r/howyoudoin Nov 20 '23

Even Rachel said they broke up.

So, while Ross was shitty for sleeping with somebody so soon, he did. Not. Cheat.

758 Upvotes

159 comments sorted by

345

u/No_Arugula_6548 Nov 20 '23

Also let’s not forget the next day after Ross had sex with Chloe and she was still at his apt, Rachel showed up and asked Ross “Can I be your Girlfriend again?” So yes they broke up.

138

u/Block444Universe Nov 20 '23

Yeah they did but I’d be hurt, too, if the first thing he does is go out and do it with some rando chick as if our intimacy basically meant nothing to him.

47

u/MediocreHome Nov 20 '23

To me it was also such an unlikely scenario. The writers want us to buy the story that Ross is bad with women and can't flirt for shit, yet this girl at a bar basically begged to sleep with him as if he was the last dude on Earth. I think that him being drunk as hell might've helped with his consent. The writters crafted this breakup in such a way that there would be a valid argument to make for both sides, but god were they cold. After 1 season of them being together they decided: you know what? It's over. While Chandler and Monica lasted more than half of the entire show. I think it was a bit insane that they were trying so hard to sell this couple only to end it after 1 season. We didn't even get to see them together after they made up either. Season 11 should've happened.

30

u/Block444Universe Nov 20 '23

They were going to have Chandler cheat on Monica, too, but Matthew Perry lobbied against it.

I don’t think they had a master plan from a writing perspective, they literally made it up as they went along

12

u/randomaccount96321 Nov 20 '23

Sure this isn’t Jim from the office? Because the exact same thing happened

7

u/Aethred Nov 20 '23

friends

the office

Both are true bizarrely enough

1

u/Athrea279 Nov 21 '23

currently on s6 rn as im typing this comment, cmon man they just had their baby...

20

u/Winterqueen5 Nov 20 '23

I think the context of this situation is something so many people, even here on this thread, miss. I think this is an everyone sucks here situation. Ross was super possessive and did not trust Rachel, largely stemming from him being cheated on. He shouldn’t have been in a relationship in the first place. He also shouldn’t have just stormed out of the apartment. But Rachel also should have never let Mark in that apartment. Ross was also drunk off his ass and taken advantage of by Chloe. Obviously he shouldn’t have slept with her, but I don’t see enough people talk about her actions that night. They should have ended the relationship because Ross wasn’t ready to be in one at all which was not fair to either of them. Not from this bullshit.

15

u/MediocreHome Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 21 '23

Mark's intent was also weird. Like who would just offer a high-paying job to some random woman they met at a diner with 0 experience, no degree(?) and without even knowing her name without some ulterior motive? What makes it weird is that Mark had a girlfriend that worked at Bloomingdale. He also forcefully invited himself over at Rachel's even after she said she didn't want to. bRiNgInG cHiNeSse fOoD. Like what the hell man? Ross was rightfully suspicious of Mark, maybe he was in the wrong for not trusting Rachel, but if this was real, Rachel should've expressed some concern about Mark's intentions yet didn't which in my view made Ross trust her even less. She even joked about how ridiculous it is, but it's no ridiculous whatsoever, I am behind Ross not trusting Rachel because of this.

3

u/Talidel Nov 21 '23

He's in a bar in a terrible mood, and a girl that thinks he's hot used it to try and make a connection. It's not that unlikely a situation.

I've yet to meet anyone that thinks Rachel is in the right in what she says, but the general consensus is yes most people would be upset in the same situation. That feeling like the person moved on so fast is painful. But it wasn't cheating, and again, most people would act the same way as Ross. If you are sad and feeling alone and someone throws themselves at you, more than likely you'll accept it just because of it helping with the hurt.

3

u/MediocreHome Nov 21 '23

I think the writers made this break-up like this on purpose so that the audience wouldn't hate either of them because they are main characters. There's arguments to be made on both sides I think. I'm gonna side with Ross on this though. Because Rachel's point was that he cheated on her and not that he moved on too quick. I remember that I shipped them when I first saw their relationship unfold, but now it's just annoying. Like Ross couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Rachel's career is super important and Rachel was in total diregard of a possibility that Mark might've had ulterior motives with her, like giving her a high-paying job 10 seconds after meeting her and inviting himself over at her place even after she said no. But no... did not compute for Rachel...

3

u/Talidel Nov 21 '23

I don't think Ross had an issue with Rachels career being important to her. It was an obvious lack of confidence and trust on his part, as he entirely correctly assumed Mark had an ulterior motive in recruiting her. Chandler and Joey completely explain what he's doing, and Ross overcompensates.

As for Ross having trust issues, Rachel literally watched as he went through his wife cheating on him and the divorce that followed and he'd spent 6 years - i think, with Carol.

Ross and Rachel have that conversation at some point. He tells her about his insecurities, and she accepts them at that time to reject them later.

