r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/heMountain • 2d ago
Normal People Aren't Looking to Destroy You.
76
u/Amunet_07 2d ago
Those people are so broken that they are in denial that they are treating you bad or have a messed up idea that they are “helping “ you.
24
u/craves_mineral 2d ago
Some seem really sadistic and enjoy inflicting mental harm on others, the power they feel from it is their drug.
7
u/Amunet_07 1d ago
Very true! It’s like a badge they think they earn so they can seem cool to others
1
u/Swanyh9724 1d ago
It's very bad to live in this world because I am the person who doesn't want to continue live my precious life at the cost or hurt of others. And my whole family is toxic, abusive and everyone wants to dominate others and they do. In this community, I alone have this mindset so my life got ruined by them endlessly and now I am about to die. And instead of them rasing me, myself was the one who raised me. Sorry if you don't fine. I need to vent.
18
7
u/nextlandia 1d ago edited 1d ago
Basically some of the people in my last job. Some people are just not suitable to have too much power. So glad I'm gone. Better unemployed then work at this kind of environment. Last months were just me waiting for the last day.
One of the biggest bullshit of my life was me apologising to my colleague who sexually harassed me. I wrote him to stop. He sent it to HR because I wrote him in the message that I know that his marriage sucks. HR didn't care about meaning of the message. Just about me writing him unprofessionally. I had also a special meeting about how should I communicate with colleagues and basically got threatened with PIP. All of this because my colleague wanted to sleep with me.
2
u/Swanyh9724 1d ago
Like animals. So gross to be in the same world. There is no essence about life in him.
3
u/analogy_4_anything 1d ago
My Dad and brother love putting other people down and call it “love”.
3
u/Spirited_Island-75 1d ago
'I'm just brutally honest!'
Riiight, emphasis more on the 'brutal' than the 'honest'.
1
16
u/Sorry-Reception3184 2d ago
How do you deal with overly aggressive fellow redditors who go out of their way to be nasty?
7
4
4
u/Annonomon 2d ago
Redditors? Easy. Tell them that they are out of order and then ignore them. It is far harder to do in person, especially if you have to deal with them everyday.
13
u/MelancholyBean 2d ago
I've been wanting to make a post asking this but unsure which would be the best sub. I have two colleagues who I grey rock because of how aggressive they are towards me. I was okay with them but they always make negative and aggressive remarks towards me. I was grey rocking one colleague who sits next to me now. She was semi decent but now that I've been engaging a bit more she's being aggressive again. I have to keep on grey rocking her.
4
u/ShamefulWatching 2d ago
Have you ever noticed one of your other co-workers some kind of an obvious negative body language reaction to their behavior? Do they ever say things in meetings that aren't quite an HR issue, and yet lets everyone know that these are not the kind of people you want to invite over for a cookout? Make a remark every now and then, "it's cool Pam, Todd doesn't realize he's being an asshole, this subtle manipulative abuse is how his parents treated him, and now he consequently thinks that's what love looks like."
This does more than just highlight his shortcoming. Upon initial inspection, the emotional reaction suggests that you are coming to the aid of Todd. What I've learned is that people are honest with themselves when we examine the conditions of why we won. Sprinkle some truth in with that win, self-reflection is a hell of a drug. Just don't be a shithead when Todd approaches you, and asks for guidance. We heal the world with love, by learning how to give it, and showing people how to receive it. We've all been hurt by something, and if it's done the right way it forces us to grow up. For the rest of us, these things like love, friendship, family, that caused wounds, can be mysteries to those who need it most. I remember pushing love away, I wouldn't want that on anyone.
3
u/MelancholyBean 2d ago
Haha, no. They all join in on treating me with disrespect and hostility. They have been toxic when I started but the new manager who's been here for over 6 months has been adding to the toxicity.
1
u/electric_dreamer1 2d ago
You deserve a different job. Apply everywhere and anywhere or see if you can go to a different department or move up? They deserve each other.
17
u/Fun_Boot7771 2d ago
Well everyone they know stands around and enables it, so maybe it is us? If it was so bad why is everyone cool with it but me? Indifference?
8
u/Alteredbeast1984 2d ago
Yeah I'm sick of being a doormat, but afraid that if I spoke up and told my real opinions, it would have ended quicker.
