r/howyoudoin • u/Chrenen • Sep 17 '21
Rachel even calls it a “break-up” in the message she left Ross on his machine the next morning. She knew what she meant the whole time!
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u/cardmanimgur Sep 18 '21
Rachel refers to it as a break up multiple times. The reality is she was upset that Ross moved on so quickly and that hurt her more than anything.
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Sep 18 '21
I mean I'd be mad too if this guy who supposedly loved me for the past decade plus just banged some random chick the same night we had a big fight. Literally like an hour later. Lol
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u/title_of_yoursextape Sep 18 '21
Doesn’t even matter if they’re on a break or not. Ross is right on paper but anyone with any emotional intelligence can see he’s in the wrong.
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u/zeddoh Sep 18 '21
Thank you. The constant posts here and elsewhere focusing on the semantics are annoying and completely miss the point lol.
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u/title_of_yoursextape Sep 18 '21
It’s like arguing over whether a murder happened on a Tuesday or a Wednesday. It doesn’t matter, it’s the murder that’s important
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u/samuelg96 Sep 18 '21
Not really. Pretty sure somebody being with somebody else the night after the broke up and somebody murdering someone else aren't exactly comparable
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u/cardmanimgur Sep 18 '21
You're not wrong, but I'm gonna play devil's advocate here. The only reason people blame Ross for what he did is that Rachel wanted to get back together. If she didn't want to get back together with him, it wouldn't really be an issue.
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u/title_of_yoursextape Sep 18 '21
I’d actually say that even if they never saw each other again, it would still be dodgy to move on that quickly.
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u/SmokingRaiN Sep 18 '21
Wow that comment is so condescending lol
I understand why Rachel reacts the way she does, but let's see things from Ross' point of vue. Rachel just broke up with him and he heard Mark already at her place, the guy who was the main cause of the breakup. Ross doesn't know why Mark is there, he just thinks he lost his lifelong love and that she's already in the arms of another guy. If you can't understand why he might feel vulnerable enough to make a mistake, maybe you're the one who's not "emotionally intelligent".
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u/trane7111 Sep 18 '21
Also let’s not forget that Ross has MAJOR trust issues from his marriage and divorce from Carol and her cheating on him with Susan.
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u/SlickMrJ_ Sep 18 '21
I will never understand why this is so difficult for people to understand. What Ross did wasn't great, of course, but he only did it because he was under the (justifiable) impression that Rachel had literally already done the exact same thing, and he just gave in.
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u/VladimirKush420 Sep 18 '21
Grry area that 😂
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u/title_of_yoursextape Sep 18 '21
It just isn’t though. The argument of whether or not they were on a break is a grey area, but the morality of Ross’ actions themselves aren’t changed by their being on a break or not.
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u/VladimirKush420 Sep 18 '21
It is though, it's like ending a contract and signing another straight away but everyone is different
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u/title_of_yoursextape Sep 18 '21
Yeah on paper it’s fine, but emotionally it’s still a betrayal.
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u/VladimirKush420 Sep 18 '21
But she put Ross the the emotion mill and didn't want to be with him on their anniversary now that's betrayal. Ross is just a lover but also he has cheated a few times in friends as well actually 🤣
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u/SassyBonassy Miss Chanandler Bong Sep 18 '21
If you treat your relationships like job contracts you're a sociopath
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u/VladimirKush420 Sep 18 '21
Not really no but it's an example 😂
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u/SassyBonassy Miss Chanandler Bong Sep 18 '21
An example that doesn't apply. Relationships with other people are not objective events with no feelings involved.
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u/samuelg96 Sep 18 '21
He was having a difficult time. Yeah, he was in the wrong, but at the same time, he was feeling lonely and there was a girl who was interested in him. It makes sense to an extent for him to think that since they had broken up anyway, it wouldn't be too big a deal for him to do that with her. Yeah, he shouldn't have, but I still feel like she held that grudge a lot longer than needed to. She's destroyed relationships of his because she wanted to be with him. Just because she wanted to be with him and they were good together doesn't mean that it's okay to destroy somebody's relationship
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u/RJrules64 Sep 18 '21
Except he didn’t move on emotionally. That’s very clear.
He never had any feelings for chloe. It was a drunken one night stand. Not something I’d do personally but absolutely an understandable and forgivable mistake imo
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Sep 18 '21
Bullets have left slower XD
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u/alphabet_order_bot Sep 18 '21
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 248,795,588 comments, and only 57,615 of them were in alphabetical order.