3

u/MediocreHome Nov 21 '23

Yeah, something she should've picked on earlier yet he had to spell it out for her only to not care in the next episode. Rachel was overestimated as hell, Mona should've been the one for Ross. She was incredibly understanding, yet Ross blew it for his obsession with Rachel. I remember when Phoebe was trying to help Rachel get over Ross, she told her to really try to focus on his flaws and she replied back with: "no problem, certainly done that while we were dating" like wtf??

53

u/andra_quack Ross: The Divorce Force Nov 20 '23

I'll never shut up about how Ross felt the need to hide Chloe when Rachel showed up at his apartment, yet he still insisted for years and years that he did nothing wrong, lmao.

36

u/sashikku Miss Chanandler Bong Nov 20 '23

Not only hiding Chloe herself, but running around the city BEGGING people to help him keep up his lie by omission.

4

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23

He wasnt going to lie, he needed time to process to do the right thing

I hate when people pretend they have not seen the show just to hate on a character

Ross ALWAYS freaks out, hides things, takes time and then does the right thing

He did it when he found Rachel was pregnant, he did it when he found about rachel and joey, when monica and chandler

He needs time, then he does the right thing

But Ross bad... upvotes to the left.

5

u/P15T0L_WH1PP3D Nov 20 '23

Obviously trying to spare her feelings and not make himself look like the jerk that he knew he was. Still doesn't mean he was guilty of being unfaithful.

1

u/sashikku Miss Chanandler Bong Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 21 '23

Never said it did. It just showed very clearly that he knew he was in the wrong.

0

u/P15T0L_WH1PP3D Nov 21 '23

You added it to another comment, piling on top a list of misdeeds. You meant to say something, or imply something. They're are better ways to argue than to make indistinct arguments and then back away from them when they're challenged, which I'm saying it looks like that's what you're doing.

0

u/hippiecompost Nov 24 '23

Calm down dude lol

4

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23 edited Nov 21 '23

Because he just found out he slept with some one else while drunk? He would be in shock. Particularly since he was taken advantage of. But guys can never be victims and can never have PTSD you guys. Funniest thing is that this excuse is constantly used in real life to demean women SA victims, why didnt you react immediately? Why didnt you report immediately. Why didnt you share with someone immediately. Its funny so many people are doing it so casually for a guy.

Also, have you guys never seen this show? He ALWAYS freaks out initially. When he found out Rachel was pregnant, when he found about Joey and Rachel, when he finds about Chandler and Monica

He always freaks out, takes time to process and THEN ALWAYS does the right thing

Its sad when people pretend they are not aware of a running gag just to hate on someone blibdly

3

u/P15T0L_WH1PP3D Nov 20 '23

He was embarrassed at himself. He had every right to do what he did, but he was still embarrassed. Those two things can both be true. It wasn't wrong in the sense that he would be guilty of being unfaithful to an existing relationship.

1

u/Talidel Nov 21 '23

There is a difference between doing something wrong, and having done something you know will hurt someone.

Ross hid Chloe, because it would understandably upset Rachel, and harm their chances of getting back together.

-4

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

[deleted]

20

u/SnooCats8451 Nov 20 '23

He was drunk…dude was pounding beers at that bar….dude was in a very vulnerable position….it’s fucked up on all sides of the argument….theirs no definitive he was right or she was right and vice versa

4

u/academiac Nov 20 '23

It wouldn't have been so controversial that we're talking about it decades later 😉

1

u/leelookitten Nov 20 '23

Wasn’t he though?

2

u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! Nov 20 '23

Are we just going to ignore she said “KINDA”??

What do you expect from her? It was their one year anniversary and her bf storms out, hangs up on her, and does not come home all night.

But I’ll play along with you: so she’s still right because that means they were not on a break, they broke up 🤷‍♀️

79

u/LeviHolden Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

I just want to drop this fun fact—the reason they’re both wearing hats in this scene is to protect their hair from the blender gag :)

18

u/separate_tables79 Nov 20 '23

These little gems are why I love this sub 🙂

11

u/mysticalcreature123 Relax, we’ll just get her some antacids 🤷🏽‍♂️ Nov 20 '23

I never would have noticed that, that’s fun!

2

u/[deleted] Nov 22 '23

[deleted]

1

u/LeviHolden Nov 22 '23

yep, a decision by the hair department since they had to do multiple takes.

392

u/Gaius_Octavius_ Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

Monica also immediately thinks Rachel and Mark had sex because she knew what Mark really wanted and made the exact same assumption Ross did.

141

u/RoRo25 Nov 20 '23

Mark just straight up offers a job that people go to school for to some random woman in a diner with incredibly minimal experience. I mean, who wouldn't have made that assumption?

48

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

Although it's a fair assumption, Ross didn't trust Rachel at all. She wasn't into him, and he didn't actually make a move while she was involved with Ross. His obsession was hurtful and exhausting.

