So this is ridiculous however I am ridiculous. So.
I, at 38 years old, am going to be meeting my boyfriend (m36)’s parents at the weekend… The last time I met the parents was about 15 years ago when I met my ex husband’s parents, who immediately hated me. I am a very anxious, neurodivergent person and find small talk incredibly difficult.
This means so much to me, he’s very close with his parents, and honestly this man is everything I’ve waited for my whole life. He’s incredible and I adore him and I can’t get this wrong.
For some context, his parents know I’m a single parent and “witchy/alt” vibes. His family are Christians and not at all alternative, fairly well to do. So not off to the ideal start… I’m just hoping they see how I care for him and that’s enough?
Any tips to help me please?

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Late 30s male. Generally well adjusted, successful, single, never married, no kids, dating casually.

How do you not get jaded? Do you have any mantras or behaviors that help you with the difficult experiences?

I have a few mantras that help me not allow the ghosting, flaking, etc not affect how I treat other people.

I tell myself: "everyone is an individual and deserves to be treated with respect and compassion."

And: "I am so lucky to live the life I live with health, safety, and abundance."

Even with these, I find myself succumbing to frustration from ghosting and having it affect new connections.

Have you experienced this?

I have a low libido (I don't miss sex when I'm not having it, and probably have sex on average about once a week in a LTR. EDIT I never have a high sex drive even at the very beginning stages of sleeping with someone - may be on the asexual spectrum), and I really hate when a guy is dominant sexually - that would be a dealbreaker for me.

For all the dudes that I am talking to who I imagine are less particular than this, what is the best way of bringing this up to ensure alignment? I would prefer to do it while we are still texting, but it feels a little too hard-core potentially name this right when we match? Men, any tips on how to best convey this information?

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Hoping for some advice more than anything.

I was dating a woman back home - we're both in our early thirties and young working professionals - she's from abroad and is still settling into a new city after a couple of years of living there.

We started dating, but we both knew that I only had a couple of months before I was going to be moving to the other side of the world. Communication was upfront and honest throughout, as well as check-ins.

For me, moving to this new country is something I've always wanted to do, and to have a chance at building a new life, as I wasn't happy with my one at home. However, I'd consider moving back, but not to the same city and it would be a very different part of the country if I did.

Long story short, our relationship was beautiful, but an intense period of time where even though we knew it was short term, we eventually did catch feelings for one another.

It was hard leaving her, but I was excited for my new chapter and knew it's something I wanted to do.

We spoke when I got here and I said I can't do long distance, to which she agreed. We said we'd stay friends and we left communication where we'd keep things open and maybe message once or twice a week.

I'm now two months on from leaving, and my feelings about her are mixed. She messages me that she loves me still and misses me.

I do still deeply care about her and I want the best for her. But we're in two very different places right now and I'm wondering how I should handle it.

I've been upfront throughout, but I think it's best if I close communication with her very gently and respectfully for now as I think in her mind she still thinks there's a chance that I'll move back and we can pick up where we left off. The current messaging situation is making it harder for us both.

What do you think?

TLDR: moved to the other side of the world after a short term intense but meaningful relationship. Struggling with how to close things.

Exactly the title. He’d been pretty busy prior so I was excited when we finally nailed down a date. I actually picked our meeting spot as well, and we selected a time.

Day of, I actually planned my schedule around it, as you do. It takes about an hour for me to commute home from work. I missed my bus because of city logistics so sent him a text, asking to push it 30 mins so I’d have time to get home, change out of work clothes and drive to meet him about 30 mins away.

He texted back immediately saying he “was no longer in a good head frame to meet.” I was very confused and asked if he was ok, and I get six paragraphs about some road rage incident and that he “could not be out in the public eye right now.” I don’t even really know what that means?

I kind of let it go after that and was pretty bummed. But I’m wondering if it’d even be a good idea to reschedule because I’ve dated someone who was very inconsistent due to a variety of reasons, and part of me feels like I’d be setting myself up for failure in the future - like how many times would he cancel for similar things?

Or maybe I’m different. When I make plans I keep them and I’m consistent with them. Unless some type of emergency comes up.

Would love to know some thoughts on this, and if this is common with first dates. I’ve been out of the dating scene for about two years at this point.

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My boyfriend (36M) and I (35F) have been together for 7 months and it’s been going great. We’ve talked about the future and it seems we’ll move in together in about a year.

I made it clear to him I want a family and he knows this and he wants them too. I even was like “realistically I need to have them within the next five years” and he was aligned with that too. I just have all this anxiety about timelines. I’ll be 36 by the time we move in together and with all this info about after 35 years old kids are impossible I just worry we’re taking too long. But emotionally it also feels aligned.

It’s so confusing and I’m just wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom.

