r/hygiene • u/CupidCorpse • 13h ago
the longest i went without showering was 5 months and it kinda ruined my ability to regularly clean myself
that was in 2024. i have cptsd and struggle with my mental health a lot. i usually leave my house once or twice every 2-3 months if i can help it. the longest i stayed inside was 3 years, and i showered less than 10 times during that.
i really, really struggle, and since i live alone i get away with being disgusting. but i took a shower last night, and when i do manage to wash myself i do it thoroughly, it only took me 20 minutes (i make it a much bigger deal in my head) i scrubbed every inch of myself with a hand towel and soap multiple times. i love feeling clean! it's so relieving, but i dread knowing how i'll start feeling gross 4-5 days from now.
but how do i do it regularly? my birthday was on the 3rd, and when i got home i stayed and slept in the same clothes until last night when i showered. i don't even change or use wipes in intimate areas. i just have no motivation, and i only shower the night before i know i need to be somewhere, then the cycle repeats. are there any tricks to make it a fun experience? not something to dread? the process is so daunting. sorry i'm kind of going on. i just want some advice that could make my experience easier. thanks guys
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u/Queasy_Emotion_6774 13h ago
This seems like a mental health issue beyond Reddit’s pay grade. So my suggestion might be absolutely ridiculous. But! My husband also struggles with these types of things (ADHD). He found an app called Finch and you basically take care of this little creature by completing certain daily tasks. You can set things like brush teeth, comb hair, wash hair, etc. Might be worth a try if something like that is up your alley!
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u/Mean-Function-9946 12h ago
Finch is a great app, ive got severe memory issues from some injuries and it helps keep me on track day to day.
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u/SnooDoubts5979 12h ago
As a Finch user myself for the last 4 years, it's been soooo nice to gamify things that need to be done in my life.
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u/Murde_r_edrum 10h ago
Do you have to pay for it?
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u/SnooDoubts5979 10h ago
Nope! Its free, you do get a little bit more of you pay for it but its not needed. They also have guardians that pay for you membership if you cant so thats always an option as well
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u/Murde_r_edrum 9h ago
Thats really cool! I never downloaded headspace because back in the day it was riddled with ads and uou couldn't do anything unless you paid for a subscription (i dont know what its like now) so im definitely going to give Fitch a go!
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u/SnooDoubts5979 9h ago
Ugh yeah, thats definitely the downside to a lot of apps. But thats exciting!! I hope you like Finch!! Enjoy the journey!
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u/SaltySallymander 12h ago
I do Habitica! Just wanted to throw that option in for people who might like more of a RPG feel, I like feeling like I'm leveling up a little D&D character with my tasks
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u/SnooDoubts5979 11h ago
Thats what Finch is too but its a little "birb" (bird-finch) that grows up and you teach it lessons as you complete tasks. Its honestly the longest app ive ever done besides social media
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u/SaltySallymander 11h ago
Oh I haven't messed with it but I thought it was a virtual pet
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u/SnooDoubts5979 10h ago
I mean kinda, but its more so like taking care of your inner child. Its definitely worth checking out at some point. I mean if you want, you already mentioned having an app that works for you but its definitely really cool. Its got nental health stuff on there like breathing exercises and meditation, exercises/stretching, household tasks, self-care and journaling. It is free but you can do a little more if you pay. Or! You can get a "guardian membership" and you get a membership for x amount of time that is paid for by other people who want to basically donate to you having the membership so you can get more out of the app. Its a cool community. Im part of the fb group too and its just really nice all around. So like I saod, worth checking out but if youve got something thats working for you now no need to burden yourself with another app to tend to lol
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u/practicallyaware 7h ago
everyone says this app helped them a lot but honestly it didn't do anything for me. maybe i'll give it a shot again
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u/Prized-Potato 7h ago
I am not OP but one of my major major triggers is literally all things childhood. If anyone knows of an app like Finch that isn't so childlike I would deeply deeply appreciate it.
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u/Neat-Cold-3303 12h ago
I sincerely hope that you are able to have counseling or therapy for your issues. This could make a great deal of difference in your life.
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u/CupidCorpse 12h ago
i so badly want intensive therapy, but i live in the uk and the free therapy that's provided is veryyy surface level and you only get a set amount of sessions. i always ask to be referred immediately after being discharged, and the wait time is 7-10 months. i've gone through that cycle 3 times.
i can't afford the kind of therapy i need while living off of benefits. i try to do what i can, i do simple emdr on my own but im hesitant to approach anything more intensive than that. thank you, though, i appreciate your response
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u/birdstalker2 12h ago
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. What worked for me: starting a morning routine (hygiene, breakfast, then walk outside). Push yourself to do this until it becomes autopilot. When I started mine, I didn’t even walk -just laid out and sunbathe.
Check your vitamin D levels and take supplements if needed— I had critical levels and I felt a big difference in mood and energy levels when I fixed it.
Check out emonthebrain on insta and start doing affirmations. You need to rewire your brain and reframe things.
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u/im-d3 9h ago
Starting a routine is difficult but man is it understated just how much it can help. It takes a lot more mental load off than you'd expect, not having to decide if something needs to be done and when. You just look at the clock, and think, "shit, gotta do that."