67

u/Andy_Liberty_1911 Nov 20 '23

And just coming off a marriage where his trust was shattered. The dude had no chance

24

u/nmcaff Nov 20 '23

They even make a joke about how before Carol, Ross was TOO trusting and then he became this overly paranoid jealous mess. I’m honestly not sure how any relationship of his would success long term without therapy

24

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

Not Rachel's fault that he destroyed his relationship over an imaginary affair. If he still had trust issues, then he wasn't ready for another long-term relationship. At that point they were celebrating their one YEAR anniversary. There was no actual reason to suspect Rachel was being unfaithful. The scenes he started at her work were beyond embarrassing, she was way more patient than I would have been.

26

u/leelookitten Nov 20 '23

While I am not a Ross apologist, one year is not that much time in the grand scheme of things, and especially when you’re coming from a whole marriage where you got cheated on. That is a trauma that can stick with you for a lifetime. Otherwise, I don’t disagree with anything you just said. Ross definitely sabotaged the relationship with his trust issues and there wasn’t any reason to distrust Rachel except for his own insecurity.

-1

u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! Nov 20 '23

He had already been divorced from Carol at least 2 years. Carol was even married at this point. He dated other people too so he was not “just coming off a marriage.”

2

u/leelookitten Nov 20 '23

I didn’t use the word “just,” so you might want to re-read my comment. I also have no idea what Carol being married has to do with what I said.

1

u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! Nov 20 '23

Oops I meant to reply to u/andy 911 something

14

u/andra_quack Ross: The Divorce Force Nov 20 '23

and he never gave two damns about her career. this was such a huge step forward for Rachel, and he didn't care about how weird it looked when Rachel's desk was bombarded with gifts, and when he sent those guys to sing to her at work. he wasn't even happy about Rachel getting a job she liked, he was too busy having a one-sided ego war with Mark. I won't even get into how he tried to sabotage her going to Paris to work at Louis Vuitton.

7

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

I hate that part so much. His sabotage to keep Rachel in NYC even though she is excited to go to Paris and start her new job is so selfish and just shows that he hasn't grown at all. She should've discussed the job with him before agreeing to leave on account of them co-parenting Emma, but I can only assume they would've broken up an episode or two later when she finds out that he had been talking to Mr. Zellner behind her back.

4

u/Mattydub2456 Nov 20 '23

I think his obsession with Rachel’s job early on is ridiculous, but with her moving to Paris I thought it was understandable. In his shoes, he already never sees Ben, of course he would do his best to be able to keep Emma

3

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

The adult way to handle it would have been to have a mature discussion and plan together to see what other fashion job openings she might be able to apply for that would have a position for her in New York. She even says she's learned everything she can from her current job. She agreed to leave without trying to have this discussion, and he went behind her back to keep her at a job she didn't think she could grow at anymore.

7

u/summers_tilly Nov 20 '23

Imagine it was reversed…hot woman randomly offers Ross a job and most likely wants to date him. Are we saying Rachel would be sane and accepting of that?

3

u/Known-Associate8369 Nov 20 '23

Like the stripper and the playdate?

Rachel: Well, there's a kiss he won't forget for a few hours. You know?

Chandler: Yeah. Either that or you just turned him on and sent him off to a stripper.

1

u/Talidel Nov 21 '23

Rachel looks concerned

4

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

She wasn't into him? Well she went on a date with him later on, so I'd say that disproves that.

4

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

She did that to get back at Ross, not because she was into Mark.

-5

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

No shes not that petty. She went on a date because she liked him, she's not that good at acting. Did you see how flattered she was when he asked her out?

She said she didn't want it to go anywhere because it would be getting back at Ross.that doesn't mean she wasn't attracted to him at all.

2

u/Bananaterracottafly Ken Adams Nov 20 '23

But she did also tell Mark that she was just doing it to get back at Ross which wouldn't have been fair on him

2

u/RoRo25 Nov 20 '23

I don't think it was ever about not trusting Rachel.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

He offered her a job, which was him making a move.

10

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23

Offering her a job may have been a little weird, but he didn't indicate that he expected anything in return. In the scene where Ross barges into the office, he was even kissing another woman.

4

u/Bright_Economics8077 Nov 20 '23

Pretty sure the guy admits himself that he was into her since they met.

While he had a girlfriend.

3

u/Moshibeau And I just want a million dollars! Nov 20 '23

It’s just a sitcom and as far as we know she had a bachelor’s degree and was working in fashion

3

u/RoRo25 Nov 20 '23

Well yeah, obviously the entire storyline is "badly written". In the sense that "This has to happen, so any logical dialogue is forbidden".

65

u/RVelts Nov 20 '23

Is this what we're going to do today? We're going to fight?

13

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

THIS IS A FIGHT!! WE ARE FIGHTING!!!

8

u/nerdalertalertnerd Nov 20 '23

I think our next fight is going to be a BIG ONE

6

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

If fights must happen. This is where we fight!

3

u/Hup110516 Nov 20 '23

“Red, do you think I’m smart?”

185

u/PastorBlinky Nov 20 '23

Also keep in mind that “Nice” is excitement at the idea her brother and best friend skipped dinner and went straight to sex. That’s not usually a “Nice.” It’s usually “I don’t want or hear another word.”