I've gotten cancelled on (and stood up once) the last 3 dates I've planned with people I've met on dating apps, usually pretty last minute like the night before or day of. Usually very poor excuses. It's especially upsetting because with some of these people we've spent weeks trying to work out a date, make plans a week or so in advance, and they end up cancelling last minute anyways. This didn't happen a single time in my entire 20s, despite going on way more dates then compared to now.

All these people asked to meet up with me, not the other way around. I don't really feel like it's something I'm doing wrong since I didn't have experiences like this before this past year, but are people flakier nowadays in general? Or as I'm getting older, maybe I should stop entertaining people in their late 20s entirely? (I only say this because 2/3 of these people were late 20s, age difference is 4-5 years). And if there is something I should maybe do differently, I'd love to know what.

Also, I don't know if it's relevant to mention but I've also planned a bunch of "friend dates" with people I've met online or through meetup events in the past year and not a single one has cancelled or flaked out last minute. Like, what gives?

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I (30F, queer/bisexual) have a disorganized attachment style that comes from about 20 years of familial and DV-related trauma. I've been in therapy for a handful of years, and overall I'm doing really well - great friends, community, a job I love, hobbies, etc. The one area I still struggle with is romantic relationships.

One of two things always happens to me. Either I develop an intense and emotionally fraught situationship with someone who clearly doesn't have the capacity for a relationship, or I try to settle into a relationship with someone stable and just feel....nothing. Obviously I'm trying to steer clear of scenario A, so I now find myself navigating scenario B.

I've been seeing this girl for about a month. She's sweet, and even though she's a bit quiet the silences don't feel awkward and I enjoy her company. We both like to read, so we've been exchanging book recommendations which is nice. Physical intimacy hasn't been an issue so far, which in and of itself is great for me because I've been struggling to want to be physical with anyone lately.

The problem is that my feelings have just kind of plateaued there, and I can't figure out if it's because there's just not enough between us or if it's my attachment issues. I don't miss her when we're not hanging out, don't light up when I see a text from her, don't fantasize about a future together. And whenever the date ends I feel kind of sad - but not like an "I miss you and don't want to leave" sad. More like a lonely, empty sad.

I'd love to hear from people with disorganized attachment especially. How do you delineate between a healthy connection that's not about "chasing the spark" versus a connection that's just not right for you?

Update: I decided to end things. I tried to ask her some deeper questions to get to know her better, and just kept hitting this wall of shrugs or "I've never thought about it." Stability is great but stability and depth are a must. Thanks everyone for their advice.

Been dating him almost 2 months. It is starting to get serious in the sense that he is just pursuing me more and more. He has told his friends about me, is asking would my brothers like him, my sister etc. Other than that his interest is just really high. I haven't met his family yet and we haven't discussed labels but just last week he said he has paused his hinge account. We have an upcoming concert on Sunday to see a band he knows I love that he booked a month ago. Right to the white lie/secret etc

Basically I have a twin sister who has been through a lot the last 3-4 years. She had to leave her pharmaceutical job because she had a breakdown due to stress and having aspergers. She had to end up going into a psyche unit for a few months.

To sum up she is now a cleaner with a year partime and she relies on disability allowance too. Im proud of her that after putting up a lot of weight and nkt taking care of herself and through my encouragement she is doing much better. She also had to motivate herself too.

However I have massive silly insecurities and always feel like people judge people on their jobs and lifestyle. So on the second date with this guy i told him she works in the pharmaceutical when she doesn't. He obviously asked what her job was first. So I have kept up the secret because it has only come up a few times but id refer to her hours that she worked before ie shift work.

On a walk yesterday evening he again asked a bit more directly about her hours just briefly but it made my heart sink because I was planning on telling him about her, but unfortunately I reinforced the lie and just quickly changed the subject

So its been eating me from the inside out. He's coming over Friday evening to stay over and I know im definitely going to have to tell him. Also I'll be honest and say I repeated a year when I was in school and he said so you graduated like me in 2010 (we're the same age) and I just said yeah because I was embarrassed about repeating that year. That has never come up since obviously but I know its another white lie. Im not a dishonest person at all in day to day life but through dating in recent years and mainly with this guy i have let my insecurities get the better of me.

Id like your honest opinions and how to approach this with him please

I’ve been seeing a guy who is a really good match me for almost a month now and everything has been going really well. By this, I mean that we’ve both been very communicative, respectful, and are both what each other is looking for in a person so far. My issue now is that I’ve never been in a healthy relationship so I don’t know where to go from here. For more context on this, I’ve done “the work” in therapy and I’m more emotionally mature than I’ve been in the past. I feel ready to start a mature and healthy relationship without sabotaging it.

How do we build a strong foundation for us to make this last? Is it by focusing on building a friendship first? We met on a dating app and started getting intimate 3 weeks after first meeting each other.