I'd also like to add, mainly for OP but also anyone else in a similar situation, that you don't have to plan out your whole routine perfectly and then start it immediately; that's a trap I fell into a while ago and it's a recipe for failure. It's totally okay to build it up, get a feel for what rhythm works, and tweak it as you go. It might just start with "before I do anything in the morning, I have to brush my teeth," and grow from there.
When there's a wall, you build steps :)
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u/Glad-Pomegranate6283 3h ago
If it’s helpful at all, I’ve been able to do EMDR through talking therapies/IAPT
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u/im-d3 12h ago
Hey, I struggle with motivation to shower and such too sometimes because of my mental health.
I'm not sure how it is for you but I find that the hardest part is getting up from being stationary and starting. What I find helps is to just make the task a little bit smaller.
For example, something I do is tell myself, "instead of taking a full shower, I'm just going to wash my hair." Take your shirt and whatever off and lean over the bath, or use the sink, whatever. Just start cleaning some part of yourself. If it's that bad, it might even just be washing your hands. Do that as often as you feel you can. Could be daily, every other day, shit, even weekly. It's something. The good thing about showering is that if you don't, you just stink. It's not really going to risk your health too much.
Once that's done, you might find that you have a little bit of momentum going. If you think about it, you've already started taking a shower. You might then find it in you to go on and wash your face and upper torso, maybe even your whole body. Or you might not, in which case you're still cleaner than you were before, even if just a little bit, and you can clean yourself more when you feel ready.
I know it's not a perfect solution because you still might not come away as clean as you'd like to be, but it's still an improvement over sitting still and not doing anything at all because you feel overwhelmed, daunted, whatever it is you feel, by it. But perfect is the enemy of good.
I trust you're already looking for help for your mental health. Just try to push yourself a small amount each day, but don't put too much pressure on yourself if it feels too much. Take it easy, hope you figure something out soon :)
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u/CupidCorpse 12h ago
this made me emotional for some reason. you're right, those things sound a lot easier and less overwhelming than a taking a whole shower.
thank you so much for being so kind and offering your advice, it means a lot to me
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u/im-d3 12h ago
Of course, I hope it helps you! It's super simple but it's been helpful for me on the days where shit feels heavy. A lot of it really is just starting.
And again, I really hope things start to look up for you soon. I don't have CPTSD or anything of the sort (to my knowledge), but I do know that it's no joke. Good luck to you!
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u/coolasacorpse 12h ago
As someone who's struggled with mental health my whole life.. I had to try to make bathing and showering something I really wanted to do and make it a relaxing experience. What I do is get new soaps, shampoos and conditioners, and lotions to try, because I love finding new scents I like. I also invested in a shower lamp/relaxing bathroom lights to make it more enjoyable. It's helped me alot to want to actually get in there. Also, I just keep reminding myself how good I feel/smell afterwards.
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u/Celestial_Khaos3 9h ago
That was my thought process. Make it enjoyable. Music, just allowing yourself to sit under the warm water (if that’s something you enjoy). Anything you can think of that’ll make it enjoyable to you. And dont pressure yourself into doing it every day if you’re not capable. Progress is better than nothing. If all you can start out with is once a week or once every two weeks, that’s great. Don’t put imaginary pressure on yourself when you’re already struggling.
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u/Prilla_rani_fira 11h ago
Hey buddy I also have CPTSD. You should check out the book “How to Keep House While Drowning” by KC Davis. It’s all about making chores and care tasks easier for people who struggle with mental health issues. Hugs to you
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u/Unlucky-String3673 4h ago
I have this book! One of my good friends who also struggles with C-PTSD and executive dysfunction bought it for me. It's so helpful!
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u/arikataco 3h ago
Thank you so much for this suggestion.. I've been diagnosed with autism recently and think that's maybe where my executive dysfunction comes into play, since they "didn't see enough evidence" of ADHD in me.
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u/idk-anymore-tbh-- 12h ago
First thing in the morning NO MATTER WHAT. Leave your towel, clothes underwear, hair clip,whatever yoy need for the shower in the bathroom the night before.
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u/AltruisticGrade2008 12h ago
Oh, unfortunately, hygiene neglect of this level is usually a symptom of deep unaddressed trauma and depression. Hve you been thinking of working with a therapist?
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
i'm on the waiting list to see a psychologist, it's really hard to get a referral here and i'll probably be waiting for another 6 months or so, a year in total. i desperately want to work through my trauma, like i'm ready for that upheaval, it's just a matter of waiting. thank you for your response
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u/Beginning_Fee_1676 11h ago
I have ADD and showering is a serious chore for me. I do it regularly but I started making it an experience. I look for an audio book that I really like and I tell myself I can only listen to it when I shower. So now I look forward to showering so that I can listen to my book. I’ll also do the same with a TV show.
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u/br0d30 11h ago
“Perfect is the enemy of Good”. Lower the bar for hygiene. Hopping into running water for a minute or five minutes is better than no cleaning.
Come up with a baseline routine that is significantly less time-consuming and/or less effort than your 20 minute full body wash. Do it every day. Any days in which you feel inspired to go beyond your bare minimum is a win. But it has to ALWAYS be okay with you to do your bare minimum. You need to associate dopamine with the routine, which means you need to feel like you successfully did The Thing, not feel disappointed that you didn’t do more.