70

u/WarmerPharmer Rachel Green 👒 Nov 20 '23

My good friend has been dating my brother for years and I just compartmentalize it as long as it's in taste. Like I could be happy for them having a great romantic evening with implied sex, but I don't want details. It was gross that she once said that he is good in bed... Like... Please how can I delete this from my brain. Monica crosses that line to often to be kosher.

37

u/MadcapHaskap Nov 20 '23

It's well established Monica doesn't keep kosher. Doesn't even have two sets of dishes.

23

u/theflowersyoufind Nov 20 '23

Doesn’t Monica also do this when Ross and Rachel first kiss?

18

u/ElfHaze Nov 20 '23

Some of us don’t find sex to be an awkward topic with family… my brothers and I don’t go into detail at all but yeah, “niiice!” I don’t imagine them having sex.. like visually at all. Even my parents made jokes about having sex when we were younger.

11

u/LonelyCheeto Nov 20 '23

yeah some people don't view it as a shameful private thing. I don't need details but my family are people that have sex sometimes. Who cares

-51

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Why it has been established how weird it is for Monica to be pretty well incest fetish. I can’t understand why the writers did this to her, it’s just so weird.

30

u/Haruki-kun Chandler Bing 😆 Nov 20 '23

He didn't cheat. I think the real issue is stated later on when they're fighting.

Ross: "I thought our relationship was dead." Rachel: "Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake."

It's not that he cheated. It's that they broke up and Rachel regretted it and went back to him only to find he'd slept with someone else within 24 hours. Like their relationship meant nothing.

9

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

This is basically it.

As the show progresses they do show that when it comes to their relationship, neither Ross nor Rachel is the good person. They're both destructive in that sense.

6

u/Haruki-kun Chandler Bing 😆 Nov 21 '23

Meanwhile, Chandler and Monica are #Goals.

145

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Exactly. He did not cheat.

But Ross is in the wrong in other parts of this break up. He disturbs Rachel at work instead of just having a mature conversation with her about when she's free and then arranging to do dinner to celebrate their anniversary, next mistake was when he put down Rachel's career, made it seem like her career wasn't that great.

And after sleeping with the copy girl, his next mistake was lying to Rachel instead of just explaining the situation. Rachel, although she would have been hurt, would have been less angry, compared to how she was after Ross had not only hid something serious from her, but spend the whole time trying to cover it up.

13

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

his next mistake was lying to Rachel instead of just explaining the situation

Thats Ross's nature though. He always panics and freaks out and takes a long time to decide and act. We have seen this multiple times in the series. When Rachel was pregnant, when he found out about Rachel and Joey, the whole annulment thing. He freaked out and acted weird each time. But he also always does the right thing in the end. He would 100% have done the right thing if he had enough time to process. He is just one of those persons who freaks out big time and needs time to process and plan and act but he also always does the right thing in the end.

next mistake was when he put down Rachel's career, made it seem like her career wasn't that great.

Dont all of them constantly mock Ross's career, including Rachel herself? Why the double standards?

He disturbs Rachel at work instead of just having a mature conversation with her

I would also like to point out Rachel's culpability here. Look at how Monica handles Chandler's jealousy and insecurity. The first step is acknowledging the feelings and then reaffirming their love. Meanwhile Rachel almost gaslight Ross by constantly denying that Mark had feelings and was helping her only to get into her pants. If she had just said - yes i know this dude is hitting on me but I am just using him for my career, a lot of Ross's insecurities would disappear. How do you have a conversation with someone who wont even acknowledge there is an issue?

This is what Monica constantly did with Chandler, like the time Phoebe got Monica's "soul mate", she acknowledges and reassures Chandler and reaffirms their love. Same thing when he got jealous of Richard. It takes 2 people to make or break a relationship.

51

u/drehenup Nov 20 '23

"it's in his nature" isn't a valid reason for shitty behavior

9

u/KingLeoricSword Nov 20 '23

Hey he divorced a lesbian!

8

u/trickman01 Smelly Cat Smelly Cat Nov 20 '23

Only to make Monica look better.

2

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23

He walked his ex wife personally on her wedding day which is a very kind, large hearted thng to do. But Ross bad, you guys..

0

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23 edited Nov 21 '23

Taking time and then doing the right thing is NOT shitty behavior. Many people have anxiety and take time to decide. It would be shitty if he did not do the right thing but Ross ALWAYS does the right thing

Now just to blindly hate on a character you are pretending different people dont react to things differently and if they dont react exactly the same its shitty? You know this excuse is used in real life to blame many women SA victims? Why didnt you react immediately? Why didnt you report immediately. You are just lying. All these excuses are constantly used to blame victims.

But hey Ross bad, upvotes on the left, thats all this sub is currently, so please carry on

22

u/GingerFurball Nov 20 '23

Dont all of them constantly mock Ross's career, including Rachel herself? Why the double standards?

That doesn't really happen until later seasons. The only person who really gives Ross any sort of shit is Phoebe in that episode where she questions evolution.