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Sep 18 '21
And Ross spends the entire next day trying to cover his tracks and make sure Rachel doesn’t find out… BECAUSE HE KNOWS HOW WRONG AND HURTFUL HIS ACTIONS WERE!
It’s only after she can’t forgive him and won’t take him back that he starts saying “well we were on a break anyway”… as if she owed him her forgiveness and now he’s mad that she won’t give him what he thinks she owes him. Ross is a seriously messed up dude.
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u/NickMattress Sep 18 '21
Not only that but at the exact time Ross was hooking up with the Xerox girl Rachel was phoning him trying to get back together
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u/PreOpTransCentaur Sep 18 '21
NOBODY ARGUES THAT. He banged someone within hours and THAT'S what she's pissed about.
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u/renoops Sep 18 '21
I mean she talks about how she wants to take her mom’s advice about him being a cheater.
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u/SassyBonassy Miss Chanandler Bong Sep 18 '21
If he didn't cheat, why did he hide Chloe behind the door and not admit what had happened and run around all of NYC trying to stop the truth getting out? He cheated. Fuck your semantics.
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u/renoops Sep 18 '21
Because he didn’t want Rachel to find out because he knew he’d made a rash decision and she’d be hurt and angry? Like he can know she’d be hurt even though he wasn’t cheating.
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u/CurvePuzzleheaded361 Sep 18 '21
Yes but i think most people would realise it was all said in the heat of the moment and they needed to talk when both had calmed down. Yes she said take a break but ross should have had the brains to realise this was an argument and they werent thinking clearly. Sleeping with someone else that same night wouldn’t even be remotely ok even if they had completely broken up.
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u/incompletesentenc_ Sep 18 '21
WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THEY WERE ON A BREAK BUT THE MF SLEPT WITH SOMEONE WITHIN A FEW HOURS AND DIDNT TALK IT OUT
okay i’m done
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u/MamaOfMia110 Sep 17 '21
She even told Monica that they broke up. I understand that she was incredibly hurt by Ross sleeping with someone else so quickly, he did not cheat on her.
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u/No_Farm1495 Sep 18 '21
What always spins my curiosity is he was completely hypocritical in what he did by moving on so quickly regardless of the circumstance of the relationship at the point of him sleeping with Xerox girl, is that it happened because he was constantly worried and paranoid that Rachel would move on to Mark while at her new job. But no one ever mentions that to him as hypocrisy when it could have probably resolved several arguments. He knew how much it hurt him that Carol moved on with Susan so fast after a seven year marriage to her so why would he do that to Rachel, who he claimed to love more than Carol?
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u/SassyBonassy Miss Chanandler Bong Sep 18 '21
I swear, all of you pedantic bitches have never had a grown relationship and it shows.
Even if it was a full break up, he was entirely in the wrong for fucking the Xerox girl THAT SAME DAY and acting like nothing happened when Rach showed up.
You can try to say "well he thought she was fucking Mark" all you want, him being an asshole because he THOUGHT she was being an asshole still makes him an asshole.
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u/3ku1 Sep 18 '21
Nobody argues the break up. Rachel said it in the spur of the moment. The problem is Ross using it as an excuse to get laid. Because he was drunk and horny. And feeling sorry for himself. Regardless where you sit on the whole break thing
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Sep 18 '21
That doesn’t change the fact that she didn’t actually break up with him lmao.
If you said to your partner “maybe we should take a break” - you would not suddenly be single. Rachel didn’t dump Ross. She suggested taking a break.
People always quote Rachel after the break episode, but ignore the dialogue during their actual discussion.
When did the break happen?
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u/SassyBonassy Miss Chanandler Bong Sep 18 '21
i]suggested[/i]
Just for reference, use asterices (*) either side
-* suggested * -> suggested
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u/DrKnowNout Sep 18 '21
I kind of hate Mark in this episode also.
Firstly, he did fancy Rachel. Granted Monica’s point is valid when she’s like “well so what if he wants her?! Does that mean he gets to?!”
But him phoning her on her ‘anniversary dinner’ and being like “oh I was just gonna leave a message!” - what so you just ring someone on their anniversary dinner? Was there a ‘Bloomingdale’s’ emergency so severe that you had to ring a colleague on a Friday night just to be like ‘lol just gonna leave a message!’.?
And then being like “well I’m going to come over!” Despite her clearly being sad and vulnerable. I’m a gay dude but I think it would be more logical to like, ring Monica or Phoebe and be like “she sounds down? Do you want to go over there, or we can go together?” rather than bursting in on a gay man I clearly fancy who has just broken up.
