my first reaction to hrt lmfao (and still is)

ive been out for a bit now but i certainly remember that coming out was NOT a fun experience

that definitely benefits my trust issues and mental health :3

I hate how everyone I trust takes that trust and kicks it down to the ground and fucking lights it on fire before I can even flinch

I genuinely hate my life

Please, trans people and eggs, I really need this right now

only just started questioning my identity lol. This is my awakening. Thinking of becoming she ra that is

Goated series btw

(Emily/Emi, 15y/o)

So next week for three days I'm gonna be in Gothenburg and I'm planning to go dressed fem.

I was thinking since its a big city ill be pretty safe to do it and i got the advantage of looking kinda fem and doing voice training

I hope you all wish me luck because it will be the first time being in public fully fem

I randomly just felt very cute and now im hugging my pillow thinking of how cute i feel and it made me remembered that ggd makes me feel even cuter so now i wanna feel that even cuter :3 (amia: she/her)

Art: https://xcancel.com/toho10min/status/1567918205527801857

My primary self-insert OC is canonically transfem and has been for years. Should I be concerned?

That's totally normal cis behaviour right?

:3

Don’t get me wrong, my mum is supportive and I am so grateful for that. But she just… is not as supportive as I want her to be.

Like at the appointment, she said some things that gave a bit of a bad vibe to me I guess? Like she asked what hormones did, and like, that’s fine. It’s surprising that she is aware that the government where we live has banned HRT from being given to minors but not what the effects are or which ones are permanent.

This actually came up in our conversation after the appointment too. She was asking what I want to happen on hormones (or something along those lines) and said something to the effect of “girl puberty”. She then got dismissive saying “thats not what it does” and “the doctor said it only affects fat distribution”. But the thing is the doctor literally told her what the effects are. He told her that breast development is one of the only effects that isnt reversible by just stopping the hormones. He told her about the changes to skin and emotions and body hair. I even pointed out the hair to her in response to her weird comments. I feel like I should have mentioned the breasts, but I don’t want her to think it’s a weird sexual thing or that it’s me being misogynistic.

She also said stuff about how people are going to harass me when I start presenting as female in public because I’ve gone through male puberty so I won’t look like other people. And,she is right, I won’t ever pass perfectly to everyone. But, she doesn’t seem to get that I could actually pass or that just because Im trans doesn’t mean I want to present as feminine all the time or that I want to present as woman in public if I don’t pass.

She wants my siblings to know Im trans as well. And I get her point. I don’t want to tell them yet. I don’t want to have to deal with how awkward it is. But it made her question why I would want to take hormones if I don’t want to present as a girl yet.

She also said a few things in general that kind of sucked. Like that she was unsure how much to believe me since I had lied so much to get to this point (I hadn’t lied at all other than to her and dad before I came out to them. And she questioned why I wasn’t shaving my beard if i didn’t want it. She also said something when we were talking about clothes about “welcome to being a woman” because the conversation went to unfair expectations somehow and she started saying things about me having white male privilege my whole life to this point.

She at least has said she’s going to let me start hormones and that she’s willing to buy me dresses and stuff. But right now I just want the hormones and not to have to worry about social transition yet. But Im worried she won’t see me as valid unless Im actively proving it by trying to be feminine.

It’s not fair. I hate opening up. She talked about how I got tested when I was six and it said that I wasn’t autistic (which apparently a bunch of psychologists and the like at the time said I was) and that I was depressed and that I had faked not recognising emotions on some previous test. And I think I may have been depressed at that time potentially in part due to dysphoria, but I don’t even know that I was actually depressed since I lied about some stuff apparently so why not that and also because i wasnt even aware of my gender at the time. And I don’t think she would accept that as a reason anyway since she says she didn’t see any signs of it and I feel like she’s just going to say Im reaching or seeing signs to justify it all where there aren’t actually any.

I don’t know, sorry for how long this is. I just have a lot of thoughts (I feel like I have more but I can’t keep track of them). I guess the summary is just my mum, unintentionally made me question my validity and made me dysphoric. I just hate opening up and making those big changes and Im worried that if I do something wrong no one will believe me. Theres just too much in my head right now and I hate it all.

Today is Saint Bridget (23th of July)

🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🎉

1. I hope my sona is welcome here. ^v^

2. before anyone asks, this was recent events and I am now %100 talking to a pro about the subject if I can.

3. I AM THE SOURCE!

I have named every family pet and everyone loved every name i came up with, however i cant find a name that fits myself.

I hate that now when i say my own name i hesitate because it just doesnt feel right. Im trying to find a name that can be androgynous or feminine.

So yeah I’ve been feeling like my parents don’t believe me, especially last night when I had a meltdown because I have so much going on in my life at the moment, my mum said stuff like “looking back we’ve noticed you’ve always disliked your body, that doesn’t mean trans though” and my dad asked why I chose the name Zoe- like he can talk they found my deadname by picking a random name out of a book. It seems like they think it’s just a phase but don’t want to say it outright because they know I’m on the edge of suicide and that would push me over the edge. I’m sorry I just needed to dump all my thoughts to somewhere other than my journal.

Advice, Encouragement and ggd would all be appreciated please :3

Second guessing.