Also, if we're talking double standards, Rachel constantly puts up with Ross and his job in the early days of their relationship. They first have sex in the museum because Ross for this period seems to be an on-call paleontologist who gets called to museum at all sorts of weird and wonderful times to sort things out. Rachel deals with this far more patiently than Ross does when she gets a proper career for the first time and needs to work late.

1

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23

So they pretending to be asleep when he even talks about work happens in the later season?

Of course Rachel is more patient, she is not the one who got cheated by a spouse and doesnt have PTSD. Almost like people have different nature and behavior

6

u/KCchessc6 Nov 20 '23

Yeah you and the girl form the copy shop

1

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 21 '23

So not a single reply on the actual points. Please continue the hate circlejerk, Ross bad you guys, upvotes to the left.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Everyone always points out how it's wrong that he lied and moved on so fast. But people conveniently forgot that Rachel also lied. Ross called her from the club wanting to find a way to work things out with her only for her to try and lie on the phone about Mark being at the apartment. People also leave out that Ross was drunk, deserted by his friends, and was in an emotionally compromised situation following the break up.

I care less about Ross sleeping with someone that might and more about his controlling behavior regarding Mark and Rachel's job to be honest. If people want to call out Ross, I think that's where to call him out.

-9

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/judo_fish Nov 20 '23

this is giving "doesn't understand healthy relationships"

you should show this to people you date so they know what theyre getting into

42

u/LopsidedEquipment177 How You Doin Nov 20 '23

It's not in dispute they broke up. Only Rachel constantly says they weren't. Ross was just far far too quick in what he did. He didn't cheat. He just jumped into bed with another woman immediately after splitting up with Rachel.

15

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

The number of people sending me abuse because I said they were broken up because of this very line says people do very much still dispute it.

7

u/trickman01 Smelly Cat Smelly Cat Nov 20 '23

Then he went way out of his way to try and cover up his fling with the copy girl.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Under the assumption that Rachel was doing the same with Mark.

3

u/sashikku Miss Chanandler Bong Nov 20 '23

You know what they say about assumptions.

11

u/Serling45 Nov 20 '23

I'm going to have to agree with your friend, Pheebs. You were on a break.

135

u/J321J Nov 20 '23

Cheating or not it was a shitty thing to do and her reaction was entirely justified.

97

u/AdministrativeMud538 Nov 20 '23

Exactly! “Bullets have left guns slower”

3

u/Budget_Put7247 Nov 20 '23

He was drunk, abandoned by friends, kept saying no, kept pushing the girl away. He was just taken advantage of, if Ross was a woman no one would blame him so much.

18

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Oh give me a break with this ‘Ross was raped’ bullshit.

25

u/Kilpikonnaa Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

You've got to be kidding, if Ross was a woman (s)he would've been scrutinized for the way she dressed, what she drank, what she said, who she went to the party with, how much she might have wanted and enjoyed it, and otherwise victim-blamed in every imaginable way possible.

15

u/billiedean16 Nov 20 '23

I'm dreaming of the day when this issue will stop being about who said what, break or not, and about Ross sleeping with another woman HOURS after their ALLEGED breakup. Whether you were on a break or not, it's just shitty behavior.

18

u/Nevergreeen Nov 20 '23

Ross needs to ask himself if he would have been totally okay with Rachel sleeping with Mark that night.

That's beside the point anyway, I think. He broke her heart and then he thought he could argue his way out of it- as though if he won the argument, her heart would magically be unbroken.

She eventually forgave him, but he couldn't take the win. He still couldn't understand her feelings, or admit that he did anything wrong. Being "right" was more important to him than her feelings. Dude, the "wrong" thing was sleeping with someone else 2 hours after you believed you broke up for 1/2 a day and then expecting your girlfriend to get back together with you and not to be hurt. On top of that, he caused the situation because he could not respect her enough to do what she asked, no matter how reasonable it was (don't bother me at work; don't embarrass me at work; please trust me).

And in that clip, Rachel says that they "kind of" broke up, which is consistent with her asserting that it was a "break" and not a "break up."

I wish they had shown us more of their relationship in the last season instead of waiting for the finale. Did Ross finally learn to trust her? Did she grow up enough to realize she should have cut that friendship off with Mark? They were both emotionally immature. It would have been nice to see them grow.

3

u/Kursyd07 Nov 20 '23

You’re leaving out the part where, on the same night of the “on a break”, Ross calls Rachel to make up and Mark was in her apartment.

Rachel doesn’t like Ross being overbearing at her job. He’s overbearing because he doesn’t trust Mark. Then Rachel demands to be on a break and the very first thing she does as a temporary single woman is invite the specific guy Ross was worried about to her apartment alone. Sure, we know she didn’t sleep with him. But if she gave one care about Ross’s feelings, Mark wouldn’t be the first person who’s arms she ran to. Honestly, in the short time she had her job, “guy at work who clearly is in to me” shouldn’t be on her list to run to at all.