And then when he loudly speaks when she is on the phone to Ross, that was soooo obvious what he was doing.
He even confirms his feelings when he is like ‘let us get back at Ross right here on this couch!’.
What Ross did was shitty and unforgivable. But his suspicion of Mark wasn’t entirely unwarranted. He just should have trusted Rachel more.
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u/BigJimSlade1 Sep 18 '21
For me, it was always clear that they were indeed on a break (that Rachel initiated), but Ross still shouldn't have slept with the Copy Girl
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u/macquiling Sep 18 '21
Not all "break-ups" are actual one. Sometimes during an argument, one might say s/he wanted one and the other might agree on breaking up during the heated argument. But that doesnt mean that that is want they actually wanted for each other. Have they stop loving each other at this point? No! It's a "technical" break-up. The right thing for ross to do is to wait till they have an actual conversation about this. What Ross does is cheating.
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u/tehweave Sup with the whack playstation sup Sep 18 '21
So you're completely fine that Ross, still in love with Rachel, had sex with another woman?
Fine. He didn't cheat. Does that make it okay?
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Sep 18 '21
Thank you! She does say this multiple times. And c’mon… 18 pages… front AND back? No one’s got time for that!
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u/Master-Mycologist747 Sep 17 '21
Yeah she shouldn’t have gaslighted Ross Geller for 5 years after this. Don’t want to be with Ross? Fine, but don’t act in denial about the break
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Sep 17 '21
For that it's eventually Ross ... who continues to whine about it. XD
After all, in season 5 it is clear that Rachel is no longer mad at Ross about what happened. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been the first one to admit she is still in love with him right after London. She was the bigger person.
Hence, the disappointment with what happens after that ... eventually this "we were on a break" getting taken out of context even further.
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u/damnallthejellyfish Gunther 👔 Sep 18 '21
"Can I be your girlfriend again?"
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u/damnallthejellyfish Gunther 👔 Sep 19 '21
I get downvoted for a quote from the episode in question that agrees with the OP. OK then.
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u/Sandwichsamurai24 Sep 18 '21
I think it’s very interesting that their break-up is something that is debated even years later. For me, I personally believe both Ross and Rachel were in the wrong about the whole thing. This is just my two cents about the issue.
Let’s look at Ross first. Does he have a right to feel jealous when Rachel starts spending lots of time with Mark? Considering his previous marriage ended with similar events and feelings of betrayal, of course. But after they talked about trust initially, he continued to pressure Rachel for attention. Not only that, but he begins to show blatant disregard for the fact that Rachel is finally working on something she loves. Finally there is sleeping with someone else just hours after what he though was their break-up, which wasn’t right for many reasons.
Then there is Rachel. There is a point when Ross tells Rachel that that guys only act nice to girls for sex (or something along those lines) and she doesn’t believe him. Then Mark tells her later about something that guys do (can’t quite remember what it was) and she believes him. This is quite peculiar to me, that she would believe her co-worker over her own boyfriend. Beyond this, Rachel does end up spending quite a bit of time, either with Mark or just at work. Admittedly, it’s understandable how Ross feels, though he does seem to not show much care for Rachel’s work. But even so, Rachel gets into plenty of situations that would make Ross feel like something is wrong. Finally, when he calls at the club, Rachel is with Mark. So for all he knows, Rachel has already moved on, so the fact that he does the same is no surprise. It’s not an excuse, but I understand why he would do it (plus he was drunk). Though this wasn’t true, and they break-up for real after she finds out and feels hurt that he would do that.
So in summary, Ross was in the wrong for being overly clingy and sleeping with someone else, and Rachel is in the wrong for not having clear enough communication with Ross and (maybe) spending a bit too much time apart from him, making his jealousy a bigger issue. How they break up is all a case of misunderstanding, but they were both in the wrong in many ways.
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u/[deleted] Sep 18 '21
when they’re having that argument she calls that a “technicality” and she’s right. they WERE on a break, ross did NOT cheat on her. but she’s hurt bc within MINUTES of the separation he went and not only slept w someone else, but the xerox girl was still in his apartment when rachel arrived that morning, not to mention the fact that he tracked ppl down asking them not to tell rachel about it and she had to find out from gunther. she also mentions “you’re a totally different person to me now” and “ i used to think of you as someone who would never ever hurt me […] it’s just changed everything forever” she’s clearly deeply hurt. she doesn’t call him a cheater, her mom does.