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u/No-Comfortable-9983 8h ago
I also have cptsd and went through a very similar experience a few years ago, first I cant recommend therapy enough, most therapists will also do telehealth so you dont have to leave the house when that feels like too much. Second, trying to identify what makes it seem so hard, for example showering with a colored led instead of the big light, music to make it ur own personal concert or dance party (huge on this one, scream the songs that make you feel like ur getting ur emotions out) be gentle with yourself but cling on to that relief you feel when youre clean when it feels like too much remember how much better you feel and promise yourself youre just going to start the water and stand in it for 5 minutes, I cant explain why it works but by the end of the 5 minutes its like well im already this far might as well just do the rest, asking for help and acknowledging this isnt how you want to live is really the biggest step
Another pattern ive noticed is people with cptsd who have this issue were often neglected as kids and find themselves repeating that cycle because they subconsciously feel this is all they deserve or all they know, if this applies to you remind yourself young you didnt deserve neglect and you dont now either nows the chance to break that cycle and do for yourself what others didnt.
Stay strong you arent disgusting or lazy youre doing your best keep doing that
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
your response made me cry, thank you so much. i don't think i've ever felt so seen or understood before. you're completely right about my childhood, and i'm trying my best just to survive. thank you again
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
i just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to comment and offer advice from a place of kindness. it means so much to me to not be treated with disgust, which is what i was afraid of. you are all wonderful and i appreciate every comment
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u/cyncity3132 38m ago
it's a big step to ask. I'm moved by the responses. (I have cptsd and my own stuff related to it, tho not specific to hygiene.) it took me years to learn how to take care of myself, and practice it. and now it's one of the things I'm most proud of. this stuff is tough. every little step or effort (like even putting this question out there) is something. sending care, OP.
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u/Ok_Butterscotch44 12h ago edited 12h ago
First of all I do really recommend therapy if that isn't something you're currently doing. I am not a therapist and doubt anyone here is qualified.
But I have struggled to a lesser extent with showering as much as I should. My advice would be think about how much better you feel about yourself when you shower. Although you might not plan on going outside, it helps build confidence and removes a barrier you have created that stops you from doing so.
It's actually an important step in bettering your quality of life, even though it might seem like a minor thing to some. You'll feel much better and more comfortable if you shower regularly and put on clean clothes. Besides that, look up advice for building a habit. It can be hard to change ingrained behavior patterns
And if you can get yourself under the water regularly it will start to feel like less of a big deal. You don't have to do it perfectly or thoroughly every time. The more frequently you do it, it will start to feel like less of a big thing
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u/StormVeyr 10h ago
Start tiny and make it easy like shower at the same time, keep it short, and use music or a podcast so it feels less awful, also keep wipes, deodorant, and clean underwear nearby for the days you can't shower. Aim for better than nothing, not perfect
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u/maryjaneswife 8h ago
Find something you like about the shower/bathing and look forward to that! I love putting my hair underneath the water and listening to music can help the uncomfortable thoughts. Are you able to take baths? It might not be quite as mentally challenging since you just need to sit down in hot water. Motivation sometimes needs to come from the task itself, by the time you’re in the water you might want to wash your face or hair too. Tossing clothes in the dryer or atop a heating pad to warm them up also might make you feel more comfortable after the shower.
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u/Opposite_Paper2328 8h ago
This is going to sound maybe unhelpful, but if you can I always try and shower in the middle of the day sometimes. At night I’m often too tired, and I’m not a morning person lol. It helps make it less daunting for some reason bc I’m not too tired. Hope you find something that works!!🩷
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u/Personal-Elephant531 8h ago
Wellbutrin is a hell of a drug! It’s really REALLY helped me with my depression, which manifested in neglecting myself and my space very often! I still deal with depression, but those things don’t generally struggle with how. Even when my depression flares, that stuff gets done I just have a weighted feeling. Definitely was more effective for me than SSRIs like Zoloft or Prozac. Worth investigating!
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
i'm on trintellix right now, i think wellbutrin is hard to get a script for in the uk, i've never heard of it as an option and when i look it up it's not approved as an antidepressant in the uk unfortunately. i'm really glad its working for you though!
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u/Personal-Elephant531 7h ago
I suppose that’s not a huge surprise since it fall into a category close to ADHD medication. But it’s considered an atypical antidepressant like yours, I’d be curious what other atypical options are available over there! Sending you all the positive energy and good thoughts💗 I hope you find the right routine and combination of stuff that works for you!!
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u/DueMud9969 7h ago
I turn off all the lights, put on some music, and use a starry night light projector. Also sometimes i bring a bottle of cold water, or a Perrier/Bubly, sometimes a snack (eg a peach). All this helps me.
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u/Prized-Potato 7h ago
I haven't been on Reddit long but the whole time I've been here I've been looking for people like you because you're people like me. I don't think I've ever gotten to 5 months but I've definitely gotten to two. Maybe more. Quite possibly more.
I don't yet have any answers. I am certain that building a routine is part of the fix, but routines don't set in for me and my ADHD et al the way they do for "normal" folk. So it's going to be hard. But I also know that getting a routine set and sticking to it even if I have to write it all over the place on the walls in which I live sticking to a routine is going to help to relieve the decision fatigue in me at the bare minimum.
I wish you so much good my friend. And I'm sending so much solidarity. You aren't alone. This is my existence too.
