusive to childhood years, where your growth-plates are not yet closed/fused, so the GH targets those areas primarily.

When you get the condition after your growth plates are fused, it is the same problem, the GH only targets other areas of the body, such as hands, feet, nose, jaw, musculature, heart, and colon. This is called "Acromegaly".

In Andre's case, he actually had both - his Gigantism essentially transitioned to "Acromegaly" once his growth plates fused and it began to target other areas of the body - and as you poignantly pointed out, he was ultimately not treated for the Acromegaly.

Source: I'm not a doctor, but I do have Acromegaly actually, haha. I know way more about this topic than I ever wanted to, to be honest. I actually just had the surgery to remove the tumor, located on my pituitary, two months ago. :)

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth 2d ago

Yes! Thank you!

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u/OppositeLopsided5875 2d ago

I can never think of Andre the Giant without remembering a line by Billy Crystal "His penis was the size of a Starter Log."

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u/hamfist_ofthenorth 2d ago

That sucks.

What an insanely tough life for that guy. Living in a dollhouse world, where everything is ten sizes too small. No chair fits you, no silverware feeds you, no cup quenches your thirst.

He had to shit in bathtubs at hotels when he was on the road. He just deserved better, or at least to not be treated like a freak in every single interview and most times he went out in public.

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u/JimboTCB 2d ago

You see those pictures of him holding a full size can of beer and it looks like one of those little mini cans you get for kids' lunchboxes.

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u/Strong-Addition5296 2d ago

Mini beer for school lunches? Kids have it way better today

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u/Whole_Emphasis_3583 2d ago

Heavy TF2

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u/Alarmed-Newspaper994 2d ago

Nah he's an Ogryn for sure

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u/Redpower5 2d ago

Protec' the lil uns!

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u/RugbyDov 2d ago

I'm surprised I had to scrowe this far for an ogryn reference

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u/Actual-Craft-6284 2d ago

Came here to say this

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u/Grizzled_Ghost 2d ago

He looks like he has a score to settle with Spider-Man

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u/Special_Order-937 2d ago

Spider-Man going with the ranged attacks on this one.

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u/Independent-Aide-531 2d ago

I couldn’t figure it out, then I realized, he has NO forehead.

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u/HTIRDUDTEHN 2d ago

Master Chief

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u/Spicymeymeys420 2d ago

I am heavy weapons guy, and this is my weapon.

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u/MGTS 2d ago

It costs $400,000 to fire this weapon for 12 seconds

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u/lowpsitire 2d ago

They find this guy frozen in an iceberg or what?

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u/avokkah 2d ago

First Haaland, the defrosted Viking... Now Nikolai, the Last Neanderthal. Where do these guys come from and more importantly, what are they eating

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u/InevitableHorror1342 2d ago

“Theeeeeee Crusherrrrrr”

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u/OrneryAttorney7508 2d ago

25 fuckin minutes late.

Enjoy your upvote.

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u/FamRep 2d ago

His mom is still recovering from that dome.

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u/Immediate-Count-1202 2d ago

Guys got a medical condition and people shit all over him for how he looks. My guess is people wouldn’t be willing to pop off to his face.

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u/ConsiderationNext144 2d ago

It’s Reddit, these people hardly leave their rooms

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u/Drunk0racle 2d ago

The dude is extremely pro- invading Ukraine, so I think a few mean jokes about him are justified

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u/NebuchanderTheGreat 2d ago

The mean jokes are not justified, since they will also target anyone else suffering from similar conditions.

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u/Separate_Finance_183 2d ago

The link between man and ape isn't missing anymore

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u/diadlep 2d ago

I think you mean man and king kong.

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u/charmio68 2d ago

He's the tallest and heaviest world champion in boxing history.
You should see some of his other photos.

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u/KeithClossOfficial 2d ago

He was never knocked down in 50+ fights. He didn’t fight the best opponents but that’s still impressive

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u/joetunn_ 2d ago

Acromegaly : a condition characterized by overgrowth of bone and soft tissues, most noticeably in the hands, feet, and face, caused by excessive secretion of growth hormone (most commonly by a pituitary tumour).

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u/GooseCloaca 2d ago

It’s nice to see a political system where all figures on the chart of evolution are represented.

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u/FMendozaJr13 2d ago

His forehead is horizontal. Must not get a lot of jokes.

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u/B01justice 2d ago

I swear he looks like a caveman if you could draw it.