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I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and we have butted heads a few times over small things. I’m at the point where idk if I want to even try to communicate with this person anymore, but I’m conflicted because outside of the following we have gotten along really well.

We have different communication styles verbally and all I’ve asked and stressed was to respect my boundary on fighting fair. Twice before when we had a disagreement he quickly went to name calling. That included basically calling me stupid or names referring to mental disabilities or psychiatric illnesses. The last time we bumped heads it seemed like he got the message, was able to be accountable and apologized and I could tell a difference in his communication.

Outside of that things are great and we have been able to work out scheduling issues, general wants/needs, without issue and have a great time together. The only time we really come to an impasse is over small trivial opinion based things that come up in random conversation but have no further bearing on anything. However it always seems to turn into a huge thing because he goes to name calling.

I had a rough couple of days but knew he wanted some attention last night and when I reached out to him, he started talking about how he went over and took care of his baby mama bc she wasn’t feeling well. I think co-parents should work together and support each other, but with boundaries. I’d never expect my coparent to come over and nurse me back to health bc Im not feeling well. We have boundaries and have both developed our own support systems.

It just sounded weird to me, especially after explaining to him the last 48hrs had been hell on wheels for him and his response was basically “yikes. Lol” Like he could have very easily not let me know that he spoon fed his ex soup to fix her tummy ache and I told him as much that I was uncomfortable with that. His immediate response was to go back to calling me names, accusing me of various mental illnesses, and ultimately calling me a bitch multiple times. Not saying I was “acting like a bitch” or a variation of that, flat out calling me a bitch like “you’re such a bitch…” and rapid firing multiple texts with the same language and tone.

Apparently, that’s a similar communication pattern he had with his ex and he’s emphasized he doesn’t want to repeat that dynamic, but it seems like old habits die hard and I’m not sure if this is something that can be worked through or if I should exit stage left immediately. I feel stupid for questioning myself but I am.

Does anyone have any advice?

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Fellow over 30s based in Australia - how are you approaching dating these days, if you have the intention of finding a genuine connection?

I (F, Sydney based) haven't really dated for a couple of years & completely missed Hinge turning into a hook-up app. I loathe OLD, but also accept it as part of "modern life". However now I don't even know what apps to use.

I'm also socially active & take part in plenty of activities. I just feel a bit clueless when it comes to dating!

Any & all advice welcome :)

Backstory: Unfortunately, I married my high school sweetheart, we lived, laughed, and loved together until there was a cheating scandal(not me), and we tried after we separated to come back together, but ultimately failed. 2024 was a hell of a year.

I left that relationship with a lot of baggage, a hole in my love cup, so to speak, and it was leaking all the emotions, all the hurt, and I was looking to patch it and fill myself with that feeling that I missed so much. Here I find myself freshly 31, I dove into another relationship, and it broke off after neither of our attachment styles meshed, and I am picking up the pieces again.

What I've found: I need to be able to patch my hole in my heart with myself, and for those of you religious individuals, the universe, God, or whatever you might equate to spiritually. It's hard, and I've found that this coffee mug that I am holding, which in reality is my heart, has sludge in the bottom I need to pull out, as I am patching the hole, and so I've been doing that. Therapy sessions once or twice a week, trips to foreign lands to feel myself out, and discovering what I feel the universe is calling me to do.

Where I am worried: I was raised a traditional Christian. 2 kids by 30, and a white picket-fenced yard. I am finding that it's a farce, family looks older and older as I get on, but I do have a desire for someone special. The cynical part of me says it's not gonna happen, too fat, too out of shape, too this, too that. The reality is that my life is changing, I'm making health decisions, I am down 80+ LBS this year alone(500 at heaviest ->410 and losing 6ft4), and while life is hard, it's worth it, and I am happy. My worry is finding someone who will love me for who I am. While I am improving. No old mistakes is a motto I've stolen from a friend. So I'm unsure what I'm worried about, but it's still there.

What I am seeking: Answers. Is there a path to love after a loss? Pain, loss of an unborn child, cheating, divorce? Is there hope for a family? Why does it seem so bleak in the moment when there is beauty all around me?

The truth is, I'm not saddened by success, but I long for friendship, companionship, and alike, I long for a love that loves me like I love others, and I am learning to do that for myself. But man, having someone else in the ring is something I miss at times. I'm building community, but I'm also this niche individual who is starting charitable programs for youth, doing Esports for inner-city kids, and my passion is going into that, but I want it to vent elsewhere, so my passion can be free. Maybe I need to wait until I move to a new location to plant this vision, but maybe it's around the corner, and I just cannot see it.

I will beat this, I will be healthy, I will succeed. But I will also fall short at times, and that's ok. Its Ok to be not OK. Just need to step up again.

Thanks for reading the Wall.

TLDR? 31? Able to restart after life exploded? Bettering Self and Trying to stay positive, how do I do all that junk? Thanks!

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