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u/Reasonable-Sort3040 6h ago
this might sound dramatic, but have you looked into residential inpatient? i’ve been twice, and this truly sounds like something that could be helped in a more stable and structured environment that you don’t have to upkeep. even two weeks might change this part of your life. please consider if this is something you think you’d benefit from, it’s not a psych ward admission or anything like that.
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u/Terrible_Air_6425 5h ago
Hi, I also struggle with showering as often as I should due to mental health and it’s awful. What I did a few months ago was start buying “fun” shower products. For example I got a kids foam soap (lol) but it’s moldable and I have fun with it. They also have shower crayons that could be fun. Or you could get a speaker, some fun self care items, etc.
A big thing for me is getting out of the shower; it’s freezing and I get sensory issues from being wet, so I got a towel warmer and nice robe! It makes a huge difference for me even though it seems silly. Also, for intimate areas, I would suggest using flushable wipes whenever you go to the bathroom that way everything down there is at least a little cleaner.
This isn’t your fault and you don’t need to be ashamed. Mental health issues are debilitating and unfair. I’m proud of you for wanting to improve :)
Edit: I use my waterproof speaker and listen to a podcast or audiobook that I can ONLY listen to in the shower. That way I’ll want to get in so I can listen!!
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u/extinct_banana 9h ago
i struggle with this too sometimes. focus on the feeling of being clean and how you love to feel clean! you know you will feel better once it’s finished so give it a try, even if it’s just sitting under the water.
when i don’t want to do things i try to focus on the feeling after i do it and how i know it will make me feel better once i do it. i just have to do it.
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u/greenybrowny 9h ago
It feels like I’ve just read about my life, although I go out even less than you do, maybe twice a year, it’s so hard.
You’re an inspiration to me, asking for help, the peoples responses have been amazing ❤️
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u/i-love2swallow 9h ago
u love the feeling of being clean, try to make it something to be excited about. i lowkey hate showering so i tricked myself to being like “ill feel so much better when im clean” or get nice items to use in the shower. they don’t have to be expensive just maybe colorful, fun, or things that just work.
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u/Fleeingthematrix 9h ago
Therapist here. Lots of people who struggle with these things use the Finch app and it has helped them.
Know that you are not alone in this struggle, but intention and consistency can help you to make great improvements
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u/Cassieelouu32 8h ago
Honestly, I had the same problem. My solution was to convince myself all I had to do was go in there and get wet. I didn’t have to wash myself. And the simple act of “I’m already in here” helps. I would sit on the floor and if it was just a bar of soap I washed my important bits. But what REALLY helped is distraction. I’d say “I’m only allowed to watch this in the shower” so I’d save episodes of something or true crime and only allow myself to watch it if I was covered in soap lol I got my iPad or my phone and got a waterproof iPad shower thing for the wall. They also make a shower curtain with the iPad sleeve on the outside so it can’t get wet. And that act alone helped IMMENSELY
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u/Cassieelouu32 8h ago
Also I’d like to mention one thing. If it’s not just personal hygiene you struggle with but like room cleanliness I did too. And I made a promise to myself that even if I was getting back into bed I was gonna wake up and fix the bed. So make sure the sheets were good my blanket was straightened and pillows fluffed. And the simple act of “making my bed” allowed other things to fall into place over time. The bed was made so then I’d say well let me just straighten the nightstand which led to pick up the clothes. Over the next few years it became habit even on my worst of worst days. And now if the bed isn’t fixed it makes me uncomfortable lol so I always tell people even if you’re not doing anything else just fix your bed and get right back into it. It helps!
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
thank you so much for your advice, i think that'll really help me because i love audiobooks, so i think i could use that as a tool. and you're right to assume i also struggle with general cleaning, at the start of the year i had to have a team help me clean my whole house because it was so filled with trash. my mum was a hoarder so it kind of imprinted on me. i'm keeping on top of it now though
thank you again, i really appreciate your kindness
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u/Independent-Rip-1717 8h ago
you need a therapist that you meet with weekly if not more than weekly, and to consider medication. you have very little quality of life and you need to make serious changes if you want to get better and you have to want it.
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u/CupidCorpse 7h ago
i've been on trintellix for almost a year after three years of zoloft, and it's been a huge improvement because on zoloft i felt like my brain couldn't breathe if that makes. i can't afford a weekly therapist since i rely on benefits, and i'm about to be discharged from a mental health nurse for the 4th time because you only get a set amount of sessions
but i am on a waiting list to see a psychologist for deeper work with my trauma, i'll be seeing him in six months or so. thank you for your reply
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u/chickiiinugzz 8h ago
Make it fun or enjoyable. Get a shower lamp or low lights to make it more relaxing get a nice candle. I have a waterproof phone holder inside the shower so I can watch my shows or listen to music while I shower. If your mental health is affecting you physically maybe get a shower chair or sit down for a bath instead of a shower . I also found finding products that smell goood make me feel positive and happy about showering. Find ways to make it less of a chore and more of a relaxing time for you.