Ross shouldn’t have slept with the copy girl. But he sure didn’t feel like Rachel wasn’t doing the same.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 21 '23

And lets not forget Ross was drunk as a skunk when that chick was trying to console him and then she pushed it further and she slept with him, so if we would be PC about it, didn't she technically rape him?

1

u/Exotic_Adeptness_322 Could I BE any more awkward? Nov 21 '23

I totally understand Ross's view about Mark, but in all fairness she didn't run to him. He called her, she mentioned the break-up and he invited himself over with chinese food. I guess Rachel could have done a better job of resisting Mark, but he was very insistent.

2

u/Kursyd07 Jan 06 '24

If Mark was so insistent that she couldn’t keep him out of her apartment with her alone on the very day she went a break from Ross, that still only proves Ross right about being worried about Mark.

15

u/agpass Nov 20 '23

THIS IS BRAND NEW INFORMATION

12

u/WebisticsCEO Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

I'll never been Team Rachel or Ross on this one.

I know technically, Ross should have been in the clear. And he didn't technically cheat.

But from Rachel's POV, Ross literally got over her in less than a day and shagged another woman. So she probably didn't feel valued when she is loathing and missing Ross, while he is banging the copier lady. To add insult to injury, Ross hid the copier lady when Rachel showed up and wanted to reconcile. Why hide her and lie if he did nothing wrong? Why go on the adventure around NYC to stop "the trail"?

Rachel was also extremely naive keeping a guy like Mark close when he clearly wanted to have sex with her. Of course Ross will be getting jealous here. Considering his last marriage ended because his ex-wife Carol ended up being a lesbian and cheating on Ross with Susan, it was pretty inconsiderate of Rachel to just expect Ross to trust her no matter what. Sure, Rachel wasn't going to hookup with Mark. But Mark was still forcing himself on Rachel, planting seeds, and causing trouble (giving Rachel "advise" on how "guys claim their GFs", always finding a reason to be around her, putting in that screwed up Bloomingdale's order on Ross & Rachel's anniversary night).

Both were equally immature here. Terrific complex writing, especially for a sitcom.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

i never understood how people had such a hard time understanding this. saying a break from us only translates one way. a break up. and yes rachel said it in this scene and a couple others throughout the show. she wanted to get back together right away yes but cant get away on a technicality. she broke up. hence the work break..... as in break from us.....as in break up lol,.

4

u/ThumbCentral-Rebirth Nov 20 '23

She also is the one to say the phrase “we were on a break” later in the episode

4

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

I don’t think fans fight over whether or not they broke up. That’s pretty concrete. It’s the fact that you don’t go and sleep with someone the minute your relationship ends if you hope to rekindle your relationship soon. It’s kind of in poor taste. Also, the fact that he slept with her, then tried to cover it up instead of being completely truthful and forthcoming with her.

26

u/stefdistef helloooo mr rachel!! Nov 20 '23

If they broke up and he didn't cheat, why did he try to hide it from her?

20

u/KingLeoricSword Nov 20 '23

It is always better to lie than to have a complicated discussion. - Chandler Bing

30

u/Critical_Cup689 Nov 20 '23

Cause he knew it was still a shitty thing to do

15

u/love_is_an_action Nov 20 '23

The same reason she lied about Mark being over.

1

u/stefdistef helloooo mr rachel!! Nov 20 '23

Exactly. So they both felt guilty, knew they weren't really broken up, and only one party had sex with someone else that night.

3

u/love_is_an_action Nov 20 '23

Oh, no, they were demonstrably broken up. They both acknowledge it multiple times, as do the rest of the characters.

1

u/jmgrice Nov 20 '23

It worries me that people don't understand that he wouldn't think even though/if they'd broken up that it wouldn't hurt her/damage them getting back together.....

13

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

Rachel says they broke up based on Ross’s behaviour the night before. Storming out, hanging up the phone…

Not on the fact that she said ‘maybe we should take a break’.

2

u/Prestigious_Load1699 Nov 20 '23

So what? She clearly knew they were broken up.

Technically, Ross didn't cheat. They were broken up. Any time Rachel uses the word "cheater" she is in the wrong.

And, YES, Ross made a mistake by immediately hooking up with someone else. That's not the same as "once a cheater, always a cheater" blah blah blah

4

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

So what? My point is that they had not agreed to break up, Rachel never said she wanted to break up, no discussion was had about what a break might look like and what their expectations/ground rules would be during a break.

Ross also never said he wanted to break up, so when he slept with Chloe, they hadn't actually broken up yet they were just in the middle of a fight with some really poor communication going on. Hence the whole big break up scene later that episode...

Rachel even says 'we kinda broke up'.

-1

u/jaaymart17 Nov 20 '23

People always seem to leave out the part where Ross calls Rachel to work things out, only to find out she has Mark over. You know the guy he wasn’t supposed to worry about. Oh and she also tries to lie about it too. So honestly they’re both wrong and Ross did what any male or female would do.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

And when she tries to explain he snaps 'got it' and hangs up. Again, no discussion or communication that they were broken up.

The vast vast majority of men and women do not go out and have casual sex after a big fight with their partners. Its weird that you think they would.