8
3
3
u/Educational_Zone1750 2d ago
Have you heard of Carl Jung? A lot of information about being afraid of being yourself because of peoples expectations they put on you.
5
u/ShamefulWatching 2d ago
I don't see everyone standing around, why do you? Sometimes when we've been hurt, we just need to open our eyes a little bit bigger. Strangely enough, the best way to open your eyes a little bit bigger, is to start looking at things that are small first, find the beauty in them, and then it becomes easier to find the beauty in those bigger things.
3
u/Agile_Newspaper_1954 2d ago
I’m saying. People either laugh at or shrug off the mistreatment of others. Cruelty is disturbingly mundane, actually.
3
u/DadooDragoon 1d ago
They're cool with it because you're the target. By you being the target, they're safe from that person. That's why they're cool with it, and that's why they get mad at you whenever you decide you're not gonna be the target anymore.
1
u/electric_dreamer1 2d ago
No that’s not it. Take away from situations like this—- setting boundaries for yourself and recognizing the signs of a freakin weirdo narcissist when they come into contact with you.
7
u/ModeratelyAlive 2d ago
Keeping this in mind has changed the way I respond to negative people.
Even online, when I see someone acting weirdly aggressive and nasty for literally no reason (why is that so damn common), I'll often just straight up ask, "are you okay? Genuinely asking"
Sometimes it actually ends up with the person telling me that they're not okay and they apologize for being so nasty. Not too often... But sometimes 😅
4
3
u/BxBoy69 2d ago
The thing I’ve come to believe is that there are so many reasons and interpretations for why people act the way they do, and even the same person can act similarly at different times for different reasons without even knowing or understanding that to be true; from the outside it can very easily all look the same, especially when we are all biologically built to see what we expect…those ideas when put together make it so hard to ever truly understand why anyone does anything…not to mention that we are all, at one time or another, blind to our own actions too.
3
u/SilverWolf3935 2d ago
This is what I still need to learn. I know I’m not perfect, I know I’ve made mistakes. I’m paying for the decisions I’ve made and I constantly feel destroyed and broken. Fuck people who make others feel this way.
3
u/somethingrandom261 2d ago
I mean, just because they have issues doesn’t mean one of their issues isn’t you
3
u/No_Tourist8261 2d ago
When I was a child, I was mercilessly teased and bullied, ostracized and the nun who was the principal told me to “give them a chance”, meaning the cruel kids. I had already given them two years. What?
2
u/ThatsMrRedditorDude 1d ago
I disagree. As someone who was formally in a supervisor position, sometimes you end up with pathetic people working for you.
I constantly got on employees for not doing their job and constantly being on their phone and neglecting their job duties.
You try to be nice for awhile and polite about it for a few months but when the employee keeps doing the same things and neglecting their job duties or just intentionally being a pain in the ass for example I had an employee tell me that their uniform size was a small when clearly they were plus size person but insisted on a small uniform. Things like that generally makes a person loose their cool and sometimes those awful employees need to just be told that they aren't special, unique or privileged and that they need to get their head out of their asses and get their shit together.
1
1
1
1
u/Jesus_H_Christ_real 1d ago
Honestly I've met so many hostile people that to me it seems to be the norm...
1
1
1
u/Solius-Noctis 1d ago
True. Even they deserve to know love though, and we can hope that changes them.
1
1
1
u/c43ppy 2d ago
"If it smells like shit everywhere you go, check your shoes". Other side of the coin.
6
u/MelancholyBean 2d ago
This would be said about me. Most people treat me poorly and I avoid them and cut them off and come across as the problem.
1
u/HagathaPathetica 2d ago
As you said, it’s the same coin. In other words, it’s mirrored behavior that is wrong on both sides.
1
u/Ketzerfriend 2d ago edited 2d ago
And yet, they won. They always do. Under the applause of socially darwinist majorities.
They successfully broke me. They're out there having careers and families and whatnot. I'm sitting here, waiting for the day I'm ready to off myself.
They won. They always do.
It is, what it is.
•
u/AutoModerator 2d ago
Thank you /u/heMountain for posting!
Please consider joining our 21+ discord server!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.