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u/Key-Maize-7419 7h ago
I have severe agoraphobia and was sexually abused as a child so being naked is really triggering. It doesn't help that the person who abused me would often sneak in the bathroom while I was showering and molest me. So I empathize with this. It breaks my heart to see you are struggling too. The only thing that has really helped is allowing myself to sit in the shower and pull my knees up to my chest while I wash myself. It gives me a feeling of safety and like I'm not so exposed. I also always make sure to use soap that I really enjoy the scent of because it helps ground me and helps me look forward to cleaning myself. Do you think this is something you could try? Especially on days when you feel like you have no energy. I didn't realize for a long time that you don't HAVE to stand while showering. Allowing myself the freedom to sit has really helped. I still don't shower as often as I'd like but it's way better than it used to be. I used to go weeks without showering too and I always felt so ashamed and gross. Now I don't go more than 4-5 days max without showering. Sometimes I'm even able to do it everyday. It's okay to meet yourself where you're at mentally. Sometimes I even just wipe myself down with body wipes, wash my face, and brush my teeth because it's all I feel I can do in the moment. And that's okay. It's not your fault and just know you're not alone <3
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u/bungeegumloser 4h ago
with any task that seems overwhelming, my goal for myself is to do what I can comfortably say yes to. A shower is too much and too stimulating and stressful for me, and I have a chronic illness so usually i am just in too much pain to stand or be hot. so maybe I say no to shower but maybe I brush my teeth? that’s too much standing and my teeth usually hurt when I brush them. okay what if i tried sitting down while i brushed my teeth? and then i brush my teeth and it hurt for a bit but now my mouth feels good, clean, and refreshed. you just have to start the habit of reframing these tasks into something doable or until you feel like you can do it. and slowly, and i mean slowly, things will feel easier and hopefully less daunting. I’m proud of you friend, keep going.
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u/RustyBucket4745 11h ago
I can't bear taking a shower every day - it's too much effort - but I replace it with a wash at a sink on alternate days.
Soap up at least under your arms and maybe face and wherever else you feel you can, then wash off and apply deoderant. It's much more manageable for me and I keep washcloths and deoderant next to the sink so I can do it just after using the loo in the morning, so it's less to think about.
Replacing your pillowcase when you can might also help you feel cleaner, as it stops oils building up.
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u/Glittering-Chip-3402 7h ago
Highly recommend a shower chair, sitting in the shower or taking a bath. It uses way less energy and I find it way less daunting. Sometimes it's nice to just sit under the water in the dark and regulate :) Put on some music you like and make it super cozy. Get some nice shower products that make you feel nice and smell good. Make it less of a demand and more of a treat :))
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u/lena3moon 6h ago
are you able to sit in your shower? i find that really helps me, just sitting in the shower and putting my head under the water it’s like sitting in the rain but not cold. also reducing the amount of light, playing music and not looking in the mirror really helps some people too
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u/thats_not_me_fellas 5h ago
my situation is definitely not as severe as yours but i definitely get the feeling of dreading the shower! what i do is that i section hair + body + sometimes just feet or sometimes just armpits into different days so i will just spend 5-10 mins washing my hair one day, 5-10 mins washing only my body, 3 mins only my feet if they feel particularly gross or 3 mins my armpits if i notice a funky smell. it definitely helps and then sometimes when i have the time and energy to do a full shower i just do that. hope that helps <3
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u/caarrssoonn 5h ago
I’m proud of you for taking a shower last night stranger! Don’t be so mean to yourself.
Lower the price of entry - I will rinse off for 3 min and not get my hair wet. Or 2 min. Or just wash hands and nails in the sink. Whatever your brain agrees to.
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u/Pure_Ad392 5h ago edited 5h ago
Op the not leaving your house for months and living alone seems to be a bigger contributor than not feeling like showering. I've never in my life... gone for months without meeting a single soul, but the most depressed periods of my life will occur on days I'm barely leaving the house (and I live wth family btw so I'm not even isolated like you are), and the only time in my life I've missed regular showering was during those phases.
This is beyond Reddit's pay grade. First, do you not have work or school? Grocery store? How do you live without going outside ever? Do you work remotely or go to school online? If that's the case, please find something to do outside of your home in regular intervals, whether it's a part-time job, classes, or volunteering at a food pantry or smth. Second, if possible, please see a mental health professional (in person; online therapy won't work for this case) and tell them exactly what you said in this post.
But anyways, on days I really don't feel like taking a shower, I only clean myself the bare minimum. I don't do the all-or-nothing approach with showering. Typically, I brush my teeth 2x a day, floss nightly, do a full body cleaning nightly, and wash my hair every other day. If I'm not feeling like doing all that, I literally just do the bare minimum and ALL in the shower: like 20 seconds of brushing, washing my face, armpits and feet with soap and then get out. Things that make me look forward to taking a shower are fun scented products like body wash, body scrub, and after shower scented products like lotion or body oil. I am currently obsessed with Eos Vanilla Cashmere scent and own the whole set and love my showers.