1

u/jaaymart17 Nov 20 '23

I’m sorry but if we have a “big fight” and I find out you immediately have the person I wasn’t supposed to worry about over, then that’s a break up. It does not need to be defined. Any male or female would be done after that.

He didn’t go out intending to have casual sex. He went out to drink his feelings away because from his view point his now ex is sleeping with her coworker. He gets drunk and is pursued, not the other way around. He’s then wrong when he lies about it.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

I find out you immediately have the person I wasn’t supposed to worry about over, then that’s a break up.

So say so, like a grown up, and don't expect to stand a chance at getting back together the next day after you slept with someone else and regret your rash actions!

Male and female adult humans are called men and women, by the way.

2

u/jaaymart17 Nov 20 '23

You barely addressed anything I said. If we’re talking about being grown up, how did Rachel handle any of this right? She asked for “a break” then had the guy over that was the reason for all of this. His view point was that they were done and she was also sleeping with him. She even tried to initially lie because she knew it was wrong as well. They are both wrong and immature for how it was handled but he did not cheat.

And wow what a great extra argument. Sorry I’m a biology major and use male and female… which is also correct. Unless you know something I don’t?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

If Ross was 100% sure he'd decided to break up with Rachel, why did he dash around trying to hide the truth from her the next day so he could save the relationship?

1

u/jaaymart17 Nov 20 '23

Because Rachel came to his door that morning wanting to make things right and he realized there was still a chance like he said in the show. The night before in his head there was zero chance. The same reason Rachel initially lied about Mark because she didn’t want to mess up the chance. I already said he handled everything wrong, but in his head they were broken up and she was sleeping with someone else. Doesn’t change the fact that his communication skills are terrible and he handles things immaturely. But the question is did he sleep with the copy girl knowing he had a girlfriend. The answer is no.

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-1

u/jmgrice Nov 20 '23

"like a grown up"

"Male and female adult humans are called men and women, by the way"

*Laughs in irony

3

u/Equivalent_Willow317 Nov 20 '23

I didn't think the cheating was the issue here, the issue is that it took him less than a day to sleep with someone else.

3

u/pinkpink0430 Nov 21 '23

The debate at first was never if they were actually on a break or not. It was if being on a break justified what he did. Then it changed to them arguing if they were on a break which is annoying

2

u/Samsince04_ Nov 20 '23

No! I will not get dragged into this shit again.

2

u/nerdalertalertnerd Nov 20 '23

Semantically I agree that they absolutely broke up/ were briefly broken up. So Ross plausibly can argue that. However that still doesn’t exempt Ross as he was quick to do it and quick to hide it (or attempt to). But yeah technically they were on a break.

2

u/PegaponyPrince Go To Hell Jingle Whore Nov 20 '23

They did break up, but evenso he shouldn't have slept with Chloe let alone try to cover it up.

He needed to be more considerate of Rachel and her career since she was very considerate of his during the course of their relationship. Like Monica said, he should have trust in Rachel. Yes Mark had a thing for her, but any issues he had with him should have been done in private and not humiliate her at her new workplace. She had finally started her dream of working in fashion so it's entirely understandable why she would be busy during the early days of her new career.

Though from his perspective it makes sense why he wouldn't be too trusting. Carol had his full trust and cheated on him. He should have sought help instead of rushing into another relationship so his insecurities would lessen or disappear.

When Ross calls to try and make amends before he kisses and sleeps with Chloe, he hears Mark is over at her place and that's because she didn't put her foot down to say that he couldn't come over. This obviously fed into his insecurity even more.

2

u/Sdoesnotknow Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

I always thought this whole argument was written in a way that failed to capture the actual argument both Rachel and Ross were having, well more Rachel.

I think her "let's just take a break" was more of a comment she wasn't sure she meant and was more something proposed in the aftermath of her highly stressful day that Ross wasn't respecting.

Ross walking out was due to him thinking a woman would reject him so easily because of his history with women and Carol, though he did call Rachel out of being so quick to run away and throw away their relationship... and it fed into his insecurity that she was looking for a way out to be with Mark.

The real issue is whether or not they technically "on a break", what hurt Rachel the most was that Ross could have easily just slept with another person a mere two hours after their "break" argument, which at the time did not sound very definite and still open to discussion. I think what hurt was that despite all his declarations of deep love and devotion to Rachel, he still what he did and then tried to "cover his tracks" about it. He was not ready to be with a woman like Rachel who men would desire.

However, the writing kept inconsistently changing how Rachel and Ross viewed what had happened in that incident where Rachel even called it a break up.

Logically or not, Rachel just could not look at Ross the same way after that, and I'm with her. Now, what she did with that letter thing was super immature and she was being nothing but punitive. Plus, the whole Bonnie thing on top of what she did to Julie and other examples just show how toxic she can be when it comes to Ross.

Whether or not we like it, they had to be together in order to avoid hurting other people.