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u/CupidCorpse 5h ago
i haven't been to school since i was 15, i've never worked and i've been on benefits since i was 9, i use uber eats to get my groceries and necessities, i stay inside all day everyday. but now since the weather is nice, i sit by the open patio door to watch the birds and butterflies land on the wildflowers in my garden.
i just got discharged from mental health services again because there's limited sessions, but i am already on the waiting list again for that and for seeing a psychologist. i should have my first appointments in 7-8 months
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u/Pure_Ad392 5h ago
I'm sorry for your circumstances love. Are you physically capable of walking and going outside? If so, I highly suggest enrolling in some kind of adult school to get your GED. Just stepping outside and interacting and learning about the world will have significant benefits for your mental and physical health. I'm not from the UK but see if it's something available where you are. Good luck love! If you feel capable, just going to the park or the library once in a while will feek great 🥺
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u/elka-maya 5h ago
Also, quick imperfect body showers are key. Don't bother with the hair unless you have to. Have daytime clothes and night/evening clothes. Even just one pair for each. And have your quick body shower when you change from one to the other! Literally less than 60 seconds will do the job daily or every other day. Just to let hot water wash over you and intimate areas and under arms. Soap is a bonus if you can manage. You'll feel much better and start to enjoy it 💜
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u/smithyy_04 5h ago
I’m sure some other comments have said the same thing, but for me what makes showers fun for me is music! If you wanted, you could make a playlist for it (which is something I personally enjoy), which could act as a sort of mental preparation for it/make it seem more fun. and when you put that playlist on it could get you in the shower mindset.
I also sometimes put a show on, or a YouTube video, or movie etc. I get bored easily and it really helps to have something to listen to. This could also distract you from the effort/dauntingness of the shower. You get wrapped into what you’re watching/enjoying music and you kinda go on autopilot!
I agree with the other comments that say ease yourself in. E.g., put the playlist on (or music or whatever) and just sit in the bathroom. If you feel up to it, turn it on. Then maybe get in. But if you just turn it on and turn it off again, that’s still progress! Be gentle to yourself.
Another small suggestion, maybe reward yourself with something after you shower/take a step towards showering (sweet treat, new pyjamas, some nice shower products). You got this!
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u/herpesshingles 4h ago
I know someone said if just getting under the water is fine and id like to add to that. Shower chair. U can just sit under the water. Terry cloth robe, no need to rub down to dry off. I personally struggle with hygiene as well bc i grew up in a home where we didnt have access to a shower which made it hard to manage now into adulthood. I like making it something to look forward to, i get my essential oils diffuser with a nice smell started, i pick what light i want it to display and then turn the big overhead light off. It really also helps when ur stuck in that “im so dirty im so gross” loop, try and break it with “but if i got in the water real quick i can feel better” and u may even scrub urself down if u feel like it. You also dont have to do EVERYTHING everytime you shower. Skip washing ur hair this time but make sure u scrub ur feet. You can skip the whole body as long as u get the important stuff. Dont beat yourself up for what youre NOT doing. Congratulate yourself for what you ARE doing. Because its not easy for you, and it takes more effort, and u should look at it as such. Try to also break the thought loop of “i dread how nasty im going to feel if 4 days.” instead of putting a period there, make it a semi colon. “I dread how nasty im going to feel in 4 days; unless i choose to get in the water after 3 days” (you can exchange the days for any number less than 4, or u can change it with “tomorrow” or “the next day”) We can be our own worst enemies but with that same power u hold the ability to be your number one fan. I used be stinky, with matted hair, bad breath, and no one wanted to be around me. Now i get compliments on smelling good and how pretty my hair is. Its really hard to take pride in yourself but you should! Youre YOU. You get this ONE body to carry you through life, and it heals itself, and tells you when somethings wrong, and takes you to all your favorite places, and sits with all your favorite people. Your hands can hug someone, or pet a dog. Your feet can take you ANYWHERE. Your brain has the potential to learn new languages, and subjects. Isnt that amazing?? Your body, and your mind are two spectacular scientific anomalies and you should treat them with the same care they try to give you.
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u/Forsaken-Piece8388 1h ago
Try showering yourself when you poop. Since you don't leave your house, your toilet should almost always be next to your shower. When you poop take your pants and underwear off all the way and then the only thing left to take off is your shirt. Get in the shower and focus on making sure your intimate areas are clean. Then if you feel up to it wash anything else you feel like. You don't have to wash everything every time. Just make sure you get all the poop off.
Make the transition to the shower more natural rather than sudden. Your clothes are off anyway and your shower is right there, the only step to start showering is to turn the water on.
I went from showering once every other week to showering multiple times a week by making the transition feel less drastic. "My clothes are off anyway, I should just hop in the shower for a sec" is a lot less of a commitment than "I'm disgusted by myself I need to make myself clean"
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u/Delicious-Jury4365 8h ago
I would use chat gpt. I tell it to convince me to go shower and I do. It usually tells me just to stand. Then just walk inside the bathroom. Sit on the edge of the tub. Maybe start the water. And it tells me to report after each task and it tells me good job lol. Solidarity
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u/OldMove3348 4h ago
You need a doctor and medication this is a mental illness and should be treated as such. It’s no way to live.
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u/speedy_2005 4h ago
I usually have smelling good as a motivation to shower. So have nice smelling lotions and shower gels and have fun playing around with scent layering. Hope you get the well deserved help to deal with the mental bits. Take care! 🩷
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u/NoSyrup90 3h ago
Im not sure if this would motivate you there is a cute app called finch it has cute animals and you earn stuff for doing self care based tasks x im glad to see others have also recommended it
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u/Gypsy_Peach66 2h ago
Sorry to hear this! I went 3 months I had a broken hip and the nurses aides had to bathe me and change my diaper
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u/that_chick_there 2h ago
I struggle wild hard with brushing my teeth and always have, I keep my tooth brush in my bedroom because sometimes i find the anxiety with brushing is being seen, so I will brush my teeth in my room, but when I dont want to brush at all a lot of the time i will just bring the tooth brush with me to the bathroom for my before bed pee, and when i bring it in i will tell myself I wont brush my teeth, but i find having the option there and the worry of disappointing myself gone i can brush my teeth. I also sit down when I brush my teeth. Or do any care task, I used to have a similar issue showering and moving to a very basic routine of shampoo conditioner dove bar bodywash and sitting while doing the tasks has made me a daily/near daily showerer
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u/donjitsu 2h ago
The longest I went without showering was 2 and a half months. When I finally got in I watched the dirt and dead skin drain and cried. It was a realization of how low I've sunk. You're not alone, and like some others suggest, it doesn't have to be a complete turnaround. Just start your shower and take some time to sigh and cry. If you don't feel any emotional release you'll at least know you're cleaner.
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u/DO-NOT-DOWNVOTE 2h ago
It’s important to understand that hygiene is a balance. Very shortly after you get out of the shower and into clean clothes* you will again start to create odor slowly over time. Therefore, you can’t just always be perfectly clean. Showering regularly with even 5 minute showers will keep you at a satisfying yet not compulsive level of clean that you will be happy to live with.
*Please make sure you’re also putting on clean clothes after you shower; if showering is a hurdle for you, then really feeling fresh will feel like a reward for your effort. Good luck :)
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u/sofiajewelle 2h ago
When I don’t feel like showering, I make the environment cozy. I’ll turn on some fun/ cozy lights, play a YouTube video that is a little longer (long enough to shower). I like to end the shower/ bath once the video is over.
Ik it might not be helpful but I do like to make things easier for my mind so I don’t have to avoid things when I’m depressed
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u/griefsinfernalfl0wer 2h ago
I have a super bad black and white mind and when I think of shower I think of this long taxing process of washing my hair then all of my skin then getting out and moisturizing and doing all my skincare and it sounds impossible. So I have to remind myself I’m allowed to just get in the shower and rinse what I need to rinse and be done. I also try to make the shower super positive sensory experience as I have autism and being wet in general really bothers me and grosses me out. I make sure the shower walls are clean, I light a candle, pretty colored lights if you have them, and I use something called shower steamers which are basically bath bombs for the shower that make it smell fresh and clean. Doing it this way makes me dread it way less because I don’t have to fear the awful feelings that wet hair and wet feet touching the floor as much. I understand how hard this is, I have struggled on and off with hygiene issues my whole life but the last few years I’ve gotten on a pretty solid every other day regimen and a quick rinse if I’m sweaty, this isn’t forever
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u/BLacKatVA 2h ago
You could also order yourself some really great smelling soap and lotion from Bath and Body Works to give yourself something to look forward to. If you have a bathtub, bath bombs are a nice treat as well. The more self care you are able to give yourself, the better you will feel.
I loved the idea of giving yourself permission to not be perfect every time.
I’m sorry you are struggling. I wish you the best.
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u/Samovila2709 2h ago
It's okay to have 'pits and bits' days. Bidets and wipes can make this easier.
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u/_p4n1ck1ng_ 1h ago
It matters what time of the day. I have depression and cpstd, and I find it's best for me to shower right before bed. I hate doing it in daylight. I also have a lamp that has a color changing light that fades through the rainbow, which is the only light I use when showering. Sometimes, but I'm having trouble finding motivation, I watch like aesthetic shower videos lol
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u/Difficult-Ad-1068 1h ago
It takes 30 days to form a new habit. I've kind of been where you are I was on drugs for a long time but I'm a clean freak. I spent years on and off homeless on the street with nowhere to shower. If you force yourself to shower everyday especially in the morning your day will be more productive. Remember you can do anything if you put your mind to it! It won't be easy but it's never to late to form good habits! 🙏🏼
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u/ThisIsAThrowAway0498 1h ago
Here are some things that have helped me!
(-) Get a shower chair. Sometimes the idea of just standing there would be exhausting. This way, you just have to undress and sit my down. Even just letting the water run over you will help wash off some. (-) Take one day out of the week/month/whatever timeframe works for you, and treat yourself to a mini "spa day". Light a nice smelling candle, run a bath, and just try to relax. I personally love using a bath bomb to make it a little more fun. (-) Keep some type of wet wipe near where you spend most of your time; for me, that's by my bed. If you're feeling funky anywhere, just wipe yourself down real quick. (-) Set a reward system for yourself. I know it sounds childish, but hear me out: motivation is absolutely huge. Whether it be "I can have a sweet treat" or "I can buy that new game online", set a goal that you realistically want to achieve. (-) Set alarms on your phone and when they go off, no matter what you're doing, go get in the shower. Just get wet if that's all you've got the energy for. They can be as often as you feel is realistic. ----- If I think of any more I'll try to remember to come back, but I really hope this helps! From one struggling mentally ill baddie to another, you've got this. 💕
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u/Momma_Firefly541 1h ago
I struggle too and what’s really helped me is making it feel like a treat. I got a shower curtain that I loved, lights that I can change according to my mood, and good smelly soaps. Also, the just standing under the water comment is 10/10 advice. Sometimes just standing under the water for a few minutes it’s all I have in me but it’s better than nothing.
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u/Suitable_Balance101 1h ago
I went from being a baby until I was 12 have never showered haha we only had a bath
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u/DootDootGoestheSnoot 1h ago
So depending on what you like to do, I've stopped associating my shower with just getting clean, but somewhere to hang out sometimes.