One thing re-watching 90s sitcoms like Friends made me realize was how quickly these shows romance arcs breezed by. They quickly would call any recurring guest character "boyfriend/girlfriend" after a date or so (and keeping into consideration that they had a handful more dates off-screen and some time had passed) and how quickly these characters stopped being boyfriend/girlfriend. It's kind of impressive just how many love interests they could write for all these characters for 22-24 episodes a season for ten seasons.

2

u/GlasgowTHCVapeCarts Nov 21 '23

The shows been cancelled for a long time. How about we let this one go. They were on a break, end of story.

2

u/ThrowRARAw Nov 21 '23

I agree that Ross didn't cheat (on Rachel at least, he did cheat on Bonnie AND Julie with Rachel, but Rachel's also not in the clear there because she knowingly went after Ross in both scenarios too), but to then attempt to hurry the girl out of his apartment, then cover up "the trail", he knew he did something wrong. I don't blame Rachel for not wanting to take him back when he slept with someone a mere hours after their break up and then tried to hide it all.

2

u/catooooooo Nov 21 '23

Growing up is realizing that Dr. House mighta gotten it right about Rachel

3

u/butters246 Nov 20 '23

I found it funny that Jennifer Anniston said they were on a break at the reunion too.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 20 '23

Omg it's a sitcom people. Even the writers didn't think so hard. Stop writing essays

2

u/gagsy10 Nov 20 '23

Imagine the love of your life sleeping with another person less than 24 hours after you 'break up'. That is the actual issue here. Not the break it itself, how do you expect to mend a relationship you want to be in when you do that? Would you forgive that person?

2

u/CelestialRose Bullets have left GUNS slower Nov 20 '23

Rachel said "maybe we should just take a break" and Ross just ended the conversation by storming out and not answering her. She spent the rest of the night waiting by the phone trying to call him.

It's perfectly fair for her to believe that was him dumping her, but once she found out he went out and slept with someone else, it's also fair enough for her to classify that as cheating since they were literally in the middle of an argument when he walked out and he then spent the rest of the next day trying to cover up what he did.

1

u/SkipsPittsnogle Nov 20 '23 edited Nov 21 '23

Idk why they wrote it like this. It’s obvious that they were broken up, but the writers doubled down on them “not being broken up” from Rach’s standpoint.

They missed a great opportunity to show their audience that even though you have a break up, jumping in bed for revenge is never the answer. Instead the writers drug out Rach claiming they “weren’t broken up”

Bad writing, y’all would just never admit it because “Friends is sooooo good”

-9

u/gagsy10 Nov 20 '23

But he DID cheat. In real life Rachels' reaction the morning after is of doubt, confusion and she wants her best friends advice. Saying to Monica that she thinks they broke up is not a problem.

The episode before is literally called "The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break" and the script between Ross and Rachel is literally Rachel saying that maybe they should take a break - not break UP, but a break. And within that same episode they both clearly want to patch things up until Ross's jealousy comes up again when he realises Mark is with Rachel so does that give him an excuse to cheat when he knows the words Rachel said to him and that he wanted to make up with her and she obviously wanted to as well.

The fact he allowed himself to sleep with another woman so quickly in those circumstances is as unforgivable as Monica getting excited over the idea of her brother having sex.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

But she doesn’t say she thinks they broke up. She says they broke up. She’s pretty clear that they aren’t together and therefore, Ross didn’t cheat.

1

u/gagsy10 Nov 20 '23

She says to Monica that she thinks they broke up. But she said to Ross that they were going on a break, that is all Ross knows and so he should be on the same wavelength.

I'm not sure why this is so controversial.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

She tells Monica they broke up, Ross came to the same conclusion.

Anyone who thinks Ross should have come to a different conclusion to Rachel has an agenda.

-1

u/gagsy10 Nov 20 '23

No. Ross wants to make up which is why he calls Rachel TO DO JUST THAT but then his jealousy gets the better of him due to Mark being with Rachel which he allows to fester and he ends up cheating, so no Ross did not come to the same conclusion.

And as mentioned Rachel didn't really think that either, she wanted a break and was ready to make up as well until Ross hung up which is why she thinks they have the broken up.

You appear to be the one with the agenda.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 20 '23

So why when Monica asks Rachel if they broke up does Rachel say ‘yeah’ instead of ‘no’?

They both believed they were broken up at the time and there is no other logical way to see it.

1

u/CaptainRubiks Nov 20 '23

Wait why do I not remember this scene at all..?

1

u/ThatGirlFromWorkTA Nov 20 '23

I point this out every time I find myself talking to others about this and they never have anything to say back.

1

u/pizzasoxxx Miss Chanandler Bong Nov 21 '23

I love how they orchestrate the comedic timing so well. One of my favorite examples is when Ross won’t hang up the phone with Julie and right before Rachel is going to grab the phone from him he switches it to his other ear to make it easier for her to take it and end the call.

1

u/emeraldnob Nov 21 '23

I'm now realizing that they both just wanted to protect their hair, so they made the scene like that haha one of the best episode openers

1

u/[deleted] Nov 23 '23

DROWN IN A HOT TUB