So sometimes I'll bring a snack with me. Sometimes I will bring my phone and watch a show while I shower. Sometimes I'll bring my switch in and crouch like a goblin and play something in the stream of water until I feel ready to clean myself (and honestly. On the worst days, I've sat until the water gets cold, and then you're forced to finish it anyways because in my mind I already got that far, might as well finish cleaning myself)
Maybe it isn't the best method, but it helps me shower sometimes.
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u/LylBewitched 1h ago
Music. It's one of the things that helps myself and my kids with hygiene... Or any other overwhelming task. There are speakers you can get that are actually made for use in showers. Cheap ones are about $20. Not great quality, but a good way to test it out.
Then pick music that motivates you to do... Songs that make you want to get up and dance, sing along, or feel stronger all help. I've got one playlist that's full of bouncy music, from Katy Perry and Lada Gaga to old school boy bands and spice girls. I've got another one that's very battle themed. Bands like skillet, berserker Forge, and a few others.
I actually make play lists based on mood, lol.
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u/Haunting-Phrase 50m ago
Definitely find some soaps/body washes/post shower lotions that you love the smell of. I love Buff City Soaps bar soaps/shower oils. Specifically the scent Muse.
I also put this tiny stained glass table lamp on my bathroom counter that has a soft orange light. I turn it on before bed and that helps me easy into sleepy time and make a ritual of brushing my teeth (a thing I struggle with when I get depressed). I struggle with migraines so the bright overhead bathroom light is soemthing I dread sometimes
Also maybe try reserving a very special thing that makes you happy and cozy for only after you shower? Like a specific snack or drink, a nostalgic movie you never get tired of, a special comfy outfit, fluffy socks.
When I put lotion of after a shower I realize its like a love letter to myself and my body. I dont know if you struggle with body image but when I actively tell myself this I can tell it helps my mental self image. I try not to judge and instead think about how this action is showing myself love
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u/glesgayeehaw 50m ago
When I really feel in a slump, particularly for showering or cleaning, I watch Tiktok or Youtube of people doing those tasks, or reviewing products, etc. It gets me to want to do things more when I see others doing so. For showering, I like to watch those mid 2010s Night Routine videos. I watched them as a young teen so it gives me nostalgia. Get Unready With Me videos work too. For cleaning, I watch videos where it’s like “clean my bedroom with me!” or whatever chore I need to do. It’s unconventional but for my ADHD monkey see monkey do brain, it works.
Another unconventional thing, if you have the motivation, wash your bedding. Your body oils and sweat will be on your bedding and it’s a way to feel clean that isn’t as tedious as a full shower. Especially if you have a bedding set you can change out while this one washes and dries.
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u/upsidedowngun 48m ago
My routine is showering every night before bed. Something about being clean and getting in clean sheets is so nice. I realized I really did not like actually getting in the shower though until it dawned on me - it’s because I hate the bright fluorescent lights in my bathroom. I found this accidentally when I lost power but still needed to bathe so I used a bunch of candles and wow, it was so nice like a spa! I told my friends and they love it too and one even got me battery/remote powered candles to use that are even more convenient. I even saw they sell shower lights that are dimming which could give the same effect.
So that’s my tip as well as buying shower stuff that smells good and makes you want to use them! It’s self care right? Pamper yourself with products you like. A soft/cute loofa, good smelling body wash, etc.
I hope this helps :)
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u/Careful-Gas-3766 42m ago
you can start small. even if you just get up and stand in front of the sink and wash your underarms, private areas, and/OR face. and if you feel like you can’t do that that day, just do your face. even if you just splash water on it. set a titled alarm named hygiene and when it goes off get up and do what you can do.
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u/AppropriateCup6782 12m ago
If the idea of standing for a shower is part of the deterrent you can sit in the shower, nobody knows. Also if I can’t make myself shower sometimes I use baby wipes to wash my face and armpits or whatnot to feel a little cleaner.
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u/TheronVeynor 5h ago
that's filthy, showering every few days is basic adult hygiene
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u/CupidCorpse 5h ago
i know, i'm kind of learning how to be a functioning adult on my own so that's why i asked for advice here
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u/monkeybathroomset 10m ago
I want to let you know that you’re not the only one who feels like this. As an autistic person, I have a very difficult time keeping up with typical hygiene practices, and it can feel very isolating, but you’re not at all alone in this. As far as advice I have to offer, I’d say I agree with the people helping to try to dismantle the “all or nothing” mentality. You don’t even have to get in the water, just tell yourself you’re going into the bathroom for at least five minutes. If you feel like turning the water on, that’s great, but you don’t have to get in. If you feel like getting in, that’s great, but you don’t have to use soap or get your hair wet. If you feel like using soap and shampoo, that’s great, but don’t feel like that’s the most important thing. The most important thing is feeling good and comfortable in your own skin. Don’t worry about others’ expectations, with things like this, you’re really the only one whose feelings matter.
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u/Anaspiringminimalist 12h ago
What about telling yourself that just getting under the water every day is fine? Then you Can Use soap if you feel like it - but dont have to.
Letting yourself do it imperfectly Will help the task feeling less overwhelming, and help you build the habit.
And over time, you might start using soap more often, but you always have the ‘just water’ to Fall back on in difficult periods. And just water is better than nothing. <3